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About lazarus102

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  1. Thx for the reply at least. Surprised it took 109 views to get one reply, lol.. Truth be told, I think forum rules are like all of those other things we're forced to click "Agree" on before they'll let us use things. No one really reads them.. I mean, some of them are like 20 paragraph long legal documents.. Like, sure I might be signing away my firstborn child just so I can access the new update on Minecraft, but at least I won't still be reading this when they're going off to college.
  2. Just gonna go ahead and ask this, rather than typing out a long and detailed post just to have it cancel cultured out and a strike against me on the site. Are we allowed to talk about politics here? If the answer is no, can someone please list any active forums that converse in intellectual topics including politics? Btw, I don't count reddit or quora as 'forums'. I mean like this site. I like to have active and engaging conversations, not be forced to only ask questions,(Quora) or have my thread auto-locked within 2-4 weeks for no reason (Reddit).
  3. *Spoiler alert* That was definitely a "WTF did I just watch?!" moment if I've ever had one.. The ending to this movie made the ending to Hereditary make sense (in contrast..). The entire movie made so little sense if I'm being honest.. How does some screwloose nutjob kid threaten the lives of your children, and you don't call the cops? I do however have one theory, as I feel it is implied in so many ways throughout the movie. I think the dad was a total pedo. He pedoed his own son, and he pedoed that screwball kid. The kid's father probably found out about it, or was acting nosey, hence why it's implied that he let the kid's dad die on purpose. The mother probably knows about it, and is just one of those mothers in those scenarios in which she's too afraid to go to authorities about it, or slight potential, she's in on it (to assume otherwise would be a gender bias). The sister definitely knows, and that's why she totally plays into it with the psycho kid. Of course the biggest red flag to that theory is when the dude describes to his prepubecent son of his .. experience.. lusting after his own father.. I mean.. seriously.. who tells their kid that at all, nvm at that age.. Not to mention, how he kept referring to his son as "darling". Actually, upon further deliberation, I think he actually formed a relationship with the crazy kid before. That would explain why the kid is tryin so hard to get the guy with his mom; so they could live together.. Also, why the kid acted so jaded when the guy reduced contact with him. Also, the way in which the wife confronted him "how long have you been seeing this kid". She worded it in a way that made it sound like he was dating the kid.. As much as this entire movie was a total cringefest, honestly the cringiest parts for me, was when the nutter was being so pushy about hanging out with the guy. Like, before I even pondered the above theory; just the way the kid was in general was so cringey.. Like, how would you even tell a kid that's obviously special in the head, that he's being a total psychotic weirdo, without potentially causing long lasting psychological damage.. So much was unsaid in that movie; my mind keeps coming up with branching theories.. But lemme know what ya's think if you've seen that movie, or maybe read the book. Just try to leave out any explicit detail, as obviously, given the potential context of that movie, details could certainly break forum protocol. PS: Really.. It starred out THAT word... How in the hell do people get "triggered" from that word.. a word that's probably said 500 times a day on television. Like, if you get triggered from that, you might as well plug your ears and stare at a wall..
  4. Won't let me delete this for some reason
  5. Imho, stick to the legal kind. I got prescribed dextroamphetamine, and I would not make it through a lot of days without this stuff.. Or maybe I would, but I'd never be happy, never feel happy, never feel ambitious or hopeful. When things get bad and drugs are all that work, do what you gotta to get ya through the day.. but on a personal note, I'd say drop the booze and stay away from coke/crack/oxies. Although I think drugs are generally addictive, amphetamines at least make ya feel good enough to do something with your life, and don't destroy your personality in the process, or make you stupidly paranoid. Although you may find yourself bursting out into insane laughter, lol.. Moderation is the key. Never 'chase the dragon'. Think of it like, some happiness is better than none. Oxies in my experience are a 'be useless' drug. A drug you take if you want to sit back in your seat, or lye back in bed, stare at the walls/ceiling, and do NOTHING with your life. While I'm not the type that believes people need to 'contribute to society' in order to have value in this world; I do still think that people should at least be progressive and try to accomplish their own ambitions, even if it's only on an artistic level. And yes, I do recommend meth over booze. There's two types of drunks I've known, huggy drunks that are all over you and force you to smell their nasty beer breath, and angry/violent drunks, that pick fights with you. There's talky drunks too, but those will generally fit into one of the first two categories. Neither one are too coordinated or likely to do anything useful with their lives. Although alcohol is seen as the better option (generally), and totally not a gateway drug (is totally, and obviously, as proven here, the worst gateway drug). It is mostly only glorified because it's taxable, and was widely used long before it was able to be cleanly abolished from use in civilized society.
