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AloneGuy

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  1. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Avatars   
    I'm thinking of changing my avatar.
    I know, I know... it doesn't sound as absolutely ground shaking as it feels.
    Strange, huh?  How an image can come to mean so much, have so much history imbued in it.
    My current avatar is a fanart depiction of the character Mink from the anime version of the game Dramatical Murder.
    I'm thinking of changing my avatar to a partial pic of my ugly mug.
    I don't know which is more nerve wracking....
    putting part of my ugly mug out there, or getting rid of an image that has so much meaning and history, for me at least.
    Maybe I should wait until I get to a sort of crossroads in my life.... or maybe I'm there now, and wanting to change my avatar is sort of a sign of that...
    Something to think about.
     
     

     

  2. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Instrumentals.....   
    Let's start off.... without words.  (too late, lol)
    Some of your favorite instrumentals?  Songs or albums welcome....
    Angel Vivaldi, 'Away With Words'
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPICv1O9T9w&list=PLAEM7RlMNgjBcj6MEA-ZMu1AH6limNKeD
     
     
     
    @adamrparr
  3. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to nojoy for a blog entry, Life seems to be getting better and other thoughts   
    Life seems to be getting better for me. An increase in Prozac to 60 mg has helped stabilize the depression. I listen to several of Michael Sealey's guided meditations at night. I have started going to a chair yoga class. I have noticed that I don't get quite as frustrated  or overwhelmed as before. 
    I am successfully working on clearing out the small bedroom which had become a storage unit. I have 10 bags of clothes and linens and just as many boxes to be picked up by the DAV thrift shop. As soon as I get this stuff out of the living room and bedrooms, I will start again on getting rid of more stuff.  And then I can bring it the bookcase and other stuff in the shed. And possibly get rid of stuff in the big shed and move the medical equipment from the small shed to the shelving in the big shed.
    I have tried to do some of the sorting and getting rid of stuff after work but I always end up eating a late lunch and watching tv or playing a game on the computer.  I can usually get a couple of hours of  work done on Sundays after laundry. I start out listening to a couple of Kid Rock songs, then Carrie Underwood, some Reba  and finish with some 70s disco music. 
    I still have ups and downs, not the deep dark downs of the severe depression like before. My mind still tries to change past events and the future, but I have learned to acknowledge those thoughts and let them pass. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
    Neither of the daughters are talking to me. There is a new granddaughter that I have not seen and probably will never see, as well as the other grandchildren. One day when they are of age, they will contact me and we can rebuild the relationship.  I have realized that the older daughter and I never talked unless she needed money or a babysitter. She would always tell the younger daughter to tell me stuff. 
     
  4. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to nojoy for a blog entry, 0 - 10 depression/anxiety scale   
    0 - no depression/anxiety..
    10 - the worse than worse level
    Me? I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm not mad. I'm not frustrated or overwhelmed.  Me...… I'm 'meh'.
    Where does 'meh' fit on the above scale?
    I guess 'meh' is better than I have been in a while. Last time I saw the therapist, she said that when I am feeling 'meh', it usually means that I'm starting to feel good about myself.  Guess that is a positive thing.
  5. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, My Attitude for Today....   
    This pretty much sums up my attitude towards life in general, and people in general, for most of my life.
    Seriously. 

     
    Here's the other half of my world view. 
    Confused yet?

     
  6. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Gallows Humor....   
    Gallows humor today, in honor of Monday in all its cursed glory.  Once more on the treadmill we go.  This meme is almost too true to be funny; I literally cannot get to sleep at night until I come to terms with the fact that I will wake up in the morning - with no money to do anything that brings me joy despite full time job responsibilities that put me around people 8 hours a day five days a week ad nauseum.  I love what I do - if I could do it in the complete absence of people, my job would be ideal.

