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Everything posted by Licorice

  1. I've felt that way in the past. I think liking oneself starts with understanding oneself in a non-judgmental fashion and removing the intense criticism reserved especially for oneself. One suggestion I've often heard is to look at your flaws as if you were seeing them in your best friend, and think of what you'd say to someone other than yourself struggling with what you're struggling with.
  2. I often have trouble writing when I'm in a bad mood, too, but I've found one thing that's helped to make writing more of a sanctuary instead of a performance: focusing on the passion, not the idea of praise, acceptance, or status. The idea behind this is that when we're focused on how our work is going to be received or whether or not it's good in the eyes of others, we're less likely to be bold, honest, or try new things because we're afraid of our work being rejected, ignored, or inviting criticism. Ironically, it makes us less likely to write something truly memorable or meaningful because we've boxed ourselves in and are smothering our unique perspectives and styles.
  3. Hmm? Something happen?
  4. It's the unexpected kindnesses that leave the biggest impact. I also agree with this, That a relapse isn't the end. People may have to work for a long time to truly change and achieve a goal. We're only human, after all.
  5. People can choose whatever option works best. To update: I have twice-weekly journaling, and in March I'm studying poetry forms from a creative writing book I borrowed. I want to spend my time waiting for/riding the bus writing and practicing them instead.
  6. We also have sites like rainymood.com, for when it's the middle of winter.
  7. I think the Internet has the capacity to make you lonely, but in and of itself it won't. Neither will things like Facebook or Twitter. What they are is potential timesinks and addictions, because they give the illusion of being close to people (when in fact community has to be fostered) and all the likes, messages, and updates can give very, very short-term highs and stimulation. People who are lonely, isolated, or depressed are just more vulnerable to this. I think anxiety can be used as an excuse when there's a "safe space." Some people might keep looking to the Internet for help when all signs are pointing to needing to push forward in a different direction.
  8. Henry David Thoreau said that the only investment that never fails is goodness. How could you go about investing in goodness? - journalingprompts.com The first thought that comes to mind is "empathy." To invest in empathy, the ability for nonjudgmental and compassionate perspective-taking, is the good that would keep on giving and expand one's own horizons, as well. It's one thing that the world is sorely lacking, while there's an abundance of platitudes, presumption, and pats on the back. I have my fair share of problems (more than, if I have anything to say about it!), and when I turn to friends I'm not looking for a magic cure for my childhood, my depression, or my fears. I'm looking for someone who sees that I'm in pain and who sees what I feel is ugliness, but reacts with understanding, curiosity, acceptance, and compassion. This is empathy, and it gives me strength and perspective - much more than simply being told what I should do, what I should believe, what I'm experiencing, or what I should feel. Empathy is a kind of healing, and to learn to better provide it would certainly be investing in goodness. I sometimes worry I can't repay the kindnesses I've been shown.
  9. Some people are so focused on the ego boost of saving someone that they never stop to actually listen to what the person is saying.
  10. I've often been afraid of feeling happy, wondering how low I'll go to "pay" for that moment or what's going to knock me down. Like I must be ignorant of my situation or self to feel that way. I don't have any advice, unfortunately. It's just become easier to let myself enjoy them regardless as I've become more comfortable with myself.
  11. Bit by bit. I have daily rituals like sitting down to writing with a coffee or watching a movie/a few episodes of a favorite show in the evening that give me something to look forward to. Owl City always does the trick for me.
  12. I know American culture pushes people for independence, but I don't think there's any shame in living at home if your circumstances are under pressure. You're a grown man with a job and a relationship, and even if you weren't the intention to go out into the world and earn your own living would count for quite a bit in my book. After my parents divorced, my father moved back in with his parents twice. Once while he was recovering from the divorce, and then when he was saving for a place for him and his fiancee.
  13. I think it's a reflection of our society's feelings towards homosexuality. On the surface it's gained more acceptance over the years, but deep down even people who aren't necessarily against it might still find it startling and not "for the children."
  14. I tend to waver between bad and nothingness, myself. I use music as an escape, though, which is like a gateway to a whole new world.
  15. I think it's hard to say how rock bottom feels. When I hit it, instead of going through with my suicide plans I just got angry. The only thing that's certain is that it's revealing.
  16. That would feel pretty great, to just be in a default state of peace and security. Depending on how life is going, I might have afternoons, whole days, or a string of 2-3 days that are like that. I hope you can get a few sunny patches of your own, too.
  17. Still not too old! I don't have X or Y, though.
  18. When it comes to your health, there's the simple fact that eating healthier, sleeping enough regular hours, and taking time for exercise will make you feel better. That momentum can help carry you on to better things.
  19. When people say that those with Asperger's have trouble with empathy, what they mean isn't necessarily that they're cold and uncaring. It has more to do with things like social mirroring, naturally adapting to social norms, courtesies, and expectations, and responding naturally to the emotions and emotional states of others, etc. There are also commonly sensory problems, habits, and other distinguishing features. It's not just social awkwardness and trouble making friends. I think that's where inaccurate self-diagnoses come from.
  20. Man, this rings true for me because I'm going through pretty much the same thing. I used to have a circle of acquaintances who began excluding me and sending me vicious e-mails due to our differences and their childishness, but I'm close friends with one person who regularly sees them and has to go out of his way to see us separately sometimes. I know that if I ever accepted the invitation to tag along, I'd probably be driven out by two of the particularly aggressive members... and because everyone is friends, no one would say anything. However, I would suggest talking to your friend and trying to reach a point of understanding. I was able to, though I lost a degree of respect at the suggestion that it would be good for me to learn to master settings like this. Childish people and cliques shouldn't be enabled with acceptance and conformity - unless there's a living to be had! Tit for tat.
  21. The world would be so much better if we thought less with our feelings. People are outraged over a zoo's putting down of their giraffe and the fact that the meat was fed to lions... while they gorge themselves on meat from animals kept in worse conditions and dying for convenience's sake, and wanton animal cruelty such as puppy mills still exist. It's just not emotionally charged right now, so they don't care and would rather sign petitions and raise a stink about one zoo's giraffe. At least until the novelty wears off.
  22. I think the way that we look at personal strengths in this culture may be a bit flawed. People often seem to get the impression that they're supposed to simply discover something they're wonderful at, and then go on to do that. Well, occasionally we do get savants, but I think that most people who have a career they love or a passion they have skill in had a preference for it and worked to cultivate it (despite failures, setbacks, and not being the best around sometimes). Doing something you don't like and are terrible at is probably a bad idea, but if there's an interest and some natural tendency towards a field then there's potential.
  23. You didn't know about this forum... how are people who aren't depressed and have no experience with it to know?
  24. Pretty much. Don't use original usernames (something like SunnyIglooPerson instead of Person) or avatars in multiple locations and don't post anything you don't want everyone to see (at least connected to the online identity you posted it under).
  25. The difference between school and college/mentorship/self-learning is astonishing. Called mathematically illiterate by a teacher in elementary school, catching up off Wikipedia and learning binary math in college. Whose fault was it, really? Less story time and metaphor, more facts and illustrations. If re-reading the instructions doesn't work, try something else. Chop-chop!
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