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About skyblueheart

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  1. but then why should i even go. if im expected to do all the work and they aren't expected to do a damn thing. i've said this before it's like going to the gas station and not getting any gas even though your paying for it. i just dont see the point in it
  2. ever since i was a preteen and my guy friends made fun of me for being fat i started getting down on myself about it. i thought i was ugly. to this day i still have a difficult time with my self-image a couple girls have told me this isnt true. but i really dont believe them anymore. especially because all of them are gone now. its getting to the point where I see fat women at college, and i feel more confident like I could talk to them instead of the rail thin barbie wannabees
  3. yeah i put the weight on my mom and grandpa all the time. and they really get tired of it. for me depression isnt something that happens for no reason. i dont have to guess the reasons why im depressed. that sounds odd to me. so what is the age and what are the things you didnt accomplish?
  4. ive been seeing them for years. it doesnt matter if you change therapists because the one you're seeing sucks. because they all suck. they just kick you out after 45 minutes and are like "well, good luck with that a******" seriously the only reason im seeing one right now is because the psychiatrist requires it of you
  5. been taking it since i was prescribed it while in an institution hasnt done a damn thing
  6. your not saying why your doing all this isolation all of a sudden if I had friends, I wouldn't ignore them, because I havent had any friends in 4 years
  7. sounds like you need a different job or something. honestly why did they let you get 100 credits when none of it even applies to a degree. i would hope they at least look at it and recognize you did the 100 credits cause that's a lot im currently in the process of deciding whether or not I should even stay in college, because I don't want to get good grades either.
  8. nobody wants to help. its survival of the fittest and im the weak dog in the pack that the others single out and ****
  9. see, this is why you make it something like 1111
  10. you dont just take a pill and get over this what happened to me last year will haunt me until the day i die
  11. You have no idea. I edited the first post to emphasize this. Because of it, pretty much the only people I identify with in my college are the veterans or military people. All the other ones are just spoiled babies.
  12. last year i was with my only girlfriend, and i had never been so happy in my whole life. the sun was brighter, the flowers were more beautiful. her yellow shirt made it look like she had two suns on her chest. it was pure joy. then everyone just had to screw it up. they ripped us apart. it was so horrible. i could see the love in her eyes and now shes probably gone forever. i made her smile and laugh. but everybody else looked on us with hatred and tore us away from each other. she wanted to marry me too. im never gonna be happy again edit Don't think of this as your average break up. We didn't even want to break up. There were legal ramifications. I'm not even at liberty to discuss them. Just know it was Hell, and you have no idea just because you've been through a breakup before. It's more like your breakup was in Iraq and your partner got shot by a stray bullet or something. That's the kind of s*** I'm talking about.
  13. i have been looking at graveyards lately and thinking. whats the big deal. your either trapped in this human body. or your trapped underneath the ground. i would rather just be dead i dont believe in god because if there is a god i hate him because he took away my first and only love and replaced it with unspeakable horror
  14. I'm already so far behind in Computer class that I don't think I can even get an A. the only reason im in college is because there are women my age there. and i thought it would be easier to meet them there, than like on the street where your a complete stranger people keep telling me thats not why you should go to college. but i dont care. i've been waiting for almost a year for my legal situation to allow me to go to college and be around people my own age. its not like you can meet a girl at a gas station or at the grocery store, or on the street downtown. and now that i'm about to start my 5th week of classes im realizing this really sucks. i asked this one girl just to do homework with me after class. thats all i asked. and she ignored the question and walked off. i started crying when nobody could see me. and then i saw her walking out of school with her boyfriend whos fatter than i've ever been. so she can go screwi asked another one to have coffee with me. she said shes busy tomorrow with her boyfriend. i got up from the desk and said "I miss my ex girlfriend" and stormed out.this one really hit a nerve. it was the third week of class and this girl i sat next to kept initiating conversation with me, which amazed me because women are so shy or uptight that they have never done that. so i finally got the confidence to ask her out on a study date. then when the teacher called a break, this guy got in between us and started talking to her first. he basically cut me off before I could get to her. so it p***** me off. I figured I might as well write her a note because if I don't ill never speak to her anyway. so i wrote her the note and it said "i wanted to study with you but that kid who went outside with you totally turned me off. but if hes not your boyfriend then i could really use a friend." and it surprised me when i passed her the note she said "hes not my boyfriend. sure ill study with you." and everything went fine, so i thought. after we got together and studied on monday i asked if she had a boyfriend and she said no. so i hit on her a little and she acted like she liked it. and we made plans to get together on Friday and she said she'd email me. then when i got her email it was like "your sweet but i dont want a boyfriend and i dont think ill see you until class" which really p***** me off because she basically was not even willing to try and be friends. so all I said was "you cant make any time for me in the next two weeks. then maybe you should rethink if you really want to be friends. this is making me want to get the tattoo ive been considering." and thats ALL I SAID. and she freaks out and goes "this is harassment im reporting you I feel threatened" which is complete bull crap. because one minute she was like "thanks your so sweet" and then she turns on me like a viper. now i have to drop the class she's in because my legal situation is definitely not one where I can take threats from women like that. its a good thing the faculty is giving me a break on the financial aid. :uh-uh: why should i even try to get good grades. when it doesnt matter anyway because girls treat me like crap. all the girls in college are married or have kids or something which makes me feel like an outcast. especially because of the legal situation im not even comfortable discussing on this forum
  15. well you dont have to go completely out in the woods. these are more like a place in the middle of my city where a lot of people walk their dogs and go jogging. so if you fell somebody would find you. and thats why it pays to have a cell phone by the way... i was watching the TV. and they said this pilates machine can be used if you got an injury. i guess... i dont know
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