Jump to content

raisa

Newbie
  • Content Count

    13
  • Joined

  • Last visited

1 Follower

About raisa

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday 12/28/1977

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    San Francisco, CA
  • Interests
    Cats, ballet, a good cup of coffee and an unhealthy obsession with shoes. ...

Recent Profile Visitors

319 profile views
  1. raisa

    Isolation?

    I don't know why the isolation hit so badly the past couple months. If I had to guess, it would be turning a certain age and realizing I've done nothing I thought I would have done by this point in my life coupled with clinical depression diagnosed very early in my life. As for my friends, I am very grateful for them, but I don't want to burden them either. Putting my weight on their shouders seems unfair, nor are they able to help. It's best for me to get past this then reconnect.
  2. raisa

    Isolation?

    I don't know why the isolation hit so badly the past couple months. If I had to guess, it would be turning a certain age and realizing I've done nothing I thought I would have done by this point in my life coupled with clinical depression diagnosed very early in my life. As for my friends, I am very grateful for them, but I don't want to burden them either. Putting my weight in their shouders seems unfair, nor are they able to help. It's best for me to get past this then reconnect.
  3. raisa

    Isolation?

    I see an MD (psychatrist) but he also specializes in talk therapy and psychosomatic medicine. It's me creating this problem; the resource is there to help. I think it may be that he sees me as a bright, driven , successful girl with bad anxiety that he has been able to manage for almost 2 years now...I'm just embarrassed to reveal that's only me inside the hospital (where we both work, and where I'm able to behave normally). And I totally get the wanting to drink at home thing. I actually don't keep alcohol at home for that reason. Drinking alone is BAD for me.
  4. raisa

    Isolation?

    I guess depression can defy logic. I also fear admonishment from him...for not mentioning it sooner to him. And he's a good therapist; because of him, my anxiety is managed responsibly and almost fully, but my crushing depression...well, that I literally hide from him with a bright smile. Again, I know it's illogical but I feel out of control. I think the writing things down is a good idea. I may try that; I've never heard of it but it seems much easier than actually saying it. We see each other again the 26th of June; I'll do everything I can between now and then to shove down the shame I feel to get help with this from someone who actually can help. Thanks again...it's good to have found this place and know people are going (or have gone through) the same things...I think I believed I was the only person to be scared to tell my therapist how I feel.
  5. I'm totally new here, but from what I've gandered thus far no one here is qualified to help with suicidal ideations or thoughts. I'm much more concerned about that than your grades or interactions at school...please visit the forum dedicated to suicidal thoughts and reach out for help via the options listed. Call someone for help...
  6. I also switched to Vistaril after years of being on benzos for anxiety. It's basically a glorified antihistamine but for some reason it works, and you don't have to worry about withdrawals and dependency that comes along with benzodiazepines ( which for me, caused more anxiety...worrying about the long term effects). Benzos are at best a band aid, despite the fact they work wonderfully and are necessary for some people who have the kind of panic attacks you're talking about. I take Vistaril and have a small benzo prescription for major panic attacks. However, I was taught to walk and talk very slowly outside in literal circles if I was having an attack (long, deep breaths incorporated). If you are walking and talking as slow as you possibly can, even if you're talking to yourself, it's really hard to be panicky. I know it wouldn't work for everyone, but it's helped me as one method. Panic attacks are awful. I truly understand what you're experiencing and wish you the best.
  7. I, unfortunately, suffer from insomnia as well so I absolutely relate. I've tried all the pharmaceutical options and they all had horrific side effects, and the OTC sleep aids can also be addicting and many are very hard on your body if taken regurlarly, so I try to avoid them unless absolutely necessary. My therapist has taught me something that helps me sleep; actually, it's a widely used method to manage anxiety and depression in general, but for me, it works for sleep as long as I do it a very specific way. I'm not sure if you've ever tried mindful meditation, but it's basically the practice of learning to control/ shut of your mind, to stop or slow down the racing thoughts (which are often the culprit of insomnia). For the purpose of sleep, my therapist has taught me to focus completely on one physical feeling...for me it's the feeling of the weight of a ring on my finger, but it can be anything. Anytime I start to feel those racing thoughts that often cause me to be unable to sleep, I stop, do nothing but feel that ring, and do my best to banish any other thoughts. Often, I wake up the next morning without even realizing I was drifting off as I did this. I would google mindful meditation for insomnia; you'll get a wealth of information and it's really difficult to explain, plus it works differently for each individual. Good luck and I hope you're able to get some good rest, we all need and deserve it.
  8. raisa

    Im Pregnant....

