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bigmike092's Achievements

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  1. It most certainly can get better. I dealt with depression for about 8 years I would estimate. I would say after about 3 years of dialectic behavioral therapy I no longer had a clinical depression but some depressive symptoms were still there, kind of lingering in the background is probably the best way I could describe it. Now 5 years and a couple of months into therapy if it's there at all it's barely noticeable and I'm still improving. As is common with depression, or at least seems to be, I too felt hopeless and felt there was a good chance it would never get better. Then before my depression got very severe, I was used to dealing it since I had been for about 5 years. But then it seemed to get on a level I didnt think possible, where the suffering was so incredibly intense and pretty much suicidal every day during that time. Eventually I went into therapy even though i didn't really think it would help. But then over time it slowly got better and better, with progress often seeming to be very slow. What I like about dialectic behavioral therapy is the variety of coping skills it teaches as well as the philosophy, which is accepting where your at while at the same time working on improving your symptoms. This is because not only is progress over time, but our resistance to pain or whats uncomfortable, which is human nature, makes it worse. And over time we can get better and better at the coping skills and be at least relatively more accepting of the difficulties we are facing. I know meditation is often taught through focusing on the breath or an object, but how I learned through DBT I also find helpful, which is focusing on where you feel those painful feelings in the body and practice just observing without judgement, or bringing your attention to your senses to ground yourself in the moment when things get so intense. Though I would urge to practice these things under a professional. At least in my experience, its helpful having someone with professional experience guiding you and someone to talk in detail about these things. Here is a website if you want to check it out http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/connecting_skills.html To sum, feeling hopeless seems to often go in hand in hand with depression. Seems to be the nature of the illness. But just because you feel that way doesn't mean that you can't get better. It's a long, tough journey, but it is possible and you can also grow stronger mentally from these experiences as well as learn coping skills that are useful beyond just when you are in recovery.
  2. That's good your willing to get help. My depression started in high school as well and while I knew something was wrong, I never talked about it with anyone and didn't get help until years of it getting worse and messing things up more and more. The fact your wiling to talk about it is a step towards healing. As for therapy, I have been in dialect behavioral therapy for just over 5 years now. Basically its a therapy based on learning mindfulness and other coping skills. When you do see someone, don't be afraid to change therapists if you feel like the other person is not a good fit after seeing them for some time. I wish I knew this back in high school, but getting better is possible. Though I know simply telling you that may not mean much. When dealing with depression, it usually makes one very pessimistic and everything seem very negative.
  3. Yea i can see that, at least from my own experience,which may be different. Like your just progressively getting to the point I'm done with everything and I'm done trying, instead of a constant struggle where just getting through the day feels unbelievably hard, like a huge task to be accomplished over and over again and at the same time fear if it's going to ease up anytime soon. As for that detachment, I remember there being days I woke up and thought, ok today is the day. And i remember thinking that with such a level of calm that it still kind of gives me chills to look back on. I know this is an older thread, but I hope your still hanging in there lp, there's no such thing as being too far gone.
  4. So it seems there's quite a bit of subjectivity in the test, in that if the examiner feels worried even if your doing fine, they'll touch it and you'll fail. Maybe drive slower? Just guessing. Clearly your good at driving if instructors you've had were at ease with you driving. As for the insults, people say crap to put people down to make themselves feel better. And clearly your country is more strict than what your finding on there anyway. I would just keep driving and give it a little time until your next test. Doesn't matter how many tries, all that matters is that you get there, which you will.
  5. If you don't find any medications that work, doesn't mean your depression can't get better. There are other forms of treatment out there that can help. I know how scary it is when things are that bad, hang in there.
  6. Personally I find it hard to sleep because of the lack of distractions when your just laying there trying to do so. All these thoughts and feelings coming up that then make me irritable and tense, often anxiety comes up as well which obviously makes it hard to relax.
  7. As Epictetus says, no one can say for sure what it could be. But, certainly depression has been known to be able to cause that.
  8. What's your definition of innately talented enough? Yes, there are things that come easier to some people more so than others. But if you think some of the best artists throughout history didn't practice all the time and were born at their best, then you are wrong. Same goes for anything that requires skill (professional sports). Yea I've experienced that too. I took an art class where after each drawing the whole class had to critique our work. Every time I got praise, and looking back it still feels wrong and that my work shouldn't have been. But that's what depression does, everything seems more flawed, uglier. In my experience, that applies to my perception of the world itself, and moreso myself and everything I do. And I think it's always easy to be hard on one's self, probably part of being human. Depression only makes this easier to do on oneself. Also, focusing on improving isn't a bad thing, but the best advice I can give is try to focus a little less on that and try to give more attention to the details of whatever your drawing. Maybe try different genres/subjects. There's always room for improvement, no matter if your the best in the world. But that will come naturally the more you draw and through your passion for it. And that along with challenging yourself is the most important, as opposed to the results.
  9. Depression makes it seem as if there's no end to the agony in sight and it can be very convincing, but I found out otherwise to my surprise through personal experience. Otherwise I don't think I would have believed anyone telling me it was possible.
  10. I don't have PTSD, but I still relate to what you said quite a bit, especially that last sentence you wrote. These traumatic memories that have been incredibly painful for me and I feel like it shouldn't have affected me as much as it has. But the thing is, different things are traumatic for different people. A car accident can lead to someone to develop PTSD, yet there are soldiers of war who don't. There are many different variables that go into it. It's not like you could've chose your response to whatever event that happened to be traumatic for you. And as opposed to being weak, your strong for enduring what you have day in and day out. And more importantly, healing is possible.
  11. This is just based on what I think, but, well, I look at the first as a rather normal experience, more like feeling down and feeling miserable as opposed to true depression. It's part of being human to go through difficult circumstances and feelings. But the second one, which I would call simply clinical depression, which is usually mix of factors including chemical/genetics or whatever. Then there's existential which based on personal experience and what I see on here, it seems to be often apart of depression. You would usually see this in the form, 'what is the point of everything', 'everything seems so meaningless'. So I think it is talked about here quite a bit. And I remember feeling this way all the time, in a way not easy to describe, but those who have felt it know. as for for me personally, whats helped is improving depression through therapy, which has also lessened that existential questioning considerably. So I wouldn't say it's incurable. But it's hard to deal with certiainly, in that it's partly part of the human condition and the way depression affects us and our perception of things.
  12. It's possible something like depression is going on, or it can be the prolonged anxiety and stress wearing you down which it can certainly do. I agree with above it's probably a good idea to talk to a professional to see what it is.
  13. I don't think they would differ that much from low functioning, maybe aside from severity. So I'd guess a high functioning person would have the diagnosis of more dysthymia as opposed to major depressive disorder?
  14. If you don't mind me asking, what therapy have you tried? Perhaps you just haven't found the right one and/or therapist? You still graduated though. And you've made this far despite what you've been going through. Yea i know how that is. I feel for you. Depression is horrible...just hope you keep going.
  15. That's what happens when you keep placing your happiness in the future and thinking you only will when "this" happens. Then, at least for many people, get caught in the cycle of it.
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