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fishy86

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  1. Ermm I had lots of therapy already, before the summer I was referred to a 'high intensity' worker but I didnt feel it was working as we didnt really connect and then I went away travelling. I dont really have the time or money for therapy - i work full time and do a crappy college course part time. I mean if I looked up different jobs I might get fired for looking for a new job or something as I am technically still on my probationary period. Plus, is anyone else realistically going tobe interested in employing me with 6 months work experience in a dead end essentially office junior type job, thats all ive got and im 29 in a few weeks :(. It really is just getting to the point where i do think just taking all my tablets may well be the only answer as I dont think ive gone more than 3 months ever in my life without feeling extremely hopeless and miserable ad just like a total failure.
  2. I work for a vehicle hire company in this really nothing admin position. Basically, people pay to rent a vehicle and my job is to tick a box next to the transaction in the bank account to allocate that money off to the reservation. i also stare at purchase orders which have a different amount to the invoice amount and ask people if it is okay to pay the difference. This is very very frustrating and boring as it involves a lot of waiting around for other people and i cant really do anything about it. The pay is bad and its just so mind numbing, plus my coworkers are very Biotchy. I also get handed all the really menial tasks that nobody else wants to do. It makes me feel like a total failure that I am stuck there doing that.
  3. I go in to my boring, menial, pointless job every day. I hate every second of it, my job is literally ticking boxes, and asking people if price differences are acceptable. I feel so pathetic doing this it really gets me down, the fact I screwed up so much of my education and life that I am now trapped doing this pointless admin job. This makes me very frustrated and angry/tense that I have zero responsibility and nobody takes me seriously. I admit in part this is because I do tend to 'messaround' and tell stupid stories which I make up, as I have about 6 hours of free time just sitting at the desk with nothing to do, apart from pointless things like laminating bits of paper for other people. I cantg exactly look for another job there as IT can see what we have been looking at online and I dont want to get into trouble and as I am 28, university drop out and 6 months work experience of doing this I wont be able to get another job anyway. As I am so unstimulated I day dream alot and come up with weird stories (i am really weird anyway for various reasons). My collegues probably find me very annoying and I know they are all very Biotchy as they are constantly Biotching about someone or other so I am rpetty certain they do it about me behind my back all the time. My coworkers are also very old fashioned and do not have time for anybody with addictions or mental health problems so I do not feel I could ever bring these issues up at work but both of these issues have lead me to ruin my life so what do I do? It is getting to the point that I can barely find the motivation to get up and go in, as I just hate being there doing nothing sooo much. I also tend to ask a lot of questions about the business and why they do things a certain way etc and this gets on my coworkers nerves, Being 28 and doing this job and living with my parents at my age is really getting me down. I really dont think I can really go on like this....
  4. Thank you for your kind words! I did think of writing to his mum but I felt like maybe I would be intruding on their lives (I havent seen his mum for about 20 years). I think a career counsellor would be a good idea but that sounds expensive and Ive had counselling before (for depression etc) and i didnt find it terribly worth it. I guess im struggling to even know what to do, as it stands Im really hating myself for messing up university so badly by just drinking all the time then dropping out in my final year. Now im stuck in this dead end badly paid mind numbling boring job just asking people to do menial boring tasks. I met up with an old friend from university who is very successful but io havent seen him in years. He kept asking me "do you remember when i used to try and drag you into lectures but you were always too drunk?' it wasnt great being constantly reminded why one of us has a proper job and the other is nearly 30 living with his parents on crap pay with zero prospects or future.
  5. hmm my main hobby is poi spinning (not many people are into it) but ive also been going to yoga for the last couple of months (only once a week though). Its gotten to the point where i am wishing away every second of every day. Ive also been fighting the temptation to just smash my car into a wall on a daily basis. All i can think about is what a pathetic joke of a failure i am.
  6. Also, as the office is such a toxic petty place to be, the person who used to do my job got signed off with depression and juist the other my boss said 'dont make the same mistake he made and get yourself signed off with depression for 3 weeks' she also makes comments about people with my hobbies 'arent like everyone else' and 'they dont normally want to work in offices' it seems like shes hinting i shouldnt be there....
  7. hmm Ive been on mirtazapine for months now(probably about 8 months of taking it consistently) it did help a bit to begin with but not so much anymore so i want to come off it ( I dont know what other kind of job I could do. I'm pretty useless as I spent a decade locked in a room drinking myself to death (no exaggeration) and as a result im very socially awkward and weird and very quiet and shy with virtually no skills whatsoever. but I constantly feel like I cant spend another second at my really boring monotous admin assistant job. It doesnt help that everyone else there is very self confident and it has a kind of 'macho' atmosphere... I am not at all macho so I really dont fit in.... i feel constantly on the verge of panic if i am there or thinking of going there but if i quit ill just beat myself up more telling myself im a total failure for not having a job etc but it looks like any job ill ever get will be crappy boring admin work so is there even any point looking for anything else?
  8. I was better for a while but recently i have begun telling myself what a waste of space loser i am. It doesn't help that i am stuck in this dead end job basically doing all the tasks nobody else in the office wants to do. my childhhod best friend died about a month ago, we werent friends at the time (i hadnt seen him in a few years) but i just kept thinking it should have been me rather than a young father with his family etc. i really dont know how much longer i can goon without ******* myself.
  9. Thank you for all of the replies. I do feel though that realistically though i shouldn't be going out with anyone though, too much of a mess :(
  10. I'm sorry... but i guess this is why its a bad idea too,, she always seems so fun and happy!
  11. Hmm I was briefly entertaining this idea... then I remembered that Im a pathetic loser who lives with his parents, has zero people skills, no prospects and works a s***ty temp office job at nearly 30 then I came to my senses and remembered why on earth would she be interested in me!
  12. hmm i suppose cus nothing will happen n it wont be fun getting all excited when i see her when nothing can happen
  13. Thank you for your replies. I guess its not the best idea after all. It kinda sucks though, i LOVE that shop, i dont go in very often though but still my heart jumps out of my chest every time i see her, time to find a new place i guess :(
  14. hmm im only going for a couple of months!
  15. ^^ i guess you are right. Like I said I havent had a crush on anyone for 7 years so this is pretty new to me! I ordered this floweriung tea, ive seen flowering tea a billion times but she watched it open with me and like a dumbass i watched it open with her and (badly) acted like id never seen it before! should i ask her out? i guess there are two things. One, its very likely shes not interested and is just being friendly then i looked like an ***** and its awkward and i cant go there anymore. Two, my life is a mess and ermm three psychologically I'm a mess. Oh and four im running away soon (well, going travelling to run away from my problems). So shall i just totally forget about it?
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