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Licorice

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Everything posted by Licorice

  1. The only thing I can give proper feedback on is fiction, since I'm so bad at art I can't even tell when specific techniques are being used beyond what I was taught in 5th grade (stippling, etc). As for your images, I would suggest using an image uploading service such as Imageshack. Many of these will give you choices for resizing your images on upload along with suggestions for what's a good size for message boards, thumbails, e-mail, etc. I've seen some complaints about imageshack automatically resizing images but have never had trouble. You could also resize them yourself using whatever image editing software is on your computer. An animation is more complicated than a still image, though.
  2. Away from depression is as good a place as any, even if it's not rich. Why so worried about Friday night, though?
  3. Practicing counting in binary and converting to decimal (and vice versa). Thinking about food.
  4. There's no shame in writing to the Internet. Sometimes the real world doesn't understand, doesn't want to listen, or doesn't know what to do. People who do often gather here, and no one should feel bad about seeking that if it's what they need.
  5. I think when people who didn't experience sexual abuse say they understand, they're just trying to be kind. However, it sure doesn't feel kind when someone who didn't experience the emotions you did in the same context says they do, and there's so much you still haven't said that they couldn't possibly know from their angle.
  6. I remember that in my case it was a matter of not wanting to be driven to it. It kind of took my life out of my hands if I was able to be pushed and cornered into it, and it was different than the normal feeling of not being able to control things around me.
  7. I think it mostly relates to my close friends and especially my "little brother", the one who's family in spirit. He went through abuse as well, but it only ever made him more gentle and understanding of others. It's kind of a reminder to watch what kind of person I become through remembering what kind of people I'm around and what kind of person I want to be.
  8. I have a few friends I can be completely honest with, but I'm often afraid of burdening them. I don't want to drag down the one that isn't depressed or make things worse for the two that are.
  9. If I have to ask a computer engineer to explain to me the course material only to find out that the connotation is misleading and we've skipped topics crucial to understanding it, why am I paying for this class at all? It's easier to hear the straight facts about subnetting from someone with 15+ years over me than the watered-down, metaphorical repetition in class.
  10. The campus writing center I work at has been receiving complaints that it's unhelpful. I just hope it's not from the students who come in 15 minutes before their paper is due or the ones who drill us for suggestions to put down word-for-word. That's not what a writing center is about. The peer tutors are not teachers or miracle workers. We can't take an ESL student still having problems with fairly basic English and turn them into an A student in two 1-hour sessions, nor can we do that for someone half-assing their way through an essay. What we can do is look over the assignment with them, make sure they're using the correct formatting and citation, work with them on overcoming language and cultural barriers, advise them on crafting a thesis and a conclusion, or give them examples of how to better use English punctuation and grammar. Many students come in with no idea what they're doing, so our time is spent on things like brainstorming or an outline. Sometimes I spend half an hour showing them how to work some software. We may never get to the finer points at all, because they don't want to spend all afternoon here and we're not going to write the paper for them. There isn't a single student whose eyes don't glaze over after 20 minutes of punctuation or sentence structure, and I can't imagine hammering safeguards against every little error they could possibly make into their heads in the time we have. The burden of performance is on the student, and if they come in here unmotivated or strapped for time they're not going to find an easy out.
  11. At this point I feel like I know there's two realities. One of them is depression reality and the other is the much more positive and on-track reality. I've been out of depression reality at times, so I know that behind it there's something I may not be able to see clearly at times. It's kind of like being caught in a dark storm and trusting your feet to take you down a winding path you only occasionally see in a flash of lightning.
  12. I just wanted to say congratulations on finishing your novel and still having enough juice left for a second. I'm halfway through mine and it's been a struggle.
  13. I think a brainstorming thread would be great, but I have very little time to give real attention to fiction. There's even a pile of unread books on my shelf...
  14. I've seen quite a few people over the years say that depression, low moods, and struggles fuel their creative pursuits such as art and writing. It's almost like a muse, or it provides them with the strong emotions needed to write something meaningful. Stephen King has even used writing as an escape while lying in bed injured and miserable. Does this hold true for you? I find the creative juices flow best when I'm in a good mood and am motivated. It's too easy otherwise to just turn on a movie or post on forums.
  15. I balance my time between studying and working as a peer tutor. My job mostly consists of helping students with assignments, composition, citation, research, and working with ESL students. I'm happy to be working a job that doesn't involve cleaning up vomit and being the scapegoat for the more outgoing and popular employees, which is a very polite summary of my retail experience. We have our slow days, but it's impossible to become isolated working here. I think that prevents me from falling into a hazy slump where I don't think and start to neglect taking care of myself. Sometimes I go in feeling like I should have just called in sick, but it's so busy and varied that I'll usually forget about it quickly. Getting rolling in the first place is the hard part for me. Sometimes students get frustrated with us because they were expecting to have someone just correct their grammar and punctuation for them, but I have a pretty thick skin in familiar and safe situations. Depression is all internal.
  16. It seems like there might be a bit of a theme with loneliness and isolation in addition to factors like genetics and childhood trauma. It makes a lot of sense, but I remember how easy it was to be down because I was lonely and lonely because I was down.
