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GAJ123

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About GAJ123

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  1. Oh well, well it’s official they’re staying here until sometime in 2020. I heard my brother’s girlfriend talk to my Mom & I overheard her saying about getting married which won’t be until December of next year, than going on their honeymoon than buying a house. I just had a stress attack over this. I couldn’t even feel my hands. My life is just in shambles all around. I can’t even move out due to not having the money or being in any condition to be on my own. I feel I’m semi disabled since I just can barely do anything when I’m not at work.
  2. I just don’t see how I can just move away so easily though. I already know my bank account would go down to nothing within a year or so only to have to move back anyway so why even bother with it? I’d likely be making way less than what I’d have to spend each month on house payments, food, etc. There’s no way I’d be able to get by without working like 50 hours a week. And I’ll just have to find another primary doctor in my area & pretty much get the same results most likely where they can’t help me. The same thing constantly keeps happening. My big problem is I’m not good at any particular thing to start a career in it. It’s like I have some hobbies & interests but none of them will ever lead to any career realistically.
  3. lol that would be pretty extreme since they’re the ones that came back here & took over the part of the house I used to constantly use. But who even knows, it wouldn’t surprise me. Now I’m mainly stuck to 2 rooms in the house since the rest is basically off limits due to them being here. And the issue is the part of the house they took over is where the TV I used to use is. So I can’t just go there anytime I want anymore. They also have a dog with them too where a gate has to be put in that area so it’s a giant hassle to even go there. The computer room is pretty much gone for me too since I would have no privacy there since they would constantly come in & out of the room since the laundry room & refridgerator they use is right by the wayside of that room. And I do have a lot of anger towards him since he only ever cares about himself as I said. If something doesn’t benefit himself he doesn’t care. When he wasn’t living here he barely ever stopped by or sometimes wouldn’t talk to my parents for weeks at a time. It’s just annoying how he tries to use that stupid alpha male crap thinking I can’t do anything about nothing since I’m younger & physically weaker than him. If the shoe was on the other foot & it was me with a girl moving in here & he was single all hell would break loose here since he’d start problems for us since he’d never give us privacy or anything since we’d need the area that they’re using now but he would always want to be in that area. That’s what I don’t like about him since he would cause the biggest problems everyday if the roles were reversed.
  4. Anything I do won’t change anything. I already spoke to my parents about how they lied of only claiming to stay here for 6 months but now they’re planning on leaving on their own time. It’s like I’m in a losing situation here no matter what. If I say anything all it’ll do is start a big argument of sorts where I’d be considered the bad guy so I’m pretty much stuck with no voice. My parents don’t say anything because they don’t want to be estranged with them I guess since if they flat out say they have to leave I just know my brother won’t talk to them for a long time. And I live in one of the 5 most expensive states in the U.S. so I can’t just get a job that pays like $12-$15 an hour & move out like I could if I lived in a cheaper state. I would have to get 2 jobs, maybe even 3 just to be able to move out comfortably.
  5. I get what you’re saying since maybe I come across as a bit hypocritical but what bothers me the most is how they basically lied of how long they’ll be here. When they said only 6 months I was angry at first but than said to myself I’ll just deal with it. But after the 6 month timeframe came & went I knew something was up. Now it’s almost a full year & they still don’t seem to be moving out anytime soon. Supposedly they might not move out until the end of next year or maybe even 2020. What annoys me also is how they basically took up like half the house just to themselves where I can’t even use that part of the house anymore. It’s like I’m either in my room or in the kitchen when I’m home. I feel like a prisoner here almost. I just know no one even cares. My brother I know for sure doesn’t feel the least bit bad about any of it. I know how he operates with everything & only cares when something benefits himself. He’s just always been like that since we were kids where he only cares about himself. Our personalities are just completely different where we’ll likely never be close.
  6. Because they were only supposed to be here for around 6 months at best but now they’re taking advantage & will leave on their own time. How is that okay? He already moved out than waltz right back here taking over everything like he owns the place. And I just know deep down he has the attitude about me like what am I going to do about it? I just can’t stand that type of shit because he’s older he thinks he can do that. He thinks that over time I’m going to forget about this but I won’t. Once they leave here I don’t want anything to do with them at all since as I said they don’t give a damn about me. And if I speak up about anything than nothing happens anyway. Also, I don’t get how his gf even is here. It makes no sense to me how she’s even allowed to live here like this. Like what if they broke up for some reason than she would have been living here for free when she’s not even officially family. I don’t get why they couldn’t move into one of her family’s places instead of here. I already told you that before a year is up my savings would be down to almost $0. I’m not working 60-70 hours a week just to get by living in a shitty apartment with people I don’t know or trust. I can barely work the job I do now with all my problems there’s no way I’d be able to work 2 or 3 different jobs. And no one wants to give me clearance to see a specialist since I’ve already been to so many doctors already. I was just at the doctors a week ago & he just said he don’t know what he can do for me at this point since I already been to all the different type of doctors. Now he’s not going to not be in my insurance plan anymore after the year is up so I have to find a new doctor. So I have to see if I can get a referral to see someone from a new doctor.
