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gravity

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gravity last won the day on November 26 2013

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  1. Hello...has ketamine relieved your depression??? If so please tell us how long it last & rate the amount of relief you experience on a scale of 1 to 10 before you require a booster. Are you still receiving infusions? Thank;s in advance for replying. gravity
  2. Lonewolf......I am just now getting back to this forum and feel so sad for your loss. Please do not blame yourself for your dad's illness and demise. Most likely drinking had always been his own lifelong burden to bear. Perhaps you only became aware of the depth of his alcoholism when he no longer was able to hide his pain. Take care of yourself. gravity
  3. sub; I very much want to learn more about SCT/CDD. It was on my 'radar' a year or two ago but all info has slipped my mind as sadly 'the struggle' is real and ongoing. I do remember it was compelling...however no one to converse w/ re this diagnoses. I even asked a Dr. and got no intelligent reply.
  4. gravity

    My Story

    I know this is very old post...I have not been here for a very long time due to all that you feel as well as major depression that never lifts and chronic insomnia, anxiety & hot flash. My heart breaks for you. I hate that I can't ease your pain or give you hope. I am more than twice your age and have suffered all the days of my life much as you do now. I recently started TIANEPTINE on my own as Dr's & all traditional Anti-depressant meds have been no help to me for over 50 years. Wondering if you are still taking Tianeptine and if so how you are doing??? Rarely I experience occasional really brief 'windows' of a very slight lessening of my horrific pain at 30 to 55mg Tianeptine. The effect is not reliable, remarkable or repeatable. Just a few minutes of thinking maybe I'm going to feel something or maybe I'll relax for once in my life. A hint of being normal...yet never realized. Sadly this is the first & only positive feeling for me from Anti-Depressant meds ever in my life. All I can offer you is validation of your suffering and the knowledge that you are not alone. I am concerned for you. Sincerely; gravity
  5. Dear Mad....Well another year has passed. I checked each day off on my calendar so I could accurately reply to you...and today I'm finally answering your question from November 2013. Sadly, Zero days free of suffering from my endogenous TRD in the past year and 10 days....just like every year before for many decades. (I'm a Master at faking an underwhelming life by now.) Any improvement for you in this last year w/ Dr Mayberg & DBS? Or is it all moot now? Was so hoping there would be something positive to come from all you have endured. Do you still have the hardware in place? BTW...Thank's for volunteering for the good of mankind Mad. Speaking of ordeals (a thousand times LESS than your dbs!!!); I just endured 4 sickenly useless and very expensive Ketamine Infusions to no avail. Cannot endorse this. Huge waste of effort, time, $$$, in my case (& in many other's it turns out), w/ negative S/E's that hang on & zero benefit. Your mileage may differ h/e. Use/try only as a 'hail mary' instead of ECT imho. Now Only 'ALKS-5461' (buprenorphine) is left to try. Seem's I'm too depressed to qualify for the Alkermes clinical trials thus far. Do you have any experience w/ Dopamine Agonists? Worth waiting for??? Or is it false hope once again? I'm on my last lap of the ratrace. Sure hope w/ all my heart you are doing a whole lot better than this time last year Mad. Would love to hear about an astounding success in your battle w 'theblackdog'. I imagine you hide your TRD at work too...due to lack of understanding on the part of others and the great stigma re/ MH issues. often times I'm so tired of faking life and living inauthentically that I pray for an end. You are still young so here is hope. Wishing you well Madplatter! Sincerely; gravity... PS...Feel free to PM if you have any news pos or neg re/ bupprenorphine, etc.
  6. lifeisthecure....Congradulations! Is the Buprenorphine still making such a major diff in your life? May I ask your dose? Is it prescribed for Depression or pain or?? Do you still have the extra motivation and drive? Is your life easier, more enjoyable now? Work/Home organized and able to excell at work/school? So wonderful that your loved ones validated yourpositive experiences. You have an amazing Dr if he/she Rx'd for depression. Yeah! Sadly I havn't located a Dr who Rx's it for lifelong TRD. Low dose Buprenorphine is my last hope and a chance I'll willing take as no other AD has ever lifted my TRD over many decades. I Just very recently endured 4 Ketamine Infusions to no avail. In fact the Ketamine Infusions were very expensive, sickening, & useless ordeals in my case. Can not reccomend. BTW...Anyone in any of the clinical trials for ALKS-5461 ? That's Alkermes new buprenorphine med for TRD? If so PLEASE let me know how you are doing. TO All: Please feel free to PM me if you have any experience treating Depression w/ Subutex, Suboxone, Buprenorphine. HAPPY for you Lifeisthecure! PM me w/ update. Thank You~ gravity
  7. Ketamine Infusions.....anyone have experience w/ this treatment? Excersize is great for you but does not cure depression. Fairly recent article (NIH, I believe) says excersize may be seen as momentarily helpful as it gets sufferers out of isolation for a few minutes to an hour however it is not an effective treatment for TR Major Depression, Robin Williams was a dedicated cyclist