  17. I think it's possible to make friends online, but many people (myself included) prefer to stay anonymous early on and it's easier to fall out of touch. I certainly don't think they're "not real friends", not if you've been talking for some time and especially if you've visited over voice and video chat.
  18. I'm not sure if genetics plays a part or not for me, but the main trigger was an abusive and neglectful childhood. I'm the youngest of four, and the second youngest also struggles with depression while the two older children are married with kids and doing fine (as far as I know...). I think we caught the worst of it because we were in our most formative years when things went bad and were less able to reach out or escape, so we had to develop in an unhealthy environment that taught us unhealthy ways to think, act, and relate to others. The oldest moved out before the fights over food started and the second oldest was able to drive and spend time away from home more often before following. Children who are abused and neglected are left with heavy burdens from their parents that they have to deal with on top of all the normal life events that are stressful for everyone growing up, such as dating, working, and college. If you're breaking away from the cycle of violence and continuing to improve your life, I think you're doing well. We have to teach ourselves things that many others were taught at a younger age by their parents and do so in a much poorer mental and emotional landscape, and that means we might take a few wrong turns or get off to a late start.
  19. When I was younger I hated the way I look, and while I think my issues run too deep to be fixed with a change in appearance it did have an effect on my depression. Because I felt that I was hideous both inside and out and no one would be able to talk to me for long without realizing that, I struggled with self-loathing, depression, and loneliness for those reasons on top of the other ones.
  20. I might pick up a copy or something similar because I need to distance myself emotionally, even if it's too early to completely cut anyone out of my life. I've been having to spend a lot of time around my family again and it's been dredging up a lot of dark feelings. I believe the only reason I survive at all is because I no longer think about: The fact that my mother married two men who abused her and us physically and psychologicallyHow my siblings and I were sometimes reduced to fighting over what food was in the house when she was away for long periods between marriages, and how my 16-year-old brother got a part-time job to stop itHow my siblings and I have only just started recovering from acting like animals to each other to protect ourselves and being close again, pretending we just didn't talk very much for a long timeThe fact that our mother convinced us to lie to the county so that we wouldn't be taken awayHow I was never able to have friends over or keep friends easily after having them over in middle school or highschool because my stepfather would harass them, telling them their religion was fake over dinner before he ever even asked their nameAnd so much more. Thank goodness none of us have grown up to pass it on! I instinctively knew even at 14 to never imitate my mother and, if possible, to do the opposite. Because of that I left a potentially abusive relationship the very night it started, and that mindset in itself has been healing.
  21. Good advice, but I'm having trouble putting it into practice. I recently broke up because I ran out of ideas on how to keep communication open and solve problems. For lack of a better term, he wasn't very forward and it was often up to me to progress the relationship, settle issues, or smooth things out after a conflict. We live far enough away from each other that it was almost like long-distance, and we spent more time on Skype than in person to save time and money. One day I got a new job which required me to get up early, so the late nights online had to end. I asked if he could show up an hour or two earlier so that I didn't have to choose between him and sleep, and he dragged his feet, showed up late, or didn't show up at all. He'd refuse to tell me what it was he was doing in his evenings after work that couldn't be put aside for an hour or two or talk to me about it, and I became paranoid that there were other women. Part of me is fixated on how crummy of a girlfriend I must be to be so easily walled out and let go.
  22. I think such a job could kick you back into action, but that's dependent on your ability to handle a fast-paced, stressful work environment. Maybe make a list of what you really need in a workplace to be comfortable, such as structure or flexibility, and see if you can learn any more about what the environment would be like.
  23. I often feel like I have a tentative grasp on a good mood at best, but any progress is worth celebrating. These things are far too complicated to turn around in a day. For me a good day is simply getting up and moving early, getting work done, and going to bed after having a stable mood all day.
  24. Having been on medication myself and worried about the same thing I'd have to say... they're both you. A drug in and of itself won't make us someone else unless it masks the parts of ourselves that we care about, whether it's caffeine or Zoloft.
  25. I think if you're focusing your energy on recovering emotionally right now, it's understandable to take evenings off for TLC. You're already working quite hard from the sounds of it. Sports do sound like they're pretty important to you, thogh. I've often struggled with a combination of low energy and no motivation, and I found that making a small checklist of high-priority things helps. Listing things like "dishes" or "write" is intimidating on a bad day because I imagine it to be quite a bit of work that I'm aiming for, but I've had success with "0/2 loads" or "0/3 pages". If I only get part of it done, I can still look and see progress and not feel so bad about just turning on a movie and zoning out in the evening. Otherwise I tend to mentally nag myself all day, not do anything, and then not let myself relax. My energy levels have been much higher now that I've improved my diet, but I realize that not everyone is in a place where they're motivated to plan and cook meals or change what they're comfortable with. I love to cook and make lists of things, so cutting out junk food, processed prepackaged meals, and snacking on things like hummus on crackers or different fruits with cheese was an easy improvement. I used to feel bad about guzzling chocolate milk, but I tell myself since it's nutrient-rich soy milk now I can have as much as I want.
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