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Everything posted by Licorice

  1. It's been awhile since I was able to get into a book like that. That was the norm when I was a child, but these days there's always something in the back of my mind worrying about school, or work, or money, or that I'm using it as an escape.
  2. I think the binary labeling system of friend or acquaintance is a little limited. What thefreedictionary.com defines an acquaintance as 1. a. Knowledge of a person acquired by a relationship less intimate than friendship. b. A relationship based on such knowledge: struck up an acquaintance with our new neighbor.can be meaningful even though it isn't close, and friendships have enough variation that it's hard to make many statements about what a friend is or isn't to match what people often want from them. Some of them are around all the time, others only once in awhile. Some can be trusted with anything, others are well-meaning blabbermouths. Some will show their care one way, others a different one. What do these people think of your ideas for meeting outside of school or an occasional meal? If you haven't aired them yet - try it.
  3. I slept for twelve hours. So much time lost...
  4. With the start of 2014, the Internet has seen a variety of New Year's resolutions. I've been hearing some points on keeping resolutions, so I decided to browse around a little. After hearing something like this the first time I decided to make my writing goals for 2014 more specific: one complete, edited short story per month. I think it's much more motivating than alternatives like writing a whole novel, and harder to keep putting off until "later." Are your resolutions concrete? How do you think you could break them down?
  5. Yes, I do believe people "get over" love. I don't think there's a predictable timeframe, though. The first time I fell in love it was over 5 years until my feelings were completely neutral. I had a mix of guilt and regret due to feeling like I was the reason we couldn't even talk anymore when in truth we were just shy, awkward teenagers who weren't good at expressing our feelings. I was also worried because I'd been the only friend he had who wasn't eventually selling him the drugs he almost OD'd on down the road, and who actually cared about his health when even his own sister didn't seem concerned that he might take something more risky than [censored thing that you smoke which is not tobacco]. I thought I'd never have those same feelings for anything or anyone else, and that I'd lost something I could never regain. Sometimes I was nostalgic for close but carefree companionship that never seemed to come along, worrying I'd never meet someone who would be so kind to me again. I avoided most school bullying, but was occasionally picked on - he was the first one to stand up for me. None of my worries about what might or might not be came true, though.
  6. Come to Minnesota... rush out of your lukewarm shower and into the -20 windchill winter storm we're supposed to have this weekend.
  7. I've noticed this to a minor extent. I try to watch things that are neutral if not relaxing and save things that seem genuinely depressing for a time when I can afford to take a blow to my mood. I remember there was a post-apocalyptic film called The Divide that was so gruesome in the way it depicted social collapse that I felt shaken all day.
  8. Nightclubs sound like a terrible place to be going when you're lonely and anxious. Isn't there something more friendly?
  9. I struggle with schoolwork sometimes as well... I've been trying to develop a reliable system for getting work done, but so far it's only a "sometimes" one. What kind of schedules are you making? Is it possible you're piling too much on at once?
  10. When I was growing up having siblings was a blessing... at least someone looked out for me. I've met people who are distant from their siblings, though, and my mother and aunt can't stand each other.
  11. Yeah, I think prospective vs proven would be a major point. I'm not sure my coworkers would even believe me since I spend most of the day joking around. I do it because it covers my natural awkwardness a little and removes serious emotions from the equation, but it could also be interpreted as just being a happy person. What would they think if they knew and believed it? I'm not sure. Minnesota is a fairly open environment as a whole, but that doesn't account for individuals.
  12. I think the focus on unhappiness vs unhappiness in Western culture is very weird. It's like an obsession with finding all sorts of unusual causes for and interpretations of things that aren't very complicated in order to try to exert control over what people are upset they can't control (other people, other people's feelings, other people's problems, other people's mental health). After all, if they can come up with a reason why people feeling emotions they don't want them to feel are solely responsible, fully in control, and doing it on purpose because they're big babies, then problem solved - right? They just need to stop being such big, self-centered babies and let things revert to their natural state of happy and troublefree. They're just emotions, though, and aren't really anything in and of themselves. When you're cut, you experience physical pain. When you're without support, you experience loneliness. When you fail, you experience shame, disappointment, or embarrassment. When someone crosses your values, expectations, or boundaries, you feel anger. When you lose something you were emotionally attached to and needed for comfort, you feel sadness or grief. All of these alert an individual to something about their life that isn't as it should be or goes against their expectations, values, goals, wants, or needs. They're just the body and brain's way of saying, "Hey, something's up! Pay attention/be careful/fix this!" I know when I'm unhappy I often think about everything but myself because I want to be away from the source. The emotion just exists in the background as a slow drag on my thoughts. Emotions don't dictate my thoughts or my actions... but I can't simply will them away.
  13. Yeah, I've never really believed in karma, either. Eventually someone might have enough enemies or possible pitfalls due to their behavior that it bites them in the ass, but I don't think it was decided. There's nothing a child can do to deserve bullying, abuse, m*****, or rape through bad karma in any just celestial system. I don't think people can simply "move on," though, or that they should blame themselves for not suddenly being able to feel better just because they realize that everyone else has moved on. Childhood problems affect people on a very deep level, and that takes time to resolve.
