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About BlueTail

  • Birthday 12/08/1992

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  1. Not quite the same, but I had a somewhat similar experience as a child. My mind was obsessed with symetry. If I moved my hand one way, I had to move the other hand the same way as well, but since I did that a few seconds later, it didn't count as symetric in my mind, so I had to move the first hand again and so on. It was quite aggrevating and I began to move both hands in random directions to confuse my mind and forget the "pattern". I am using hands as the example, but it was pretty much about anything; walking, eating (chewing equally on both sides), blinking, looking to the right for too long, scratching my left arm.... It went away after a few months and I never experienced it since. And hopefully never will again because it drove me nuts. One thing that did kind of help is trying to focus my mind on other things, because the most I tried not to do it and not to think about it, the more I did.
  2. I don't know if this discussion is too relevant to the thread itself, but I will reply anyway. You are taking it too mechanically. People are very DIFFERENT, there are no rules for it. But the fact is that women are much more likely to be interested in dating men that do have a job and that is totally understandable. What you brought up is a different subject, though. People lose and get jobs all the time while in a relationship, it generally doesn't cause a break-up. But that all depends on the individual situation as well. And it has nothing to do with wanting to get to know someone. There are no obligations to stay in a relationship when things go wrong either. If you are for whatever reason unhappy with a relationship (especially early on) the best thing is just to leave. Personal happiness matters, we shouldn't be sticking with people no matter what. Now when you come to a point of marriage, that is a different story, but even there is a limit. We don't date to make the other person a favor, we date because they make us happy and the other way around. I wasn't speaking for not having a job, per se, but in general. When you are first getting to know someone, you have little information about them. Any information you gain counts for either positive, negative or neutral image of the person. Not having a job will generally be a negative factor, but it can a neutral one, depending on a person.
  3. I do not think this is OCD, it sounds like a pretty usual reaction to a separation, especially for people that aren't in the most harmonic stages of their life. And yes, it may feel very much like a chemical dependence, it pretty much is. Here are my suggestions: First thing you should do is accept that you are not getting back together. It has to be a decision, even if you don't believe it at first. It doesn't even matter if that is true in the far future (far future being when you are over her) or not, but you are currently not in a state to make a realistic evaluation of the relationship and you can't recover until you do that. Insight sometimes help. Do you know exactly what went wrong? If not, talk to her about it. Part with her on good terms. Remind yourself of other things you value. After a break up we feel like we lost a part of ourselves, but that isn't actually true. You're just as whole as you were before. Spend time with your friends and family. Get busy and remember things you used to enjoy doing and do them. It's easy for the mind to wander when you have nothing to do. Focus on yourself. Distance yourself from anything that reminds you of her. Stop talking to her and put away anything she may have given you, including photos. It may feel momentary comforting to have stuff like that around, but you are making it harder for yourself if you do. You don't even have to throw it away, just put it in a box and somewhere far out of sight for now. Don't imagine her being with you. Ever. For example, I'd used to lie in bed, lonely and keep wanting to imagine him holding me. One thing I found helpful with that is to replace my ex partner with a generic, hot, un-detailed dude. It sounds silly, but it totally works. It works somewhat like an exhaust pipe for emotional overload. Tell her that you're going trough a rough time and can't be friends yet, I'm sure she will understand. When you decide to, you need to be consistent with not talking to her. Delete her from everywhere that you might be able to contact her. If you get an urge to contact her, contact someone else instead. Yes, not talking to her will make you feel much worse for awhile (just as it would happen if you quit a drug), but it will get better. If you keep talking to her you will only extend your suffering. Make a set amount of time if it makes it easier (for example 3 months). Best of luck.
  4. Women generally like stability, which includes being able to support yourself financially, that doesn't make you a money grabber. As much as it sucks, money runs the world, it's more or less necessary. Bills, house/apartment, food, transportation etc.
