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thatssomething

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About thatssomething

  • Birthday 11/21/1990

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    Female
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    New York, NY

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  1. I ******* HATE people who try to fix all of a person's problems in a 5 minute convo. I'm dealing with one of "those people" at work right now and when I talk, she isn't even listening to what I'm saying, she's just trying to fix everything but she doesn't even know the situation. For example, the other day while on the job I got car sick. I have never actually thrown up from being car sick before but I did this time. I didn't think much of it at the time but then I realized that my current a/d makes me dizziness, dizziness is often caused by inner ear stuff, a theory of car sickness is that it also has to do with inner ear stuff... so I figure that's probably what it was (even though I'm only kind of sure that all that is true). Anyway, suddenly miss problem solver (who's car I threw up out the window of) has alllll these explanations "Oh you didn't eat enough today" "Oh you must be tired" "Oh you must be sick" "You should go see a doctor" and I just wanted to be like MINDYOUROWN*******BUSINESSANDLEAVEMEALONE!!!!!!!!!!! But of course you can't talk that way to your co-workers, and you certianly can't tell them that you have a mental illness and it was probably the experimental drug you're on that caused the issue because then your co-workers will think you're loony-toons. So you smile and try to think of something besides punching aforementioned co-worker in the face. She was doing the same thing today, which was especially bad because I'm coming down off meds in the process of switching and have found it particularly difficult to hold back crying spells so when I started getting frustrated with her, I had to start pretending my allergies were acting up and I was still sicker (with a cold) than I actually was because I was having trouble not crying in a meeting. Also in the meeting today, I told her I had a headache (from coming down off the meds) and she goes "Oh have you been really anxious lately. Maybe you have some anxiety issues, that can cause physical problems" Like who the hell thinks that's ok to say to someone in front of a bunch of people. Oh and did I mention, this annoying co-worker has a master's in mental health counseling... and she thought it was cool beans to ask me if I'm mentally ill in front of a whole bunch of people. Thanks Biotch.
  2. Currently coming off lexapro and an experimental second a/d and I'm having some withdrawal symptoms. Specifically, I spent the whole day on the verge of tears and broke down crying several times for no reason, headache and feeling like my heart is racing like pre-panic attack. It also might just be worry that's getting to me because I'll be starting new meds soon and don't know what to expect and I'm afraid it'll effect my school performance (I'm in grad school) Anyone had similar experience and have any good tips for sticking it out. My dr told me not to start my new meds til Sunday, but Sunday feels like forever away.
  3. I feel that way too. In a way I feel like because I've been depressed for so long it's like this weird invisible poncho that I'm always wearing and in every relationship and setting and interaction it's there and I'm worried people are judging it and judging me even though I know it's invisible and that my judgement is impaired because of it and I've gotten to the point where I don't feel like I can have any meaningful relationship anywhere if the other person doesn't know about my weird poncho. It's just this huge piece of me and even though I hope at some point it will go away, I feel like even if I'm better it will still be my weird invisible poncho. This was the first thing that popped up when I googled weird poncho :-P
  4. 1. Family problems growing up 2. Being bullied/having s***ty friends 3. A s***ty relationship 4. Being taken advantage of sexually... I think.... you could probably call it rape...I don't know... big can of worms.... 5. Feeling like I never really fit in anywhere when I was growing up and that I was different and misunderstood and that everyone thought I was a loser even though I knew I was smart 6. I think the depression got worse because I never got help for it when I was younger so it's been kind of like a festering wound for 10ish years that I am just now getting help for, but when you're a teenager and feel like you can't talk to your parents about it... what option do you really have?
  5. My depression cycles with September, October, November being the worst and I found with my last A/D which I started in January, I started getting better and better and better and then I started to notice symptoms reappearing slowly to the point where I tried to convince myself it was just a bad day or week, but they've continued getting worse to the point where it's just not good enough anymore. I still felt a lot better than my lowest points, but it's hard to accept some of the bad symptoms after being good for so long and it made me worry that the medication didn't even work at all since it didn't really break the cycle at all. Oh well, starting a new one soon... better luck next time I guess?
