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About feather11

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  • Birthday 11/03/1997

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    Reading, writing, books & movies, universe, psychology, philisophy, mental illness.. art music
  1. Change of meds o.O back at school...

  2. Hertz, Happiness is one of my favourite movies
  3. Finally back... Happy Holidays to you all

  4. Hey Erica, I'm really sorry to hear about your traumatic past and I just wanted to say that I find it really admirable how you say you still have a lovely life. I can relate to you in a lot of ways, I am only 15 and have also been through much more than most people my age, I had a very rough childhood in which I practically raised myself and was neglected by my mother. However I am now living with my father (who was not present before) and everything in my life has changed. I have everything now that I could ask for, but I am still incredibly depressed and feel absolutely nothing. I have the uncontrollable bouts of crying, insomnia, migraines, sore stomachs, nothing makes me happy, always tired etc. I've been on prozac for 6 months now and I highly highly recommend you seek advice from your doctor or see a psychiatrist because it does sound to me like you have some form of depression, I was diagnosed with severe depression 2 years ago and the things you describe sound really similar to me. I have un controllable moods, I get random breakdowns like when you said you are with your boyfriend or doing something you enjoy, the same thing happens to me. It's like a switch and for no reason I feel incredibly depressed and flat. I believe that this is an all an after math of psychological scarring from my past, as there are no obvious causes or reasons for these feelings in the present. It sounds like you have been through a lot of trauma and even though it hurts I think it would be beneficial to go back through those times so you can let them go, I don't want to make an assumptions but usually we never talk about these things and bottle them up which can make it first. You may really benefit from CBT which is pretty much talking therapy or an anti depressant to help you along. Best wishes! Feather
  5. Hey there, I know exactly how you feel. Im also on anti depressants and have been for 6 months, with depression for 2 years. Everything in my life has completely changed, yet I still feel horrible. Everything I try makes no difference, I still feel as flat and awful as ever and then when I finally think I'm getting better I get some sort of panic attack or a mental breakdown and within an instant I'm back to where I started. I feel like there's nothing more I can do, I can't keep going on like this waiting and waiting so I feel like I'm stuck. Like my brain wont allow me to get better and people say keep waiting but and I have been for months so something needs to change... but nothing works. Sometimes I feel like the only way to go is backwards...
  6. Wow great suggestions, I had actually heard something about the demetors being the "depression" manifested.. I've got a long list of books to read now.
  7. How do you deal with mental breakdowns

  8. Yeah, I don't really feel anything physical, I feel more like its just a whole cloak over my brain - well not even like a cloak because its just me. But I know it's not really me!!! I've been like this for so long I don't KNOW what it's like to feel normal or what normal is. And I never ever feel sad or guilty or grief ridden... Most of the time I feel nothing or I feel incredibly sick and get into states where I have to escape and all I can do is sleep. I never ever know how to describe my mood, I'm never good, I guess I'm absolutely terrible compared to other people but ok for myself. When will you ever get out of it? I can't imagine being normal and in some ways it scares me. But I know that when I occasionally have those small glimpses of being slightly happier my view is completely switched around 360 degrees and I wonder how I could ever want to stay like that because it is so disabling and dehabilitating and just sickening to me. And sophielouise31 I really agree with your last paragraph, everything is extremely muted but you don't know it until you are out the other side and realise how bad it was.. nothing is the same as before and genuine like really being happy or laughter because you actually find something funny not just laughing for the sake of laughing.. That's how I kind of feel with depression. Just doing things for the sake of doing them when you feel see hear taste experience no pleasure and reward which I guess is why some people choose to end it. It all feels like such a long drawl and everything is hell.
  9. Yes, I agree with you all. Depression is extremely different for each sufferer, and with doctors never wanted to speak about diagnosis or different types of depression it doesn't help. It's so hard trying to explain it to your doctor an psychiatrist or whoever they may be, they always say that they are trying their best but they don't know how I feel. They always say "I've never really been depressed" and your thinking well great... what's even the point in talking to you then? Don't you just wish that you could talk to a psychiatrist that has actually had mental illness before or experienced it first hand? Or just someone who actually knows what you mean with severe depression, which is why I'm here. No matter how deep or meaningful or vivid your description is, it's just words on a page (at least to someone who hasn't felt it before) unless they are really really insightful or emotional or something, then they might get it. Like, they can read it and think about but can never really know the true extent of having to live and feel like that everyday. It doesn't affect them, usually not directly so most times people just don't care. I mean not all people.. but this is what I feel with mental health care workers etc.
  10. your both right. It really isn't possible for someone to fully grasp the feelings and state of depression, when it is severe, because you simply can't imagine it. It overpowers everything in the world and something that would make you want to **** yourself cannot be so easily expressed. P.S. Do you guys think psychiatrists understand? Because all of the psychiatrists I've seen said they wouldn't know because they've never been there themselves? How the hell are they supposed to help us then? But you know I do think if someone read through this board then they would get a little bit more understanding of how we all feel about it.
  11. That sounds like it would be very helpful, to actually SEE the effects it has on the brain. Where did you get these pictures from? I'd love to see them
  12. Thanks for all of the incredibly helpful responses. I'm watching the Robert Sapolsky video right now and although it is incredibly factual I still feel like if someone without depression watched it they just wouldn't get it. I hear some of the people laughing sometimes when they talk about suicide and you can just sense that they don't fully appreciate it. Does anyone suffer from melancholic depression? One of the strange things with me is that I never describe myself as worthless or hopeless which seems to be a hallmark feature of depression. Does anyone else get this too? @abefroman I've actually tried that explanation too! Like trying to relate it to something e.g. death of a loved one and feel the grief, but then imagine it for two years. Along with wanting to die and not eating not sleeping struggling to function and pretend that everything is ok. And you're only 15 so no one takes it seriously. Plus all of the other physical illnesses due to low immune system. I wish there was some sort of machine that people could just step into the be in our shoes, just for 5 seconds to know. And I feel like you only really know the true extent how severe and different depression really is to a normal person's state once your out of it.
  13. Hi guys, I know that probably most us of suffer from others not being able to understand depression or other mental illnesses unless they have personally experienced it. Has anyone had any successes or any good explanations to explain kind of how depression physically feels? Something that someone "normal" could maybe relate to or feel. Thanks a lot : )
  14. Thank you Kim, I really appreciate it.
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