  5. I think that you should stop trying. Not because you don't deserve a girlfriend or anything like that, but because you are not ready. As many here have told you, you have to work on yourself first. Not on your dating skills, but on the very core of yourself - your inner peace, self worth and happiness. If you feel like you can't be happy with out a girlfriend, then a relationship won't make you happy. You will expect too much of it, it's not a magic cure. And if it makes you feel better and like you are something finally, when it ends, it will feel like you are nothing. On the side note, would you date a female version of yourself if you were someone else? It may sound like a silly question, but if I were asked that 6 years ago, I'd say "absolutely not, why would I want to date someone like that?". And that was when I realized that I shouldn't really seek relationships until I can say yes. A girlfriend is not going to fix you. You have to fix yourself. If anything, it will cause a lot of tension in the relationship and probably a breakup. Since you never had a girlfriend and you have this kind of attitude towards it, I'm telling you, it isn't going to end well, even if you are given a chance. You will mess it up and feel worse. So forget about getting a girlfriend for now and focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends, so you don't feel lonely, focus on deepening your relationship with them. Let go of the feeling like you are running out of time.
  6. Wow, the part about about not wanting to hear about it makes him sound like an ass (sorry). It is difficult for people who never had experience with it themselves to understand. In a way, they never truly can, they can only believe us. I'd just talk to him about it. Explain that you don't want to deal with it either, but you don't have a choice. If he wants to be with you, he can't shut that out. It is currently a big part of you and you can get better, but you will need lots of support, him being a big part of it. I will not tell you whether you should stay with him or not, but you have to confront him on it. Tell him everything you feel and listen to him as well. He maybe get mad... but that's like getting mad at you for breaking a leg. Not everyone can handle having a depressed partner.
  7. I think going in tomorrow is a great idea. It might be easier if you are thinking "I just need to GET THERE, I can leave at any time after that". Make getting there your goal. As you said, it's not that big of a deal once you actually get there. Another thing you might wanna do is try to reflect on the moment whenever you feel more optimistic and hopeful. Think about how you feel and focus on the positive part of your emotions. Get familiar with it and appreciate it, don't take it for granted. Could even write it down. But most importantly, make it your reality. So in the dark moments you can remember that. It helped me A TON when I learned to differentiate between "feeling okay" me and "feeling desperate" me. Before that, I'd take them equally. But then I realized they weren't equal. One was me and one was depression. "Feeling okay" was my top mood, so I took that. I realized that whatever I feel may be true when I feel at the bottom, that it actually isn't. That it's merely a creation of the current imbalance in my brain and I shouldn't listen to it. So I did my best to not pay much attention to myself in moments like that and just focus on something (something that didn't require motivation and would take my mind off, like watching a movie). And when I felt okay, I'd think about why I feel okay and why do I feel hopeful. And remind myself that this is the true me. I'm gonna make an odd comparison, I hope it makes sense. You get bitten by a werewolf. At first you are fine, but you soon start feeling odd. You don't understand what is going on with you, but you assume it will pass. So you wait. However, it does not pass, it gets worse. Before you know it, you lose control. You get ideas and feelings that you never got before, you are confused and you don't know what to do. Then it is over. You feel fine and you may think you'll be fine, but then on the next full moon it strikes again, this time harder. You don't know what you are doing and why are you doing it, but in that moment it feels like that is what you are. And you feel that way until the night passes and you awake in the human form, knowing "That wasn't me. Next time, I'll be ready." Bottom line: Don't trust your mind when you are a werewolf, remember who you really are. Related to what I said before; When I was first getting depressed, I didn't know what it was and where it would lead, so I just let it happen. If I think about it now, I almost encouraged it. Not on purpose, of course, but I spent so much time thinking negatively and I would refuse to stop (because it just felt normal and natural). Since now I know how this works, I make sure to not let the negative thoughts stay with me for too long. If I can't stop, I start doing something to keep my mind from trying to think. On my experience, making sure it doesn't stick with you is very important. At first it's just a bad moment, then there are many bad moments and at the end that is all there is. Luckily it worked backwards for me as well. But I did hit the bottom before that and I am fairly certain that if I knew how to deal with it, I could've stopped it. I certainly plan to never fall to it again now. I don't know if you have depression or not, but if you do, you don't seem to be very deep in it yet. Which is why it is very important that you contain it, not let it escalate and eventually you can revert it. Once you hit the bottom, you hit the bottom and all you can do is go up. But you don't have to hit the bottom. As long as you don't let it be and you fight it.
