Starting to come to terms with the fact that this is the end of the road. I will never get back to what I was before. I am where I am today because of weakness, pure weakness. I am a sad bitter lonely gay man and I feel I am aging rapidly because I am never at comfort from these feelings. And normal situations that before would never bother me, now bother me greatly, and there is never a moment when I am not agitated, distressed or demoralised. I have had a relatively easy life, so I feel a great deal of shame. My life is an embarrassment.