  7. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    Thanks, but honestly not really. Just the same old pretty much. Always feeling angry & just never feeling right. I feel like if it wasn’t for all my issues I would have a life right now but I’m stuck in a hell I can’t escape from everyday. I just don’t know how I’m even still here at this point with how awful my life is.
  8. It’s almost like for instance when I come home from work for instance like a switch goes off in my brain where I just get all pissed off & angry due to the living situation I’m in. Ever since my brother & his gf moved in my home life has been horrible & they don’t even care at all. They were only supposed to be here for 6 to 8 months at most & it’s over 10 months now with no end in sight. They’re getting married late next year but I don’t even know if they plan on moving even before that. They’re taking advantage of my parents which makes my own life miserable. I know some will say why don’t you just move out but I can’t with the way I am at the moment & don’t have enough money. It’s like I’m screwed because I don’t pay the bills here but at the same time it’s making me always feel angry & pissed off since they took over the entire section of the house I used to use. I can’t even watch the big screen TV in my own house because those assholes are taking advantage of staying here when they were supposed to be gone long ago. I don’t really like my brother as it is but I’m definitely going to hold a grudge over this shit forever because all he cares about is himself & only cares if something benefits himself. I really get a feeling like their mentality is “well what’s he going to do about it” since I’m pretty sure they know I don’t like them being here. Once they move eventually I honestly don’t want to even see them ever again because they’re just assholes that don’t give a shit about me. I’m just ranting over this because I might have to deal with this for yet another full year or even more. It’s such a joke & I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I guess maybe I’m asking for advice here besides moving out since that’s not an option at the moment due to not having enough money & not feeling well enough. It feels like basically I’m in a losing situation here since I have no say in anything.
  9. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    I just don’t know anymore. I have so many issues going on that just never go away. It’s destroying me to know that I’m still in this horrible position yet. Literally every area of my life is horrible. Even my home life is horrible at the moment due to circumstances out of my control. It’s like I can’t escape from any of this. I just don’t get why I bother.
  10. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    Just such a waste of a life. I just am wasting away as everyday goes by. I wish I died long ago to be honest since every year that goes by just feels like I’m further away from getting better. I feel I would have gotten better by now. Now I’m stuck in an everyday misery. Not sure what I’m supposed to do. How am I expected to keep doing this day after day?
  11. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    Scary to think that my life is just passing me by like this. I never want to do anything anymore. I can’t live a life with all these issues so what’s the point? I feel there’s no way out of my current predicament.
  12. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    Feel like as everyday goes by that my life is just slipping away. There’s no point to me being around at all. It’s always something bothering me almost all the time whether it’s anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, among a bunch of other things in my life. This just sucks.
  13. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    I can’t even do that since I’m stuck at my awful job in a few hours. I’m trapped in every area of my life. I have no motivation to get a better job & won’t be able to keep it since I’d lose my mind working 40 hour weeks with the way I feel. There’s no way I’d be able to keep going in to work everyday for 8 hour days like this. I would have probably just went to the gym if I was off. I have to work today through Monday until I get another day off. I already used a call out day this past Sunday so I can’t call out again this weekend.
  14. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    Just not sure what to do anymore. I just feel trapped in this position & see no way out of it. I can’t even go out anywhere anymore without getting depressed due to always seeing people together enjoying themselves while I’m always alone & feeling awful. It’s like what do I do if I feel trapped in my position with no way out of it? How am I supposed to get better if I have health issues where I don’t even know what’s wrong with me? I wish I had the courage to just end it but I can’t even do that because I’m such a loser. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m so tired of living like this.
  15. GAJ123

    I think I’m done soon

    It helps temporarily but it doesn’t really fix anything. And true, a lot of women are just as shallow as men when it comes to appearance. Some wouldn’t give the time of day to a skinny guy but if that same guy had a fit body she would give him a chance. A small part of me also wants to see if I get treated any different while being in better shape. I feel as a skinny guy I never get respect at all. People just view me as some harmless small guy & basically don’t take me seriously I feel. Probably no one would even notice if I put on muscle & weight though. It’s going to take me awhile to start noticing a lot of results though. I’ve been taking a weight gainer supplement to put some meat on my bones & notice my arms are getting a little bigger. And coincidentally being an actor was always my dream job but I’m just too anxious to be an actor. I would never be able to do a play on stage for instance. If I had an outgoing personality I for sure would have pursued it but my personality won’t allow me to do it. I’m just a naturally introverted person.
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