  6. I think I was raised by a particularly anxious mother and predisposed to depression and then when I was 13 started hitting the fan and BAM I was full on depressed. I'm a believer in the theory that you have a certain amount of bad things that you can handle and then when good things happen that cancels out some of the bad things, but when the bad things pile on and overwhelm the good things, that's when you become depressed. Also, even though my puritanical family NEVER talks about mental illness, now that I've really embraced being depressed and coping with it and learning about it, I'm started picking out the other family members of mine who are probably mentally ill too. Or maybe I'm just the hammer that sees everything as nails (or whatever that expression is)
  7. I know that's true but I worry that it'll make him worry too much and then i start to worry that I'm too worried about making him worry and that's just making me even more worried. Which I know sounds kind of ridiculous. I just don't want to be a burden :-X Part of my concern is that he really doesn't take care of himself as much as he should. He just lets his stress build and build and I'm always afraid to add to it. And as for coming here, part of me is also worried that nobody will like me on here :-X
  8. Thanks graycoyote! I was worried about getting a sugar pill too but in the study I was on, we were on a baseline AD, in my case Lexapro (but there were several options) and then also the study drug, sometimes I was on a placebo of that but I was always on the lexapro which really helped, also the $50 I got paid every visit also helped :-P Only thing is not having therapy sucked. Also, now that I'm off it I'm going through a bit of withdrawal, today I was pretty much crying all day at the drop of a hat and had a RAGING headache.... so that kind of sucked too. But I'd do it again if I was ever in the situation where I needed meds and didn't have insurance.
  9. I'm currently living with my boyfriend of three years, we are very close and he's the first person I've ever opened up to about my struggle with mental illness. I feel like I can tell him almost anything but I try to hold some of the more severe stuff back (suicidal/obsessive thoughts especially). It's not that I want to hide it from him, but I feel like since I have pretty much no friends and no family members that I can rely on for anything besides making me feel like crap, that if I tell him everything, he'll start to feel like he has to save me because he's all I have. I don't want to put in him that position because I know it's unfair to make him feel like he has to be my caretaker. Also, sometimes (and this is a big one) I feel like when I'm depressed, I'm going to make him depressed too. We've recently moved and are going through some big life changes and I just worry if he knows everything I'm feeling, that it'll make him depressed too. More than anything in the world, what I want is for my mental illness to not negatively effect him. I know that's pretty much impossible, but I just feel like I'm contagious and that if I"m not careful I'm going to drag him down with me. He has been such an amazing source of support for me and I just don't want to **** his spirit I guess. It also doesn't help that I don't have any friends (like really I don't) that are anything more than just casual like hi, how was your weekend type stuff, and it makes it really hard because then when I start to feel down I just have nobody but my boyfriend to talk to. I had friends but they did some s***ty stuff and it was just bad for my emotional health to continue wasting time on them but since then I've been mostly alone. I've tried making new friends but it's like I've forgotten how. I think I'm overthinking it all but I can't help it. I just can't make substantial friendships anymore and as a result, I constantly worry I'm putting too much of my baggage on my boyfriend's shoulders.
  10. I ended up here after googling Viibryd (Which I'll be starting in the next couple of days) while researching side effects and found two really good threads on here so I figured I would join. Honestly, I wish I had found this forum MONTHSSSSS ago. Anyway, I've never really been formally diagnosed but I was in a clinical trial for a new depression med to treat MDD for a while and now a psychiatrist prescribed me viibryd so I guess that means I do have a diagnosis? I don't know. But it's just nice to know there's one place where I don't have to keep all of this a secret. There are only two people in the entire world (besides all of you) who know my secret, not including doctors/medical people. I'm also glad I found this forum because for the next 3 days I will be completely unmedicated as my doctor wants me to clear the Lexapro and clinical trial drug out of my system before starting the new drug. I think he's also a little worried I'll start going through withdrawal, and honestly I am too. I was on 30 mg of the trial drug and I'm going off it, cold turkey.... so needless to say it's probably going to be a long weekend. Anyway, hi. Side note, if any of you don't have insurance and want to be on anti-depressants, the study I was in is nation wide and you're guaranteed to be on some anti-depressant at all times plus on and off the study drug. I had some side effects from the study drug, but some side effects was better than no medication at all or paying 100% of the costs for medication and a therapist.
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