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Everything posted by Licorice

  1. Would anyone be interested in a more personal version of update threads with more feedback? We could post what we're trying to stick to and find people who are working on similar things or knowledgeable.
  2. Stable employment in a good environment, community, and some degree of success in writing. A simple way to write a complex list.
  3. Sure is! I think when people let go of the desire to shut off dialogue, apply a quick and easy solution, etc, they can be much more empathetic and helpful. There doesn't always need for a solution, and so need to toss out a cliche.
  4. Slow morning, but I'm a little cheered. I took the time to put on one of my favorite outfits and went out for some coffee. One of the barista ladies was very sweet both times I went to the counter and flattered me by calling me, "my dear." I know they're required to be friendly to everyone, but she was cute and I am but a mortal woman.
  5. I think it takes a special kind of ignorance to say these types of cliches to someone. I have a friend whose sister has BDD and Bipolar. She openly admits that she doesn't understand mental illness - she's never been depressed, never been suicidal, never been out of control - and has a strong personality with a natural instinct for rejecting what's harmful. Even she knows better than to give her sister or myself a cliche. She does, however, remind her that what she's feeling are the lows and that she needs to know it will end as it always has, and that she's not her brain. She never told me to simply "fake it 'til I make it" in high school, to "try harder to be happy," to "stop being so negative about the world to feel better," or any such thing. At best she invited me out of my hellhole of a home for the night into her family's house or went with me to talk to the school counselor. At worst she empathetically didn't say anything at all.
  6. Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state. Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started - wait!
  7. Cliches exist not necessarily because there's truth in them, but to provide the giver an easy out of an ugly situation. Why confront depression - how many people suffer it, how much of a struggle it is to manage, and how many take their lives - full-on if you can sweep it under a rug and answer the plea for help with a single sentence using one of many handy quotes? If I could simply choose to be happy, wouldn't I have done so? Something like "fake it 'til you make it" would have value in the hands of someone who cared to honestly inspect a situation. Just keeping up the daily tasks of eating, cleaning, showering, and keeping the material world intact can have value and get you through to the next sunny patch. Allowing your social life to atrophy instead of trying to keep in touch, trying to stay active, and trying to be there for and with people can also be damaging.
  8. I understand the suspiciousness and anger that comes from being taken advantage of. It's not in my nature to be (particularly) suspicious of others' motives, critical of their behavior, and judgmental of their flaws, but this helps me to see red flags as red flags and eject from my life people who are exceptionally dishonest or just want to use me before they bleed me dry. Oftentimes in the past I've sympathized with them and made excuses, but I learned my lesson! I feel gross, but I just want to have peace, quiet, and enough me for me.
  9. Google image search thinks mine might also be a flower, but using a friend's DeviantArt handle and Skype avatar I was able to find their Tumblr, LinkedIn, YouTube, and more once. It's very easy!
  10. I'm (mostly) anonymous, though I do share small details like my state or cities I've visited. When I first started using the Internet it was for information and goodies, not a great big social network, and I've never caught on to the trends of using my real picture as an avatar, linking to my Facebook from everywhere, etc. I've been a member of contradictory forums where posters were "doxxed," which is essentially gathering personal information for malicious use, sharing, and harassment elsewhere. One poster had fake tips put in at his place of work. I've also had friends on one forum recognize me on another in the distant past, and I have to imagine how embarassing it would be for anyone I know offline to find me on a forum for depression, anxiety, or any other issue I'm not fully comfortable with yet. Even someone who knows very little about computers can put an image into Google and find out more about it if you're using the same avatar across many locations...
  11. I think it just sounds like being desperate for a sign that things can still feel okay, no matter how temporary. A perfectly understandable (if damaging) thing to do.
  12. Absentia. It's an offbeat sci-fi/horror that's very character-driven. A recent favorite! I didn't want to see it for the longest time, though, because all the advertisements were just some dorky snowman.
  13. It's not so much the desire for things that bother me... In an age of suffering and conflict, I just wish I'd hear less about what Justin Bieber is doing!
  14. Why do we owe the world a purpose? Perhaps we owe the decency to not steal, vandalize, and take advantage of others, but our reasons for existing don't really affect them - and neither does our anxiety, our lack of typical interests, or anything else in that vein.
  15. I think that's one of the more unfortunate types of people on the Internet: the non-readers. The Internet itself is a marvel and a truly stunning beauty, both technologically (especially) and socially. The world at their fingertips, anonymous and begging - for once! - for honesty and vulnerability, and they care about post count, entertaining themselves, looking up all the girls with cute pictures, and gaining forum fame. I feel for you, and that's why I almost always ask individual people. Favors don't have to be returned, but the energy and time it takes to be a good listener should be appreciated more.
