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Saros

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Blog Comments posted by Saros

  1. Thanks, murph. Wish I knew how to think optimistically and constructively in a situation like yours. If you figure something out, please let me know.

    We could devalue each other's failures. In droves, we'll succeed at failing in quantity, thus flooding the market. Even with a wheelbarrow to accumulate failures, we won't even be able to buy bread - much less feel like a true faillionaire™.

    We can be an analogue of the Mormon's baptizing the dead. We'll meet, we'll organize, we'll take action. We'll fail in the names of everyone who refuses to accept failure, or never had the opportunity to fail, enough for everyone who ever existed. Then, when everyone is a failure, no one is a failure.

    -------

    It's just so absurd. It's so absurd to labor over and fail trivial things. It's like all we have are forks, and everything is tomato soup.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "What's the problem? If you're hungry, just stop complaining and eat your soup!"

    "Wait, where did you get that spoon? Where the **** was the line for spoons!?" (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

    This is a joke, right?

  2. Duck, thanks for your commiseration, truly. Depression is so isolating, a little goes a long way.

    I'm so tired of defining myself through failure. I feel as if every direction away from right-now has always been, and will forever be, a wall of dead-ends. I'm about to choke and suffocate on the cusp of every moment. I want to devastate and bring ruin to this thing that surrounds me. I want to scream, dig my fingernails in and claw my way to resolution, whether recovery or self-destruction.

    Recovery: try an augment of risperdal. I feel such cold feet. Tardive dyskinesia. On hold at the pharmacy.

    Self-destruction: I desperately want to make today a Leaving Las Vegas homage. On hand at the kitchen counter.

  3. Duck, so I slept an hour last night before having to go meet the psychiatrist this morning, had a nasty big energy drink to weather the appointment, feeling especially loquacious an hour later. Here comes a long (sorry!) comment.

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Hope any family and other peers are managing. I would be angry at management, whether they were a definite trigger or not. The fact that the possibility even exists, and is whispered - I would be furious and standing at management's desk. I'm feeling a bit livid now. But maybe I just find irritation and anger satisfying for the sake of feeling something. Anyway, you're clearly not in a healthy workplace, and there seems to be a lot written between your lines. I would encourage a peer of mine in a similar position to seriously consider, review, and pursue other opportunities, if they can muster the mental wherewithal to proceed. Can be tough when depressed.

    Don't give up on good people and management in the workplace (in general - maybe give up on the current workplace). I have had jobs where employees are treated equitably. In my experience (thus heavily biased), the higher the discrepancy between an employee's and boss' pay (and boss's boss, and so on), and the more face time a company has with a client, the worse the treatment of everyone lower on the totem pole will be. Had much better jobs (and better relations) where everyone sinks or swims together (more or less), and no one needs to take credit or shift blame. Hope you can bootstrap yourself up out of it.

    "...and you will laugh because I am the only guy there"

    Duck, that stands out as no reason to laugh, and a great reason to keep going.

    "I was thinking I should ask Nancy if I am making her feel uncomfortable?"

    I usually voice whatever I'm thinking (...eventually), for better or worse, because I get exhausted from having the interior debate with myself. But that's just me. There seems a fine line between making sure everything is cool between you and a friend - so you can both just shrug it off and blithely carry on, and actually making them more uncomfortable by pursuing the topic because they don't want to engage in the same manner of conversation. Seems like you're already kinda worrying over that, though.

  4. I had to look up danjiri. I helped 10s of guys carry a mikoshi during a festival up in Hokkaido. Shoulders black and blue. I imagine it was pretty easy to spot my very white skin, only wrapped in a fundoshi. I remember girls running around and throwing water on us, and every now and then some guy got the idea that we need to make the mikoshi dance, which was doubly exhausting. Cool memory.

  5. That is pretty scary. I hope you've accurately identified the cause, and thus can take actions to prevent it. I had a brief period where I was afraid to drive for losing control, but it passed thankfully. Stayed off the highways during, but had to drive, and public transport in this city is not so good.

    Just wanted to say Bluebell. The radio jingles are now firmly lodged in my brain again. I feel like I've heard them so many times over on the radio. And one of them is like a full song! I always laugh when I remember one of my coworkers starting to sing absentmindedly "if you could take a rainbow...". The polar opposite of his music of choice, too...

  6. If you have an excess of time, you can always fabricate and relate imaginary stories, predict the response of the therapist, and then observe the response. Repeat in a different fashion. Hypothesize the mechanisms by which they think and act. Revise your model based on new data. Test the model. You know, that regular stuff everybody does when the conversation lags.

  7. Yeah, some offices are just rubbish if you measure them by a friendliness quotient. I started wondering if you could be the person who does the nice thing, who is free with their kindness. Be the thing you want. If not in the office, then somewhere else. To give is to receive, and all that. Might be a serious effort, and not realistic goal, when simulataneously dealing with a bucket of depression, though. If it's something that really bothers you, I would try and find a way to address it, without ignoring it. Best of luck.

  8. In my experience, no one lives a life like their facebook page. Some facebook profiles are make-believe. Every page is the life that person wishes they lead, with photos cherry-picked. It's a highlight reel, a trophy collection on someone's wall and they handed themselves the trophies. In some cases, 'Friend' lists are ridiculous and do not reflect reality in the slightest. (though I do have a friend who tells me he actually does add and remove friends from his list as they occur in real life).

    I do not think they key is "getting stronger" or "not be so sensitive". Maybe you need to change the way you think about facebook? You current mode of thought is not optimal.

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