  8. What I did do, is drop out of school. Before I was depressed I always had top grades, which escalated to barely passing and eventually losing all motivation to go on. What I would do now is probably get help and medication. Having good grades and ambitions plans and then having all of that disappear is tough. Maybe you could try studying in shorter intervals as long as you are consistent about it. Good luck with your exams.
  9. I pretty much felt the same way when I was 15 (22 now), other then having a few friends - I had no friends in all of my teenage life. I can't promise you, but I'm fairly certain that your fears will go away in time. I was afraid dark places until I was 19 (seriously), my mind would always go crazy and imagine things I couldn't think of even if I tried. Things that fit in horrors. Sometimes they would be so detailed that I could draw them if I wanted. Sometimes it was just an uncomfortable feeling of "don't go there...you don't know what could be in there. Even though I KNEW there was nothing. But eventually, it was just gone. Now I walk my dog at night in the fields with no flashlight when the moon is out (I live out of town so there are no lights or anything like that). My mind still suggests that something could be hiding in the bushes, but I'm like "nah :) you're being silly, mind" I didn't do anything to fix that (other then getting almost free of depression), I think it's just because of how brain develops over time.
  10. Well... they are correct, that is life. The difference being that if you are depressed, it's much harder and people who are unfamiliar with depression can never understand that. The situation is the same for everyone, but it wights on us differently. Lack of energy and motivation is definitely one of those things. It makes us look, act and feel lazy. In my last year of high school I took a day off. And then another one after...and another one and well, I never went back. I thought that being at home and not having to have things to worry about for awhile will help me get better, but it didn't. Well, not for a few years, at least. I am 22 as well and I live at home. I do not have a job, the only money I make is by random design project contacts. I can relate to feeling like I was supposed to accomplish a bunch of things by now and I haven't. I think that is mainly due to my family's expectations. I have over the years eased on it, though. I used to panic and feel really down every year after college application date was over and I didn't apply (due to several reasons). It made me feel like I'm running out of time. I still feel like that now and then, but it's much better. I wouldn't bother trying to meet girls at this point if I were you. I think you should focus on self-improvement and the rest with come with it. As for going to work... you either do it or lose the job. It might help if you try to imagine a week in the future, how you lost the job and regret not being different about it. How you need to look for a different job again and all the troubles that come with it. But then realize that it hadn't happened yet and that it's in your power to change that. Best of luck.