  16. I believe that a therapist should be doing one of two things for their patients: 1) Formulating a plan of action and treatment. 2) Providing stability and some protection against a sudden crash, if someone is at risk. And they should, with all their training, be able to take steps towards helping their patient understand themselves, understand their diagnosis, and treatment within a few months. There is no "magic cure" for anything, but I'd be wary of where my money was going if a year had gone by and none of those things were happening.
  17. When it comes to personality... I think that there are often patterns, even if we say or act one way to please others. We may be repeatedly be drawn to certain ideas and themes - or repelled by them - and those clue us in to who we are inside.
  18. That's interesting. Maybe you live in an area/city where it's generally easier to meet decent people and where you don't need to filter out & avoid the garbage so much? With the advent of social media, I think people are even less inclined to seek out new friendships than ever before. Our society has become too parasitic and individualistic also. A lot of people are also under so much stress that many simply do not have time for their existing friends, never mind time to make new friends. Online friendships are literally all I have left, with the exception of a friend of mine in Virginia who I know offline. I'm an introvert, but I wouldn't mind having a couple of close friends or even to be able to date again (no way would I do that here). That's also the problem - people usually want something from you. Most of the time I can spot this, but not always and sometimes I still get caught off guard. I also think that society has become increasingly paranoid about "strangers". I personally don't want anything from anyone beyond a few laughs and a bit of company (online or offline). I don't need to endlessly dump my problems on people and I don't need favors. Being moderately asexual, I'm not even looking for sex either, although I often feel like I have to mention this because a lot of males do think in those terms, so unfortunately I get tarred with the same brush. I think it's possible that I live in a very nice area. Many of the complaints I hear about people honestly can't apply to the majority here, since they're not obsessed with pop culture, they don't hate intellectual topics, etc. Of course, that will always apply to some people, but I only need to step into a coffee shop to find someone who likes science fiction or geology and my Facebook feed is primarily politics, LGBT topics, dogs, generic photos, and Disney movies. I'm also an introvert and feel for you when it comes to finding a suitable social life. I've mentioned before on this forum that I think people reach a certain age where new friendships are less common, however much they might value the ones they have. A few people I know have said that they're not really interested in meeting new friends because they have enough and want to focus on the people they already enjoy spending time with, which is a blessing for the social butterflies. It seems to coincide with the last year or so of college from my observations, and is probably true for married couples who have to worry about their children and relationship before their social lives, too. I'm in this age group, but I'm not one of the people who has a solid network of friends. Spotting people who see me as a commodity may not be hard, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sting a little. I see people making online friendships at the drop of a hat and have to wonder why, nine times out of ten, I'm only sought out when someone has a problem or wants a long-distance booty call.
  19. I'm sorry the people you've met have been ones who look down on others for superficial reasons. The ones whose flaws don't grate on our nerves (or our morals) are harder to find than anyone at all, but having the desire to find them makes it that much easier. There are a lot of people who (and I'm not saying your friends are this) spend so much of themselves on toxic friendships that there's no time to make new friendships with people who would be better to and for them. I think I'm an unusual case in that I meet many nice people offline and many irritating people online. I enjoy it when people think it would be fun to chat for a little while even when we're not the type to become close friends, because it's much nicer than everyone sticking to their own social circle and ignoring everyone on the outside. Online most people I meet want something from me, whether it's for me to counsel them, for me to respond to their messages in under one minute and mold my day to their insecurities, or to pester me for personally identifiable information so they can gauge whether or not they've hooked a hottie. It's a relief to meet someone who wants nothing at all from me.
  20. Hmm? This may be interesting. I'm not in a major city so I usually have to travel a rather unappealing distance for meetups, but maybe there's something here.
  21. I find that forums in general tend to be isolating if it's connection and support I need. They're good for information, but even DF, which is a very genuine and helpful forum in my experience, is only so many stand-alone posts from people passing me by. It's the virtual equivalent of chatting with strangers at the bus stop, if strangers at the bus stop were open to chatting about their personal lives and feelings. Sure, a smile and some company is always appreciated... but they'll be gone soon, anyway, back to their own lives, probably to not think of me at all, and possibly never to return. I've been frequenting forums for over decade and a forum has never helped me in any way that wasn't information-based. Not once. It was always the individual people I met and connected with who cared even when there was no post count and we'd be spending hours on a conversation instead of a single 2-5 minute post. The only thing that was able to give me a sense of support has been permanency and intimacy.
  22. I made a homemade mouse trap. Good riddance and glub glub!
  23. I enjoyed that article, though sometimes Cracked.com has been falling short lately. I find that the most frequent advice given online, whether it's for trust issues or depression, is just telling someone to stop thinking a certain way. Oftentimes these are the people who prescribe a solution and explanation before they've heard the full, problem, too!
  24. Wrote and studied! Still have to figure out what's up with the laptop... can't get into boot menu. Whatever. Went on YouTube and looked at cartoons.
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