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Blog Comments posted by Dolphin2013

  1. yeah it sounds like some serious non-communicating is going on.

    I would say to start doing stuff for yourself--not in defensive way, but spend your time productively whether he's there or not. It sounds like even when he's there, he's not there for you.

    So is there a book you've been meaning to read? A show you're wanting to watch on Netflix? Girlfriends you haven't hung out with in ages? Start filling your life up with stuff that nourishes you.

    He may feel threatened by it. He may not--he may be drawn to you if you're pursuing your own goals. In any event you'll become more confident the more you do stuff for yourself. I know. I've been there.

    Also, I don't know if you're seeing a counselor but if you are see if couples counseling is an option. Go without him if it's not.

  2. I do deserve it. I have battled this stupid invisible disease for over 20 years and still haven't been able to control it. I still can't hide the sadness. I still can't stop the tears. I still can't stop the racing thoughts I can't keep a friend. I'm a failure.

    Just because those things happen and you've done them, doesn't mean you should say, "I hate you."

    You couldn't help becoming depressed. Yes. It's an invisible disease. Hate the disease, not your self.

    Everyone fails, everyone has feelings. You are not alone and believe me when I say it, we here do not hate you. We understand you, what you've been through--what you are going through.

    Please have compassion on your self. :hug:

  3. Chucapabra there were lots of rude strangers I encountered riding the subway and in the libraries. Not so much the museums, though. I guess I thought I was the bad one for seeing these rude people, like I was "inviting" them to be horrible to me. And that was city life...I was used to the craziness and violence. What did I know in my life? Nothing but craziness!

    Thanks for reading :)

  4. Thanks for commenting, Hertz.

    I was a well-behaved quiet girl and it took a major shakeup to make my mother take notice. It was easier for me to be quiet and invisible; to be noticed was to be subjected to my mother's disapproval of everything about me: stand up straight, close your mouth, comb your hair, you'd be so pretty if you lost weight, don't make noise--your stepfather is working..." ad infinitum.

    I noticed you posted a topic about Alice Millers discussion of "The Roots of Violence." Reading Alice Miller, starting with "The Drama of the Gifted Child," I learned so much. It gave me a way to understand what it was that my mother did in the way she related to me, how it gave me a tendency toward depression.

  5. Hi Phantastic Mirage,

    I deal with my eating issues too. I think I'm a total sugar addict, because I can't eat just one piece of anything unless it's the only piece around. And then if I have the craving, I'll just go out and buy me some more!!!

    Something that has helped me in the past was going to Overeaters Anonymous meetings. I don't go lately because I live in a place where everyone knows each other. But there's a lot of support and no pressure to live up to a standard (well there shouldn't be, some meetings are filled with skinny people and I just would not fit in at those).

    I have to watch it because I may be at risk for diabetes and heart disease (mom had type 2 & vascular dementia), so I should probably never ever eat carbs or sugar at all.

    It's difficult though to put my needs first.

  6. Hi Moonbeam,

    It sounds like you're going through a heck of a lot. Depression messes with your mind and makes you think you haven't accomplished anything. First thing is to get seen by a psychiatrist or even your doctor for an evaluation. Also, talk therapy and couples counseling would be good for you and your husband. If he won't go, you go without him.

    Life is too short to keep beating yourself up. I don't know what the Law of Attraction is but depression probably short circuits it, so don't give up. Get help, get the right medications if you need them. Xanax alone won't do it.

    And may the year ahead be filled with what you want and need.

  7. I also urge you to contact a social service agency in your area.

    If she can't take care of herself and nobody else can take care of her, there have to be services you can use. Don't feel guilty about what you have to do. If your grandmother's brain was healthy, she'd feel your concern and tell you to get on with your life. She's got a disease that robs her of her ability to think clearly.

  8. Hi Gisele,

    The Giants baseball team is not all tall, although Hunter Pence, one of their best players is. The reason I love my team is incomprehensible to me, but they are the underdogs of major league baseball here in the U.S.

    If I ever have the chance to see them, I will love your Collingwood football team because everyone hates them and because you love them.

  9. Hi henrithecat,

    Thank you for your reassuring response!

    I grew up loving the Mets (born in Brooklyn), but not paying very close attention to the regular season. My uncle would take us to a game every year. He was a real enthusiast!

    I feel as if I've fallen in love--I think my whole family has--in a strange and unexpected way. I remember the Mets winning in '69--I was pretty young, then. And later in '86--I was in a position to bet dinner on the outcome of the games with a Red Sox fan. I think my FB friend and I agreed to wear the winning team's logo and put a picture on FB. And now I see it as silly and friendly.

    I think this in love thing is more like being a parent--I feel protective and don't want the team to get hurt, if that makes sense.

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