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SunshineRayy last won the day on April 25 2013

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About SunshineRayy

  • Birthday 11/10/1989

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    North Carolina
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    I love animals, languages, culture, the beach, sunflowers, and helping others. I am also very interested in geneology and fitness.

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  1. Hey Dante - I replied back to your wonderful message, although I am not sure if it has been approved by mods yet, or if they found a problem with it - I am going to wait for the rest of the day and see if it pops up because I put a lot of thought into it and it's very long and I would love for you to read it
  2. Np, Ryan! Do you think Lexapro works better for your anxiety? What kind of anxiety do you have? I have really bad social anxiety (although I'm good at hiding it,) general anxiety, and I am borderline agoraphobic (without medication.) Right now I am taking Luvox but it makes me so exhausted and slow, I was thinking of switching to Celexa or Lexapro on my next doctor's visit. I have tried to go back on Zoloft twice but the increased agitation gets to me. For my insomnia - I don't get much on Luvox but from my own experience, with various meds, these things have helped - a benzo, a small dose of Seroquel (like 25 mg,) herbal tea (or something like Kava Kava,) warm milk (not for me, but my friend suggested it,) lying on your back and doing progressive muscle relaxing techniques (check it out online,) and just plain old forcing your eyes closed no matter what and making yourself lie there! (lol) Also obviously reading before bed. Especially if it's something that is very complex, like Dostoevsky. After the first 10000000 subplots you read, your brain gets really tired! Some people say strenuous exercise although it has a tendency to wind me up, personally. OH, and I forgot the most helpful of all - very deep leg stretching! This is especially helpful if you have RLS.
  3. It's okay, RedFoxKate, it happens. You know what helped me? I got down to 25 milligrams of Z myself and then switched over to 10 mg of citalopram. I took that for a few months and then just stopped and that pretty much fixed the issue of withdrawal for me. Maybe you could talk to your doc about a cross-taper.
  4. Dante, Your post literally has made my day. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my thread and give me your opinions and advice. You have no idea how much I needed that support and to hear from someone else who also struggles with GAD. I wouldn't wish this disorder on my worst enemy. It keeps me in my house and away from people when I am not on the right medication and my quality of life really suffers, as I'm sure you can understand when you aren't taking medication. The worst part is when friends and family, or even just strangers, don't understand and think you just need a "kick in the behind" to get out the door. They don't get that it makes your stress level worse, which makes your depression worse. Know what I mean? I have lost numerous friendships to this fear of life, because friends think it is them that I am avoiding, when in reality, I am avoiding change, new things, new experiences which could potentially have adverse effects on my life (even something as simple as getting an ice cream brings on the fear that I will get fat or get diabetes.) I know how ridiculous it sounds, but it is the way my brain is wired, and I have been dealing with horrific anxiety since I was in kindergarten. Anyway - I am really sorry to hear that your Cymbalta does not seem to be as effective for you anymore. How long have you been on it? Do you find it makes you really drowsy? Does it help to make you interested in things again? I am having a lot of trouble being mentally stimulated by things that I used to love, and although I dislike how simplistic the idea of neurotransmitters has become (i.e.: "I feel anxious all the time, therefore I need less norepinephrine",) I do notice that my interest picks back up when I am on drugs that also affect dopamine - Zoloft and Effexor, just like you read in one of my prior posts. I read that Cymbalta acts on norepinephrine and dopamine as well, so I was considering giving it a try. The thing is, with drugs that affect more than one neurotransmitter, I don't feel my mood lift (versus something like Luvox, which makes me feel more lighthearted and optimistic and practically obliterates my anxiety,) but on the flipside I feel more aroused by certain subjects and emotionally responsive. They also have a tendency to make me more irritable. Then, when I take the serotonin only drugs, they make me feel more positive and less angry (for the most part,) but also make me more apathetic. I don't know what to do. Yeah, at this point, I do not see how Viibryd can help someone who