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Everything posted by Licorice

  1. Social isolation is a big factor, because I'm exposed to people without really being able to develop a support network. I still attract a lot of emotional vampires no matter how much I "toughen up" and struggle to make lasting connections.
  2. Oftentimes I think it's just the experience we gain and the reflections we take time for that add up to change. If nothing else, it arms us with knowledge and perspective... neither of which come easily to anyone, least of all those who have to dig down into something like depression.
  3. yeah true, I once told a "friend" I didn´t know that well that I had bulimia and he simply said "oh it would be that easy to lose weight - just exercise. then you don´t have to throw up"... so basically, when you want to talk about problems - talk to someone where you can be sure he/ she will understand your problem as a problem and somebody you know a little bit longer... One thing that really bothers me: serious conditions looked at as people just making a dangerous choice for no reason. Aside from this forum, I tend to not even talk to the Internet about my problems. I don't expect to receive empathy. People have become so bad at thinking about others and dealing with the unpleasant aspects of life that they'll happily overlook the fact that someone is struggling to give a flippant response that's pleasing for them, like "who cares" or "you answered your own question." I think there are some beliefs that are the result of people living highly sheltered and privileged lives, like being angry that wildebeests are being eaten by lions on YouTube and no one is saving them, and maybe it's just another symptom of a culture where such people can exist at all.
  4. While it's not often at the forefront of my mind, I am sometimes bothered by the fact that other people with depression have marriages, families, friends, and good jobs while I struggle in all four areas. I used to be very shy and unsettled in social settings, and people with social anxiety seem to have those things, too. I remember chatting with a person on a social anxiety forum once, and the person was surprised that I didn't have a social life! I keep going because I don't know what else to do. When I was in a rut I was just absent-mindedly dragging myself forward, and now that I'm not I try to focus on fulfilling work and hobbies. There's a lot of writing I want to do that I feel touches on topics not easy to discuss, and there are always more books.
  5. For close friends, I think they understand if you say you're feeling under the weather or tired out. They expect people to not be perfect and are willing to be there when things aren't going well. Some of them might even be understanding if you wanted to talk about depression. I do think a lifetime of being used or receiving disinterest if I don't provide or amuse has colored my perception of casual friends... but they call them fair-weather friends for a reason, and they are known for not being there when things get tough. I wouldn't ever tell them anything more than that I wasn't feeling well.
  6. I tutor at my campus' writing center where I work primarily with ESL and returning adult students. I'm the one my coworker calls in when we have a problematic student who can't stop worrying and get to class. Classmates and near-strangers (friends of friends I'd met that night) have liked me enough to talk to me about their personal problems. You tell me.
  7. How does one avoid becoming a cynic? Part of me feels like just not talking to anyone unless I see something to be gained from them, since I can't in good conscience say that I believe anyone I meet is not either seeking something from me or going to take their frustrations out on me. Most people don't talk to me unless they need to vent, want something fixed, or see some other, immediate gain. A few of them just stick around and respond with a rather one-way interest because I show concern for their lives. No social anxiety. No shyness. Have social skills. Exposed to people. Laugh and get along with people I meet. Not really depressed anymore, but sinking back in as my vision of the world is turned upside-down. Worked on everything that was "wrong" and preventing me from connecting, leaving nothing but my personality - that's me, though. That's not something I can just toss out for a better model. Part of me still wants to hold to a more idealistic view of the world where people can connect genuinely and are well-intentioned if bumbling. I want to believe that most people are decent and just don't click with me in the way that people seeking to get a need met do. I want to believe it's innocent. I don't, though. I've been withdrawing socially and cutting contact with a lot of people because I just don't know what else to do and I'm tired.
  8. The only mental health forum I've found after years where you can talk about your problems without getting zero response, having the cliques of regulars derailing your thread, or being told to just take it to a therapist - even though you already have one. This one!
  9. I've always been a little unusual, too. I used to tell myself that when my fear of social settings or my depression improved I'd have a normal social life but... here I am. Sometimes it's hard not to be bitter when even terrible people are surrounded by friends and admirers as long as they're funny and outgoing, but since I don't lead the same life I really can't expect the same results. Just a few people understanding makes all the difference. Kindred spirits, sort of.
