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Hopelessly lost

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About Hopelessly lost

  • Birthday 09/14/1978

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    Reading, science,television

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  1. I take valerian and melatonin sometimes...they chill me a bit but make me tired. I'm getting some chamomile extract cause I heard that helps. I ordered some kratom...and I'm looking into sampling some mj too. I need something
  2. She had issues. Was medicated a while but never really happy. Depression runs in my family so some of it I come by naturally and some has to be damage from my illness. She would poke holes in those little hey meal plastic puppets....cause she friggin thought I would suffocate!! I am an only child so that just added to her fear. We had a whole codependent relationship going. She'd keep doing for me so I couldn't do for myself so I'd always need her and never leave. I'm just so tired of fear!
  3. So far my only side effect is being tired and a bit of nausea. Today I did feel almost ecstatically happy for no reason...maybe a little manic which is weird. I had some heart palpitations yesterday. And about ur being over protective. My mom was like that...so much so that I blame a lot of my fears on her for projecting on to me.
  4. Thanks Tattered. I'm hopeful. I don't want something to make me numb...just not so incredibly type A. Logically I know worrying about something won't help and picturing worst case scenarios dies no good, but it doesn't stop me for doing it. I'm trying desperately to let go and accept life as it comes. I just want joy.
  5. Wow, hi, can I join. I'm pretty sure I have GAD. I think I have ADD too. I also worry incessantly. Sometimes to the point of insomnia. I think there is a problem with the hardware as I have had a severe case of encephalitis 20 years ago which I know did damage. I was on Prozac, then Wellbutrin. Against advice I stopped it all when my mom died (dumb, I know) in 2005. I struggle but I manage. Finally relented to meds again and a friend recommended calexa. Said it turns her down some. I am so incredible emotional. Dr just started me on 20mgs a day. Started January 1 2014. A little yucky feeling but I was told that is. Or all for the first 2 weeks or so. I
  6. Thanks. I just started it on New Year's Day. My friend told me that it took like two weeks for her to get used to it and the nausea to stop. I get obsessive thoughts lots of anxiety and negativity. The lorazepam helped a bit but it was temporary....I'd only take it when I was feeling anxiety....unfortunately that's most times. Plus it seems super addictive and u have to keep taking more. I got my general care doc to give me the celexa, if it doesn't work I may have to go to a shrink. Also I am on a low/no carb diet now....even that seems to help with moods and anxiety so maybe the drug will work even better because of that
  7. Anyone ever try it? My lorazepam ain't cutting it....and a friend who's on celeb are recommended it. Said it really helps her with anxiety and depression
  8. I meditate before bed with binaural beats. U can tune it to the ones best to help with a deep sleep. There are a bunch of apps in AppStore
  9. U know what else I think about? I am really interested in meditation and spiritual growth. The nature of consciousness. I don't think any of that stuff even occurred to me back when I was on meds before. What scares me is that if I get on meds to make me "normal" I will lose that. And sometimes I've thought that people with big ideas or those who question the nature of reality may be seen as crazy...then given drugs to dumb them down, you know. Make them complacent zombies who mindlessly follow the status quo.
  10. Hi Ash. I am insanely picky too...and I also feel I shouldn't be cause I'm such a mess myself. I've gotten past tons of my crap to the point where I seem ok to everyone outside. I feel like I'm performing. They don't know that I scrutinize my every action before I do it when I'm out with people....or that I wake up the day after paralyzed with anxiety over what stupid thing I may have done. It's exhausting!
  11. Telamon, thankfully I have conquered the going out alone thing. Will cell phones u can always have something to do with ur hands...look busy. I meet the nicest girls in ladies rooms. Lol. I've been lucky that way...I usually get taken in by some group of friends that are out and happen to notice me...someone comes to talk to me. And after a drink or two I can talk to anybody. It's enough to silence that annoying nagging perfectionist voice in my head..
  12. Wow...hi whatsleft, We do seem to have similar stories. I was just talking to an old friend today, she remembers me before my illness. I tried to explain to her, like I do to most people but the tend not to get it. People that saw me in the hospital, saw my coma, watched me revert to a child, learn to walk and talk again and heard the prognosis from the dr, they see me now and say oh ur fine. I know I'm doing incredibly well considering, but that the thing with depression sometimes. Ur sad when everything looks fine so no one gets it. Trying to find people that do is trying...so I'm glad I looked for this place
  13. Taysmom, I believe u. I know I would feel better. I, of course, look at all the work it will be...extensive testing, drug combos, possible side effects...it's daunting. I mean things could have been so much worse for me, I had to learn to walk and talk again...I could have been left a vegetable in the hospital. Remembering to count my blessings is hard to do. I mean I have a job with health insurance, just that makes me way better of than some family I have who is trying to find out how to even get treated.
  14. And a lot of time I feel guilty, there are a lot of people who have it worse than me...I know that, believe me. It's just so hard to focus on that when I perceive so many as doing much better than me.
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