  7. Sad
    AloneGuy reacted to allalone6 for a blog entry, where do you go from here   
    so nothing like a good ole weekend with family to reinforce in your little head that you are a loser. We got together for a bridal shower for my cousin who was the only other one in my family like me...almost 40, quiet, reserved and not dating....but yup she is getting married....she is already pregnant and she is beyond happy, and im happy for her, but yes it really hurts my heart. my aunts joked with my little 25 yr old cousin that shes next! im not even thought about...they all gave up on me. as they should.    on a separate note, the one person i was hoping to hear from on my bday, not only waited til the end of the day to acknowledge it but that was it. We exchange every year, and this past christmas, she did blow me off about meeting up and also didnt bother getting me a gift (its not about the gift part) I toyed with it in my head about where do i stand with her, are we friends, are we not, did i do something? do i say something? is it in my head? part of me told me to let go and leave her alone, which i have....i dont reach out, but her bday came in march....i sent a present cause i still care about her. her father in law died in april....i sent condolences and sent her daughter a little memory gift. gifts were acknowledged for both occasions....but no convo out side that....as my bday approached, i got anxiety, as i knew this was going to be how i found out if i had a friend or not. i really deep down thought she would send me something for my bday...even just a few flowers or something...but nothing came. At this point i can safely say she is politely trying to say the friendship is over. I will retreat and let the friendship go....however her daughters bday is in a few weeks, do i still get her daughter a gift? I dont want her to think im clinging on but i also dont want her daughter to feel "forgotten"  suggestions??   i know life isnt easy for anyone, but i sure feel like mine chose to have quite the most challenging course to keep me on my toes. if im not meant to be a mom, then it is what it is, if im not meant to be a wife, then it is what it is, if im not meant to have friends, then i guess it is what it is, but im scared to enter this level of my life knowing my next 40 years will be alone. I can fake happiness all I want, but I think the loneliness will do me in.  
  8. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to Jamark8 for a blog entry, CBD Oil in Vaping   
    I've been using CBD Oil in my Vape. I've noticed that when I go up in the milligrams, it works better and quicker. I began with 200mg. Then 300mg. Now I'm at 500mg and I noticed a huge difference.

    A difference in my physical pain level. It's helping the pain to not be as intense.
    A difference in anxiety. I feel more confident to be able to go out of the house because the anxiety has decreased with the use of CBD Oil.
    Even depression isn't as severe.

    I hope they keep doing research into the use of CBD Oil. I hope it improves even more. I'm in Kentucky, so that means no legal marijuana. They are so backwards here that I bet KY will be the last to ever legalize it. I don't mean to complain, but they do it behind closed doors... then don't want it legalized. KY is well known for being the Bible Belt State of Hypocrisy.

    I hate it here. Though there's no place like home, I still hate the location... I hate the hypocrisy... it's disgusting.

    Forgive my rant. I don't mean to. It's just very annoying being stuck in Purgatory like this.
  9. Sad
    AloneGuy reacted to JD4010 for a blog entry, I can't "move on".   
    I met my (former?) girlfriend here on DF. You probably know that already because I keep bringing it up. I haven't heard from her in over two years. That obviously means it's "over" but there was never a definitive end to the relationship. If only I knew what happened to her.
    I didn't listen well enough to her. I was too arrogant and full of myself. As a result, she's gone.
    I've tried and tried to move on, but I can't. I'll see something or somebody that reminds me of her and I'll fall right off the cliff again.
    I looked at some of her old blog posts and she was hurting so badly. But I apparently couldn't be bothered to give her enough support and encouragement. Again, it comes down to my own arrogance.
    If I didn't hate myself enough already, this sorry & never-ending episode in my life grinds me right into the ground.
     
