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ILoveMAC88

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  1. Good Morning Subliminal! Yes, I hate we go through this. It's like as soon as I feel like I can get my head above water..it comes back. My anxiety was through the roof yesterday. It's just so draining. I don't want to sink back into that space I was in 3 years ago to where I couldn't even function or enjoy the things I normally do. So I've been forcing myself to continue doing things..but this makes me wonder since I'm not sitting and soaking in this, does that make me crazy? I am currently studying mental health in my class right now and of course that triggers everything. I also pray ALOT, but sometimes I find it difficult to as well..but I still do..and reassure myself that everything will be fine. I was currently on Zoloft and Xantax, however I found that it not only made me very drowsy and in a constant fog but it also made my anxiety a bit worse. Currently about to go back on a higher dose of Zoloft and no Xantax. Stay strong and take everything day by day! I will keep you in my prayers!
  2. Yes my anxiety is always worse in the morning. I often have to remind myself that it will pass. It's very common. You are not alone.
  3. Yes I find that mornings can be difficult but I also have difficult moments throughout the day as well. I do have good moments..but it's weird for me because it seems like I can get irritated rather quickly! Thank you so much Lauryn!
  4. Thank you so much loriadz. The first time I was diagnosed I was like a vegetable..a nervous wreck..never wanting to leave the house. Now I find that when I'm alone, or at home with my baby, it reminds me that it's still there .but when we are out or I'm surrounded by others it's still there..but it's easier to ignore. Just so tired of going through this. I don't want to get back to where I was 2 years ago. So I try to work through it I guess
  5. Is it normal to have mood swings with depression? I know the first time I had it I felt very alone and wanted to isolate myself. I was afraid to leave the house. Now it's like I feel the depression is trying to come back and I try to cover it up..not allow myself to sit and soak in it. I saw someone else post on here that depression is like background music. And that's exactly what it feels like. When I start to feel like I have it under control or can get over it, I'm suddenly reminded that it is there and then my whole mood will change. Is it normal to be happy one min and sad and depressed the next while dealing with this? I'm trying to be strong but it's like still lingering there. I'm going to go see my doctor tomorrow
  6. Thank you so much Jules19, I needed to hear that :) yes it is a very exhausting battle. But i will continue to fight. It's like one minute I'll be ok, and the next my anxiety will take over. I'll be glad when it's over.
  7. Please pray for me and my family. My depression/anxiety/intrusive thoughts has returned and has been a struggle. Through gods love and mercy I have faith I'll overcome once again. Thanks so much :)
  8. I just want my normal back...that's all I want. All day..it's like sometimes I'm ok and I feel like the depression is going away..and other times I feel like I'm literally on the edge..irritated about everything. Im not new on this site..i went through the same thing about a couple of years ago and through the grace of God..support from my family..therapy and medication I overcame it..at least I thought I did. And now here I am again. I can honestly say I thought I was in a good place in my life,, great relationship..will be graduating from college in a few months..surrounded myself with good people..new home..everything was good..and then it came back. It began with intrusive thoughts..then anxiety from the thoughts and now depression and irritability. I'm just so tired of this..its been about 4 days..I can't see a therapist until about a month. I'm just tired of going through this..I just want my normal back..my life. Can anyone understand? I feel so alone.
  9. I've been down this road before and I'm trying to convince myself that I can't go back. Intrusive thoughts that keep playing in my head..and it seriously makes you question your sanity. Especially being that this is the second time. Everything started a couple of years ago, the thoughts came like a flood..things I know I wouldn't do but the simple fact that I had the thoughts led to extreme anxiety, and depression. Everything I once loved to do I had no desire to do. It was like I was in this deep dark hole that was so hard to come out of. Luckily through prayer, medication, therapy and family support I came out of it. Fast forward to two years later..I'm about to graduate college in a few months, in a relationship with the most amazing man.. Beautiful loving daughter, amazing family and friends like everything should be good right? But the thoughts just hit me one day like a slap in the face. I remember looking at someone's social media and saw them talking about the illuminati and I freaked out..then the thoughts came. Most of them are about violent things and it freaks me out to even write about this. But that's what it is. Things happening to those I love the most and caused by me. Everytime they come it's like I obsess over them and they replay over and over..like my mind won't shut off. Sometimes I feel like my mind is so foggy and bombarded.i also get really anxious, nervous, and scared questioning my sanity. The last time I had this issue I remember not being able to function. Literally taking off weeks from work..not engaging in any activities that I once loved, just sitting and being depressed. Often times I feel like my anxiety is HIGH. I won't have any thoughts but I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack..then the thoughts will come. One thing I'm doing differently now is not allowing myself to sit around and soak in it. I've still been trying to engage in things, going to work, etc..but it's like my mind won't stop and it's causing me to be trapped in this foggy space. I also googled different mental illnesses and that freaked me out as well..once again questioning my sanity. So tired of going through this. It's like I should be happy..but I'm not. I just want my old life back..the old me. Has anyone else experienced this?? Multiple times? Especially mothers? I have a child in grade school and I have to get over this for her as well as myself! I made an app with a doctor but it's a month away. I'm thinking about getting back on meds..but I honestly hate the side effects. I was so tired and out of it. Let me know please!
  10. I don't want to get back on meds..because I became very dependent on them before and was very scared to get off of them. However I do need to take a sleeping pill tonight to get rest. It honestly seems like that's the only way I find peace...while I'm sleeping..as soon as i wake up, my heart is beating out of my chest and my mind starts racing..reality sets back in that I'm in the dark hole.
  11. Just when I thought my head was above water..I sank. I haven't posted on here in quite some time..because I thought i had things together..until I found out I obviously didn't. I was in a new relationship that I thought was everything..he told me all the things I wanted to hear..made everything in my life better..I just knew this was it. Completely different than what I had before. it took quite some time for me to let my walls down considering I was so guarded because of horrible failed relationships in the past..make a long story short I found out everything was a lie..and I didn't mean as much to him as I thought. He ended up rekindling with his ex..leaving me with a broken heart and sleepless nights. Around the same time that happened..someone else that was extremely close to me decided to leave my side (friend). Depression had showed itself again. Can't seem to focus..let alone sleep at night..no appetite and the little food I do eat just doesn't taste right. All I wanna do is sleep and cry..sleep and cry. I know this feeling all too well and it hurts to see myself here again. Have you ever felt like your heart literally hurts? Like a true broken heart..because that's exactly what it feels like...idk I guess I just needed to get on here and vent..I don't have the desire to do the things I once loved to do..I really hate that I'm falling back into this dark hole that I dug myself out of once, and vowed to never go back. Here we go again.
  12. Thank you so much hidingoutthere. This whole roller coaster has been draining. Emotionally and physically. It seems like when I try to take steps forward I get pushed back...and it's like the depression comes back stronger than before. My anxiety is so awful. I can barely focus. And it's like when you are depression you think of every negative thing in the world..everything and that causes my depression to worsen as well as my anxiety because I then think.. "Why is this going through my head? I know I'm not that person. Am I really loosing it? Why does it feel like I can't get a grip?" It's just so overwhelming and mentally draining.
  13. StoniumFrog, thank you so very much! I really needed to hear this as well. The fact that I've gotten through this before is what's giving me a lot of hope and strength. I also have a journal that I would write in every day..and I will continue doing that as well. Thanks again so much! :)
  14. Thank you so much Putabirdonit. That helps a lot. Thank you again. I needed to hear that.
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