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Everything posted by Licorice

  1. I think you may have misinterpreted my point. I do have a few friends and family members that offer me some support here and there, even when things are not going my way. But no one offers me the unlimited support and listening ear that I need, considering all the bad things I've been through. I can't say I blame them, because I'm not their kid and there's only so much depressing sh*t someone's willing to listen to. But it's stupid that no one ever told me to come here, if they don't want to help. They all think that shrinks are gods and miracle makers, when in reality, they're as useless as a sewer rat. People are careless, ignorant, and overall.....just looking to make a bad person out of me. Ah, alright. I'm not a fan of the shoving of heads in the sand that goes on when people treat therapy as The Cure, which will magically make everything okay for each individual immediately. The subtext that I don't think people realize they're sometimes saying in, "Ew. You're sick. Go away until you're fixed." I don't agree that only listening to so much makes someone a bad person, however, as there isn't a person alive without limits. It's a matter of survival, like not donating your entire paycheck to the Red Cross even though you'll give a $10 bill once in awhile or not taking in shelter animals you won't be able to afford more than Ramen for food with so they won't be put down even though you volunteer. When people's emotional energy gets too low, they'll suffer, too.
  2. I don't think those suggestions are intended as cures so much as preventative measures. No matter where you are with depression, eating junk food, not sleeping well, and being alone all the time will leave you worse off than you could be. That said, I've lived with depression to some degree or other since I was a young teen and am now in college. There isn't really a cure, but self care goes a long way in helping me to live alongside it and not lay in bed all day. I hope you find something that gives you peace if not freedom.
  3. One step at a time. I think finding a place where you can get positive reinforcement and results is important. Sort of to give you something to start countering any knee-jerk fear or avoidance responses with. Therapy would be the ideal, but if you're not interested right now then anything at all is a step forward.
  4. It's been awhile since my last relationship, and I'm considering looking into dating again. I figure that since I've been noticing some (sadly, very far away) interesting people I might as well get off my butt and have a real look around. I have some major reservations about actively trying to meet people, though, namely that I'm reserved in every sense of the word - also depression. I've never had sex on the 2nd or 3rd date, I'm not very sweet or feminine, and I connect intellectually before I connect emotionally. I'm not confused or too inexperienced, it's just the way I am. I worry I won't be what anyone wants and it will wear down on my self-esteem. Because if dating is a woman's world (as the Internet likes to point out) and a woman fails to find someone even online where the odds are in her favor, what does that say about her? Also, the depression stigma.
  5. I think Mr Shadow is right on... Love doesn't appear out of thin air between beautiful, intelligent, kind people, it's grown over time by any kind of people.
  6. I can only say that I know where you're coming from, since I was born into a dysfunctional home where we faced everything from violence to fighting over food. My father is the only one who ever faced what he did and apologized to his children for the role he played, while my mother cries when we try to talk to her about it and still treats me as she always has. Which, since she's made nothing but bad relationship choices her entire life and has no real friends, is her pincushion and control object. How sad she is, how tight money is, how bad immigrants are, how the police would chase me down if I went out when it was too cold, who's dying, etc. In contrast, everything I talked about could be solved by God or was just a phase, and also I was gaining weight (this said as she cheated on her third fad diet). The only good thing I've learned is that no matter how ill, ugly, out-of-touch, racist, manipulative, small, and cruel someone is inside, it's possible to go to college and have a well-paying job. My failure or success is in my hands alone. If she can, I can do better. I have to disagree that there's no support, though, since social support has played a big role in my life. There is a very real stigma against not only mental illness but any kind of negativity or emotional difficulty, but there are people who'll listen, empathize, and offer guidance in the world to people who are feeling a little lost, behind, or down. Some of them have been instructors of mine, some of them have been friends, and some of them are here on this forum.
  7. Ordered a replacement screen for my laptop. Right now it's the little LCD that could, because only half of it is usable and none of it is good. I still see it desperately trying to display things in the damaged areas while I work, which often seem to be reflections of what's happening below ("I'M. HELPING."- the friendliest screen). Managed to sit through a long session with the instructor who claims to have been a software developer before teaching and tells us we should be detail-oriented, but isn't the slightest bit fazed by mixing up File Explorer and Windows Explorer in our instructions. In addition to teaching a course using software you need to call campus support to assist you with, great job representing women in tech!
