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zenzang

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Everything posted by zenzang

  1. alone. unstimulated. few friends. i'm missing a big portion of the social aspect of life. the few so called friends haven't texted me in months and that was the last time i've seen some of them. others it has been a year. if i don't reach out, i rarely hear anything from them. that's not friendship in my eyes. i've been at home and it hit me hard today that i have nothing to do and no one to do things with.
  2. a warm bed a shower to clean myself help to get medical insurance & treatment -- got it in the nick of time
  3. sadness. having health issues and it's mostly rare chronic conditions that have little to no medically available treatment to stop it.
  4. in physical pain and not sure if it's just bottled low lying stress i can no longer detect consciously or actual physical pain.
  5. i'm crying but the release of tears brings a bit of relief. stretched by others demands for my time and i'm not reciprocated the same. overwhelmed by different illnesses for months and wondering when i'll feel normal again. lonely during the holidays.
  6. I think individuals deal with depression differently. Gender doesn't dictate how someone will respond to depression. Generalizations never account for the individual. If using a gender generalization, then I take on stereotypical male behavior pattern more than the woman I am.
  7. racing thoughts. would love to have a conversation in real life just to connect with someone besides my own inner feelings and thoughts.
  8. highly irritable from the presence of other people and their inconsiderate noisemaking
  9. Enter a soundproof chamber for peace. Go to a cabin near a creek and enjoy nature.
  10. I never heard of that type of Pebbles. I'll have to look for them next time at the grocery store. It sounds good!
  11. Reese's Puffs are the devil. lol I betcha cant eat just 3 bowls. I demolish a box in 2 days. It's banned from my pantry til I can control myself. lol
  12. i have the house to myself. many years ago i cherished solitude. these days i cannot stand it. i am lonely. i want to do things with someone i care about and who equally cares about me, no strings attached or expectations. im still in bed. it hurts to feel the way i do for so many years. i dont see any change anytime soon. i've lost that naive hope.
  13. worried to pieces. an upcoming review may factor if i keep my job or not.
  14. wasted money on some food that turned out bad
  15. I'm worried beyond belief about possibly losing my job. I haven't been able to improve in some areas of my work as expected. Partially because the requirements change often and the training provided doesn't reflect the much harder field work scenarios. I don't have enough savings to last more than a month if I'm let go. Unemployment isn't available. No retirement plan to cash out. :( I hope I can pull through and turn things around soon.
  16. Nausea is kicking in with this medicine. I can't wait to be off of it for an infection. I'm generally grumpy too. I'm slowly working towards the things I want. It's been set back with the infection which is fine. I'm mostly grumpy cause I'm lonely.
  17. Women are visual too as I am. it's perfectly fine to admire someone's beauty and give compliments but it's very demoralizing when you're objectified and the only thing a person wants to get to know you for is your body and looks.
  18. it will never change. i'm being looked at like a piece of meat by every man i've ever met.
  19. be paid for the time i spent inaction. lol i'd probably have a lot of money by now
  20. Empty. Avoidig work. Comparative. I'm working toward goals and taking it one day at a time which is an improvement however I would like down moments like now not to completely derail me. I need better coping methods to continue forward towards my path.
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