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About TheStubbornBull

  • Birthday 05/11/1993

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  1. Due to my depressive episodes, constantly feeling alone, and constantly feelings like I don't belong I'm a nice and generous person by nature ( I'm the type of person who will apologize 20 times for spilling a glass of milk). Always have been since I was a child. Every day I think about winning the Powerball and just giving to charities and families who need it. I give when I can, and help when I can because I don't want anyone to feel as badly as I feel all the time. In the past few months, people have called me terrible things, there have been people who don't give me any respect and treat me terribly, "friends" who block me out of the blue (no seriously)...A majority of the guys I've been with have used me or have never thought about my needs or what I wanted (the last person I was with sexually assaulted me months ago). I'm 22 with no car or money and I want to do so much to improve myself but have no energy. My siblings don't understand and don't even try to. I try talking to them and they're dismissive or say "I don't know". My dad says he's trying to but is still unable to grasp what I'm going through and because of this makes the situation worse when I talk to him about my issues. I only talk to mom and I feel like she's tired of me. I tell her I feel like crying and she goes, "Please not now. It's nothing to cry about". I don't want to commit suicide because I feel like I have a mission to complete on this earth and I don't know what it is (There has been repressed thoughts and almost attempts, but something tells me no, not yet and I don't). I'm not religious at all. It's 2016, so I figured maybe I should just find myself. Delete all my social medias, complete my studies, earn money and just go away to an island.. I don't have a talent, I wish I did...I could find that? I could try eating healthier? IDK Why are good people treated terribly? Maybe I'm not good. Maybe I'm a really terrible person. I don't know. I just want to be happy. Any input/advice on steps would be helpful. Thank you.
  2. Men usually want shorter females because it's intimidating for a woman to be taller than them. The average height for a woman in America is 5'4". The avergae height for a male in America 5'8" I only know a handful of women above this height. As for me dating someone 5'7" isn't a bad thing whatsoever as long as the personality and confidence is there. Believe me, there are a good amount of woman who really don't care. Just look at Peter Dinklage, who is 4'5" and his wife is 5'6" (they also have beautiful children). I think woman go towards taller men because it has something to do wih protection and security..at the end of the day if you love someone then height isn't a factor..
  3. I usually think either way it's a cry for help and needs to be addressed. A lot of people who don't really understand depression lead to the fact that you are looking for attentention when in actuality it's more complex than that.
  4. "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

  5. I have noticed that whenever my anxiety/emotions/depression is onset I begin to crave an alcoholic beverage. When I'm drunk I'mmore open, my feelings are gone, and I feel it's the only chance where I can enjoy the moment without constantly overthinking everything. Now, with that being said the majority of the time i'm in a social setting, but just last week I started buying my own drinks for myself and for home. I attempted to drink two packs by myself. I try and make sure my medications don't mix as I'm prescribed to take them only in the morning... It's the end of the semester and stress is now mixed into it all. I'm a tutor for kids in math. Out of all my coworkers I have the least experience in tutoring someone but I love it so much and work hard. Not to mention, I just added another major (math based) and haven't taken a big math class in two years. I was rusty in some parts (later worked on and am fine) which prompted other students to not only tell other kids not to come to me, but report me to my boss. People leave when it's my shift or just don't come in. That or they come when I share a shift and only go towards the other person. They have a final coming up and I've been working on their study guide packet and writing down steps for them over the weekend because I really want to help and really want them to pass. Because of all of this, and my constant thinking, and my job. I'm behind my grades are going to be low for the first time in my college career. This prompts me to believe I don't deserve to sleep or eat. It's all prompts me to believe I should quit my job and it all prompts me to believe that the one thing I thought I was good at, and that I love I am not. I cry in a bathroom stall every now and then after class because it's so overwhelming... I won't have a counselor for the break, so I'm wondering what I can do to control this. My doctor thinks she should give me a higher dose of my mood stablizer..
  6. That was very beautifully put! I cried a bit when I read it. Would the same techniques above help later at night when I feel the need to cry? No need to apologize :)
  7. Because I'm currently travelling I haven't been around a therapist much, but I do remember my old one telling me something a long those lines...I do remember a time where I had to constantly reassure myself that everything gets better...I even wrote a letter to myself once to refer back to every night before I went to bed. I lost t throughout all of my paperwork though =/ I really can't recall. What sucks is I don't know if this is the proper way to feel and wonder if I'm going through extremes especially after being diagnosed. I shal try writing those mantras down and recite them to myself. Thank you :)
  8. For the past year I haven't talked to my former at all but I still think about him constantly. I have been doing many things in order to try and improve myself, including traveling and meeting people from different countries. I want to let go of the situation but can't bring myself to -- it keeps creeping back into my life and I think it's still holding me back. Every time I see a picture of him or see him name, I begin to have anxiety all over again. I'm going to the lengths of even avoiding the city where I use to reside as well as trying my best not to stay at home. I am still friends with his friends as I do miss talking to them. But because of my lack of resources and a car those were the only friends I hung out with multiple times in the past. I have made many new friends over the year but a large majority of them are very far away from me. I've been also been trying to find someone to just help me mask the pain; a relationship. But so far the guys who we have managed to have mutual feelings for, don't want a relationship with me. I've already taken that as a sign for something either dealing with me not needing one or not deserving to be loved. Is there any techniques or tips to help?
  9. Lack of sleep or increase need to sleepLack of AppetiteLoosing interests in things you loveAnxiety is heightenedThe constant need to be alone or avoid peopleThoughts of possible suicide (depends)These are just a few from me. As far as knowing when it ends, I'm not all too sure. It all depends on what your doctor says and what steps you want to take in order to improve yourself. For some people it may take a while...If you have a mental disorder that can be a different story, which is another reason you should talk to your doctor or a therapist.
  10. I was weaned off over the months and was on .5 or 10g before I was taken off.
  11. I was originally treated for depression. But then, once I had to find a new therapist, I was diagnosed with BP II
  12. I accidentally repeated a post I made from 3-4 days ago. Please disregard. My apologies.
  13. I was recently taken off of my anti-depressants and am now only on my mood stabilizer. Since then I have been feeling terrible, lightheaded, think a lot more, emotional shock (too long to explain). I no go to sleep at 7-8am and wake up at 6-7pm. I tried to sleep last night around 4 and woke up at 5-6pm. I don't eat until I'm on the verge of becoming sick. When I know I have to eat food, I just don't want to...so I stay in bed or somewhere until I feel okay,..maybe I'll nibble on an apple but that's it... Do you think it has something to do with my lack on antidepressants? =
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