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About invisible777

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  1. There are about 4 major events in my life that I can't forget about or let go. Each one of these cause me to not want to live.
  2. listening to music and reading posts on this forum
  3. I have gone through periods of my life when I cry several times a day, for days at a time, but always seem to get over it. Sometimes a change of environment, any type of change seems to help.
  4. I have somehow managed not to miss a day of work for 3 weeks in a row, that is, if I don't miss tomorrow. I hate every morning, but I'm getting through it.
  5. I went to work today. Don't want to go to work tomorrow. My husband could support me, but he makes me feel like it is the end of the world and our relationship if I don't have a job. He makes plenty of money to support us. He doesn't understand my illness. There is a lot he doesn't understand. I have worked for 25 years. I am 45. For the past 10 years, I have had an autoimmune disease that gets me down physically for about 4 months out of a year. My employer hates me because i am on FMLA and they can't fire me. i hate me. I hate my job. I dont know if I would hate my self more staying home knowing that my husband would categorize me less than zero if I stayed home and didn't work or if I just hate my self more going to a job knowing that people hate me there.
  6. Yes, I abuse prescription drugs, and drink even though I'm not supposed to mix drinks and the type of prescription medication I am on. Take too many pills when my prescription is refilled. Run out by the end of the month. Go through hell when I withdraw from these medications, but I still do it over and over.
  7. 1. I went to work today. 2. I ate lunch 3. I ate dinner (I miss a lot of work, I miss meals, but I'm trying to be more consistent and reliable)
  8. I agree with the last poster and think you need to find someone like a counselor to talk to. You are not alone about how you feel about yourself and there are people here who care about you.
  9. I am not familiar with transcranial mag. therapy or ECT. Medication doesn't do anything for me.
  10. Why does my happiness/contentedness only last a week or two then back to depression for weeks/months? I'm so sick of this.
  11. My autoimmune disease, the steroids I take are making me crazy I think.
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