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Everything posted by Iris_16

  1. I've been feeling like a human being again these past weeks, that is, hanging out, having fun, doing loots of stuff, and then, boom, yesterday I was awfully depressed again. But I must admit that, despite it all, therapy is keeping me whole and up, which means that I can overcome relapses faster. Anyway. I wish everyone a good day <3
  2. The past week hasn't been bad at all! As for today, I basically spent the whole day lying in bed, I cannot stand this hot a weather, ughh. Whoever says Italy is a pretty country should come here now and endure this awful muggy weather. Oh and lying in bed didn't do me any good, since I have a bit of pent-up anxiety that's kind of making me feel like I'm out of my mind. Tomorrow I'm gonna keep myself as busy as possible!
  3. As for dropping out of university, it's not really the case, but I'm a year late in earning my degree, that is, I should've handed my BA paper in last year and I still have to do that. Now what pi**es me off, is seeing all these ignorant people that never liked university with their hats on and their degree in hands, posting their pictures on facebook. As many here, I've always been very, very smart, and very fast in learning. But alas, my mind got in the way and here I am, struggling even when reading a tiny page about the most interesting subject.
  4. Oh, I do know that feeling. People that are overly anxious tend always to think about "later", later it's gonna be worse, later I'm gonna have a panic attack, tonight I'm gonna feel depressed... stuff like that. It's just the way anxious people are. I don't have any good advice myself, as I'm still trying to learn this "hic et nunc" stuff my therapist keeps telling me, but people here really had wise words themselves. Like "happiness is temporary, bad days are temporary too". I like that, I might just write it down and stick it to the wall in front of my bed.
  5. Drained and tired after a loong day at uni. But reading about people that are happy makes me happy too. Therapy is helping me a great deal, I will never thanki my psychiatrist enough, she's great. Of course, I'm still anxious over a possible relapse, but my mind is not in such a bad place.
  6. Had quite a good week because my therapist "assigned" me something to do and I performed it quite well, so I'm proud of myself. Even though I was scared I made a big change. Hope it stays like this!
  7. I have that book too *-* bought it in a second-hand store in Gent if I recall correctly. Still have to read it though, is it good so far?
  8. Been feeling quite anxious these past two weeks, but good overall. Tonight I feel a bit depressed, and I suspect my period is coming to **** my hormones up a bit. Ugggh
  9. I am totally quoting that. I'm not gonna do a list of all the people that bullied me or the reason why they bullied me, and I'm not gonna deny the fact that at the same time I've always had a supportive mum backing me up. But I've had my share of bulls*** to deal with my entire life, and that didn't make me depressed. The bullying and the problems didn't make me depressed. Depression made me depressed, and of that I'm sure.
  10. Black Dahlia, by James Ellroy. Loving it so far!
  11. Glad to read something from you, learningtolive. I'm struggling as well these days, so reading your hopeful post made me feel a little better. Keep us updated on how things are going!
  12. Of course, each and everyone of us has their pains to go through. Anxiety is awful. As for coping, I take meds, do therapy, have my mum's continued support. These days are unbearably awful, but I'm trying to move forward. There are a few parts in your statement that don't tell the whole story, though. While everything you said is accurate, some people are just s*** out of luck. What happens if you're constantly being abused.....like constantly be surrounded by people with serious issues, or constantly around people that gang up and act passive-agressively to you, or constantly being intolerated because you've been delt a bad hand and they don't want to see your forced smile? As much as I want to blame it all on the individual, the truth is that hopelessness is not always a state of mind....sometimes it's the actual reality. Whenever I read about these types of articles, reasons pointed out as to why victims stay with their abusers is many times due to financial dependency. Basically, they are forced to keep taking the abuse or end up without a roof over their head. Same goes for anyone would was ever forced to s*ck d*ck to pay the bills. So when you stuck in places that are negative enough on a regular basis, your vision of humanity pretty much deteriorates. In your head, you feel like this is the only way humans are capable of behaving towards me. So you start believing that humanity sucks, and you don't want to be a part of humanity anymore. So although that description of depression is accurate, these facts about hopelessness make those ideas in their heads more real than fake. I am quoting Mr Shadow here. Hopelessness is a thing, but depression is an issue of the brain. I think that what we're discussing here is more our own personal views on the world than depression itself. I see the world as a bright, wonderful place. Maybe because I've always met wonderful people that kept giving me continued support. I believe that the world is full of amazing people capable of amazing things. That doesn't mean I haven't had my fair share of bullying and abuse. But many, many people are still wonderful to me. But guess what? I'm still depressed. That doesn't change. That's why I'm saying that depression brings nothing good. One can still have a disillusioned view of the world and still not be depressed. But as for me, that has always seen this world we live in as an incomparable beauty, depression does nothing but stain and poison that view with its false black judgement.