  14. Do you ever get that little voice? I love this topic and have strong feelings about it. I could write about it and see if I could win anyone's hearts and minds with a fantastic story. I know about that topic first-hand in a way a lot of people don't. I could give perspectives on it to struggling people that others might not be able to. I've observed quite a few things about yet another topic because I've patiently watched it for years. I could educate people on what it's like beneath the surface. But... Why me? I'm strange, I'm isolated, and I'm reserved. Of all the people in the world who can't, why would it be me who could? Surely there are more qualified people? If I had so much good, wouldn't I have used it by now? Wouldn't it be more recognized, and wouldn't I have been left alone less? Of course I know I can't stop, but it slows me down. It saps the joy from what I do when I might otherwise have had an outlet.
  15. I didn't view myself as bisexual until I met my first girlfriend in freshman year, but I could have seriously suspected it as early as 5-7. I was always happy to be the daddy when it came time to play house with the other little girls, and I loved having a "wife." It became the norm for me to be a boy and one friend to be a girl in our elaborate pretend adventures, and for us to fall in love and get married. I didn't start thinking about relationships that weren't male-female as more than some oddity I heard about but never saw until later and something that I could actually have, or that my pretend play might have hinted at a desire for female-female relationships. There wasn't much pressure in the atmosphere around me when it came to orientation, so I didn't start to worry or be afraid until there was a girlfriend to worry about and the idea of what a girl who liked girls should be like joined in with my other identity issues. Then all I had was stereotypes... very masculine women or very feminine women, very outgoing ones or very shy ones, and according to the boys always hot... and it was a long time before I started to feel more self-acceptance and wholeness.
  16. Shouldn't have tipped us off. Now you'll be caught for sure!
  17. I think the only thing I'm a little jealous of is women who are artsy, pretty, and either bold, outgoing, and fun or shy, demure, and delicate, which are two coveted extremes in my experience. They draw in the only ones I can have a fulfilling relationship with, considering how central creativity and ideas are to my sense of who I am. I'm kind of dorky and plain, so I can't really compete with them when it comes to what similar people want in a partner. I've tried to go without a few times, but I always felt isolated and misunderstood. Like the most important parts of me were never really visible, just nice things to nod and smile at.
  18. My mother's complaining about her second abusive husband who drives people away and her continued dumping of her problems on me is my nuisance today. I wish I could sympathize, but she got exactly what she signed her and her children up for twice. She signed us up for beatings, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, social isolation due to attacks on our friends, listening wide awake to the screaming and threats at night, fear of a single toe out of line, being stolen from, being locked out, and more, and similar treatment for herself. That was explicit even in the dating stages both times. This did not start 10 years, 5 years, or even a month after marriage. When your boyfriend has screaming matches with you, lays hands on you, and smashes things and your children are terrified of him and hide in their rooms all day, the answer is not to marry him. It's to get out. I understood that when I was 16 and my first boyfriend tried to rape me. I didn't marry him, I demanded a ride home from his father and never spoke to him again. I wish my problems were getting what I signed up for and not what someone else signed me up for or what happened just because. And don't even try to tell me she's a victim... I've gone through the same amount of difficulty as she has, if not more, and I wouldn't let someone beat their child let alone any under my care. I don't even let people push my friends around, let alone someone younger and less able to stand up for themselves. She's even been the breadwinner both times. We never mattered more than her weird fetish, so she has no right to unload on us now. She failed us and still we were in the wrong: misbehaved, difficult, overemotional, isolated, weird, depressed. Us. Us. Us. Us. The ugly, hideous, failed children riddled with toxic shame who struggled because of Autism, or depression, or other things. Never because of her, because she taught us to lie to the authorities. She was a good mother. A victim. She tried so hard. Just so hard. My crowning glory in life is that I'm not her and that I'm seeking to help children raised by people like her recover. All of our crowning glories are that none of us are her or our father. Two happy siblings married with healthy children experiencing minimal dysfunction! It's a damn miracle and an inspiration. I cannot wait until I can completely cut her out and stand the repercussions from the rest of the family and through the rest of the family.
  19. "Sixty-nine miles per hour!" said a complete stranger as he turned the corner and walked past, looking directly at me. "Cool." I replied and kept walking. I don't know about human beings some days.
  20. Wanted: Someone to throw snow with.
  21. Single. I guess I'm not too upset about it, but I'd feel better if the alternative of trying to find someone of like mind who'd be a healthy match wasn't so difficult and I just wasn't dating due to a lack of interest.
  22. I finished a short story today totaling about 6,000 words total. I still need to edit it and settle on a name or two, but then I'm done! That'll only take a day or so. I'm glad you like it here. Sometimes I worry that forums are far too limited in what they can do.
  23. I think pets can definitely be therapeutic. I suggest looking into animal shelters and rescue agencies where caretakers might be able to match you with an adult animal with the kind of personality you're looking for. Some of them spend a lot of time around the animals and become familiar with them.
  24. This is becoming one of my preferred forums. I post on a few others that address certain issues in my life, but I feel guilty about posting anything good because of the aggressively negative and suspicious attitudes there.
  25. Depression is real. The things it tells us are fake. As for happiness... well... I think in this culture we're given some strange ideas about happiness. We repress, deny, demonize, and silence negative emotions, believing that if we have them, we're not happy. If we're not happy, everything is wrong and we're failing to do and be what we're supposed to. This leaves many people to wonder why they "can't just be happy," "can't just be normal," and "aren't getting better." I think happiness is better viewed as a resilience to pitfalls and a comfortable average with highs that one can enjoy instead of a constant, trouble-free euphoria.
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