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JoDa

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  1. Everything you guys said makes sense, but I guess I didn't give the details I really meant to. Today is a great example of why I feel like I'm cheating him. I was home all day, but working for most of it. We took a couple of walks, but he's spent the rest of the day sleeping. He hasn't touched his breakfast, which I gave him at 10 AM (it's now after Midnight), except to hide a few pieces around the house. He hasn't touched his toys. When I first got him, after he adjusted and while I was still gung-ho, he'd be all up in my face wanting to play and cuddle and walk and NEVER refused a meal. I've taken him to the vet numerous times over ignoring food and being lethargic, and they assure me that he's perfectly healthy. Plus, he perks up when he's around other people. He's not even 3...he should be hyper as all get-out. And, while I say that he's glued to me, he glues himself to others when possible. When I took him to my brother's for Thanksgiving, he spent the whole weekend following my brother around (even sleeping with him) and ignoring me. I do have a dog walker who comes once a day and walks him for 45 minutes. We also have a yard and I let him run there. He gets a decent amount of exercise, but otherwise he seems as depressed as I am. I feel like I'm hurting him with my issues, and that's a stress I don't need on top of everything else. He should be happy and energetic, not lazing about and ignoring meals like his stupid mommy.
  2. I have been depressed for a number of years. Job, life, yadda yadda yadda. I spent the first 25 years of my life doing everything right (good grades, lots of activities, on to college, then a Master's degree) only to be stuck in a job I hate where I can't get a moment's peace. It pays well and I can live high on the hog for the few hours a week I'm home and awake and not working from home (I own a nice home in an expensive area and can afford pretty much so whatever material thing I could desire, short of yachts and jets, of course...but if I really wanted a thousand dollar handbag or whatnot...meh, no problem). I accepted a few years ago that I was never taking another vacation and didn't have enough time for even friendships, much less a relationship. But just about a year ago, I decided I could manage a dog. I LOVE dogs, and have wanted one in my life for a long time. But now that I have one, I feel like I'm cheating him. I split my work (about 100 hours a week) between the office and home, so I'm home plenty. But I don't have a lot of energy. While I'm working at home, I'm happy to toss a toy around or take a quick potty break, but I just don't have the energy or time for long walks or dedicated play sessions. As such, my dog, who is only 3, has taken to sleeping on the arm of the couch that I lean against when I'm working most of the time. He's a sweet-as-pie rescue pup who doesn't like to be separated from me. Whenever I'm home, he HAS to be in physical contact with me. Whether camped out with his nose on my knee, cuddled up to me in bed (sharing the pillow and all), or figuring out a way to smush as much of his body against me as possible from his perch on the couch arm, he almost never breaks physical contact with me when I'm home. On nights like tonight, when it's really hard, he tries to push in and lick my tears. But I just don't think this life is fair to him. Being a rescue from a bad situation, he's already had a lot to adapt to and I don't want to put him through another adjustment without feeling confident that the adjustment would ultimately lead to a better life. Just to be clear, I would NEVER dump him at a shelter to meet whatever fate he happened into. If I decided to re-home him, I would either go through a reputable no-**** rescue or find a home for him myself through my network. I love him dearly and the thought of giving him up breaks my heart, but the thought that I am not giving him his best life hurts even more.
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