  11. I have over time developed some ways to deal with it and I am curious about what others do. Mine is not major and I do not take any medication, but it makes it very difficult to go outside sometimes and get anything done. I was supposed to go to the bank a few months ago and I still didn't get myself to do it. Gah. Anyway :) Here are mine: 1.) Make a plan. Whenever I go somewhere, the first thing I do is research and learn about my destination. I check google maps (street view <3) MANY times to make sure I know it good enough to be able to visualize it. I make a plan of where I will go. For example car -> walk -> airport -> -fly- -> walk -> train ... I need to know what the names are, what is the location and it makes me feel much better if I know how it looks like as well. Sometimes I draw myself a map with each of the "steps" 2.) Visualize it. When I am familiar with it, I visualize myself walking trough it. Likely more then once. It makes me feel more at ease about it, like I've already been there. I do that to places I've been to before, too. 3. Walk to the destination. I don't like getting into the scary scary outside world all of the sudden. When I had my first interview, for example, my mom wanted to drop me off right in front of the building. I kind of freaked out. I had her take me to a parking spot nearby and I walked from there. (The interview went horribly, regardless, heh) Walking to the destination gives me time to calm down and to slowly approach it. I also feel safer because I know that I can just walk away (however, I never actually do). 4. Use my phone. It doesn't matter if I do anything in particular, but it makes me feel better. It's like it gives me a purpose and it distracts me. It also makes me look busy so I feel like people are less likely to talk to me. Sometimes I just called my boyfriend, too. 5. Wear sunglasses. Sunglasses are like a tiny shield, it's not great but it helps a bit. 6. Smile if someone talks to me. When I see that people react negatively to me being weird and scared, that makes it way worse. If I smile, they act normal towards me, which is very comforting. 7. Remind myself that it is okay to "pause" I feel very uncomfortable being in public and doing nothing. Like standing still and thinking where to go next. It makes me feel like I'll be judged, I guess. In cases like that I take out my phone or imagine I'm waiting for someone, but I try to remind myself that it's okay to do that. That everyone does it and nobody judges them, because there is no reason for it. 8. Don't look at the cars. If I start looking at the cars, I'll notice that some of the people inside are looking at me and then I'll feel like people in all of the cars are looking at me. And there are usually a lot of cars. 9. Remember other factors and other reasons why you should do it. For example when I was with my boyfriend, I told myself "just do it... show him that you made progress, he will be happy to see that." 10. Take it slowly Sometimes I would speak so fast that I'd have issues forming sentences. If I make an effort to speak slowly, I have a much easier time putting sentences together, people don't think I'm weird and I feel much calmer. I also make a 1-2 second pause before I speak. (even though my mind is like: "oh my god SPEAK, fast!" 11.) Remind myself that the more effort I make, the easier will become in time. 12.) In particularly difficult moments (like phone calls) I write myself a script. Not a full one, only a few sentences. It get calmer past the beginning of the conversation, so I don't need it past that. Often times I don't even read it. I just write it so I will know that if I get stuck or anything happens, that I can just read from it and still make sense.
  12. Sorry for replaying so late. Well, mostly because I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I feel I have no direction, I don't what to do honestly...and that scares me. I used to stress about that a lot. When I was a kid I had a direction, but it was mostly a direction that was expected of me and I never questioned it. However at the end of high school I fell off this path. I felt lost and I didn't know what to do next. I didn't really see any future for me and I had nothing I wanted to do. Literally nothing interested me, I thought there was something wrong with me due to that and that it will always be like that. At the same time I felt like I was running out of time, out of life. I was expected to be at a certain place at a certain age, but I wasn't there. I was just nowhere. That lasted a few years and I didn't move anywhere. Then at some point I me a person that later became my best friend. It was at a time when I was recovering from depression and it gave me a huge boost. I grew up at that time, I got upgraded, I got better in every way. And I realized that it's okay to be stuck for now. I accepted the fact that I don't know what to do next and that I don't have any plans for the future. I discovered that there are a lot of things that interest me, so many that now I don't even have time to do them all. I still don't have a set direction and I still get scared of what awaits me sometimes, but I don't feel lost anymore. There are things I really enjoy and would love to do professionally and while it doesn't offer me any certainty, it gives me a sense of progression. I know that as time passes I will be better, as long as I stick with it, of course.
  13. I don't pay attention to food too much. I have one or two meals a day and that is at night. I've always been on a thin side, but I now weight less then I ever did. My bmi is 15.4, but I don't think I look underweight. I am aware that I eat poorly though. In my case it's definitely due to that.
  14. I had that for about a year when my depression was the worst (many years ago). I think it might be an automatic way to cope with depression. It may be beneficial due to that, as long as you are working towards recovery.
  15. I have it, but I've mostly gotten used to it, so I usually don't hear it if I don't think about it. Now I do, of course. Sometimes I near it when I am trying to sleep, I think partially because everything else is quiet. I think I've always had it, but it's gotten worse after one time I went to a super loud club that made my ears ring like crazy for a week. And I hate clubs, I was just being nice and joining people who asked me to.
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