  10. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to JD4010 for a blog entry, ...But I have to "move on"...   
    The previous blog entry was stupid. Dwelling on the past like that will keep me walled in. Yeah, my heart is broken and always will be. But I need to travel on. If she ever gets back in contact, I will be the happiest guy in the world. If not...well, I will have to carry on anyway.
  11. Sad
    AloneGuy reacted to allalone6 for a blog entry, no words   
    i know worth isnt based on how others treat you, but at the same time, I lack feeling worthy cause im so alone. no one reaches out to me, no one talks to me, i feel very unliked and unloveable to the point of feeling unworthy. sometimes i lie in bed at night and pray to god to please let my one and only wish in life of being a mom come true, then i downplay it and ask for at least to have someone love me if i dont truly deserve to be a mom, and then i think, if i dont deserve a spouse or companionship could i at least get a friend to talk to once in a blue moon? ive sadly been lying in bed asking of all this for over the past 10 years. perhaps its selfish of me to ask these things of god when there are more deserving individuals.   im almost at the point to putting on my online dating profile the scary truth...how i suffer from major depression, for years wished i was dead, and how im alone at 39 and never had any relationship because i have issues, that i got locked up in a mental hospital, that i tend to hide away, that i have no friends, no self esteem, that im not attractive and now am really desperate for companionship. that Im scared to grow old alone. ive lived alone for the past 13 years and its taken its toll on me. so please look past all that baggage and send me a hello...   i can literally these past few days feel myself falling apart on the inside and i cant control it. its so frustrating. like i need to be held with loving arms to feel some comfort but sadly my own arms cant help.  and i cant share how i feel with anyone.   it doesnt help that when i logged on fb this morning...1 person announced the birth of their baby and 2 others announce they were pregnant and in between it all you see everyones adorable little toddlers and kids. and then when i signed into my email....my association sent out an email congratulating two members of their newest little bundles of joy. my heart is completely broken.    i try to find a new purpose in life but my thoughts constantly go back to motherhood. i dont see myself ever "getting over" the idea that it wont happen. im going to be haunted of it the rest of my life and as much as i am happy for others it literally hurts my heart everytime i see everyone elses wonderfully little children.   anyways...its my bday tomorrow....officially 39...and officially still have nothing in life....heres to another 40 years of solitude....
  12. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Good Times....   
    I'm edging into the good time of the month now.  The time when I feel fairly confident and capable.  There still seems to be a disconnect between what I want to do and what I actually do. I've been looking up something called Executive Function Disorder, but I don't think I quite meet the criteria.  It's hard to say.  
    Anyway, because this IS my Karl Urban and Misha Collins blog, and because I need to keep my mind on more positive things, I'll drone on and on about Karl.  Because I can find many different movies and shows with lots of Karl in them.  I really wish Misha would get picked up for something besides Supernatural - I'd love to see him in something else.  (like a nice tux, with funky pants.... hey, these are the jokes, people)
    I think I'll re-binge-watch (Is that even a word? It is now)  Almost Human. I really dearly loved that show - Fuck You Fox Network.  And Thank You. But Fuck You Very Much, too.  This meme pretty much sums it up...  To me they are the 'If Its Amazing We Will Only Give It One Season, But If It Sucks It Will Never Die' Network - these are both Fox Network shows, not so coincidentally. 

     
    I love Detective Kennex. I've heard it said that we pick our heroes because they remind us of ourselves in some way.  

    He reminds me of myself in that I see myself as grumpy and asocial; hard to know, but if he lets you in, endlessly loyal. I don't think I'm very effective at fighting for those I love, though - in fact, I know I'm not. That's an area I definitely need to improve in.  I struggle just to feel connected to those I love, to communicate with them and spend time with them. I'm so much more comfortable in my own head - is there even a character for that? If I ever find a meme for that, I'll post it here, I promise.
    I love my family, they are the most amazing people I know, especially my husband.  But I feel so disconnected from them and from the world around me - some days I almost expect to be disconnected from a 3d holographic projection because my time is up and it's someone else's turn to use it.  Who the hell feels like that?  That's the main reason I connect to Castiel - Jimmy Novak is a body he wears - his true home is an alternate dimension.  Anyway, I'd better get going. One last pic... If you're a Supernatural fan, you'll get it.

     
     
  13. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Day Off....   
    So.... The 'hour late opening' has turned into 'stay home'.  I'm torn between LOLing and doing a victory dance.  Woo-hoo. Icy roads and sidewalks... hopefully people will stay home and be safe. I'm just going to enjoy a day off (probably have to use hours to make up for it, but hey...)
                                                                                                                                                                     
     
    I"m looking forward to writing - I'm making good progress on my Supernatural/Doom fanfiction. I should be able to post something soon. I'm also working on a Supernatural AU that has, let's say, a very decided Christian slant to it.  Think 'This Present Darkness' by Frank Peretti - Supernatural with Christian Theology thrown in.  It radically changes some things (well, duh), but it's been fun writing it. 

    I picked up another little story I started ages ago but lost track of - this is what happens when I try to clean out files on my computer, LOL.  It involves orphaned American fraternal twins, Japan, the Yakuza, & a closeted gay First Lieutenant.  I have no idea what I'm talking about tho - but I'm determined to finish it.  Because I'm bad about not finishing tough stuff. Hey, if I don't finish I can say I didn't fail... Or if it fails, I can say it's because I didn't finish... Don't laugh, I really believe that shit. 
                  