    I am so sorry you are going through this...I'm glad you have your boyfriend and no matter what, don't let anyone judge you for your decision about your body. I can relate; I had an abortion when I was 18 (I'm 35 now), and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever been to. I won't tell you it's going to be easy, but you can't blame yourself or your actions. You'll get through this with the support of your boyfriend, It is not pathetic to miss him at all, especially since you're pregnant...not only are you scared, depressed and seemingly in a very unsafe environment, your body is hormonally doing things you wouldn't believe and you really shouldn't be alone. I'm a little more concerned about your dad beating you...does anyone know this is going on? Can you call anyone else, any family member, law enforcement, etc? My advise is to get away from your father. Is there anywhere, at all, you can go?
  9. I am having this exact problem (showering) as well. I do actually shower almost every day (usually when I get home from work, because I work at a hospital and I am one of those that "feels" the bacteria of the day on me)...but I literally jump in and jump out as quickly as I can. I used to enjoy showers, now I do the bare minimum to sanitize myself and then crawl into bed until it's time to go back to work, whether it's 5pm, midnight, or 6am. Showers and baths used to be therapeutic; now it's just a nuisance and a necessity. If there is one big thing I really want to reclaim from my depression, it's the ability to enjoy a bath or shower...
  10. raisa

    Isolation?

    Thank you so much ArthurP. I think I failed to mention an extremely important point; I see a psychiatrist pretty semi-regularly, however we focus more on managing my anxiety issues (mostly medication management, not too much talking goes on). I work at a hospital where he is located so it's not difficult to get to the appointments; I just feel embarrassed to bring this up to him. I don't know why and I know it's ridiculous and stupid, but like the isolation, I've lost control and I can't even be honest with my therapist unless we're discussing my anxiety...I feel even worse because I know I'm not doing what I should be, and I feel guilty because I know many don't have access to the resources I do, but I just cannot bring myself to tell him. I think deep down I don't believe he can help me with depression. I don't believe anyone can.. .
  11. That was amazing to read. I really identify with two of the points; one being we are expected to act and behave as those who are not depressed...and more importantly, I am constantly blaming myself, always questioning what I could have done differently in life not to have ended up here. This post helped me immensely. Thank you.
  12. Hello; I guess I should start off by saying I am brand new here (literally within the past couple hours), so I hope I'm not bringing up something that has been talked to death. If so, I apologize. However, this past month has been a journey in severe isolation that I feel I have no control over; I literally haven't left my room aside from going to work (and that is incredibly difficult and gets more difficult every day). I have been ignoring phone calls, emails, not speaking to friends or family...ad it's not that I don't want to. I do. I miss them. I'm just too incredibly sad to interact with anyone or do anything. Thus, I'm alienating my friends/family as they have no idea what's going on (many know I have had problems with anxiety and depression in the past, but no one knows it's manifesting now or how severe it is). The following things are happening that are making me even more depressed; I'm not eating, I'm not cleaning, I'm not even really getting out of bed unless it's out of absolute necessity. Additionally, I've been having random crying/sobbing spells. Nothing specific brings them on; I just...cry. As ridiculous as this may sound, my cat has become my sole comfort in life. I feel as though I'm at a crossroads with my depression and I don't know what to do. I'm not even entirely sure why this spell is happening Has anyone else had this as a symptom of depression? How did you pull out of isolating yourself from your world? I'm worried this is just going to get darker, worse...and soon I won't even be able to get up for work. Thanks for reading and any advice or input.
×
×
  • Create New...