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About CoffeeAddict103

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    Animals, music

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  1. Can't help but feel this is a women's world now. No place for a beta male like me
  2. Feels good to be finally àble to stand up for myself and say NO. I'm no longer a yes man. Feels good to be able to walk confidently with back straight and my should wide ready for combat. Passive agressitivity and rude people I am ready for. Lots of sharks out there. And I am ready for the fight.
  3. I am down but numbed because of tablets. Zombified which I guess is fitting for Halloween, even though it's 4am now. I really don't see a way out of this. I have been unemployed for a long time now and my capacity to deal with life i am starting to believe is starker and starker and I am not sure if I could hold down even a warehouse job moving boxes for a living. Maybe I'm just a low IQ beta male destined to be alone as evolution takes it place. My mind is zapped of any intelligence and creativity in between looking for work, I can't even read anymore and haven't read one book since a couple of years ago, I dip in and out of books sometimes, but my attention span is zero. So having side projects or hopes is no where to be seen. Motivation is nowhere to be found, and I am interested in nothing. Nothing's enjoyable, apart from sports, and binging on caffeine.I am spaced out, and lazy. One positive is that I am more resiliant to psychological conflict in any interaction I have that I find toxic, narcissistic, passive aggressive. I am learning how to say no to people and standing up for myself, I am no longer a people pleaser. And considering I don't have much to lose in this crazy game of life I no longer feel fear in defending myself if I feel I can, or most of all should. Intellectually though, and economically, I have to tread carefully, as my current status, being unemployed, no partner, no house and living with my parents and all. All good fun being blank and drifting through life I'm 27 In a few months so its going pretty quick, maybe too quick, or not quick enough. I don't have a plan to commit to get myself over this realistcally. I don't want to end it because of my familly, but I'm like an old car that's failed it's MOT check, and should be scrapped, but I'm plogging along, with no dignity left, rusting in front of loved ones, burning out.
  4. I'm good. Sleeping patterns a mess though. I suppose Jordan petersons rule for life is lost on me when he says you shouldn't judge the world when your own life isn't in order. Wise words. But I do love a good moan..
  5. I feel so spaced out I'm going to the drs next week. Wasn't in the mood for toxic comments today, I know I sound like a bit of a snowflake but I feel like certain people are trying to judge my life and assuming they know me when they don't. And while I like these people in my life, sometimes I like my own space but I feel obliged to accept their offers because I don't want to be rude. I don't knw why people have to make snotty remarks.
  6. 446am and still not asleep. Managed to motivate myself to apply for a couple of jobs.
  7. Just been told to 'get over it' you don't need pills. I don't have the energy to argue with these people anymore that are supposed to be friends. Then proceeds to play his music full blast knowing I've got a headache
  8. I really feel my physical health is going down hill. I'm constantly foggy I feel lobotomised. Is it the zokoft I'm not sure.
  9. Doing better last few weeks. Still suffering exhaustion and struggling to motivate myself and I get brain fog some mornings because of the zoloft but much better in comparison to a few months ago. I know I'm a killjoy but Im kind of glad winter is approaching as I seem to enjoy it more than the summer. Plus the football (soccer for you americans) is on constantly these days so it gives me something to occupy myself with on my downtime.
  10. I feel like an old Victorian maid with an chronic ailing Health problem. I've taken to my bed
  11. Physically I feel I might be dying. I am constantly exhausted never hungry and my joints are in pain. My dreams are vivid and bizarre, and my brain is always fuzzy. I don't know if this is the Zoloft l, but I feel like a zombie.
  12. Know one knows about my homosexuality and to be honest I don't care, most people could care less, for me it is the least interesting aspect of any person I have met. I have had a sexual relationship with one man about 5 years ago, before then it was all females and the last sexual contact I had was a female. I dont want to offend anyone and excuse me if I am being ignorant because I am in a lot of these areas. I have a few things troubling me. One is anxious and reluctant to have sexual contact with men even though I desire it strongly. I am scared of getting STDs and scared of HIV, I know its not a death sentence anymore. I also don't know anyone who is gay, I have 2 straight friends and that's about it. The gay 'culture' seems and obviously everyone is different, to be a highly permiscuous, and very sexulised. This freaks me out a little bit, I want to know how I should get over these fears. Obviously everyone is different. Another thing I have observed with the new lgbt gay rights stuff is a lot of corporations are using this to their advantage, along with it being highly politicalised especially here in UK. I walked through a pride parade not on purpose but I was out in London a while back, and honestly the way some people were acting I thought it was vile. Again this isn't an attack in anyway, just an observation. The plus side though, was actually, you know what its quite nice that gay people can be openly gay in the streets of London, when a few decades ago probably wouldn't have happened and 50 years ago would have been imprisoned. I just think that the culture of labels and virtue snigalling and being obsessed with identity could back fire. I think sometimes a lot of the actions from the so called gay lobby could be counter productive to gay people. I would love to find someone one day. I guess I need to get out of this bubble I am in, a small town 12 miles from London, with no social life.
  13. my body feels broken. Horrible brain fog headache, always tired and aching.
  14. Hi sober I feel ya. Maybe you would have been better off if they were not in your life. I don't know your situation fully so not giving you advice but I'm glad I know you on here! F them I say!!
  15. Good, I feel good. I am still missing my cat scratching on my door and demanding to be fed. Hoping to get a kitten next week still got to pursuade my mum
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