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  1. yeah..and when you do meet them...what do you tell them your interests are? I have none.
  2. Thank you all for sharing....when ever I hear men talk....or read their profiles on dating sites almost all mention we dont need anyone "high maintenance".....we dont want girls with "emotional baggage"...or "crazy".... :-(
  3. Thanks Lucy...sorry to read your story. Can I ask how old are you- are you married and have children> All of you all please read this scientific research article http://carlsbad.patch.com/groups/dr-desiree-jabin-psyds-blog/p/bp--how-mothers-spread-borderline-personality-disorde37ca7270a9 How Mothers "Spread" Borderline Personality Disorder to Children/ Show Me a Patient with BPD and I Will Show You a Patient Whose Mother Had BPDBorderline Personality Disorder is a Serious Mental Disorder and It Is Spread From Mother to Child
  4. Well, unfortunately according to conrad baars in Healing the Unaffirmed: Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder (Revised and Updated Edition) i think it must come from another person. this is what a reader has to say about him: "An excellent book revealing the importance of unconditional love and affirmation in one's life. Baars & Terruwe describe the discovery and symptoms of Emotional Deprivation Disorder -- a syndrome which results from a lack of unconditional love and emotional strengthening in one's life. EDD manifests itself with symptoms such as feelings of loneliness, insecurity, insignificance, and worthlessness. Unaffirmed persons generally feel unwanted, unloved, inferior, depressed, afraid of the world, oversensitive, unlovable, and unable to make friends and relate to others. This results in an emotional prison which is only able to be opened from the outside -- by another person giving unselfish, unconditional, authentic love. To be healed, the individual must feel worthwhile to another person, loved, and understood. Truly an important book for ouur time -- a time when so many are deprived of the emotional affirmation and love that they need."
  5. Thanks for posting. Can you share your experiences? Was any of the books I mentioned helpful? Was it your mother or father?
  6. I am so happy that you found the information I posted useful and I was able to spread awareness about Emotional Deprivation Disorder and depression in daughters of BPD mothers. My mother is also not officially diagnosed as BPD (borderline personality disorder)....and most mother arent...well that is the main thing about BPD mthers is that they never ADMIT they have a problem, so they can never be cajoled to be taken to therapists. But i am so glad my information helped you learn something new. I urge you to please GO THROUGH experiences of other daughters as seen in the review of the book + several books on daughters of BPD mothers on amason. I shall be posting more experiences so please follow my posts for those.... BTW, can you share something more about your father? -Was your mother mean to your father as well? -Does your mother love your sibling but not you? - If so, why did she choose her over you? - Did your mother often degrade and humiliate you? - Did you mother often say that she herself is a victim? -What did you do to escape from such degrading behavior? -Did your father protect you? - Are your parents divorced? -Are you relationship with your mother better now? thanks
  7. Thanks for posting, I was going to ask a similar question. My life and peace of mind are ruined by suffering from insecurities that manifest themselves as strong jealousy, suspicion and possessiveness. These deadly characteristics in me can drive any true love or friend away from me. Its like I am suffering from a disease...the only thing is that unlike other people, I am completely aware of my shortcoming and know that these are destructive feelings, that are unfair to the other person. But I am a slave to these and can not seem to get rid of jealousy. It is extremely rare that I find a myself into a romantic relationship, I can say in my life I have had just one. But anytime any man I like shows an interest in me, I can enjoy that relationship for a maximum of 1 week.....where I enjoy the attention, the phone calls, the texts...but then my expectations rise and rise.....I get very worried and then angry (but mostly worried) if I don’t get a call or text from him....I feel if he really likes me I should be on his mind, just like he is on my mind and then there is no reason why he wouldn’t text or call me. I slowly then become jealous of his female company (his close friends, colleagues, neighbors etc) if he chooses to spend time with them instead of with me. My reasoning is that we are not 20 anymore and we all have limited time on our hands, and if he indeed has time, why wont he spend it with me? I would definitely choose him over other company. My thinking is that in early stages of relationship, we have not committed to each other, so this jealousy is normal…as we have not proved to each other that no matter what we will be loyal to each other. I know I sound like a GF from hell…sometimes I feel I am a freak…but I cant help it, my need for love and attention is TREMENDOUS. I feel once a person has proved to me that he will be loyal to me…I can trust him even in the presence of Angelina Jolie….BUT...I need that assurance first. I desparately wish I can free myself from the clutches of this deadly affliction that has ruined my personal life :-( I am a girlfriend from hell right? Someone please tell me if Im crazy or a result of bad parenting and depression ?
