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JD4010

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  1. Sad
    JD4010 reacted to gandolfication for a status update, Spoiled milk dead fish rotten egg toothpaste barf can dog food booger stinky socks st   
    Spoiled milk dead fish rotten egg toothpaste barf can dog food booger stinky socks stink bug and dirty dishwasher.
    These evidently were the flavors I ate last night, late, After finishing a legal brief.
    the first couple that I ate were regular sweet flavors so I thought ah, these are the good ones.  Nope.
    I woke up this morning still feeling queasy and had to eat an apple to stabilize my nausea stomach.
    It's not helpful that Laurel just told me that technically I ate some of the real thing because they make these by sucking the air out of these real things and putting it into the jelly bean flavor.
    Emmmm.
     
  2. Sad
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I don’t know..peer support doesn’t seem to help me at all. I just end up feeling wors   
    I don’t know..peer support doesn’t seem to help me at all. I just end up feeling worse. 
    I should just quit. 
    Everything.
    Check out  of life for good.
  3. Like
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I find it impossible to be ..happy for want for a better word. Satisfaction. Accompli   
    I find it impossible to be ..happy for want for a better word. Satisfaction. Accomplishment. Meaning.
    Yada yada. You have all heard this before. I am the proverbial broken record.
    Because I feel EMPTY, VOID the whole time, whenever I do something, anything or not.
    Camus or someone else of the existentialist persuasion wrote something to the extent:
    Living a life not ending up k Illing yourself is a meaning of life enough. My wording, but the gist of the original is there. Not entirely sure what it means to be honest. In my case, I put it down to cowardice.
    Nothing I do leads anywhere. It’s as if everything I do is a substitution or play- acting for the real thing, life, whatever it is.
    I realized a while back how stuck I was in my life. My job. ME. I am stuck being someone I don’t recognize AT ALL. And the true tragedy is I have been like this my whole adult life.
    This isn’t what I want from life. Yet I haven’t a clue(I have always been lost) as to who I want to be and what I want.
    I have said this a million times before: I feel dead inside. At the very least an imposter, a fake person.
    Nothing gives me true pleasure. Neither  have I ever felt I have achieved anything. 
    I hate my job. A lot of the crap stems from this. All my jobs have been the same in essence though. Entry level. Menial. Low pay. Dead end. 
    I don’t know what to do any more. I am scared of the future. Old age terrifies me. I don’t want to live to be 70 or 75, living on a pittance(that is pretty much certain as I have no savings), just getting more sick. 
    I will be dead long before that. I will find the courage to end this .. excuse of a life.
    Fcku this sh it. 
     
  4. Sad
    JD4010 got a reaction from anon22ae for a status update, I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.   
    I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.
  5. Like
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, Mood is a funny thing. Right now I feel pretty good. I am back to martial arts with v   
    Mood is a funny thing.
    Right now I feel pretty good. I am back to martial arts with vengence.
    I need to do more. Keeps my mind off s hit. 
    Post-training pint of  stout in front of me, life could be a great deal worse.
  6. Sad
    JD4010 got a reaction from Tilted for a status update, I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.   
    I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.
  7. Like
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I did something today I have been putting off for ever, for no good reason at all as   
    I did something today I have been putting off for ever, for no good reason at all as it used to be something I liked doing before 
    I am also paranoid, so I am not saying what it is..
    But I feel good right now. 
  8. Confused
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, Did you know, it's entirely possible to be both suicidal and feeling pretty good too.   
    Did you know, it's entirely possible to be both suicidal and feeling pretty good too. Elated in fact. 
    So much energy, so much procrastination to be done. Ha ha!
    I am everyfcukingwhere at once. 
    EVERYTHERE
  9. Sad
    JD4010 got a reaction from Devlinkyla for a status update, I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.   
    I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.
  10. Sad
    JD4010 got a reaction from MarkintheDark for a status update, I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.   
    I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.
  11. Sad
    JD4010 got a reaction from AloneGuy for a status update, I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.   
    I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.
  12. Sad
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I am so full of crap I should just flush myself down the toilet. I hate myself more t   
    I am so full of crap I should just flush myself down the toilet.
    I hate myself more than ever.
  13. Confused
    JD4010 reacted to HeatherG for a status update, My mom passed. Gonna be off site for awhile. If God/Jesus pick up when you call, can   
    My mom passed.  Gonna be off site for awhile.  If God/Jesus pick up when you call, can you ask Them to call me.
  14. Like
  15. Sad
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, My life as a stage act and failure. I hate myself and everything else too.   
    My life as a stage act and failure.
    I hate myself and everything else too.
  16. Like
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I might be off the grid for a week or so.   
    I might be off the grid for a week or so.
     
  17. Sad
    JD4010 got a reaction from MarkintheDark for a status update, 1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking. 2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the   
    1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking.
    2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the last time I heard from my long-lost GF. I'm tempted to rescind #1.
  18. Like
    JD4010 got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a status update, 1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking. 2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the   
    1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking.
    2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the last time I heard from my long-lost GF. I'm tempted to rescind #1.
  19. Like
    JD4010 got a reaction from Soarsie18 for a status update, 1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking. 2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the   
    1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking.
    2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the last time I heard from my long-lost GF. I'm tempted to rescind #1.
  20. Sad
    JD4010 got a reaction from samadhiSheol for a status update, 1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking. 2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the   
    1. I've now gone 1 year without drinking.
    2. It's also the 2 year anniversary of the last time I heard from my long-lost GF. I'm tempted to rescind #1.
  21. Sad
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, Means Of Escape part two.   
    Means Of Escape 
    part two.
  22. Like
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, "Searching for satori The Kick in the Eye" Bauhaus - Kick in the Eye Jack Kerouac too   
    "Searching for satori
    The Kick in the Eye"
    Bauhaus - Kick in the Eye
    Jack Kerouac too
  23. Sad
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I want to stab myself in the heart with a kitchen knife.   
    I want to stab myself in the heart with a kitchen knife.
  24. Sad
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, Don't want to ever wake up again. I hope I die in my sleep. I don't want to face my *   
    Don't want to ever wake up again.
    I hope I die in my sleep. 
    I don't want to face my ****ing self in the mirror. 
    I hate myself so much I want to shoot the mother****er in the head.
    Pointless loser. Just k ill yourself aready.
     
  25. Thanks
    JD4010 reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, Is art creation, procreation or just masturbation?   
    Is art creation,  procreation or just masturbation?
     
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