JD4010

Sorry folks. I have had it. I am leaving DF. 
Hope you have better luck than I have. I need to feel better somehow. A lot better. And DF can't help me. Perhaps nothing can.
 

There is no limit to self hate and anger. Neither is there any reason to think differently about myself. The self hate will grow as long as I live. It is all I truly feel.
Hatred and anger. I am damaged goods and completely corrupted.
I should be dead. I want to be dead.

I pray for everyone.  

Remember having dreams of a better life? Yeah, me too. Dreams evaporate though.

Remember having dreams of a better life? Yeah, me too. Dreams evaporate though.

Hunters and collectors all come out at night
Hunters and collectors never see the light
Hunters and collectors all come out at night
Hunters and collectors they'll never see the light
 
Can - Hunters and Collectors

I think loneliness is bothering me.

🎄

I hate myself, I hate humanity. The sooner humanity is extinct the better the cosmos will be. I think we have probably f ucked the world beyond saving too.
Nothing any of us do makes a f ucking difference. All we are capable of is uncontrollable breeding, causing calamities and problems. We never solve anything. Thank god(figure of speech, doesn't exist) I don't have kids to f uck up even more 
F uck us. F uck me. Especially me. 
 
 

I don't live for myself. I live for others. If not for them, I'd be history.

I don't live for myself. I live for others. If not for them, I'd be history.

I'm wasting life by being here. Wish I could give it to someone who is more deserving.

Life doesn't get better only worse. 
Why can't I f ucking KI LL MYSELF???????

I'm wasting life by being here. Wish I could give it to someone who is more deserving.

I'm wasting life by being here. Wish I could give it to someone who is more deserving.

I am so in-TENSE
past tense
Now I feel 
Inertia Creeping movingbup slowly
Feeling sad angry and high all the same time
But now..I feel the high turning to the worse still high make no mistake but the bile
I taste it now, I feel it
Tiger tiger burning bright
But it gets so dark
eternity in a grain of sand 
Why were you so perceptive william blake
F ucking Jerusalem
shalom salaam allah akbar 
Kabbalah sheol gehanna hosianna
Going down down
Sinking going down 
The pit and the pendulum
Finnegans f uckin wake.
Wheres the guiness when I need it
Men fan också
**** my mind up
Ineed to be dead NOW
 
 
 

The crap in life outweighs any little “good” there is. Every time.
Life isn’t worth living and there really is no hope.
Too bad I can’t just end my life. 
 
I am too much of coward.
I hate myself. I hate humanity. Nothing will ever change that. 
 
 

I'm ready to hike into the forest and leave it all behind. So long, it's been good to know you.

I'm ready to hike into the forest and leave it all behind. So long, it's been good to know you.

I'm ready to hike into the forest and leave it all behind. So long, it's been good to know you.

I'm ready to hike into the forest and leave it all behind. So long, it's been good to know you.

I'm ready to hike into the forest and leave it all behind. So long, it's been good to know you.

Spoiled milk dead fish rotten egg toothpaste barf can dog food booger stinky socks stink bug and dirty dishwasher.
These evidently were the flavors I ate last night, late, After finishing a legal brief.
the first couple that I ate were regular sweet flavors so I thought ah, these are the good ones.  Nope.
I woke up this morning still feeling queasy and had to eat an apple to stabilize my nausea stomach.
It's not helpful that Laurel just told me that technically I ate some of the real thing because they make these by sucking the air out of these real things and putting it into the jelly bean flavor.
Emmmm.
 

I don’t know..peer support doesn’t seem to help me at all. I just end up feeling worse. 
I should just quit. 
Everything.
Check out  of life for good.