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JD4010

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Everything posted by JD4010

  1. JD4010

    Sigil magic

    I was really stoned and concentrated on sensing the "universal consciousness" in a dark room. It was going fine and then suddenly I felt a very malevolent presence descend upon me. I quickly opened my eyes and got it behind me. It was rather unnerving.
  2. Very exciting. And I'm quite envious. The supply has dried up around here apparently.
  3. JD4010

    Sigil magic

    Fascinating! I did something similar last night but had to break it off because weird stuff began happening. I'm not sure what to make of it.
  4. Yikes! Sorry things aren't going so well. I haven't been getting out there much either. It's been so flipping hot and humid. I could go walk in the mall I suppose but I don't even have the energy to drive there, let alone walk around. We will both be back on our feet again soon, I'm sure of it.
  5. Same here. We had several lines of thunderstorms move through here overnight. I love listening to storms but my cats got nerved out by them. They were jumping on and off the bed every few minutes. I don't think I slept more than 30 minutes straight. I'm supposed to attend a heavy duty meeting in an hour and I'm not sure I will be able to function at it. All coffee is doing is making me jittery.
  6. I was doing pretty good in spite of not sleeping last night. But then one of my coworkers told me something the boss said/did before I got to work this morning. I'm becoming increasingly aranoid because of my boss. All of the evidence points to the fact that he has it out for me. Wage slavery sucks.
  7. Well, of course you deserve a happy ending, especially given the vast amount of crap you have faced over the years.
  8. JD4010

    So, what's the path?

    Thanks for writing that. Much of it is very familiar to me. I tried to meditate last night and it was a dismal failure.
  9. Exactly the same for me. Once I start in, I don't stop.
  10. @gandolfication I don't think there's anything wrong with you. However, I think there's a lot wrong in this "society" in which we live. You outlined wage slavery in the previous post. The vast majority of humans on this sad planet are in that category. We are born into it and generally don't "know any better". In spite of a bullying boss and endless stress, I'm one of the lucky few who works in an air-conditioned office. I could easily be hunched over all day, every day, harvesting potatoes out of the ground in 100 degree heat. We have created a horrendously inhumane system that is snuffing life all over the planet. It's discouraging as all hell.
  11. My boss continues to bully me today. I called him on one issue and he had to back down. He berated me about not reporting on a particular project and I was able to show him that I actually had. He went storming out of my area as if I'd insulted his family.
  12. How often do the zaps come? Last time I tried to get away from Citalopram, I'd have zaps occur about every 30 seconds. I felt like I was phasing in and out of the universe.
  13. JD4010

    Morning Pages

    Excellent post!
  14. JD4010

    Kids

    My daughter works in retail. People have become monsters. And the clueless corporate hacks keep issuing edicts that only make things worse for the employees. She has loved this job for four years but that past two months have been agony for her. She's so fed up and I don't blame her a bit.
  15. Just Keep it Up ~ Dee Clark (1959) This is the song that I should have made my ex listen to way back when. Probably wouldn't have made any difference though.
  16. Well, at least I'm in a majority. I've got $700 in my account right now and my car just popped its intake manifold gasket. Fixing it will eat up that $700, and more. I've had enough of this hamster wheel life, thank you. @Rattler6If I had money, I could manage it. Unfortunately, I got taken to the cleaners in the divorce settlement. I'll be destitute until I die, especially as my health continues to deteriorate.
  17. I spent much of this past weekend sweating and straining by helping my ex move some heavy furniture (my daughter still lives with her so I feel somewhat responsible). Well, as usual, she made a bunch of snarky comments to my daughter about me and the "half-assed" way I do things after I left. She's done the same thing for decades but it's "my fault" that I became suicidal and left the toxic relationship. Yet I keep volunteering my time and diminishing strength to help her out, over and over again. What's wrong with this picture?
  18. Wow. Sorry. I just posted a similar message. I'm at a terrible low too for the same kinds of reasons. You aren't stupid, I can assure you. You're merely "mis-utilized". You and I (plus many others here at DF) tend to internalize this stuff and let it drag us down. I wish I had an easy solution.
  19. I woke up this morning in a great mood. I had a fun dream just before I woke up and everything seemed to be going fine. Well, BZZZZZZZZT! The universe can't have me feeling good. I arrived at work, still in the great mood, and even made it through the staff meeting in excellent shape. But then I opened my email to find several messages from my boss. Two sentences into the first message and I fell right back into the deep well. That SOB just keeps heaping it on. We have been down one staff person in my unit (5 total) for more than a year now but the boss keeps tossing us more and more duties and assignments, many of which should be coming from another unit that somehow keeps being held harmless. The staff I supervise are becoming more and more disgruntled because we are falling further behind. They expect me to push back at my boss but he's made it clear that I'm already in trouble for missing impossible deadlines. I've come to realize that my boss likes to passively-aggressively bully me. Other staff have told me that they see him doing it. I tried to come up with another explanation of why he "picks on me" (and by extension, my unit), but there is none. He sees me as an easy target and acts accordingly. I'm close to 31 years in this unit, with 10 years under my belt in the manager position. I've had it and I'm sick of it.
  20. I'm doing better than I was yesterday. Five hours of sleep definitely helped. I'm training myself to think of my cats when I start getting down at work. I need to be there for them. They were abandoned when they were 8 years old. Now they depend on me. And I depend on them to make me laugh. 🙂
  21. Oh wow. I hope things are running more smoothly now.
  22. Oh yeah. And for goodness sake, universal health care! I am lashed down tight to my job because of the health care plan through my employer.
  23. I walked to the lake last night and hope to do the same here in a few minutes. Not a long walk, but it's relaxing.
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