  8. I have absolutely no one. No friends, family or signifcant other or even a therapist to hear me out. I am totally alone
  9. you have no idea how dismal and hopeless reading this made me. My ONLY hope was to finally find love. And now you all say that even being married to the love of your life wont help. :-'(
  10. hi greycoyote, Sorry to hear that you had depression for so long.....I have a question though- what are the main causes of your depression? How did your depression start?
  11. (1)Emotional Deprivation Disorder (2) http://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Who-Cant-Love-Daughters/dp/0062204343/ref=pd_sim_b_7 Mother love is often seen as sacred, but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle. Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development, Terri Apter, an internationally acclaimed psychologist and writer, unlocks the mysteries of this complicated bond. She showcases the five different types of difficult mother—the angry mother, the controlling mother, the narcissistic mother, the envious mother, and the emotionally neglectful mother—and explains the patterns of behavior seen in each type. Apter also explores the dilemma at the heart of a difficult relationship: why a mother has such a powerful impact on us and why we continue to care about her responses long after we have outgrown our dependence. She then shows how we can conduct an “emotional audit” on ourselves to overcome the power of the complex feelings a difficult mother inflicts. In the end this book celebrates the great resilience of sons and daughters of difficult mothers as well as acknowledging their special challenges. With Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of the smash #1 bestseller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters—and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy. In more than 35 years as a therapist, Forward has worked with large numbers of women struggling to escape the emotional damage inflicted by the women who raised them. Subjected to years of criticism, competition, role-reversal, smothering control, emotional neglect and abuse, these women are plagued by anxiety and depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence and difficulties with trust. They doubt their worth, and even their ability to love. Forward examines the Narcissistic Mother, the Competitive Mother, the Overly Enmeshed mother, the Control Freak, Mothers who need Mothering, and mothers who abuse or fail to protect their daughters from abuse. Filled with compelling case histories, Mothers Who Can’t Love outlines the self-help techniques Forward has developed to transform the lives of her clients, showing women how to overcome the pain of childhood and how to act in their own best interests. Warm and compassionate, Mothers Who Can’t Love offers daughters the emotional support and tools they need to heal themselves and rebuild their confidence and self-respect. In her well-researched study freelance journalist Secunda draws on 100 interviews with grown daughters in which they describe early painful relationships with their mothers, protracted in their adult emotional lives and memories. To help repair the damage done to the psyches of daughters whose mothers are characterized as, for instance, the Avenger, the Doormat, the Smotherer, the author suggests a measure of separation from the mother--"divorce" if need be--designed to rid the daughter of guilt, restore her self-esteem and prepare her for her own motherhood. Secunda advises daughters to forgive their fallible mothers, "who did the best they could," and attempt a balance based on generosity and self-preservation. Nevertheless, this study tends to treat daughters as hapless victims, underestimating the pressures imposed on mothers of yesterday and today. Extensive research went into this detailed study of troubled mother-daughter relationships and how these relationships can be improved, usually through the efforts of the daughter. Dysfunctional parents usually raise dysfunctional children who pass the same behavior on to their children unless a conscientious effort, often with the help of therapy, is made to break the chain. Practical advice on how to come to terms with, and often improve, unhealthy mother-daughter bonds is offered through excerpts from many interviews and quotes from experts. Serial rights to Cosmopolitan and Redbook will bring additional attention to this