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About laurenamber

  • Birthday 11/16/1990

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  1. oh - sorry! read it wrong! don't let the nature of your birth and upbringing hinder your future. you are an amazing, beautiful person and deserve happiness. why not search for someone? I'm sure you have a lot of love to both give and receive. I believe if someone truly loves you differences won't matter. from someone suffering with depression I know how hard it is to make that step, it feels massive doesn't it? but once you find love it makes it all much, much easier.. I haven't been with my boyfriend for a long time but I've loved him for much longer, I was just afraid of commitment and letting him see my demons but luckily he is accepting and loves me for me. you can find happiness and will find happiness - if you allow yourself to do so without letting things get in the way. I think you need to work on building your self esteem. I'd suggest working out, even if it's something small, it releases endorphins and endorphins help make you happy, working out will also make you feel good about yourself! this is a good link - http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Self-Esteem hope you have a good day. x
  2. thank you so much everyone. it was so nice to wake up to your replies, I feel quite lifted since reading them! TIRE_D - I think I will end up going to the party, I have therapy in about two hours so that should help.. feel bad for always letting people down also. don't worry, I only intend to use the alcohol to boost my mood! I know it's a depressant, it's probably not the best idea is it.. haha x 2NE1 - thank you and I love the lyrics in the song you posted, another good one is xRichW - thank you so much and I love that song too! he has a really nice voice, thanks for sharing. yep, sour grapes I just hate the way he gets involved and tries to bring me down. it was bad enough being with him - now we're apart and he still finds his way to me x Epictetus - thank you! I love your way of viewing people as diamonds.. I might try and view people and myself that way too, it's true, we get stuff thrown at us but underneath it all we are still us. thank you. x AintNoHer0 - I like his voice! glad you find peace in it. x thank you all so much - it really has lifted my mood even if only a tiny bit. I hope you all have a great day and feel good. xx
  3. Ok I have to ask...How did he get your boyfriend's number? he didn't get his number - it was via social networking. I'd never give him his number!
  4. hey, I've been feeling pretty good for a few days, and then today my ex boyfriend messaged my current boyfriend talking crap.. saying how I'm 'whacked out' and not worthy of anyones love. I feel really low and my boyfriend's busy, I'm meant to be going out for my friends birthday tomorrow but I'm not sure I feel like it. once I get some alcohol in my system I think I'll be okay but I just feel like I've hit rock bottom again. I'm really disappointed in myself because it's been a good week or so of feeling good and getting things done, there's been a few low moments but nothing like this.. I just want to stay in bed and cry my eyes out.. anyone got any optimistic quotes? or any ideas to lift me up a little. thanks for listening x
  5. you are not a monster! please don't view yourself this way.. calling yourself that and putting yourself down will not help your depression. I feel so sorry for you, the fact you feel that way about yourself and feel unable to tell the ones closest to you. I think you should tell your wife - she clearly loves you to be your wife, and she should not judge you for it. who parented you was completely out of your control, it is never in a child's power to choose their parents. she cannot judge you for that. be confident in yourself and your marriage to tell her. you'll feel so much better for it. x
  6. yes. mostly at work - I'm a dance teacher, so I can't really bring my personal life to my lessons because I won't be giving my students the quality and standard of education they deserve. also at events; like parties, weddings, gatherings etc. I feel pressured to be someone I'm not so not to cause a scene and be 'that' girl. sometimes pretending to be happy lauren works wonders and I actually feel good, apparently smiling can make you feel happier.. it's either I feel good or uncomfortable as hell. hope you all managed a smile today x
  7. yes, my best friend. it sounds cliche, but I tell her everything. I'm not afraid to let her in on my deepest darkest thoughts, and she's always always there to support me with love and advice. I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for her. also my brother, who is only a few years younger than me (he's 18) but is the best and most understanding person in my life at the moment. don't be afraid to open up to people, it releases some of the demons x
  8. newuser: smoothies are like the children I've never had unconditional love
  9. I never feel hungry and always forget to eat too, it's hard to keep a regular routine when your mind is constantly racing or you're asleep/unmotivated the way I see it is we need food to function, so whenever I go shopping or order food I always have snacks on my bedside table that don't need to be kept in the fridge - makes life a little easier x
  10. I wish I lived near a beach, but London doesn't have any haha.. I don't really have any comfort rituals, if I didn't have depression my comfort ritual would probably be snuggling up in bed but I spend so much time in there that it's more of a burden than a comfort if anything, my comfort ritual would probably be this field that I go to, usually after therapy sessions and always at night. I cry a lot there and remember I'm alive when I can feel the wind x
  11. lyric: rock climbing is one the best things you'll ever do in your life, I say go for it! you're securely harnessed and will have people guiding you if you aren't experienced. sometimes your feet slip and it's scary but the worst that happens is you chill in the air for a bit with a wedgie haha and pheonix, I'm sure many people on this forum and off it, including myself, ask this question everyday. you seem at a dead end, you need to find something that'll turn you back around.. even for a second. dive into something you've never experienced before and embrace it, try and find good in life maybe offer to do volunteer work, I used to run free dance classes and teach dance at a school for disabled children at no cost - this made me feel good knowing I was helping others. maybe that's what you need - knowledge that your life means something and that you can make a difference. I ask myself 'what's the point' every morning and every night, I'm still to find it but I'm searching.. not sure how much longer I can keep it up if I'm honest good luck, message me if you want x
  12. bsmj2001 - yeah, it is hard. it's harder when you go to sleep to wake up a few hours later. sometimes I want to claw my brain out. I'm glad you're trying to get help for your sleeping troubles, your doctors sound like they really care. x
  13. bonespur - thank you. I really really hope that in time, like with you, the pain goes away. I will, same to you and thank you so much for your response. it's nice to know I'm not alone even though the situation is horrible and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. is there anything you did to help aid the grieving process? x moody blues - I feel the exact same way.. I'm so so sorry you lost your mum. it's crazy losing someone that you relied on so much and loved with everything. I still wake up and think he's alive a lot of the time and I always send him emails.. maybe you could do the same, I sound crazy but it's nice to think maybe they can read them. miss him every minute of everyday. the best advice I've ever been given is to keep him alive in my memories, so I'm passing this advice onto you. I'm so so sorry. I feel every ounce of your pain. xxx laozyandgrey - I guess I reacted similarly in that I blew off at everyone, I'm sorry your pain caused you to become so angry but everyone deals with pain in different ways. don't feel ashamed for your actions you acted out of heartbreak - and yes, we are in this together, sadly we have both lost. I hope you feel okay. x skinnymaybelle - that is heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry for your loss, and sorry for your beautiful children as they have lost their father. you need to be strong for your children, I know it's hard.. my brother is the splitting image of my dad, just like your children is the image of their dad. I hope you can stay strong for your children whilst also addressing your feelings. ignore your family, they are being arrogant. if you don't like what they're saying in regards to the father of your kids I think you should tell them, 17 years is a long time and now you have to face even longer without him, which is something they need to realise is not easy for you. I do the same, I cry and send him emails and sit by his grave and talk to him as if he can hear me. I hope he can. it's not lame at all, you're grieving and it's good to let things out. message me if you ever need to, and I'm glad he got to spend time with his children before he passed. he must have been happy xxx
  14. yes, I feel like I'm looking at things through glass, like I can't connect with anything. I feel like I'm watching everyone else rush past me and live their lives and I'm just stuck, even simple things like seeing people on the phone or buying coffee - they're living, I feel like I'm just exisiting - anyone else?? I always zone out too, probably due to tiredness. x
  15. bit embarrassed for him to hear the stuff that I talk about though.. it's scary opening up to people like that
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