    All this makes me think I'm just procrastinating my dragon story.  But I really cannot decide how to do it.  How do I narrow down all the ideas that float around?  Which one do I want to do more?  I've started in one direction (pre-industrial society, strongly reminiscent of McCaffrey's Pern), but I can't finish, so I'm looking at other directions but I need to figure out how I want to approach it.  And there are not really many examples to go from, because the direction I want to go is not very well represented. 

    And it's not like I think I can make money off this - writing is more like who I am.  It's like I have to let these things out, you know?  I'm not writing in an effort to make money - I'm writing because I can't help it.  Sort of like how I make lots of useless lists when I stress out.  I like making lists, it makes things seem do-able somehow.  But then I very often don't finish them - but then, my lists are unreasonably long - like, 'setting myself up for failure' long.  And they don't seem too long when I write them.  I guess I just overestimate how much my lazy ass can get done - or procrastinate. 
     

     
     
     
     
  14. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Week of Monday Feb 25th   
    The time change will be upon me all too soon - I hate it. I hate it not only because I lose an hour a day, but because here in the Midwestern US the 'fall back' time fits my Circadian Rhythm much better. So come spring, I'm always a little exhausted - I looked it up, its something like chronic fatigue, only caused by having to live a schedule that's just a little bit (hour or so) off your natural Circadian Rhythm.  It turns out it's just as exhausting as it feels, losing that stupid little hour.  So I"m taking my nightly meds an hour earlier and working my way up to getting up earlier.  LOL, when I set my alarm for 6am, I end up waking up at 5am.  Set it for 5am, I wake up at 4am..... Ugh. So right now I'm just trying to get the fuck out of bed when I wake up.  Sounds simple, right?  The anxiety hits me pretty quickly. Doc tells me its because my thoughts are not focused then, that the anxiety is more likely to hit me when I am unfocused.  So I am trying to keep in mind things I actually - gasp - enjoy doing.  (I know, right?  I have things I enjoy now!  It does happen, so don't lose faith)  Like blogging here, or writing on one of my silly little FanFictions.  I"m trying to give knitting a shot - I'll have to put in a pic of the poor excuse for a scarf/dishcloth/whateverthehell later - you'll get a good laugh out of it. 
    Monday, I made a little progress. I managed to walk for just over 30 minutes.  I'm going to have to vary my walking route, though, as it's getting a little boring walking past the same houses over and over. I'm also showering in the evening, and another goal is to get my hair trimmed and have a wave put in. I'd say 'permed' but the last time I home permed my hair (it's really insanely thick and wavy) I ended up with a white person afro, not unlike the christian singer Carmen, if you google old pics of him in the 80's. Wow, yeah. You know it's not going to be good when your mom takes one look at your hair and says 'oh honey, I'm so sorry'.   LOL.  I washed and washed and it ended up looking really curly for awhile anyway.  My hair is currently somewhat reminiscent of Sybil Trelawney in Harry Potter.
    Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to post additions to this post this week.  I know, it's a slow pace, but it sure as heck doesn't feel slow - it gets my heart pumping, and that's what counts.
    Monday Feb 25th-  1.94 miles, 33 minutes  (hi temp 63F) (ps, this time of year, that hi temp means 'fixing to freeze your sorry ass')
    Tues Feb 26th- missed a workout or walk because the bottoms of my feet hurt so bad  (hi temp 39F)
    Wed Feb 27th- HasFit 30 min beginners HIIT Routine on YouTube (hint: I did Claudia's 'easy' version & I think I had a near death experience, LOL)  (hi temp 25F)
    Thu Feb 28th- HasFit 30 min beginners HIIT Routine in YouTube (yep, the easy version Claudio does, and yep it's not easy, LOL)  (hi temp 28F)
    Fri Mar1st- missed a workout because we traveled to the city to do shopping after work - so I was walking, just not the healthy kind of walking, LOL
    Sat Mar 2nd- HasFit 30 min beginners HIIT Routine in YouTube (I must have been doing it wrong because it felt slightly easier, and no near death experiences)
    Sun Mar 3rd- 20 minutes of Pilates for Seniors (that totally killed me anyway)
  15. Haha
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Trouble posting blog posts...   
    Using this blog as a test post...
  16. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Been Awhile, Weather, Oh & a Small Rant   
    I didn't realize it's been so long since I put up a blog post - Feb 4th is the date of my last one.  Wow.  Time flies, eh? 
    We got out of work early yesterday for snow - by the time I got out to my car, there was actually about 4" on it.  If you're from one of the northern US states, or Canada even, don't laugh too hard at me... We Midwesterners don't know what to do with snow, LOL.  Bake us to death at over 110F and we're in our element; change the weather on a daily basis from 32F highs to 70+F highs to tornado and flood warnings - all in the space of one week during the 'winter' - and we just laugh.  But snow?  Mass panic.  So work opens an hour late today, and there is no school.  All for about 4"-6" of snow and frozen slush.  Hey, any break in the work week is fine with me! 
    I'm not sure what else to say. 
    <<<<<< Bit of a 'trigger warning' here - I'm on a bit of a rant as staff in the comments below, though no names are mentioned of course - so if you don't want to deal with that, here's your chance to bail. Oh, and here's an instructional meme for you, LOL. Just keep scrolling until you see the next meme.   Cheers!>>>>>>

