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About astic

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  • Birthday 10/17/1971

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  1. Happy Birthday! ღ Have a great day!

  2. Sorry crossed lines I think (easily done lol) are you saying that she has never "once dressed up to go out" that she would ever ask or demand that you turn around and go home therefore you don't get to eat out on that occassion?
  3. So out of all the times she has got dressed up to go out to eat have you had to turn around and go home as a percentage? Also how many of these times were your children with you as a percentage?
  4. Re going out Wife says Her: This doesn't help, I still have to do my part... Please explain? As you say she is an intelligent person and would know that you do not get sick weeks after eating out. I am very sure she knows that she would be sick within 24hrs of eating bad food that she would become Ill ans having Internet access would be checking it out! I can't help but think that food and illness is an excuse (sorry!) When you say you mainly do things around the house can you elaborate a little more pls Do you have any idea what Internet sites she uses or is she really secretive? Do you ever go out on an evening by yourself if so where if not why not? Astic
  5. In other words, if a restaurant closes at 10PM and we are set to leave at 6, we may leave as late as 8, only because if we left any later the restaurant will close. This sounds to me not a person who has a food/eating out phobia but more of a well orchestrated "on my terms or no terms" a person with a real eating out or I will be sick phobia/disorder will most definately make sure that "IT WILL BE JUST TOO LATE TO EAT" and the restaurant will be closed for last orders. With 2hrs to go before last orders is indicative of a person who has no problem with eating out! Do you always go to the same place to eat?. After you have had an evening out to eat, when is it that your wife goes to the Dr's and also when after she goes out in general around other people does she go to the Dr? Also how many times has she been to her GP over the last year and has it increased in time? I don't know if I am reading things wrong but are you saying that you do all the cooking cleaning etc? Just to go on with Astic How long is she on the Internet per day and do you have any idea what sites she goes on?
  6. Hi CAW When was the last time you and your wife went out on a "Proper Date"? And how did that compare to when things were good. Did you surprise her with flowers, restaurants booked? A get away holiday for just the two of you if so how did she react? When you go out as you said to tqlad it's all on her own terms what do you mean by that?? Do you have any Hobbies? What hobbies did she have before things started to change? Describe a typical week day now Describe a typical Saturday now When your 2nd daughter started full time school was there a change in your wife's outlook any changes especially subtle ones think back to how she was say upto a month before to say 3 months later and during school holidays Please give me a typical conversation of where you are trying to motivate her and what questions you ask her and what her replies are. Who wore the trousers so to speak in the early years and how has that changed? Your life changes on a daily weekly monthly yearly basis so to speak because of your work, now stand in her shoes and tell me from if you were in those can you more easily see and answer those same questions I bet you can! And how would those prospects really make you feel? Do you ever get take out? Does she eat it? Is she sick after it? Does she use the Internet? Does she have her own pc, laptop iPad etc and does she use it Sorry I have not been around for a few days, I have other work commitments but that doesn't mean I have not been thinking of a resolution for you and your family Astic
  7. Almost forgot I assume you did not originate from the US, may I ask where you are from. How about your wife? Did she or was she brought up in a different country with different values and have perhaps left close friends or any family behind same question to you? Astic
  8. CAW HI more questions I am afraid. How long we're you and your wife dating before you marrIed? What was your occupation before you married and what is it now and has it changed between marriage to your second child and your second child to present? Was there ever a time (think hard here no matter how subtle) from when your second child was born did either of you especially your wife talk about getting a nanny or child care? Again from when your second child was born did your hours of work over these 8yrs increase over the length of each day do you have a 9-5 job now, did you have a 9-5 job prior to your second child has her time alone with your children increased and how has she changed when etc... THIS QUESTION IS VERY IMPORTANT SO PLS EXPAND ON IT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN As far as friends are concerned did she loose contact with her own personal friends as apposed to your joint friends and now what is the ratio from her own friends to your joint friends Did your wife loose and go back to her pre pregnancy weight, also looks after your first child and what about after your second child (not your conception of it but reality) Is your first child a boy and second a girl I don't know about your godsend I just enjoy helping people through their difficulties hopefully with a good result for them all. Astic