  6. I literally just learned that I have autism a few months ago, and I'm turning 40 this month, and then I read this https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/2/19/17017976/autism-average-age-death-36-stress Now that I finally know the kinda people I can communicate with properly, and not feel like a total alien; now that I finally know enough to utilize the positive benefits of my disorder, that up until now has made my entire life a living hell.. Sigh... SMH.. PS: I'm not suicidal over this, afterall, what'd be the point, seems I could be dead soon enough as it is. So with that said, I'm not really looking for a bunch of empty sentiment from strangers on the internet. In general, anything I post on these forums is intended to foster discussion, feedback, or opinions, or just anything that's not too redundant or predictable. It could be an autism thing, but I can't stand predictability in forum replies, like, if I already knew what was going to be said, then why would I make the thread in the first place? lol.
  7. For most of my life I've avoided so-called 'happy pills', because I abhorred the concept of fake/temporary happiness. Funny thing, I actually got on the medication that I'm on (Dextroamphetamine) to help with my ADHD, but then a couple years later, discovered I've actually got autism. But these meds bring me a kind of happiness, that I otherwise had not felt since I was a very young child, and even then, mostly only around Xmas. I'm not a huge advocate for medication, but I can honestly say, I don't know if I'd still be around today if I didn't have my meds over the last year. They aren't a fix by any means. Honestly, I've felt brutal depression even while on them. But it's the hope that they offer me. The ability to feel well, and focused enough to even do an hour or two of productive stuff within a couple days. One thing I can say I have learned from the last year, get toxic influences and negative people out of your life ASAP.. I had this one friend that I'd held onto for both the fear of having no one, and the guilt of abandoning him (I think he has some mental illness as well, though it's unlikely he'll ever admit it). But I finally stopped talking to him and blocked him on everything but my Email (I still talk back and forth now and then, but just ignore any stupid emails from him). And it was only some time after getting him out of my life, that I finally started to balance out my emotions. This guy was just the kinda guy, he wasn't violent, or overly pushy or at all intimidating, but he'd find out what annoyed me, and just push it until I was screaming my head off like a total nutcase..
  8. Pretty sure no one is answering here because they feel you should ask a Dr. And they aren't entirely wrong in this particular case. If you take the wrong kind of meds for your unique body chemistry, you could end up suicidal, or just outright dead from the medication itself. A couple years back, I learned of a childhood friend having died from taking over the counter cough medicine (cough syrup). I usually hate the "go to the Dr." mentality when asking questions on a forum, since I'm usually asking to avoid unnecessary Dr visits. Not to mention that it's just generally an ignorant reply, Like.. "go to a Dr." jeez, why didn't I think of that.. What's a Dr...? Good thing I took my time to write out a detailed forum post.. But medication is far too complex, and potentially deadly, to be properly recommended over an internet forum. As for non-medication answers, Meditation, and try to spend more time thinking about the future, than the past (or the present, if that's crappy for you). PS: try not to think of meditation as some new age BS, like 'gluten free', 'yoga' or 'Pilates'. It's been around for centuries, and can actually be rather therapeutic if done correctly. It can be thought of like credit in a way, It's not as good as having great credit, but it clears away all the negativity for a while, and puts you into a calm, relaxed state.
