Jump to content
Donate Now Read more... ×

GAJ123

Gold Member
  • Content count

    1,785
  • Joined

  • Last visited

4 Followers

About GAJ123

  • Rank
    Gold Member

Recent Profile Visitors

3,803 profile views
  1. Basically it pretty much ruined my life & continues to do so. 32 years old now & I have a low wage job & don’t have the energy or motivation to have a full time job. I’ve done almost full time hours in the past but I felt like I was losing it & I snapped at my manager because she was a horrible boss & I walked out. I just think how if I never had to deal with mental issues where would I be right now. I’m sure I would have had a much better life likely with a good job & motivation but now I’m just a shell of my former self. I rarely post on here anymore but it just becomes frustrating knowing how my life has been passing me by due to never feeling well. Other circumstances that I have no control over make it look like I’ll never have any sort of life at this point outside of just going through the motions to get through the days.
  2. GAJ123

    Can this really be all there is?

    No, everything is still the same. I think this may just be something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life. I must have some sort of rare disease that no one can figure out what’s wrong. My life is just going to pass me by being like this. Odds are if I haven’t gotten better at this point I never will.
  3. I guess another vent thread but this is just ridiculous now. Old symptoms from my jaw or whatever issues have came back with a vengeance bad. I used to get severe nausea & just an overall weird feeling in my body all the time & those same symptoms came out of nowhere today. Getting those random chills & sense of being really unwell symptoms that I had constantly at one point. It’s due to this issue since I know these symptoms very well & it’s not because I’m actually sick with a fever. Than I’m also randomly spitting up green phlegm or whatever it is from my throat. This is just insane. I’m so disgusted with doctors at this point. I’m just going through my life with health issues that no one knows the problem to. I still have to make that appointment with that doctor my dentist recommended though but I just am almost sure they won’t find anything wrong since the doctor works with pain sort of issues where I don’t get much pain just these other bizarre symptoms. It’s just getting to be too much. It’s a new year & here I am still dealing with all of this where it feels like I’m never going to get better. Today I just can’t wait to go back to sleep since I’m just so beyond tired. What a waste of a life. My life is just passing me by where I just constantly feel sick & unwell.
  4. My savings would be gone in a few months at most. It wouldn’t be worth it. I have nowhere to even go. I’m stuck where I am. And I didn’t make it yet. I hope to sometime early next week. Not like I’m expecting them to help me anyway at this point. I’m a lost cause in every area. I literally keep asking myself why I’m even still here. Like what my purpose is. It’s just one awful day after another 99% of the time.
  5. Sorry to hear that. I hope you get better soon.
  6. I appreciate the replies but I just don’t know why I’m even here anymore. It just feels like everyday is the same things I have to deal with. I’m just tired of it. I feel like I’m turning into an a****** a lot of the time too. I just am always angry & bitter where I can’t shut it off. I feel like people have agendas against me or don’t give a damn about me. Which sadly has been true for most of my life. I just don’t know where I fit in anywhere. All I see in my future is more disappointment, anger & dealng with all the same problems. I don’t want to keep doing this.
  7. I just can’t deal with yet another year of knowing what’s ahead. I’m tired of being me. I don’t want to keep doing this anymore. I’m just so beyond tired of having to wake up with all the same problems. I have no life at all & have pretty much almost given up at this point. I stopped thinking about having a g/f since I have nothing to offer & it brings me less bitterness & anger when not thinking about it. I know I’m likely going to be a 40 something year old virgin & single but I already promised myself I’m giving myself until 40 & if my life is still the same by then than I won’t be around anymore. There’s absolutely no way I’m going to allow myself to go through life into middle age with dealing with all of these issues until then. I only got so much in me to keep going until that’ll be it. This life didn’t turn out the way I wanted & now I’m stuck in a position that I see no way out of.
  8. I’ve just had it with this stupid life. My life is ruined anyway so there’s nothing to look forward to. If anything I just feel worse & nothing improves. What the **** am I even striving for at this point. It just all feels so pointless. Another year is here & it’ll be another disaster like any other year. I already know how everything will play out. I’ll be trapped in my own mind due to all my problems & nothing will get better. It’s just madness at this point. I’m just not doing well at all & don’t know where else to vent about this. My life is just dwindling away as every day goes by. I don’t have the motivation to do anything & I just feel awful. Not sure what to do anymore. I had everything going for me at one point but mental illness took everything away from me now I’m just a broken down guy that’s pretty much waiting to be dead at this point.
  9. Everytime I go to the gym I wind up stopping after a few months at most. Than weeks than months go by without going at all than I lose all the progress I made when I went. A few years ago I was in really good physical shape but than I just slacked off due to low moods & just having no motivation to keep going to the gym. Than I became skinny again. Right now I’m skinny again & I hate it. I feel no one respects me as a skinny guy. Women view me as harmless which means they feel I can’t protect them & probably feel like in their minds that they can kick my ass & I have no intimidating factor to me at my size. I feel I get no respect for being a short & skinny guy but I need to find the motivation to get into the gym consistently. It’s funny how as a kid you don’t think about this stuff at all until you get older you realize how people really feel about you. I just feel being skinny has caused lots of unrealized problems for me in life where people think they can walk all over me & women aren’t attracted to me because they view me as weak. But anyways how am I supposed to stick with it though even on days where I’m feeling no motivation to do anything at all?
  10. GAJ123