     
    I had a bit of a disagreement with someone here. I hate it when that happens - it messes me up for weeks, believe it or not.  This person used a PM & no links to bring a problem to our attention, instead of a report.  When it took longer than they thought it should to take care of it, they got snarky, implying much laziness on our part. I found this attitude very upsetting. 
    I don't know whether I found it more hurtful or angering.  I work full time, & I have responsibilities to my husband and to my family - those things have to come first.  This is true, to one degree or another, for all the staff who give their time here.  Because I use the site as staff, and generally have 'responsibilities' when I come here, most weeks I can only manage to be here @ three times a week, for about an hour or so each time.  And I have a lot to do in that time - and I also have a lot to do that does not get done regularly enough. But my mental health is important, too.  So it really upset me that this person was so flippant about how I should spend my time here, and that they treated me like a lazy employee.  TBH, I don't have the time to sift through all the forums or 'search' threads, no matter how 'little' time this person thinks it will take.  Because that's not the only issue I have to deal with, and that's generally not the only 'problem thread' I have to deal with. And I'm not the webmaster!  This is true to a degree, for all staff here.  We have different levels of responsibility, but we all take our 'work' here seriously, and it is highly important to all of us to be here and do our best while we are here.  Some of us can be here more often than others, and we all have different proficiencies and strengths we bring. We also have different issues & struggles that can make being here problematic at times - we have 'hard times' too.  It just angered me that this person was so flippant about all that - like we are recalcitrant employees who are too lazy to do their 'job' right. 
    <<<<<<<<<<<<<Okay, rant over now.  Here's another meme to mark your place.  Cheers again! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

     
    I have to say that I really do appreciate it when members take time out of their own time here to report something - it really is helpful when you file a report, or even pose your site related problem in the q&a thread.  It helps us focus on problem areas first. I know there are so many things that end up sliding 'under the radar', because we are short staffed. It can be emotionally demanding, and using the site as a staff member feels different and has different stressors than you might realize.  So when members take time to report problems they see, and post about problems they are having in the appropriate forum, it really is very helpful.  And those of you who take time out to visit the new members forum, and welcome people - you contribute so much more than you realize!  You the members, and how you look out for each other, are the ones who really make DF a special & safe place. 
     

     
     