  9. I know how ya feel, I don't really care to die cuz I don't believe in religion, so I have no rush to put a perminant end to myself, but when I was a kid I got picked on and abused a lot, now I'm an adult and everyone ignores me, out of the 2 I would go back to being picked on and abused over what I'm going through now, it sucked but at least someone was paying attention to me.
  10. Not everyone is bad, but the good ones are few and far between. The real key is finding the people that fit right with you, if people feel that you are the perfect fit for them then it is unlikely that they will do anything to hurt you. Problem is the amount of relationships/friendships that are semi-one sided because one person really likes the other but the other don't feel the same way. I find it REALLY hard to meet people because I'm not great looking and charismatic or rich or socially amazing and to top it all off, I'm a bit picky myself and it seems most the people that do want anything to do with me are the kind of people that I don't want anything to do with. Course it dont help that I dont smoke drink or do drugs, which makes it a real pain in the ass to even meet anyone.
  11. I'm 32 years old. I quit school in grade 7, I spent several years in my 20's working for and living with(only to make rent cheaper and get a ride to work) an abusive manipulative boss, I drown out those years and a handful of years after playing an mmo(Massive Multiplayer Online video game). I definitely wasted my 20's there's no question about that. But recently I got my learners (driver's)licence, and plan to go back to school to finish my education and get into university to take psychology. I'm not the smartest person on the planet(infact some may consider me to be "slow") but I am dedicated to taking this path so that I don't need to spend the rest of my life barely scraping by in crappy low income jobs. I bet you're a lot smarter than I am, so you should have no problem achieving your goals, you just need to believe in yourself and be confident. Negative thoughts will hold you back from making good on your true potential. There's always going to be someone out there that's better than you in one way or another, there's no point in stressing yourself over it, if you put all of that energy into self improvment then there's no telling how far you can make it.
  12. You may want to ease into the whip cracking bit, if you go from being mother teresa to being hitler overnight they may reject you, thinking that you're just putting on an act. Take it in stride and begin enforcing things more and more until they straighten up and begin listening to you. That's just my opinion from my own experience, it may be different for you, perhaps a bit of fear and a wakeup call is what they need? I myself was born with a cleft palet, my mother smoked during pregnancy, even drank a bit. I think it's great that you're thinking about that kinda stuff ahead of time. As for the stay at home mother bit, it's hardly like you would be the dead-wieght in that scenario, someone has to take care of the kid. Definitely do what you can to keep the job but if by chance it doesn't work out, you could look at it as a blessing in discuise, no more work stress, all the time to be around your kid and watch them grow up, it's not all bad.
  13. Ya, drugs are horrible, I tend to avoid them at all costs. Even the drugs advertised in comercials, at the end of the comercial it quickly lists off like 20 different side effects, often up to and even including death. The damned drugs are often worse than what they are trying to help with. Your mother left you home alone at 4 years old? I'm fairly sure that's not legal. She sounds like a majorly neglective parent. Well, like I've told other people, family is something you are born into, not a choice, so the whole popular theme that you should be close to your family is just a best-case-scenario guideline, it's not writen in stone. In cases such as yours I would try to distance myself from the neglectful mother and do what is best for myself. For you that would be to get involved with other kids your age, not always easy and you may go through some rejection along the way, but the only way that you can truely fail is to not try at all. Do you have any friends now? If not then your first step should be to do what you can to get some. What do you feel that you could do to change your life in such a way that would put you in a position for meeting people(in real life)?
  14. I can relate to that, I've always taken failure hard, not quite as hard as you but I felt that I failed while painting something in kindergarten and didn't try to do any kind of art for over 20 years after that. I just have an intense fear of failing which often leads me to not trying at all. Been trying to work through that lately though.
  15. You kinda typed your stuff into the quote, supposed to type below the quote box. That said I do find this kinda enlightening myself, a few years back I was so depressed that I literally could often not prevent myself from crying even in public places, nowadays I don't cry at all. Though I am on the fence about your experience relating to my own as I did feel a lot sadder then. However one of the reasons I stopped crying was a side effect of hopelessness, the realization that no matter how much I cry it wont fix anything, it's pointless.
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