  8. I don't believe they've never done anything wrong. I do believe they don't feel bad in the present about what happened in the past.
  9. There was a time when I used energy drinks and caffeine to get me through the day (these included busy holiday hours at a grocery store where management hassled you all throughout your 15-minute break). I think it came at a cost, because I felt like s*** when I hadn't had one and jittery when I had. I was just able to stay awake and keep going, but I was in no way focused and efficient. These days I focus more on regular sleep, waking up early enough to put the best hours of the day to use, and diet. I include good vegetables like spinach, kale, and broccoli as well as beans, mango, hummus, hard boiled eggs, fish, and plenty of water. I'll have a small cup of coffee or two in the morning as a ritual, but won't suffer without it.
  10. Oh, I can imagine that, too. Can anyone say, "privacy"?
  11. I confess that sometimes I feel as though human beings are very much like machines. There's electricity in both our "brains", and we’re programmed to "think" and "act" specific ways. Human beings are just a creation of nature and are capable of questioning our programming. Without questioning and taking control of our programming - the way things are and what we first perceive to be truth - we’re pretty much advanced machines. “This is the gift of humanity: that it is claimed by the self. None of us...are human unless and until we claim it for ourselves. But nothing can stop that claiming - not the eight million gods nor the spirits nor ghosts. Nothing but ourselves, anyway.” - Kij Johnson, The Fox Woman
  12. That is what depression can be like, and it's often the way it is for me. Doing well means that I'm able to go to work and class, and that I get periods where I feel like myself. I might have hours, days, or even a week, but there are always hours, days, and weeks where I only feel depression. Enjoying your life and your family in spite of depression is a victory no matter how few or far between those days are.
  13. In addition to the advice from Saros, I think it helps to prioritize and set small daily tasks. It's easy to be overwhelmed with something like "clean" or "study," but to clean just the kitchen or study for two sets of thirty minutes could be easier.
  14. For what it's worth, a lot of people think online dating isn't that great. It's a good gamble to take if you don't invest too much, but no matter what end you're on you may be dealing with anything from a lack of responses to an excess of bizarre responses to vague profile text.
  15. I realize that some cultures (such as the US) stress independence and ladder-climbing, but at the heart of it there's no shame in living at home. You've already been out traveling, meeting people, and learning the ways of the world and taking care of yourself. It's a bad period where you're trying to get back on your feet, is all.
  16. I'm not tactful enough to be much of a help to your current situation, but I will say that a good preventative measure is to back off as soon as you catch someone lying or spreading rumors. You may or may not call them out on it, but you can just slowly stop responding and contributing so that there's very little for them to actually take offense to until you're no longer part of each other's lives. It might seem cruel, but in my experience it's pretty black and white: People who lie easily and often are just liars, but occasionally a confirmed friend will be caught in a white lie or one to protect themselves.
  17. I changed my avatar to suit the thread! Sounds ambitious. I remember about five years ago there was a GameStop in town and I could get used games for about the same as a meal at McDonald's. Now it's closed and people are selling them for $20-40 each online.
  18. "Good" depends on what you like! I've been having fun with Falling Skies, which is pretty much a science fiction version of The Walking Dead with less character development and more action, but it's not for everyone.
  19. A few hours of studying and simulations. Brain is *ploot!*.
  20. I like the black dog metaphor that's been used before. A big black dog that's always following you around.
  21. I don't think the behavior is excused, just the thoughts and the feelings (or lack of). At the same time, we do need to be forgiving and not fall into the habit of looking at ourselves as horrible people because we didn't clean the kitchen for a little while or just stayed in bed.
  22. Argued with voice recognition software that can't understand accents, except when it's being told to turn off.
  23. Machines > humans. They only do what they were told because they're not capable of critical thinking, they're not entitled, and they're not ruled by base emotions.
  24. I have done this and every time I did, I came away with a very warm, compassionate attitude toward myself. After that, it never made sense to me to talk to myself in a harsh way, and all the negative thoughts were calmed down by a great degree. It felt like I received a heart warming talk from someone that knew me best. I'm glad it helped you out. It sounds good in theory and has given me some added perspective, but I've often worried it's limited.
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