  17. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to Tearz for a blog entry, Today is a No   
    I'm not going to church today.
    I had horrible, vivid dreams all night. I clearly remember two.
    In the first, I was driving my mother's car; I was groggy, apparently under the influence of some substance, and when I tried to step on the brakes, nothing happened. The first accident was more of an incident, I went careening through an intersection, miraculously missing other cars, and ended up facing oncoming traffic on the other side of the road. Disaster averted. But then I got back in the car and promptly wrecked into a man's garage, almost pinning him between my vehicle and his. I didn't take his life but certainly did his garage's. Weirdly, he wasn't that angry, in fact I think I remember him forgiving me. His forgiveness was small compensation though, as I realized I would soon be arrested and jailed.
    In another dream, I stopped showing up for work, so my boss pulled me into his office to fire me. In a fit of rage, I screamed at him to go eff himself and the whole staff, then flipped him off with both hands. 
    The strangest thing about both dreams was that they weren't dreamlike at all. They felt as if they had actually happened, so I woke up feeling very confused, wondering if I had actually done those things.
    From a logical standpoint, it's easy to see where my subconscious thoughts came from. From an emotional standpoint, the feelings I woke up with are still raw and scary, and unbearably heavy. I cannot face anyone in my current state. 
    I'm not going to church today.
  18. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to Floor2017 for a blog entry, I Got To Go   
    I cannot lay here I got to go.  Sometimes 
    life becomes so hard on us that we don’t 
    want to do anything but lay there, But we
    have to find a way to get up and go!
  19. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to Ratvan for a blog entry, Operation Betta Rescue - 2 Weeks In   
    Today is the 2nd week anniversary of my little Charity being "Officially" Open, I have always taken in any fish that I see that is suffering, not just fish but that is where my concentration is currently. 
    They have been a massive help, they rely on me for everything. Since I've had them I have not had a day where I failed to get out of bed. It has been very stressful however but massively rewarding. So I thought today I would share the little ones that I aim to rehome in the next week or so. The first is going to be hard to see go....
    Floyd - Oh Floyd, you need a better name buddy. Something to show the warrior that you are!  Floyd is the first set of pictures. I walked into my local Aquatics shop and found this poor poor Betta floating on the top of his tub. He was very stressed, cold shocked and had swim bladder issues. I woke up every Morning for the last 2 months expecting to see Floyd floating lifeless on the top of his tank. He stayed in the shallowest tank I have, fed hourly on live food and generally got so much attention. He has not and has gone from strength to strength, I popped around to his new home this weekend and he has a lovely home cycling at the moment, once the tank is finished cycling he'll be very happy. He'll be 2 doors down from me where I live at the moment which is a few minutes from my work so I can keep tabs on him. Z is taking him in, I need to work on S now for the smae, maybe take in Samphire?
    Jefe - Picture on the left is him today, right is him 2 weeks ago. I got him from "Little Timmy", (not real name) Timmy got Jefe for Christmas. He was in a small unheated, unfiltered tiny bowl. He was a surrender, he was with his family for about a month. Again he was cold shocked as no heater in tank and its winter in UK. Also a lot of tail biting issues. He is a Delta Tail and I have had some serious Money offers for him. He is staying with me (ish) and will be going into the reception tank at work. This is because Jefe loves people and movement, usually fish tend to shy away from a lot of movement and this is why i place tanks in corners and on shelves. Jefe doesn't, he rushes the glass and shimmies away when watched. A right tart!
    Khan -  I don't consider Khan a rescue, he was given to me in a severely bitten condition, essentially I believe that his tank should have had some more plants and top cover and this would have solved the issue (IMO). However the owner decided to give me the fish and the tank (20 Gallon Long - THANKS!!) so I couldn't really say no as this gives me housing for all of these 4 fishes. Again he seems to be a Delta Tail, no offers or Lasting Home for him yet. I have been speaking to people and have some interested parties but they seem weirded out by the fact I don't want money for him, just the fact he'll go to a good home is enough. 
    Samphire - Well this guy, he was mis-sexed (thought he was a female) and he lived in a Sorority Tank with 15-17 Females. Yeah, he is clearly a male, and the females literally butchered the poor guy. When i came to get him, he was exhausted on top of a plastic plant being bitten by at least 4 other fish. Anal fin damaged (unable to straighten in water), Caudal Fin essentially missing (had to crawl), Dorsal Fin Gone,  not pictured that well but he had also lost his Pectoral Fin (unable to crawl...much). He is another fish that I was not expecting to make it through one night never mind the past few weeks. I've now had him for the same amount of time as Floyd, in fact they have been shelf mates for the past week or so. Oh god, setting up his home!!!!!! He lived in a Sump Tank in a tiny puddle (literally 1" of water) until his fins started regrowing enough for him to have a filter. I fed him by dropping the food into his mouth, he had so little strength. I moved him into a 3 Gallon tank when he got his fins, he is a jumper so after picking him up off the floor countless times. I got him a 5 Gallon with Lid! I am trying to persuade S to take him in. 
    I've also taken in a trio of Baby/Juvenile Axolotl's, it was actually the tank I wanted (96"x12"x12"), I had planned to use this tank on my windowsill (massive window) to try and propagate some more Aquatic plants, but couldn't really do that and turf out these three. SO I have divided off a section for planting and have left the other section free for their home, once they grow a little larger I can remove the divider and plant the rest of the tank, I am concerned that they will eat the sand or gravel until they get a bit bigger. Meet Rikki Tikki and Tavvi, they are very cute and my first real experience of keeping Amphibians and especially young ones. 
     