book. -Marguerite Mroz, Baltimore Cty. P.L. Emotional Deprivation Disorder Emotional Deprivation Disorder was first discovered by Dutch psychiatrist Dr. Anna A. Terruwe in the 1950's and was called the Frustration Neurosis (De frustratie neurose in Dutch; Deprivation Neurosis when translated into the English language by her colleague, Dr. Conrad W. Baars). Dr. Terruwe found that a person could exhibit symptoms of an anxiety disorder or repressive disorder when these symptoms, in fact, were not the result of repression, but rather the result of a lack of unconditional love in early life. Emotional Deprivation Disorder is a syndrome which results from a lack of authentic affirmation and emotional strengthening in one's life. A person may have been criticized, ignored, neglected, abused, or emotionally rejected by primary caregivers early in life, resulting in that individual’s stunted emotional growth. Unaffirmed persons are incapable of developing into emotionally mature adults until they receive authentic affirmation from another person. Maturity is reached when there is a harmonious relationship between a person’s body, mind, emotions and spiritual soul under the guidance of their reason and will.1 Symptoms and Characteristics of Emotional Deprivation Disorder: Please see Healing the Unaffirmed for a complete description of the symptoms of Emotional Deprivation Disorder as well as discussions on therapy and prevention of this disorder. Insufficiently Developed Emotional Life Abnormal Rapport o Incapable of establishing normal, mature contact with others o Feels lonely and uncomfortable in social settings o Capable of a willed rapport but not an emotional investment in relationships Egocentric o Childhood level of emotional development o Feels like a child or and infant and others must focus their attention on the individual just as an adult would focus on a young child. o Incapable of emotional surrender to a spouse Reactions Around Others o May be fearful in nature or courageous and energetic o More fearful people tend to become discouraged or depressed o More courageous and energetic persons can become more aggressive Uncertainty & Insecurity Fear or anxiety o Can be in the form of a generalized anxiety o Fear of hurting someone else’s feelings o Fear of hurting others or contaminating them (e.g. with germs or a cold) o Need for frequent reassurance Feels incapable of coping with life o Worry that they’ll be put in a situation they can’t handle o Can be easily discouraged or depressed o May pretend to be in control in order to mask inner feelings and fearfulness Hesitation and Indecisiveness o Difficulty in making decisions o Easily changes mind Oversensitivity o Overly sensitive to the judgments of others, criticism or slights o Easily hurt or embarrassed Need to Please Others o Pleases others in order to protect self from criticism or rejection and gain approval of others o Easily taken advantage of or exploited o Fear of asking for favors or services needed Self-consciousness o Worried about what other people think o Self-doubt and need for reassurance Helplessness o Do not dare to say “no” for fear of rejection Inferiority and Inadequacy Feel Unloved o Believe that no one could possibly love them o Feel devoid of all feelings of love o Believe they are incapable of loving others or God o Suspicious of any token of affection – continually doubt sincerity of others Physical Appearance o May have feelings of inadequacy due to physical appearance Feelings of Intellectual Incompetence o May have difficult completing projects o Repeated failure or fear of failure Show Signs of Disintegration in New Circumstances o Fear of new situations and challenges o Difficulty coping with new job, landlord, moving, etc. Sense Impairments o Undeveloped or underdeveloped senses (touch, taste, sight, smell) o Lack of order, disorganization o Fatigue Further symptoms found in some individuals with emotional deprivation disorder: o Deep feelings of guilt o Kleptomania o Need to collect and hoard useless things o Paranoid condition The Cure? …Affirmation! Affirmation: When one person is the source of unconditional love and emotional strengthening for another person. See also our page on Affirmation Therapy. This syndrome and its related symptoms and therapy are discussed at length in Healing the Unaffirmed: Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder.
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