has SEVERE anxiety problems. I know it's been less than a week, but on this tiny dose, I already feel so agitated, it's like I want to rip my hair out, jump out of my skin, yell at my pets, and shut myself off from the world. It is greatly increasing my worry, but also improving my motivation. I have had a few friends text me over the past week or so and I find myself getting paranoid about their motives! It's crazy, but the paranoia feels legitimate to me! Today, I even felt like when my friend texted me to hang out and I lied and said I wasn't home, that she was looking in my window and testing me to see if I was avoiding her or not! That cannot be normal. Has that ever happened to you, with your GAD? I don't think I'd be able to take klonopin during the day, as much as it helps me to let go of some stress and to relax - even a small dose makes me so drowsy! I could fall asleep on just a .5 milligram pill. I think it is great that a benzo is working for you, though. I love Xanax myself - when I am feeling out-of-this-world overwhelmed at night, the kind of overwhelmed where the racing thoughts just won't stop, I'll take a Xanax and fall asleep peacefully within 10 minutes. It feels great, and I wake up refreshed. Hey, what do you know - I have tried both Wellbutrin and Risperdal myself! Small world. I took Wellbutrin only for about a week back when I was on Zoloft, a few years ago. I felt that the Zoloft was making me very tired and lazy during the day so my inexperienced GP either tacked on Wellbutrin or had me switch gradually over a week, and on the last day of me using it I had a massive panic attack and had to call out of work. That was when I stopped taking it. I think that maybe Wellbutrin could help me if I was on an SSRI better known for treating severe anxiety problems. I tried Risperdal at my pdoc's suggestion when he thought I might be on the bipolar spectrum because I was so irritable all the time, and it did not agree with me. Then again, I didn't take it for very long. "It's like the drug has opened the seratonin spigot in your brain, you're being overstimulated. I've never experienced that, but I imagine it must be pretty rough. It could be a strong indication that this drug is not the one for you, it may be working on the wrong receptors in your brain." I think this is a very good and relevant point, and it makes a lot of sense. I am definitely feeling very, very hyperactive and overstimulated. The only reason I would doubt that SSRIs aren't for me due to their serotonin reuptake inhibition, is because Luvox has helped in the past to lift my mood well, and Celexa, too. Who knows, though? Maybe a combination like you said would be even better for me in the long run. Thank you so, so much for your sympathy concerning my pdoc, too! You are so right - he did drop the ball. I have been making excuses for him - telling my mom and my PA, "he just has so many patients! It's not his fault that he can't help me! It's probably my fault that I'm not responding to any medication fully!" And, to be honest, I still kinda believe this, too. Maybe it is my fault, and I keep getting in my own way and not letting the medication work it's way into my system. Maybe my anxiety is making me freak out and the symptoms worse. But, even if this were the case, he shouldn't just jump ship - he should have called me back all the times I called him, believing I was having an adverse reaction, especially since I have been placed in a psychiatric hospital for a week while under his care. It was after I got out that he stopped returning any of my phone calls. It's almost like he was thinking, "WELL...she's been in a hospital, and that doctor put her on Effexor. It's the end of the road for her. Onto the next patient." You know? I don't know. It's so hard when I feel like I have no one in my life who understands mental illness. Do you know what it feels like when you take a medication and it makes your anxiety 58395803 times worse and you feel like you're on speed? What do you do about it? Would you call your doctor? I called my PA today and left a message with the receptionist. I sounded dreadful on the phone and upset. My PA specifically told me to call her if I had any problems with the Viibryd. And yet - I get no call back from anyone at the office. So, I didn't take the dose today, either. My mom is going to try to take me in to see her in the morning, so that'll be another damn $35 wasted to see her when she could just call me back. I am trying to think tonight what medication I would like to be placed on - I am tired of this med-go-round and I will pick one that I have already tried, I just want my life back on track. The problem is, every med that I can think of has it's pros and cons, and I can't pick. Thanks again, Dante. Your message to this thread made me feel a lot better and now I don't feel crazy because I'm having an extreme reaction to this medication. I really, really appreciate your encouragement.