  20. Like
    AloneGuy reacted to GSpolar for a blog entry, Does it matter?   
    What we do matters.  
    They are real souls, the 10 people who are watching DF, who are so scared of the stigma, imprisoned at 'home' to such a degree, or hurting so deeply.....
    10 are watching at any given moment for every 1 who dared to even sign up anonymously.
    If you read this, you probably have encouraged at least one person anonymously, with nothing to gain, just out of love.  
    And for every 1, there were really 10, check out 'Activity/All Users' to see for yourself.  
    How terrible is a disease that 10 are afraid to admit it for every 1 who does.....
    How valuable is even one note of encouragement, 1 genuine hug.  Multiply your hugs by 10........You're changing outcomes of life, you really are
  21. Like
    AloneGuy got a reaction from Miss_Kimberlee for a blog entry, When I'm Depressed...   
    I feel like I'm just an annoyance to everyone around me. Even here online, I feel like a big baby crying out for attention...I hate these thoughts and I don't usually get them quite this bad.
    I feel like a burden to my family and friends. What really sucks is that I don't even know if my feelings are rational or not.
    In social situations, like last night when a few friends were visiting for a Summer Solstice cookout...who would want to hear the thoughts of a lonely, ill, depressed guy?
    So I kept my mouth shut for most of the night. I wasn't very social last night at all. It's hard for me to be sociable when I feel so awfully down.
    I was polite, of course, but not at my "social best".
    We did make a cool bonfire last night...and it really should have been fun for me.
    But I just mostly ended up staring into the fire and thinking about lots of things...
    Anyway I'm rambling again so I'll stop typing for now.
    Thanks for reading and have a nice Sunday.
    -AG
  22. Like
    AloneGuy got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, When I'm Depressed...   
    I feel like I'm just an annoyance to everyone around me. Even here online, I feel like a big baby crying out for attention...I hate these thoughts and I don't usually get them quite this bad.
    I feel like a burden to my family and friends. What really sucks is that I don't even know if my feelings are rational or not.
    In social situations, like last night when a few friends were visiting for a Summer Solstice cookout...who would want to hear the thoughts of a lonely, ill, depressed guy?
    So I kept my mouth shut for most of the night. I wasn't very social last night at all. It's hard for me to be sociable when I feel so awfully down.
    I was polite, of course, but not at my "social best".
    We did make a cool bonfire last night...and it really should have been fun for me.
    But I just mostly ended up staring into the fire and thinking about lots of things...
    Anyway I'm rambling again so I'll stop typing for now.
    Thanks for reading and have a nice Sunday.
    -AG
  23. Like
    AloneGuy got a reaction from SpiralingMind for a blog entry, A Quote   
    On what has been a terrible day and night for me, I thought I'd share a quote from Khalil Gibran's book "The Prophet", which was written in 1923.
    It's kind of a non-denominational, "inspirational" book about a fictional prophet-like character in ancient times who answers people's questions about various topics with proverbs and the like.
    Here's a quote in the chapter on Joy and Sorrow:
    "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
    And the same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
    And how else can it be?
    The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
    I hope that is true.
    Good night and thanks for reading :)
    -AG
  24. Like
    AloneGuy got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, A Quote   
    On what has been a terrible day and night for me, I thought I'd share a quote from Khalil Gibran's book "The Prophet", which was written in 1923.
    It's kind of a non-denominational, "inspirational" book about a fictional prophet-like character in ancient times who answers people's questions about various topics with proverbs and the like.
    Here's a quote in the chapter on Joy and Sorrow:
    "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
    And the same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
    And how else can it be?
    The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
    I hope that is true.
    Good night and thanks for reading :)
    -AG
  25. Like
    AloneGuy got a reaction from TopekaK for a blog entry, A Quote   
    On what has been a terrible day and night for me, I thought I'd share a quote from Khalil Gibran's book "The Prophet", which was written in 1923.
    It's kind of a non-denominational, "inspirational" book about a fictional prophet-like character in ancient times who answers people's questions about various topics with proverbs and the like.
    Here's a quote in the chapter on Joy and Sorrow:
    "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
    And the same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
    And how else can it be?
    The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
    I hope that is true.
    Good night and thanks for reading :)
    -AG
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