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Everything posted by Licorice

  1. Sooner or later my body won't physically stay asleep anymore, and I'll feel like crap if I slept for 13 hours. :whatsthat:
  2. I think I'm lucky in that I'm able to emotionally "disengage" from people. I stop actively empathizing with what they're saying and feeling, and it becomes nothing more than mildly irritating words that I can shake off after a little while. This comes from having a mother who spent most of the time she was actually paying attention to me complaining about who was sick, how we were going to lose our home, how hard her job was, how I'd freeze to death or be abducted if I went out alone, etc.
  3. My brother has been building Lego models since high school and is now an engineer who spends the majority of his time off of work with his children or in the basement... with Legos. I haven't been over for a visit in quite some time, but the rest of the family is saying that he's now building replicas of things like warships and his favorite Chinese restaurant (supposedly the restaurant in question has even been in touch with him about it).
  4. Editing. I've gotten a surprising amount of work done today, but hunger and procrastination are creeping up on me.
  5. Have you tried the Pomodoro technique for writing? I usually cheat and cut the time down to 15 minutes.
  6. I think it's a very telling thing that some people are turning this in on themselves, as our OP has with interaction. I think it's very similar with what you and some others are saying about interaction (or lack of) here. We have to remember the nature of depression, and how that affects our own reservations about speaking sometimes, or offering advice, or even just the motivation to type sometimes. I've been on this forum more since I got a smartphone, which enables me to browse this forum when I cannot even do so much as lift myself out of bed. In those times, I cannot respond, but I do read. Keep in mind that many of us find it extremely hard to perform simple daily chores and the basic levels of self-care due to our depression, let alone feel capable of helping others. I don't think it's that people are maybe just lazy and not bothering. I know for myself I try to reach out when I'm capable of doing so, but there are times I just need this haven to read posts to remind me I'm not alone when I find doing *anything* incredibly difficult. There's also the fact that posters aren't mental health professionals. We're not only untrained and unequipped to do anything more than talk, but we take on other people's emotions and emotional needs in addition to our own and our offline responsibilities. Our cups don't exactly runneth over with time, energy, and solutions. Which isn't to say that I don't understand how limited forums are, but it's not the numbers that make forums difficult for me to turn to. It's the lack of commitment to engaging others in a concerned way even if it's only on a few threads. When I did turn to the Internet for help in the past it was very rare to not have at least a few people read only the title or first few lines of a thread or to have anyone stay past one post to follow-up on my thoughts and clarifications. Even a stranger offline will have multiple conversational turns with me if I want to talk about, say, the stresses of my field.
  7. I don't have physical symptoms, but I find that there's always something to worry about. On the job as soon as my worries about performance lift I'll become concerned about redundancy, preparing for future changes, whether or not I should be putting more hours in, etc. The best solution I've found so far is to figure out what I need to do and then keep my mind off of the possibilities, because at that point thinking about it any further is just overanalysis. I could spend 1,000 hours thinking about something and not find any hidden secrets to making it work perfectly.
  8. Use the sword as a sword! PM me for the link.
  9. I think I'm beginning to experience the same thing, and it primarily affects my motivation. Without any emotional response to things, how is one to find the motivation to do anything at all? I never really though about it before, but at least the guarantee of a job well done or having an excuse to reward oneself is a carrot on a stick in front of many tasks. The mood was lifted slightly earlier today by pretending that I was cleaning and cooking for an entirely different person to help them with their depression instead of myself. It's something to hold onto, at least.
  10. Oh? Well, volunteering may be an option, too. I don't know about the shelters in your area, but in high school there was a volunteer program to help keep some of the animals who sit alone all day socialized.
  11. Is this about forums? One thing I've noticed is that some people struggle to keep up text conversations. I know sometimes the idea of sitting down and writing several replies I've been putting off is overwhelming when I can't even clean my kitchen because I feel like I have to be witty, entertaining, empathetic, and flawless. I know the feeling of not being able to get connection when it's desperately needed, though.