  5. Today and yesterday are/were horrible. The night before last, my friend invited me to a party at her house, and I felt so anxious (I suffer from social anxiety pretty bad,) beforehand that I had to take a half a klonopin just to feel a little less on edge. I was debating whether I was going to drink at all while I was there considering I just started this medication and I didn't know how it was going to affect me. Well, I kind of decided to compromise and only have one alcohol - I decided this because I was SO SO SO SO anxious and felt like I was on speed while I was around these people that I thought a alcohol would help me to relax. After one alcohol, I still felt like I was on speed, so I had another. Throughout the course of the night I probably had four beers, and they literally did not make me feel anymore relaxed, I did not feel "buzzed," it was almost as if I wasn't drinking at all. While everyone there was feeling the good "lovey" effect from drinking (you know - when you drink and all of a sudden everyone is your best friend,) I was still feeling highly alert, anxious, not knowing what to say, constantly questioning what I was saying, feeling paranoid and awkward, and just not like myself. I didn't feel any desire to have a conversation with anyone. I forced myself to talk to everyone and get involved because I know that that is how I would behave if I was not having depression problems/social anxiety problems, though, so at least I did that, and I think I came off pretty "normal" (haha.) I was just so bummed that I didn't even feel like I was having a good time and like I didn't care about talking to anyone. At the same time, I didn't want to go home because this med has me feeling so restless that I just want to be on the move all the time even though I don't enjoy anything or conversations. Eventually, after a few hours of not drinking anything and just hanging out, I went home and even while lying in bed I could feel the extreme activation and constant speedy feeling. I fell asleep soon enough and then after only three hours of sleep, I woke up feeling kinda sick but mostly EXTREMELY AWAKE. What the hell????? Then I tried to fall back asleep, and even took a klonopin, and got my kitten to lie down next to me, and nothing worked so I just stayed up and felt so incredibly restless, anxious, just couldn't relax or get a grip on myself. It seems the more this medication builds up in my system, the more hyperactive I feel. Then after a few hours of sleep deprivation, increased anxiety, and constant rumination about the night before I started having a bad anxiety attack, cried when my mom got home, and couldn't stop pacing or talking. I'm lucky my mom came home, because she helped me to calm down - told me to take a klonopin, make some herbal tea, and watch a movie. I fell asleep on and off the rest of the night and didn't take my medication because I decided I need to call my doctor today and talk about this. What am I going to do? I just want to feel normal again. If my PA tells me to come off this medication, then what will I take? If she says to keep taking it, I'm going to rip my hair out. I feel sick to my stomach right now. I hate life and I just want my old self back.
  6. I know it's really hard, but try not to worry too much or focus too much on your withdrawal symptoms, Coolie - you will be fine in the long run! Lots of people have had successful withdrawals from ADs. Just gotta give it time! It is the healer of all wounds. :bear_wub:
  7. Hi RedFoxKate! I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! I just wanted to post and let you know that I have been through the same thing. I took Zoloft at a high dose (150/200 mg) for eight years and when I decided to come off of it, I had to slowly taper over maybe a half a year (or more.) What you are experiencing is totally normal - and will go away! You just have to give it time. When I came off the Zoloft I experienced rebound depression and anxiety that was horrific, and I was so scared that that was how I was going to be forever. Not so! Please know that you will be back to normal before you know it, and you're not alone - lots of people are going through this, too. You just need to give your brain time to readjust. Also, for the sake of your own sanity, try to stay AWAY from the antidepressant withdrawal sites online! You can never trust what people who you don't even know if they are credible people are saying about a very powerful drug that they have not studied for decades and decades. With the expansion of the internet, we are getting a lot of people who read a few studies online and declare themselves experts or "knowledgeable" and then spew nonsense all over the internet for other people to read. They are being alarmists, and it's causing a lot of concern among people who really need help. Here at DF, you will see a more realistic and balanced view and receive lots of support and encouragement, so if you are feeling worried, try to post here for help instead! So in conclusion...of course there is a light at the end of the tunnel! PS - welcome to Depression Forums!
