Jump to content
A New Look Read more... ×


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About SlowRiver

  • Rank

Recent Profile Visitors

339 profile views
  1. SlowRiver

    Starting with psychiatrist tomorrow

    Please excuse my long absence. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for a few months now. Hope this isn’t TL;DR. I’m now taking Pristiq. It’s helped a lot with my mood; I feel a lot more functional now than I used to. I’ve gotten over the initial side effects. I’m exercising a lot more, trying to get more sun and trying to do as many activities (going to meetups and events) as I can and maximizing my social interaction. I’m not spending all my time indoors alone watching TV or playing video games. Despite that, I still don’t feel really happy or particularly motivated. I feel like that I wasted a decade (or maybe a decade and a half) or so of my life that I’m not getting back. I still feel tired all the time and have trouble getting a good night’s sleep, despite the sleeping meds my psych prescribed for me. She says I should get a sleep study done because I may have sleep apnea, which means I’ll probably have to get a CPAP machine. Sometimes when I’m doing something that I like (like a recreational activity) I still hear a nagging voice (not literally) saying “why bother?”. I’m still not really over the death of a close relative who died about a year ago this month. I’m having some issues at work. I don’t know if I’m burned out or what but I’m having problems staying focused recently. I made a (simple, but important) mistake yesterday which I was chided for and was taken off quite a few projects as a result. I feel really horrible about it. I’m single (I’ve never had a romantic partner—ever) and don’t have kids. Besides my hobbies, my job is the only thing I can take pride in and now I can’t even do that it seems. My psychiatrist thinks I could benefit from seeing a psychologist. I think I should probably see one. Being perpetually single at my age is severely bothering me. Most everyone else I know is in a relationship or is married. Therapists really don’t know how to help with this or what to say besides platitudes. Even if I somehow got into a relationship now, with my existing mental health problems and my lack of previous experience I can’t see it working out (and I’d always be lamenting been single for the 20 or so years that most people are in relationships). Not to mention there are few people my age still single. A few years ago a girl that I knew through a mutual friend Rick (not his real name) expressed interest in me and we formed a online relationship and got pretty close. Then she “ghosted” me out of nowhere. She then basically went through the same motions with Rick (I figured this out—but he doesn’t know about her and I… if he did it would probably make him feel worse). Then she “ghosted” him as well. Then just this year she announced on Facebook she was engaged to some other guy altogether. Made me pretty sad because despite all that she was the closest thing to a girlfriend I’d had in over a decade (even though she wasn’t really my girlfriend). So, I don’t know, I’m definitely better off than before (I don’t feel like its a struggle to get out of bed, shower , and go to work) but still feel unhappy about a lot of things.
  2. SlowRiver

    Starting with psychiatrist tomorrow

    I finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist. I'm paying out of pocket, so I hope it's worth it. This person is fairly highly rated on online reviews. Does anyone have any suggestions for preparing for my first visit? I'm hoping to get on an antidepressant on my first visit.
  3. SlowRiver

    Where can I get Wellbutrin?

    Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try to see a GP early next week.
  4. To make a long story short, I have medical insurance but can't get an appointment with a psychiatrist in my network (none that are anywhere near me are taking new patients). I do not have a regular GP. Can I make an appointment for with a local GP, tell them I feel depressed all the time, and have them write me a script for Wellbutrin? Or would I be better off forking out money out of pocket to see a psychiatrist out of my insurance network?
  5. SlowRiver

    What the heck's wrong with me?