  10. Haha, thanks. What brings you here, though?
  11. Was anything different on the days you were able to venture out farther?
  12. I spend a lot of time listening to music, and often find one or two particular songs soothing. Right now it's Naive by The Kooks and Sure Thing by Trails and Ways. I love to write, and have spend the past year developing a relationship with writing as opposed to attention or fame. It's something that always challenges me and always gives back to me when I sit down to put time and effort into it, regardless of how little I accomplish or how crummy I'm feeling. Words on the page are words I can pick the good stuff out of later. “Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well.” - King
  13. I feel the same way... The last of my friends will be moving out of state soon, and I've been unable to make a new friend in years. No one can tell me why, they just keep repeating that I'm a good person and need to keep trying until my efforts pay off and I attract healthy, genuine friendships. Meanwhile, not only do people with essentially the same personality have huge, loving circles of friends, but many people who openly don't care about others and do many bad things are surrounded by people who like them. Something about me is simply abnormal, but no one can or will tell me what. So, in my 20's while other people are settling down and going out I look forward to a fall and a winter with literally no one to do anything with except occasionally a sibling or a parent.
  14. Dude at the coffeeshop: Someone looking at you uncomfortably when they keep catching you staring at them and then moving to a less visible location means, "Knock it off." I don't know why people come to these places to be weird. At least some of the ladies offered to help when I got nervous and knocked over my drink.
  15. I never liked the process of online dating, either. Hinging my need for company on a connection being born out of an online profile left me with a lot of dashed hopes and impatience, but friendships and acquaintanceships have been more reliable. There's less of a need for things to be "just right".
  16. I think it varies depending on your relationship to it, but there has been talk of studies analyzing Facebook's effect on mood. For someone who's very active socially and has a lot to show, it's a fantastic tool. There's always something to look at, someone to talk to, or something to share. For others, it's a reminder that they don't have much or aren't where they want to be in life. I don't have much to show, and at this point it doesn't bother me too much. I don't want to have a busy social life, and what you put into something is typically what comes back out - I don't put in much.
  17. Bored and kinda jittery. I was supposed to meet for coffee with an old friend, but they're sick today.
  18. Food: No more than a couple pizzas or burritos and some boxed basics at home for prepackaged foodBring at least one vegetable (kale, broccoli, bell peppers in particular) home each shopping trip to pair with mealsDon't keep soda or chips at homeHobbies/Activity: Break up my periods of playing games or watching television if I was going to lounge for an evening or all day, pausing every episode or every 1-2 hours to do some cleaning or do something productiveSet attainable daily goals for things like writing that could add up to a completed whole
  19. Finish revising a short story. I can't seem to focus, though.
  20. Before I started distance training I'd eat a lot unfortunately a lot of it went into fat. Now that I'm training distance even my metabolism has shrunk a bit, at first I was even more hungry, I'd eat a full fry up every morning, now I can get by on around 2000 calories with a burn of around 400kl on work days and 600kl plus on training days. Its better not to starve, as long as you know the basics like cutting out sugar and trying to increase nutrient density in your meals you can eat steak, ice cream (occasionally) and pasta and still lose weight, its slow but its more stable. I think you've got it sorted ;-) Thanks. I have two family members who've done a lot of dieting, and I saw more stress, anxiety, and secret candy bars than success. I didn't want to go down that road without making the simple changes first.
  21. No matter how big the problem, everyone needs a break. There's also nothing you can do at 11 p.m. in your pajamas most of the time, anyway.
  22. It made a huge difference for me, and I didn't cut out carbs, go organic, follow a diet plan, etc. I just cut out most soda, junk food, and prepackaged meals, and started including more nutritious options at home like fresh kale, mango, broccoli, beans, fish, hard boiled eggs for breakfast, tomato, and nuts. Lost weight, too. My metabolism is enormous and I'd have starved on a restricted diet. No idea why it spikes sometimes, but I'll occasionally need 4-6 meals a day. There are a lot of easy, cheap recipes online, and if all else fails just pair chicken, broccoli, soy sauce, and some crushed almonds together or chop up vegetables to throw into pasta. That or rice/beans and broccoli, bell peppers, or tomato.
  23. What part of the conventional idea of a normal, productive life bothers you?
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