  8. Hi RyaninOC! I don't take Zoloft now, but I did take it for 8 years. I was on a higher dose than you are - 150 milligrams most of the time, and at one point I was on 200 milligrams. Although I think every body is different and therefore everyone requires a dose that works for THEM, I do think that 50 mg is a very low dose and possibly too low to help much with your anxiety (I'm not a medical professional, obviously! Just speaking from personal experience!) I say this because I remember when coming off of Zoloft, all of my anxiety in social situations and low feelings started to come back when I got to the 50 mg mark. You have to remember that sertraline has a very broad range versus something like Lexapro which has only a few choices of dosing, so you may need to go higher on the scale, and you shouldn't feel afraid to go higher (although I understand the apprehension when you get a side effect that worsens as you go higher.) Could you try increasing to 75 mg instead? I felt great at 75 mg. Also, four weeks is definitely not enough time to judge if a medicine is going to work for you. It's a bummer, but you're still in the adjustment phase. I've noticed that once the therapeutic effects of a medication kick in, the side effects become minimal or you're just feeling too good to care about them. As far as insomnia goes, I did have some insomnia with Zoloft for sure, and it was a pain, but how I felt during the day in comparison made the benefits greatly outweigh the negatives. I was a teenager for most of the time I was on it, so I didn't get to take sleeping aides (plus I didn't connect the dots at the time, that my AD was causing my insomnia,) but I still managed to get to sleep early and wake up early in order to go to classes. When I got older and was allowed to take klonopin, I found that very helpful for sedation. Best of luck!
  9. Sooo much anxiety. This is hard. I got invited to go to a house party tonight and I really WANT to go but I am scared because I am feeling so incredibly anxious, I just want to lock myself in my house until this medication kicks in (if it even does...) but I can't manage to stay still because I am so restless. I feel myself becoming more assertive with people but then feeling very anxious about my actions afterwards. I am starting to be able to understand more intricate ideas but missing the emotional response to them. I'm so anxious right now I feel paralyzed. I'm already thinking about what happens when this med doesn't work out - then what? I'm so tired of feeling anxious, agoraphobic, and depressed all the time. I'm trying so hard not to look at reviews of Viibryd online because there are many negative ones. I keep trying to remind myself that the people who are doing well on Viibryd are usually the ones out living life and so therefore don't come back to the forums to discuss their success. With SSRIs, it is widely known that the anxiety gets worse before it gets better. But what about Viibryd? Yes it is an SSRI, but it also has a different mechanism of action. So does that mean that the start-up anxiety won't go away? I really have no choice but to wait it out, but I'm worried that in that short time that I have to wait, I will ruin my life because of this anxiety. I already feel like I'm losing one friend to my anxiety. And the party's tonight and I have no excuse not to go since my work place is closed. I could take a klonopin before I go but that just makes me loopy. Things always get worse before they get better...things always get worse before they get better...things always get worse before they get better...
  10. Hi! I only started Viibryd three or four days ago but I am definitely experiencing the insomnia side effect! Wow, before I started the med, I looked online and saw a lot of people talking about the insomnia - and now that I have taken it, they weren't kidding or exaggerating! This is a very, very activating medication. I have to take .5 milligrams of klonopin a night just to feel mildly sleepy. I experienced insomnia on other ADs as well - Zoloft, Effexor, and Luvox...but this one keeps me WIDE AWAKE the most! I am taking it for depression and many anxiety disorders so the activation is not making me feel very comfortable. I hope it goes away. Oh, and so far I have no issues with memory. I am zipping around the house and sometimes not realizing what I am doing but it's mostly because I'm so wound up I can't stay still.