  8. Clutter....So much harder to control, contain and prevent if you suffer from ADD Inattentive type and the resulting Depression it causes. The disorders are crippling and bring agoraphobia, isolation, low self esteem and pure mysery into your life...as well as CLUTTER. I would not be surprised if people suicide over messy, disorganized environments. It's the last straw that breaks the back of the camel; or the Depressive in this case. I wonder ...Am I at my last straw?
  9. trapped77; Thank You so very much for your informative reply. You answered most all my concerns and gave me a bit of...dare I say it...hope? That's a very big deal......Hope is something I have not felt in decades. In fact, I could barely type the word it scares me so much! trapped77......b/c of your kind reply I'm going to try Focalin and dare to hope. Now the challange is getting my MD to give me a prescription to try it! That and paying for it! $400 per mo is alot, however I've spent much more per month on SSRI's that were worthless so I will bite the bullet again. I truly wish you the best trapped77! Please DO keep us posted re/ your progress on this med. Some people on an ADD forum speak of a terrible comedown and of becoming very mean, irritable as FocalinXR wears off...especially in children. Do you experience this comedown effect at all? How is your son doing on FocalinXR? Very good, I hope. Your guidance is greatly appreciated. gravity
  10. So very sad to read your post and know that yet another soul suffers the same senseless, heartbreaking pain as I do. The tragedy is that I have no real help to give you. As a lifelong sufferer of major depression that never, ever lifts despite trying most all Anti-depressant meds over many decades I fear we are in a very precarious place w/o much support available. I too feel hopeless. funkybud....I have no alcohol or drug issues to blame my depression on so MD's have nothing but more horrible, ineffective, expensive, soul-sucking, zombifying SSRI's, SNRI's, TCA's, MAOI's, Anti-psychotics, etc; to offer. What about you? Sadly it sounds like we both are now also suffering from ANHEDONIA due to our past incompetent treatment w/ SSRI's. PLEASE go to itstrevor's very informative (& long) ANHEDONIA thread for excellent information. I really feel your pain and know just how hard it is to work while so depressed and anxious. I'm proud of you for hanging in there. Do your parents & siblings understand? How was your childhood? Often when people are depressed at a young age their parents ignore it or trivialize it. Thankfully, sites like DF and people like you funkybud, who are speaking out shine light on what has previously been very dark & shameful. Your post has made me feel not so all alone. I hope my reply at least validates your very real suffering. Sincerely; gravity
  11. trapped77; So glad you are experiencing positive results w/ focalinXR. How long have you been using it and at what dosage? Was it primarily prescribed for ADD, Anhedonia or Depression? Amazing that it is helping in all three areas plus relieving your anxiety as well! I'm thrilled for you...or I would be if I wasn't Anhedonic & so ill w/ all four of these maladies myself. Don't know how much longer I can hang on after a lifetime of pain and decades of trying almost everything SSRI's ruined me. Do you feel motivation or drive now? Did you try Focalin IR first or just start w/ XR? I am not familiar w/ Focalin. Please...I would love to know more re/ your symptoms before and your results after taking FocalinXR in detail. Also could you go into more depth re/ how FocalinXR compares to Adderall? Is tolerance w/Focalin an issue? Your reccomendation of Focalin is the only med I can recall mentioned in this entire thread that has actually had truly positive results on Anhedonia verified. Did your Dr suggest Focalin to you? Swore I would not try another AntiDepressant med....but I'm ready to make an exception for Focalin. Is it hard to get subscribed? Please help me/us by continuing to share your success here on this thread. Are you now able to function, get out of bed, clean your home and WORK? I appreciate your message trapped77. Feel free to personal message me as I don't want to hijack itstrevor's amazing thread. Wishing you well! Sincerely; gravity
  12. Anything NEW to report re/ Tiaeptine? Has anyone been on it for several years w/ good results? gravity
  13. When you are trully questioning faith in God and are open to sincere, authentic truth, whatever it may be, it is so very disheartening to hear BS..
  14. After many decades of suffering Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Anhedonia which were all almost always made worse, but never better, by a long list of SSRI's, TCA's, MAOI's it is hard for me to think of these 'cancers of the spirit' as being 'non-permanent'. However....I bow to your expertise and hope for your sake that you are correct. I agree itstrevor....wanting to die is an accurate way to describe severe, unrelenting, depression. gravity gravity
  15. Bumped! Really getting desperate for high dose Parnate advise; So Bumped again. thx Velthir...I'm not really experienced w/ abilify but have seen negative reactions like yours in others too...
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