    Thanks for your responses. I'm still feeling down now but not quite as much as a few nights ago. Sometimes I feel like all the friends and family I once had are slipping away from me and I'm left on a shrinking island by myself. In response to "didn't get what you meant by "...says are taking new patients *not one* of them seems to be...I've called many dozens of them.", seems to be what?" What I mean to say is that none of the psychiatrists covered by my insurance network that are purported to be accepting new patients are actually taking new patients. I have a list from my insurer of psychiatrists that are supposedly taking new patients, but when I call these doctors to schedule appointments I get told by their staff that they are *not* actually taking new patients, or even that the psychiatrist in question has retired, so I'm guessing that the list is rarely updated. At this point I'm just going to go out-of-network and pay for a psych out-of-pocket since it seems like it's the only way I can get professional help.
  6. I think I've been depressed for many years but in the past two years my depression has intensified greatly. Here's a basic list of my problems: 1). Feel down almost all of the time, from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. In general it seems to be worse when I'm alone (but not always), but I'm increasingly going into depressed states when I'm "hanging out" with other people. 2). Constantly annoyed by people; I'm miserable when I'm alone but irritated to be around other people when I am "being social". 3). Even small tasks seem daunting; I find I have to "force" myself to do basic things at work, I've let the cleanliness of my home and personal hygiene slip greatly...people have noticed. 4). Can barely make even small decisions. Big decisions, forget it. 5). Feel like I'm a bad son to my parents, and a bad friend to my friends. I'm angry and think badly of people even though I'm pretty good at not showing it. 6). Feel like I'm wasting my life. 7). Difficulty sleeping most nights, sometimes nightmares. 8). Finding myself saying "I hate myself" and "I hate my life" under my breath or when I'm trying to sleep. Some background: I'm in my late 30s and steadily employed, non-substance user (just a very little alcohol now and again), not on meds, get at least an hour of outdoor exercise a day (in the sunlight), try to eat right and get social interaction with others (face to face, not on social media). I'm not religious... most of my family's advice is along the lines of "you should start going to church more often". I think I have major trust, intimacy, and self-esteem issues as well as body image issues. I've never had a girlfriend. This has greatly impacted my self-esteem. Two and a half years ago a woman showed interest in me and then she inexplicably stopped showing interest and "ghosted" me (this was someone I knew in real life not just online). I think I didn't pursue her hard enough. It's hard to catch signals do when you don't have good dating skills. My momentarily elation that I finally found a significant other melted back into an even more severe negative feeling towards dating than I had before. I feel like I'm in a Catch-22 situation where I'll always be single. I thought for a while having a girlfriend would be what I needed in my life but then I realized it wouldn't solve my problems. I have some health issues (tinnitus among others) that cause me anxiety. Also, I feel guilty for being a wreck... a have a pretty good job and living situation. But tonight I can't sleep at all and I cried for about an hour. I feel like I'm ignoring my obligations to my family, like they're nicer to me than I deserve. My dad had a heart attack and a bypass recently and I could barely bring myself to call him, like I dread doing every little thing of major import. I feel *trapped* in ways that are hard to explain, like there's an elephant sitting on my head all day and all night. I've tried to get a psychiatrist... but out of a list of hundreds in my area that my insurance company says are taking new patients *not one* of them seems to be...I've called many dozens of them. I'm thinking about going outside of my insurance and just coughing up the money out of pocket, or just going to a GP and asking for antidepressants. But then I start to think either they won't work, or if they do, that I'll be stuck taking them for the rest of my life. I really don't know what to do. This isn't how I imagined my life being. I have no idea what to do... any suggestions would be appreciated.
  7. I've been depressed for a very long time but over the past two years I think my depression has gotten steadily worse. I no longer care about doing things that used to interest me a lot. I've let the condition of my apartment deteriorate. I've never been a 'neat freak' but now the place looks like a landfill and I'm embarrassed to have people over--but I can't stomach the thought of cleaning the place up. I used to enjoy doing many different activities but the only things I really want to do now are watch TV, surf the web, or read books--things that require minimal effort and little or no personal interaction. I like reading nonfiction because I can pour myself into the material and forget that I'm unhappy for a while. I find it difficult to make decisions in my personal life. Such as if a friend invites me to an event, I'll procrastinate until the last possible minute before confirming. This has been noticed by many people and it's obvious to myself that I'm doing it but I do it anyway. Come to think of it, I procrastinate with pretty much everything I can get away with--paying things like bills and taxes at the last possible minute. I'm grown more distant from family members. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels because I'm in my mid 30s and still single with no prospects and that if I go along like this much longer I'll just be a perma-single and be lonely all my life. I used to be able to isolate this behavior from work but now I find it's spilling over into there as well. I pretty much arrive at the last second before I can be considered late and leave on the dot as soon as I can (I used to not mind arriving early or staying late). Everything at work both bores me and seems like a monumental undertaking. I get up and walk around the building 4 or 5 times a day for 5-10 minutes at a time, for no particular reason. I find it very hard to concentrate on things or even do simple tasks that I know how to do. If I don't have hard deadlines with projects I'll just goof off and surf the web or do nothing at all, and then scramble to get work done at the last minute. My co-workers get on my nerves much more than before and I find myself getting severely irritated at even minor 'hiccups' in projects at work. I used to be fairly articulate but no find myself tripping over words or slurring my speech or talking slower and more deliberately than I should. I wasn't like this before. I'm worried my boss may be noticing my performance decline. I get at least 1 hour of exercise a day and try to eat right, get enough sleep. I do have friends I can talk to and I feel like they're the only reason I'm not in even worse shape. I think I need to see a professional soon. Is any of this familiar to anyone? Any thoughts?