  13. Yesterday was a good day. Today I feel very agitated and anxious, maybe because I had a restless sleep. Took some diazepam and I hope I'll feel calmer in a bit.
  14. Thank you! Still suffering. Stumbling and falling, one step forward, two steps back, the usual. I've relapsed lately after having been doing pretty well the past weeks - and I blame it on the hormonal imbalance and possible PCOS. But it's exactly as you say. I'm unfortunately very much acquainted with that kind of depression, the blackest pit a human should never come to experience. I'm glad you have never experienced it, and I wish you to never come to.
  15. Up until now it's just been about... two months, I guess? (meaning with the same therapist) Then had a few months with a psychologist when I was living abroad and one month with a psychiatrist I hated.
  16. I'm sorry, but to me, depression is anything but bittersweet. It's hell. And that's it. Though I also realise there are different degrees and types of depression, what you are referring to reminds me more of my "melancholic days", the ones I had before depression. The days in which I felt lost, apart from the world, the days in which I could clearly see the fallacy of a twisted society. But depression is anything but that. If I could go back in time, I would change so many things. Especially the rumination and the isolation from the world, which ruined me. If anything, depression makes you see the world exactly as it isn't. It casts a black, dark fog in front of your lost eyes, making you think that people are , that you are , that life is and god knows what else. It's a false god and as such should be treated.
  17. Still feeling awful, but I had a very relaxing day, visited a nearby, very nice place with my parents, full of trees and flowers. I really hope tomorrow I'll feel better.
  18. You give me hope! I'm recovering from an awful episode and I still feel awful, hope I'll manage to make some progress like you did. Cheers!
  19. Still struggling, but a tiny bit better today. I'm recovering very slowly from my last episode and I still feel on edge, but I have no intention to beat myself over it. I'll take it slow, and if I still feel like crap, I'll take it even slower.
  20. It's so good to hear that Lycia! Keep us updated! x)
  21. I personally second what other people are saying on the forum - this is good practice for the next time. Believe me, there's 7 billion humans in the world, it's literally impossible not to find someone to get along with. There are people out there that would love your company, and people you would enjoy the company of. There's tons of people out there who are shallow, stupid and boring and yet, they have friends. If they do, why not you? You're no less human than them. The first condition to be a friend is to be human, because we humans bond on similarities. Probably that girl has her own issues to think of. Probably you didn't match her "standards" of friendship. So what? Is she the only person in the world? When things like this happen, I always think that counts as practice. If someone as moody and aloof as me has found friends to bond with, you certainly will, believe me.
  22. Still struggling from my awful breakdown of some days ago. I just need this hell to pass now.
  23. It's always sad to hear about other people's struggles. I'm the same age, though I've been dealing with this awful emotional pain for (just) a year, but this is what I suggest doing: talk to your GP about what's going on. Be as sincere and open as possible. Talk to them about your lack of interest in the things you once used to love, talk to them about what's going on in your head. Do you have recurrent thoughts? Moments of the day in which you feel particularly bad? Talk to them about how this is affecting your life. They may decide to give you some medication or direct you to a specialist - a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. For me, my GP prescribed an antidepressant (that I really needed) and then I looked for a therapist by myself. I suppose the iter can be different from country to country, but that's probably what you should be doing. If you don't suffer from anxiety or haven't had any particular depressive episodes in your life, therapy is very likely to help you!
  24. War Horse! Not only Tom Hiddleston was in there (aww <3) but the movie was beautiful and I cried so much!
  25. You're so brave. I hope you'll come through this pit. You have our support!
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