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About CoffeeAddict103

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    Animals, music

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  1. One comment and my mood nose dives. Sick of this crap. I need to man up
  2. Thanks for the kind words @MaepleSyrup. Maybe I actually don't want one. People start asking questions "oh I'm getting worried about you, you aren't loud and you don't like trying to get with girls" and it puts me in an awkward situation. But I do find relationships on the whole tedious. I guess I got to try and get "well" and maybe one day my perspective will change.
  3. Was in the best mood all year all day. An arguement with a family member shouting and screaming at me ruined that. My own family think I'm loopy. I walked the streets in heavy rain even took my jacket off. I have no where else to go but don't want to live here anymore.
  4. Thanks maple. It makes me cringe too. I don't know if I'm just being grumpy and boring, but I find it really cringe people being pomiscuous openly and I don't mean to sound like a perv but I do think keeping sex and stuff a bit forbidden makes it more exciting. I think not being able to have a place of my own and now everyone in my household going at it like rabbits it's starting to dawn on me that maybe I too need someone. But I don't think I have the patience for a relationship. I need a place of my own bad. Which won't happen in the next decade. Also find settling down and owning a dog and having a picture on the mantle peace embarrassing and all the other cliche things couples are supposed to do. Although the dog part doesn't sound so bad.
  5. Thank you for the response Mark. I don't really have a social circle these days as I am much happier just having a couple of close friends. I guess I'm hoping I'll just find someone in the off chance I do talk to a couple of blokes but while they are nice I don't think We are compatable.
  6. That's the dilemma I'm in also, would love to have kids but I don't think it's realistic to expect to have a relationship with a women. It's not what I want anymore, it's a ship that sailed a long time ago I'm just going to have to accept that.
  7. I think a lot of my problems could be relating to my sexuality. Most people I know are either in relationships or out meeting girls for sex. I haven't really given thought to my sexuality until recently but I've realised the last year or so I really have no interest in women or trying to get into relationships with them. In particular my feelings towards the same sex are becoming quite strong and I don't feel I could ever try and have a relationship with a women. For the most part it hadn't crossed my mind because I've always been a solitary figure and meeting people in general I have a hard time. Although I am not completely isolated, I have a few good friends and I am lucky to always had at least a couple of friends most of my life, I've never really had a real relationship. I did brush quite close to a relationship a few years ago with a man which lasted a few months I was younger at the time, but my lifestyle then was bad and he was quite wealthy and we weren't a match. Clubbing in my late teens and early 20s was a bit of a nightmare, anytime a lady showed any interest I would walk off or avoid the situation which was seldom, but while I'm not attractive, I dont think I'm ugly and others have in the past taken a sexual interest in me. I drank more and became depressed the older I got, I started taking hard drugs. Everyone was free and happy but I was and am scared of sex so I was out with them for no reason. The last time i slept with anyone was with a women and it was completely embarrassing and I felt like a complete failure. I also felt guilty because I met her knowing exactly what was going to happen (not to be arrogant) and I thought I wanted the same. Although it didn't go completely bad, it isn't something I want to relive so I have avoided any situation like that again. My friends all say I just need to "get some" and that's why I'm unhappy. And I know that's partly true, but I don't want sex, I want to love and be loved. Will this confusion end.? I don't care about coming out and probably never will anyway, but I'd like to know myself so I can go forward. Am I repressing it? Probably. This is a mess I can't see an end to.
  8. A lot better today dr put me on seratline and gave me antihestimine for sleep haven't taken either yet. Getting ocd about some old furniture I turned down which is unlike me, was an antique (I love old furniture) but not the end of the world.
  9. Always on edge and never relaxed. The last month I have developed a seemingly quite severe sexual complex where I am completely paranoid and sex itself weirds me out and seeing other people get intimate on the television makes me uncomfortable. I know this to be completely irrational, but it's on my mind 24/7 and I can't relax or do anything without thinking about it.
  10. Pretty girls make graves - the smiths
  11. Slightly better but on edge and bothered and severely uncomftable by things that are quite natural and shouldn't be bothering me. This is childish, but it's impacting my life quite severely. I also feel emasculated and embarrassed. I can't run off because of finances. I need intense therapy.
  12. I am still no better. I can't seem to pull myself out f this and do things and be productive. I do not see the point. I am so self destructive. Something is seriously wrong with my mind.
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