  9. CAW I agree if you force her right now although YOU may get a temporary fix that is all it will be and from what you say right now she is adimant that she will NOT see a doc or take pills. Like the old saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink and I think if you force this issue you will really alienate her big time. What I am trying to do is get to know her and by that I can work out why she feels this way and I am more than happy to help you get there. You may not like all you hear though but I think what ever the reasons are you need to resolve this not only for her sake but for you and your children Answers will not come over night and not until I have all the info to help that's why I haven't made any suggestions and unless you are 100% sure that she will harm herself or another then a little patience on your part is required entirely upto you of course if you want me to continue to help you get the answers you are looking for and most importantly give you the tools in which to enable you to help your wife get the help she may need in away that she feels involved in the decision making to seek help and/or resolution as apposed to being continuously nagged or bullied into It's 01:00hrs here in the uk and I need sleep but am happy if you like to continue on tomorrow Astic
  10. CaresAboutWife Thank you for allowing me to prob so deeply into your personal life, it can't be easy for you but the only way forward. From each of the questions I have asked so far I need to probe a bit deeper or need you to elaborate more. The greater the depth even if it seems trivial will be probably the most important, its amazing how "what is not said can end up the key to a solution" Also some of the questions I need to ask again as I didn't get an answer. I may also need to bounce backwards at times from earlier questions How old are you and your wife and How old was she when she had your first child. We're you married long before the first pregnancy and did you BOTH plan your first child or perhaps as I'm thinking just wrong timing? Did she enjoy her job (before getting pregnant) Did she go back to work Full time or Part time and was it back to the job she left after your first baby was born What was her job and was it a professional job or one of which she was there til something better came along and over those 9 years was she in continuos employment any breaks in between if so why? Throughout those 9 years working were you both equal as far as progressing up the work ladder (important Q). Why after 9yrs did you decide to have another baby? seems an unusually large gap WHAT WERE HER FEELINGS when she found out she was pregnant again? Pls remember if all these question are getting too personal the option to PM is always there but being brave this way to continue on may at some point be of help to others in a similar situation. The answers you have given so far are exactly what Ive expected which is good as at least I know we're heading in the right direction Astiv
  11. tqlad hi My dad who was once a very sociable outgoing person ended up exactly the same as the place you found yourself in and like you when we got him out, (which was at times incredibly difficult to say the least) he then as you say had a great time til we got him back home and he reverted straight back as you do (from what I have picked up on your end paragraph) which must be as I know in my dad's case is quite awful (my heart goes out to you x) I think though just forcing a person out is only a temporary solution as was with my dad and perhaps now thinking back it was more of a short term solution feel better for those making him go out and not a permanent one for my dad. Getting to the bottom of it all the why's where's how's etc was the only way to get a brighter future for him and each person is very different and have their own unique sense of values so there is never going to be a one fix meets all so you have to in a sense to understand why that person has ended up in such a hole/rut and help them find a way back to their own version of what makes them happy which can seem quite strange to us especially if it doesn't fit into a neat little box as expected by society for him it was not because of mum, not because he'd actually lost his leg but the fact as rediculous to most of us would be "That he'd lost all his confidence because he got it in his head that if he went out the house people would judge him, laugh at him especially (and this is the biggest fear) because being in a wheel chair EVERYONE WAS LOOKING DOWN ON HIM and that's all it was so:- We have not forced him, but helped him find a way to accept that he won't get his wife back and he won't grow another leg but he still has a life, choices, decision he can choose to do and reasons to be happy. He now goes to a weekly day club and enjoys it! Even looks forward to it now
  12. Hi May I ask, just so to get a fuller picture of you and your wife's situation a few more personal questions (if you feel uncomfortable telling everyone then pls PM me) You say you have 2 children and that your wife gave up her job when your second child was born who is now 8yrs, so does that mean she went straight back to work full time or part time and the reasons for her not being a SAHM when your first child was born. Incidentally, what is the age gap between them. In your next paragraph you are what society deems as the perfect family (on the outside) married with 2 children and as you say your wife doesn't have to work and can stay at home and look after the children (you'd think "THE PERFECT SETUP" right?) My question FOR WHOM? obviously Yourself (otherwise you wouldn't mention it, naturally the best set up for any children, but what about your wife? You mention you are an outgoing person! So, before your wife became a "non-person" as you refer what was she like before you married, after you married but before you had your first child, after your first child then finally after your second child what would you refer to be personality as being then leading up to this "non-person personality and "whose decision was it for her to stay at home after your second child was born and not you let's say or even continue on the same way you did after your first child was born? Would you also be kind enough to tell me your interpretation of what a "non-person" personality is as defined by yourself. I do have many more questions and I am not just being nosy, some of which you may think completely irrelivant but rest assured i would not ask them if i belived them to be. I would just not even attempt to give any advice or suggestions of a solution without having all the necessary knowledge, just like you wouldn't fly an aircraft without all the knowledge and info on how to Astic