  12. I went to the kitchen for a glass of water and found a grand total of zero clean dishes, so I finally got to work.
  13. Introvert(44%) Sensing(12%) Thinking(12%) Judging(33%)
  14. I've been feeling the exact same thing for weeks now beneath any surface emotions and in place of anything deeper. The knowledge has kind of crept up on me the past few days as I've grown truly sick of it and desperate to feel something - anything - but vague discontent and disinterest. Avoid friends = that feeling New electric blanket = that feeling Yelling at computers = that feeling Things went better than expected = that feeling Having a laugh = that feeling In line at a store = that feeling News of my friend's dog she's had for 15-20 years dying = that feeling Got to see my nephew and niece for Christmas = that feeling Barista noticed I'd been absent for a few months = that feeling Underperformed at work and disappointed my boss = that feeling Turns out there was $20 stuffed in a pocket that I'm free to spend = that feeling Tons of unwashed dishes in the kitchen that I'm too lazy to get to = that feeling Hear a great song, discover a new artist I like = that feeling Idle Saturday afternoon spent playing video games = that feeling Stay in on New Year's = that feeling
  15. I have a similar experience, only irritability. It's really not like me. That's true. It's a little bit like being in a different world sometimes and wondering where the owner's manual is for your normal person disguise.
  16. Then I'll just assume that's the liquor talking and not how he'd normally talk to someone.
  17. 1) Sorry if I don't assume that how someone is when they're drinking is indicative of their fundamental nature as either a decent person or a bad one. Most decent people will go through rough patches or have flaws that could cause them to be judged as terrible - if someone wanted to. Especially when they're taking something that alters the way they think like... I don't know... drugs. :rock: 2) What part of this story is so unlikely as to make it a lie, and what could I possibly gain from it? 3) Very mature. What's your issue with me?
  18. Does anyone notice that they're much less sensitive to others during their lows? I have an online friend who has depression, and he's been stepping on quite a few toes with his comments to others. To me he said that if we never talked again it wouldn't bother him. I try not to take it at face value.
  19. What are you telling yourself in the morning? I find it impossible to get up some days just to clean or write. I test the day by getting up to start the coffeemaker, get some water, or take a shower, and see if I can stay up and about for a little while. Nothing sets me back like sleeping during the day, though. I've been getting up at 5-6 a.m. after almost a week of sleeping through mornings/afternoons and already feel a bit better.
  20. Ouch. That does sound like quite a bit. I only had to try 3-4, if I recall correctly.
  21. I haven't had to, but I sometimes fear whether I'm drinking to relax or drinking to cover up problems. I never have more than a small amount in my house at any one time. On the topic, I went to an ugly Christmas sweater party over the holidays. I met a woman there who was the brightest, bubbliest person in the room and went around talking to and complimenting everyone on their gorgeous hair, their cute glasses, etc. We sat down had a talk about how long I'd known the host and that I was there with someone I'd known for over ten years, and I found out she had quite a history of explosive fights among her own friends and in her own life. I heard the next morning that about a half hour after we left, she started screaming at and hitting someone there for no discernible reason. Thankfully he was twice her size and was able to restrain her until she calmed down, but it was a shame to hear about how much she changed as she went from tipsy to drunk. I got the impression that she had a lot of personal demons that she was otherwise able to keep under lock and key.
  22. You've gotten some good information here so far. I was on medication for a few years, and it allowed me to function during school when I otherwise wouldn't have been able to. It's been a long time, though, and I don't think I need it this time around when I have more support and better coping skills.
  23. -18. Was -22 earlier in the morning and probably colder during the night.
  24. I don't talk about my problems, either, though it's primarily due to a lack of solid understanding from others, not having the energy to explain in detail, and not naturally being open about my emotions or interested in emotional connections for their own sake. However, as someone who is this way I can testify that people like people whose emotions are visible. Period. It's not burdensome as long as the setting calls for it.
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