  11. So far I have taken three doses of 10 milligram Viibryd. Even though it is a tiny dose (apparently,) and I haven't been on it for long, I definitely feel...different. For one, I have soooooo much more energy than I did a few days ago. I am completely blown away! Before this medication I wasn't even able to get out of bed and stay out for longer than a couple hours at a time, and even then when I wasn't in bed and was "active" I was usually just sitting at a friend's house watching a movie or driving. Yesterday, I managed to go to lunch with my dad (also handled that with aplomb considering our rocky relationship and that was the first time we had seen each other in over a half a year,) be very talkative and engaged, walk back home, go all the way to another city and walk around a mall and go shopping for a couple hours, come back home and watch him play guitar, work out for a half an hour, and take a shower! That is soo much more than I am used to doing. However, this energy boost is definitely bordering on restlessness which I really hope goes away once my body gets acclimated to the medication. I am happy for the mental energy, but the restlessness is making me irritable and anxious. I remember when I used to take Zoloft I had a lot of physical energy at first as well and this went away after a few months on a high enough dose and I was able to relax and enjoy myself, so I really really hope that is what's happening now!! The Viibryd is definitely affecting my sleeping patterns. I find it very difficult to fall asleep or even just unwind. I've had to take a klonopin every night the past three nights just to feel mildly sedated. Also, I keep waking up really early when I would rather be sleeping, and then not being able to get back to sleep. I hardly feel like I need coffee anymore because as soon as I wake up I'm almost TOO awake, if that makes sense. I really hope this med will help with my anxiety, because as of right now all I really feel is the nervous energy. I know I obviously have to give it more time though since it's only been a few days! And maybe I just need a higher dose to take care of the anxiety. Man, this medication makes me pretty sick to my stomach! The nausea is usually at it's worst right after I take the pill, even if I eat with it. It's annoying and a little unpleasant and makes my workouts harder (because the intense activity makes me even more sick) but at least I'm not throwing up! My appetite has greatly decreased. And, I do have headaches and a tiny bit of dizziness. However, none of these things matter too much to me, since the most important thing right now is just to work on feeling better mentally. I also really, really hope that V can help me to feel interested in things again. It's a really hard to explain feeling - one day, you go from loving music and getting goosebumps from inspiring movies and finding pleasure and happiness from everyday things, to the next day listening to the same songs and watching movies you KNOW you should be touched by or seeing friends you haven't seen in years but you literally have no positive response to these things, and it's puzzling because you don't necessarily feel sad when this occurs, just...numb, in a way. A lot of people say that antidepressants give them anhedonic feelings, but I think for me it is the opposite - I am already living an anhedonic life WITHOUT the meds due to my depression, and it is the right medications that give me my emotional response back. I also would really like it if the V would help my social anxiety. One of my friends is coming back into town after being away for a month, and back when she left I was on a different med that helped with my social phobia tremendously (so it was well-hidden from her,) but now that she will be back in town in a few days I have no idea what to expect concerning my social anxiety around people other than family. Oh well - it's not like there's anything I can really do about it now except keep taking my meds and if need be, take a quarter or half of a klonopin to calm my nerves when I'm around other people. Well, I guess that's it for now! I don't really know if there is a point in updating after only a few days, but I figured I would since there already has been a difference in my energy, and a slight difference in my mood.
  12. I wish you great luck, shiznit76! 10 years is a long time to be on AD which for ME made the withdrawals from my medication (Zoloft - I was on it for 8 years and wish I could have been on it longer,) pretty difficult. But, I made it through, and I know you can too! Just a word of advice - sometimes it is easier to come off an AD when you switch to an equivalent dose of a different one and then come off of that one. I don't know why that is! But when I was coming off Zoloft, I made it to 50 milligrams (down from 200, the highest dose,) I found it so hard to go any lower. My doctor switched me to Celexa and after a week of brain zaps my body adjusted to the C, and then I stayed on that for a few months until I just stopped taking it altogether. This method worked for me. So if you are having problems down the line, feel free to ask your doctor about a different titration method!
