BoneSpur

I just joined the club myself. 30 years here too. Too little, too late for me as well. JD, Sorry that it's gone that way for you too.....I will tell you that after making the decision, things have been easier for me, as the spectre of a decision is now gone, so less anxiety abouty that aspect. I ahve actually been seeing a lady friend that I've know for 34 years, and it's been wonderful for me. The conversations are so much easier, we have fun with each other, and know that it's a transition relationship for each of us.... I wish you a similar positive come-back....keep the faith and always one foot in front of the other! CD

Used, Do NOT beat yourself-up over this... I have found that for myself, there are moments of "Two steps forward, one step back"...IT'S CALLED PRRSONAL GROWTH. You are self-aware, and that is half of the battle! Throttling-back can be difficult, but you can do it. As the Brits say: "Keep Calm and Carry On" You'll be fine - Bone Spur

Fides, I am glad that you've stuck with it...as I said it takes a bit to get used to sharing & the group dynamics...BUT well-worth the effort to become involved! Keep up the great working on yourself - BoneSpur

Taytay, Not all end-up in a CoDA group....I actually only foud CoDA by accident...I didn't even know it existed. I've enjoyed my time in CoDA, and have learned a lot about both myself and my ex's behaviors...It really explained a lot of the dynamics that ecventually ended our marriage. For ME, it has been great. CD

Fides, lad to hear that you've been keeping up with the CoDA group....you'll find that there is an ebb & flow to the meetings, and sometimes they will appear to offer you nothing new, yet other times walk away amazed at the revelations you've witnessed by hearing others' anecdotal stories of their journey to wellness. Stick with it as long as you feel comfortable doing-so... I'm gald and proud for you ! CD

UndeRtOnEs, Sorry for the issues that you've gone thru. You need to remember that you cannot own and control another's words and actions. All you can do is focus on being the best you that you can be. To me, it sounds like she is a pretty individual, who is needing the approval of her friends to validate her. The voices in your head will try to tell you that you need to listen and respond to her words and actions, but I'd recommend going off the grid when it comes to her.... tough to do I know, but without that drama, you will find the peace of mind and soul that you deserve. Try CoDA for support...I'm attending weekly meetings and fond the camaraderie comforting! I wish you well - CD

MrNab, I'm so sorry to hear both of the passing of your dad, as well as your current depressive time. I lost my dad about 10 years ago, and it is really something that affects me to this day....while it is true that time heals, there is absolutely going to be a time for grieving, which is different in both time, and degree of affects. The only counsel that I can offer is: #1. Allow yourself time for the grief to work through your system #2 Give yourself some slack....each of us handle sadness/grief/anxiety differently, so there is NO standard for that. #3 Talking/sharing with others is VERY therapeutic....if you try to compartmentalize your grief, it will only simmer, affect you for a longer duration, and continue to negatively affect your personal relationships with friends and classmates...so maybe take a leap-of-faith in sharing with your classmates (ONLY if it feels right). #4 If you are struggling with your emotions, PLEASE seek-out a professional. I would have never imagined myself sitting-down with a Clinical Social Worker, but it was truly the best thing I have ever done for myself. DO NOT believe the old stigma of "If he's seeing a shrink, there really is something crazy about him." That is krappe, and those who think that are ignorant of the benefits of talk therapy. I hope this helps, and I am sure that others on this site will chime-in as well... Just know that you are not alone in this, and posting here / expelling the inner-pressure, will benefit you, in my humble opinion. I wish you inner peace & wellness - CD

Fides, Glad to hear that you've attended one....it's really odd at first, but even after only 6 or so meetings, I've gotten to look forward to the comraderie that we share in my group....BTW, my group is as few as 3, all the way up to 10 (depending on the weather, work, etc)....stick with it. I hope it heps you! CD

Hey jennifer....I've been to est. 6 meetings so far....I must admit, it was a "tad" odd at first, but I've grown accustomed already to the sharing and no Cross-Talk (though it did take me extreme effort to NOT to chime-in as if it were a regular discussion).

Nice one AintNoHerO

Starry, You might illuminate the obvious for him: "Hey, over the last few years I've been there for you...we got along well, and I could really use someone to talk to from time to time." (Blunt, for sure, but it might save you some wasted time, fret & frustration.) Good luck Ma'am - CD

Nice stuff Super!

Moppy, The moving beyond the anger will be the challenge....my wife could not return....so with much regret and anxiety, I visited an attorney to I initiate the divorce proceedings. ..ugh! Our 6 mos requirement for seperation will be met May 1....ironic knowing that BOTH or our birthdays are on May 4!! Well, as they say...all go things must come to an end.

Moppy, Glad to hear that he's turned the corner! You've obviously ben supportIve, and that is EXACTLY what he needs right now....your reaffirming that you're there for him will also help lessent the anxieties...well done Ma'am! I hope the time that you and he spend together will help you two get back to the focus on closeness, romantic connection.....wishing the best for you & he - CD