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About shatteredwarrior

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  • Birthday January 31

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    Music -- only earthly thing that won't let me down
    Reading my Bible -- only thing that can truly comfort me
  1. May I ask if you were in any way abused? You don't have to answer...it's just that I was abused--verbally, physically, and sexually during all my childhood and as a result, I DO hate myself. I hate how I look, what I say, how much a burden I am to people With the help of trusted friend, I am trying to accept myself for who I am. I'm not saying it's easy because it's not. I'm saying that I do understand what you are feeling. I, too, feel the need for close relationships but only let a couple people see who I really am. I don't have any advice at this point but I know that change is possible yet can be painful---but possible. Are you in counseling? If so, do you really trust this person. My "counselor" is just a friend who is seeing my struggle and wants to help. So it doesn't have to be a professional. I do want you to reach out to someone-anybody-and really talk to them. You can PM me if you want...I won't judge you and I probably will understand you...just know that I'm here to help if you want it.
  2. I totally understand depression getting worse at night...that's when mine is. I just sit there and think about how sh**** my life has been and continues to be. While I don't have any advice...just know that I understand your view.
  3. I understand...I have music that I listen to over and over again because it makes me feel less lonely. The lyrics speak to me as if saying that the song was written just for me. I just want to shut the world out and just be left alone to listen to my music. It does affect my life...i am finding myself unable to concentrate or complete the task that needs to be done. Like studying for a test. Does this help?
  4. I understand the torture of going to school. I cannot drop out of school or else I would have to pay back all the money (I am on a full ride scholarship) But no one knows that I struggle so bad with getting up to go to school. And I can't even miss a day because in order for me to go to college, I have to maintain good grades. And the pressure from my mom is sooo great. She is pushing me to get high A's. She is pushing me to a breakdown. I am sorry that I can't offer you advice...because I am seeking the same kind of advice. Just know that I am here if you need to talk.
  5. I have no where else to turn and I need to reach out for help...so I googled depressionforums and this looked the most legit and professional. So I signed up and never looked back. Best thing I ever signed up for
  6. No worries, teecolt...I totally blurt out things to my trusted lady friend and either she doesn't draw attention to it or she understands where I'm coming from...99% of the time, it's the latter. My point is that, if someone cares for you, they won't mind. I for one, can tell you that I don't mind and understand where you're coming from...so please continue to share
  7. Licorice I totally understand that...when I am angry with someone, I usually back down and hide because they don't understand or it's something they don't want to hear. But I don't want to lose their friendship, so I back down. Just know that I am here for you and anyone else who wants to talk...feel free to pm me.
  8. I understand that...you feel like a freak...like no one could ever understand what you're going through. Am I right, Licorice? Please correct me if I'm wrong
  9. In for a long weekend...i hate weekends.

  10. Am I the only one or does anyone feel so overwhelmed with your emotions? When I talk with my trusted friend, who knows everything and tries to help me, I have so many emotions-anger, hurt, bitterness, etc but when I go to speak, it comes out wrong. Does anyone feel like they have too many emotions yet feel numb---like emotionless?
  11. I agree with mkmurph88 I struggle with just getting through the day. I have to just take life minute by minute. Just know we are here to help you...
  12. Can we all stop the ridiculous lies? With all the "I'm fines" and fake smiles Can I just tell you that I'm not ok? But no, I have to be strong for you In the end, only my sorrow multiplies I need you and I to sincerely reconcile I need your love to legitimately stay I need you to see me for my true value
  13. I have been and continue to be verbally abused by my mother. She calls me fat (I'm not fat just a little overweight) and stupid (I have straight A's and she got extremely mad when she found out I got a 89% on a test. My grade in that class is 99%. I am a constant failure in her eyes. She talks negative every day almost anything that she speaks...I'm fed up with it. I just want to lay down and d**.
  14. Does anyone struggle with needing to be hugged or a pat on the back but wanting no one to touch you? I have been abused--verbally, sexually, and some physical. So I don't trust easily. Yet I yearn for physical contact. However, because of the abuse, I will only let certain people hug me...yet they don't know that I need a hug. And the people who hug me make me feel sooo much more empty. Can anyone relate??
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