  13. Hi everyone, Yesterday I had an appointment to see my PA to discuss the results of some recent blood work I had done at a doctor's office for my constant fatigue and brain fog symptoms. My PA has been my family's primary care physician for probably about two years, and I know I can always rely on her for help. When I saw her, I told her how, when I went to see my psychiatrist the previous Friday, he had refused to prescribe me anymore antidepressants because I had seen an integrative MD and he didn't want to step on that doctor's toes, so to speak. So, at first I was okay with this, as I see my integrative medicine MD in about three weeks - thought I could hang on until I saw him again. However once the low dose of Luvox was completely out of my system I started to feel absolutely horrible, so depressed, foggy headed, constant chatter in my head, etc. and decided I really need to be on an AD. I made an appointment with my PA and she was repulsed that my psych just "passed the buck" and told me that it wasn't my fault that I haven't responded fully to these medications, and that she would never give up on me and she was there for me! She gave me a month sample of Viibryd, and told me she had a few patients that weren't having positive results with the other older SSRIs/SNRIs but were responding very well to V, and of course warned me that like any other antidepressant it was possible I would have increased anxiety or depression at first on this med. She was so thoughtful, such a good practitioner - she told me that if I experienced any suicidal thoughts (I have been having a lot lately :verysad3: ) or any worsening symptoms to call her as soon as they happened. What a PA! So I started the med last night, and decided I would track my progress on DF like I did with some other meds I trialed since you all are so supportive and I appreciate everyone's feedback! :bear_wub: The pack has me taking 10 mg for one week, 20 mg another week, and then 40 mg the next two weeks. I think one of the problems I have been having with antidepressants lately is that I have never gotten to a high enough dose (except with Effexor and Zoloft.) My psych would start me off at these TINY doses to avoid sudden SEs, but as someone with a major anxiety problem, I FOUND the SEs and then my anxiety magnified them, and since the dose wasn't high enough I didn't receive any therapeutic benefit so I deemed the med intolerable and my doctor would switch me. This time I NEED to get to a high enough, THERAPEUTIC dose to really see if the medication benefits will outweigh the negatives. I am hoping this medication will help with a few things. Obviously, my major depression spells. My depression gets so bad on some days that I feel like a walking dead. My body feels heavy, my limbs feel like they are made of lead. My thinking is greatly slowed. I don't feel great emotion anymore unless it is grief. I can tell how my mind is different than others around me - even when I don't feel sad, food still has no taste, music has no tune, TV shows aren't really fun to watch; they just function as a distraction to waste the time. I don't know what you would call this inability to connect (even to other people!) but my guess would be anhedonia - can't feel pleasure. Who knows, though - whatever it's called, it's still here, all the time, ripping the meaning out of life. Also, I am irritable all the time, exhausted, and just want to lay down. I also hope V helps my GAD and social anxiety (more like social phobia at this point.) I have become afraid to leave my house unless it is to see doctors or walk my dog. I have no desire to hang out with friends because I can't enjoy conversations. It's like people talk and all my brain will focus on is...nothing. Everything is blank. I have CONSTANT chatter in the back of my head, and I don't even KNOW what it is saying (my therapist calls these chatterboxes my "committee"; lol) but what I do know is that it makes me feel like I can never relax, always have to think about what I need to do, and it's a giant block that keeps me from connecting with the present. I noticed this happening one day when I went to go feed my friend's cats while she was out of town, and I was outside on her porch smoking. I was standing there, wondering what was wrong with me, and then realized - wow, here I am standing near all these trees, these rocking chairs, and instead of focusing on my present, all I can think about is what I need to do with my life. The inner monologue never stops. I put this theory to the test by trying to refocus onto a physical object around me - I looked at the rocking chair, tried to consider the color of it, and the texture...but all that happened was I felt so incredibly disconnected and unable to really "see" and judge my surroundings. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone! I probably sound crazy. But that's about as well as I can explain it! I think the constant disconnection might be from the depersonalization that my anxiety causes, and that could also be the reason that I have trouble enjoying things - depersonalization keeps you from being able to emote and connect and have a full emotional experience. This problem went away when I was on high doses of Zoloft and Effexor (150-200 mg, and 150 mg, respectively.) I could actually enjoy TV shows and get sucked into the plots and enjoy personal conversations and victories. So, maybe I am the type of person who really just needs to be on high doses. I hope the V helps my OCD as well (probably need a high dose for that,) so I don't feel like everything needs to be organized and controlled before I can live my life. Also, I have a constant dizziness/spaciness problem. When I sit up, I feel like my head is a balloon and about to float away. I think this chronic airhead/empty head feeling might be an anxiety problem as well, because I didn't really have this issue while on sufficient doses of Zoloft or Effexor. Or, I have read that some people with this dizziness/vertigo problem have Migraine Associated Vertigo, and a lot of times they prescribe SSRIs/SNRIs for that condition. So I am hoping the Viibryd will help my off-balance feeling/dizziness when I turn my head, as well. Anywho! Sorry for the length of this post. It's just been so long since a) I have trialed a new med, and b) since I have written a post on DF...guess I just have a lot to say! *chatterbox* I hope this med is the one!
  14. Hope you are having a sunshine day!

    1. SunshineRayy


      Awwww thank you Pinga!! I hope you have been well too! <3

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