    I want things to end soon

    I just got the doctor’s name a few days ago from my dentist when I asked him again. I have to make an appoinment soon with him probably right after Christmas. I’ll have to pay out of pocket to see him but it doesn’t matter at this point. I need to get this issue fixed. It has to be something severe though for it to never go away after all this time. The same thing keeps happening over & over where it’s like the muscle or joint near my ear just pops out of place constantly than I hear the clicking & popping all over again. Like right as I’m typing this I can hear it & feel the messed up symptoms this is causing me. This is just ridiculous at this point. And sadly I haven’t. I just would flunk out at this point in time due to no motivation. I don’t know how I’m supposed to work & go to school taking a bunch of clases while dealing with all my issues. I guess that’s no excuse but my mind & body are so preoccupied with all my issues it’s extremely difficult for me to do anything & be motivated. I feel trapped at this point since it’s like I have to do something but it’s very difficult.
  11. GAJ123

    I want things to end soon

    Yeah, I try to do that myself. I plan on reading some books again after a long time. I just bought an iTunes gift card today coincidentally to buy some books for my iPad. Not sure which books I’m going to pick to buy yet. I took a break from video games for a bit but will probably start playing again soon. Hopefully you feel better soon.
  12. GAJ123

    I want things to end soon

    Not really. Still same health issues. I’m just so aggrivated with this. It’s just so ridiculous that I still have these same symptoms after all this time & than if I see doctors about it they just think I’m crazy. Yes, some days before work I just don’t want to go in at all. I get angry & annoyed when I have to go in all day at times.
  13. GAJ123

    I want things to end soon

    Yeah, I remember when I wasn’t working I was feeling even worse since I’d feel worthless. I know if I was feeling 100% healthy I’d maybe even look forward to going to work to make money. I would be motivated to do things & just feel good about life. But I’m dealing with bizarre health issues & it’s just a nightmare. Right now my jaw joint or muscle popped out of place tonight yet again for the 500th time & hearing all these weird clicking & grating sounds near my ear. Also the burning in my head & body like usual. This is just insane. I probably need surgery of some sort to repair damage in my muscles & joints. Hopefully you can work again soon though. It sucks since it feels awful to not be able to.
  14. GAJ123

    I want things to end soon

    Sorry to hear you can’t work currently. It’s difficult some days to get the motivation to go in. I just feel eventually I’ll have to quit but I keep going in since I need some sort of money coming in since I have a bunch of bills I need to pay off. I don’t work full time hours though but more recently due to the holiday season. But come next month again I’ll probably be working like 15-20 hours a week at most for awhile. Yeah true I want to try to go at least 3 times a week to the gym. I haven’t been to the gym in probably like 3 months now so I lost all my gains I made while there. Now I have to start over all over again. If I had a home gym it would be so much easier. I just don’t know what to do though anymore about anything. My health issues just never ease up & go away. I don’t know what I have to do to get better. It’s just very frustrating to keep waking up everyday with the same problems. It’s holding me back so bad.
  15. GAJ123

    I want things to end soon

    I just feel so lost. I have a job I still go to & I sometimes don’t even know how I still go to it on some days. I just feel like I’m just existing but not living a life at this point. My mind doesn’t allow me to look forward to anything since it’s like I just worry how I’m always going to feel from moment to moment. It’s a horrible existence being like this. I just wish I could wake up & go about my day without worrying about how I’m feeling or not worrying about lacking energy or anything. I have to go in to work in about an hour again & it’s like I just always have to be on the go. I need to talk to customers at my job so if I’m feeling severely depresssed than it’s almost impossible to do my job. It’s very difficult to have a job working long hours with mental health issues. I’m getting an Apple Watch for Christmas so maybe that’ll motivate me more to exercise at the least. I keep slacking off with working out. Anytime I go to the gym I’d go for a few months than just lose all motivation & then I have to start all over again with any gains I achieved.
×