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AloneGuy last won the day on October 17 2017

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About AloneGuy

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    Surviving depression.

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  1. Oh it's graham cracker crumbs, coconut, chocolate chips (semi sweet) nuts (my mom uses chopped walnuts) and sweet condensed milk, layered in a baking pan and baked. Then they're cut into squares. Really, really good, if you enjoy coconut as I do ๐Ÿ™‚ She got this recipe from her mom before I was born, but I think similar recipes are online as well.
  2. OH...and I'll also be visiting a couple animal rescue shelters in the coming weeks to see about maybe meeting a new feline friend.
  3. I ordered a bunch of books, but I noticed Amazon's delivery speed has slowed way down with the Christmas season in full swing. Something to look forward to though. Also looking forward to my mom baking her "Hello Dolly" cookies, which she does every Christmas season.
  4. And my first tea of the day is "Huang Jin Gui Full Roasted Oolong" from Anxi, China. I'm brewing it gong fu style with lots of leaf and short infusions in a 100 ml gaiwan. It's pretty good, I just got this tea today. Very roasty for sure.
  5. Crystal clear and 42 degrees tonight. It's a good night for sitting outside for a short while and looking up at the stars which is what I'm about to do.
  6. @sober4life I encountered a tailgater today as well. And yeah they don't care how fast you're driving...it's never fast enough for those idiots. I read somewhere that tailgating is responsible for over a third of all crashes.
  7. Last night I finally decorated for Christmas and set up my little artificial tree and put on the ornaments. This morning I took my mom to Michaels to buy a new wreath for the front door, and I picked up a couple more small boxes of Christmas lights to put in various places that need them. These are battery operated and I wrongly assumed that they'd come with batteries already installed. Which leads me to what I'll do tomorrow...which is go to the store to buy batteries ๐Ÿ™‚
  8. I made a little memorial shrine for my cat this morning. Also went outside to clear my head and walk a bit, but it's so cold and windy and the snow's so deep I came back in after a couple minutes. And tonight I'm trying to get things ready for Thanksgiving and gear myself up for a full day of cooking.
  9. @sober4life yeah you're very right. And I'm really sorry about your mom. Loss is such a horrible thing. I just wish I could cope with it better.
  10. We had an actual blizzard yesterday, with 12" of drifting snow and strong winds. Today it's mostly sunny and 21 degrees but still windy. For Thanksgiving tomorrow it's supposed to be partly cloudy and 44 degrees.
  11. Thanks so much Sober4life and you're right of course, Sissy wouldn't want me to be so sad during the holidays. She also wouldn't want me to be so hard on myself. You see since her death I've been eaten alive by not just sorrow but also guilt. Guilt not just that maybe I waited too long to have her put to sleep, but also things like I should have payed more attention to her; I should have played with her more; I shouldn't have gotten so annoyed whenever she got sick on the floor; I should have taken her to the vet more often, and more. I had been keeping all this inside and not opening up to anyone, and the thoughts just kept repeating over and over...almost tarnishing Sissy's memory in my mind. Deep down I know these thoughts aren't true, but they kept coming into my head. This morning after another awful night I finally opened up to my mom about this. I basically broke down in front of her. But she assured me those thoughts were preposterous and reminded me that I gave Sissy a wonderful life. That I was by her side 24/7 for many many years. That I took very good care of her and was devoted to her, and that Sissy loved me and was devoted to me as well. She also reminded me of what the vet told me, that I was doing the right thing and that this was the right time. That her death was peaceful and painless, and that I was by her side with my hand holding onto her as she passed. These are things that my depressed brain had pushed aside in favor of deluded negative thoughts. And I realize that now. Maybe I can start to recover now. I made a little shrine with Sissy's photo and a tealight candle that I lit this morning at 11:55am which was the time she passed on Monday (only 2 days ago, really? Seems so much longer!). I'm looking on Amazon for a little urn pendant that I can put a bit of her ashes in to keep with me. And it turns out that the crematorium will be giving me her ashes in just a little tin, so I'm trying to pick out the main urn and didn't realize there were so many choices! It's really hard to decide on one Thank you to everyone who replied to me and offered support, I really do appreciate it so much! And thank you also to everyone who read about Sissy's passing and maybe thought of her and me. I'll never get over her death and it seems like I'll never stop crying, but my thoughts are becoming a bit brighter now.
  12. First morning getting out of bed without my cat here and I can't bear it. I'm going to have to get some help, I'm really struggling. All I do is cry. I miss her so much.
  13. Thank you @Nightjar and @Natasha1, I really appreciate your kind words. A vet came here this morning and my Sissy was euthanized here in our own home, laying on her favorite pillow, with me holding onto her. So she is gone now, but is no longer suffering and is at peace. They took her back with them for cremation and I'll be receiving her ashes and an urn next week. I also took a little clipping of her fur to keep with me. It is so empty here. I keeping expecting her to hop up onto the couch with me. Her water bowl, litter box, food dish and all her toys are still here and I don't know when I'll put them away. I am just so heartbroken...this was not how I expected to begin the holiday season. I just cannot stop crying. It hurts so bad. Goodbye my Sissy...I'll always love you and I'll never ever forget you ๐Ÿงก
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