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Everything posted by Kogent5

  1. Very anxious. I have to go get the groceries from outside in about a half hour but the next door neighbors are out working on their garden (also there are like 5 cars in front of their house, we're only just easing quarantine restrictions, yeesh). I feel so much anxiety and also foolish. Am looking at social anxiety memes to help me calm down a bit.
  2. I think the goal should always be to not overwhelm hospitals. A lot of the people at our meat-packing facility are scared to go back to work, but they aren't easily replaced because many are overseas foreign workers who weren't getting paid minimum wage and most Canadians would not put their lives on the line for that. I think this pandemic has exposed a lot of the cruelty in our economic system. I'm in Canada, so just watching the response from the US is bananas tbh.
  3. People try hobbies, decide it's not for them, that's all. It doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate the gift, just that playing guitar isn't for her. Even if I did enjoy a hobby, for someone to pressure me about practicing would put me off greatly. For it to be the catalyst for huge arguments would put me off even more. To suggest destroying something she cherishes (even if just to look at) is unnecessarily cruel. Let her be.
  4. I wish they would open city by city. My city still has active hotspots while the city above us has had very few daily cases for a while. Start reopening them, let us stay closed another week and then reassess.
  5. My cousin asked me to donate money to this family. I'm not comfortable donating to non-charities and told her so. Then she replied with a really passive aggressive comment. I don't really know how to reply. I only started texting her since the pandemic started. I was already irritated because she keeps sending me this religious stuff. I don't want to be rude but I am massively annoyed.
  6. Maybe there is someone who can rent you a room in their house? Roommates? airbnb? Local churches, homeless shelters, DV shelters would be good sources of information on affordable housing and social services. Check into storage sites in your area to leave your stuff. I know it's tough without a car. Another poster here was kicked out of their house during this, so best to prepare. I was going to suggest recording your conversations but it seems recording without consent of the other person is illegal in Illinois. There are exceptions, like if you know something illegal is about to happen. There is a subreddit called r/legaladvice that might be able to help you with eviction and recording laws in your state, you should try posting there. There is a video by Dr. Ramani on YT called "What to do when a narcissist turns people against you". She has some good advice (not just for narcissists). Try not to ask her for help with anything. Minimize any contact with her until you can get out. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. All the toxic families are "blossoming" in this pandemic. These types of family members thrive on making you miserable. Keep moving forward with your life, even if right now it is only out of spite.
  7. I'm glad you've found something that works for you! I've not heard of positive psychology so will have to look into that. Do you find it more useful than therapies that focus on negative events/thoughts? I tend to forget a lot of the stuff from self-help books or get bored, so don't have much to recommend. My attention span is awful, so stuff that tends to work for me are short and non-academic. Another Buddhist book recommendation, Opening the Door of Your Heart by Ajahn Brahm. A collection of stories/lessons about happiness. I listen to the audiobook once in a while. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I tend to really dislike and am suspicious of self-help books that get super popular, but this helped a lot in dealing with emotional attachment to stuff. Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes. Another audiobook recommendation. Listened to a lot when I started having panic attacks/mental breakdown. Currently reading The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. It gets redundant and doesn't answer a lot of questions, but it helped explain meditation in a way I could understand.
  8. It helps if you're sheltering-in-place and no one is going to look at you for a few months. I have black hair and bad eyesight so it's probably a horrorshow in the back, I can't really tell. I cut my bangs at the beginning of quarantine and ended up looking like that dude from Tiger King, so results may vary
  9. I cut off 5 inches of my hair by myself. Obviously not perfect, but it's a bit cute if I ignore the unevenness. I was getting sick of shampooing my long hair and losing so much of it.
  10. There is this turkey that has been wandering around my city since the shelter-in-place started and idk why but it really lifts my spirits lol. I didn't even know we have wild turkeys here. In general, I like reading about animals suddenly popping up because all the humans are inside
  11. Well we had a big outbreak at the meatpacking plant in Cargill, so waiting with bated breath on how bad that turns out. I think our provincial government has botched so much of this crisis up but that's par for the course here The ERs here are still busy but not so much regular medical clinics. Most people are only going if they absolutely have to. I feel bad for people who've had more urgent electives postponed. I phoned my allergist and he said his office was closed and he was just there to answer phones - thought that was odd.
  12. I hope you do too! Every day is hard - even the peaceful ones because you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to have enough mental strength to move out when this is over.
  13. There are "narcissists" who have some selfish behavior and then there are people with "narcissistic personality disorder". It's like being sad vs. being depressed. I believe my brother has NPD. Any apology from him is fake - there is no action behind it, it's all a game to him. He loves creating chaos. I don't know if your mom is NPD. Whatever the label is, how she has treated you is wrong. Glad that you were able to handle things in a way that puts you first! It might be that living apart is the best thing for your relationship. Every time she tries to provoke you, just remember that what she wants is the reaction. Keep practicing staying calm and collected. I'm trying to put this into practice every day for the last few weeks - it's SO hard and I suck at it and I cry every day but I also feel proud of myself. It's a little bit exciting to feel in control when I'm so used to feeling helpless with my family! My favorite youtube channel dealing with NPD is DoctorRamani. I also like The Little Shaman, Michele Lee Nieves Coaching, and Inner Integration. Everything sucks right now, even without dealing with our toxic families. Some days I just don't want to exist anymore. Find things that give you little bits of healthy escape. For me, I like to look at apartments for rent. Have hope, not expectations
  14. Oh I am so dysfunctional it's seeping out of my ears lol. But because I am quarantined with family, my mental state has been pushed to the edge. Other people are learning how to cook and code during quarantine, I'm trying to learn how to become strong mentally. Youtube videos have been a huge source of helpful info! This site has always been a source of support when I had no one, so it's great to help others too
  15. I know in my city, the emergency rooms are still busy. People are going to hospitals for non-COVID reasons and being treated. As grim as it is, if we have more deaths from delayed elective procedures, then we were successful. But that depends on the area. In Alberta our hospitals haven't been overwhelmed. The number of infected is so unreliable that I think only ICU + non-ICU hospitalizations are a good measure for how we're doing, and we're doing pretty well. I am wondering when/if we get protests here. We had one a couple weeks into quarantine and it was like 4 guys by the side of the road.
  16. People that say "but they're family" usually are enablers/abusers or they have the luxury of not dealing with that crap on a regular basis. What use is an apology if the person never adjusts their behavior and just keeps apologizing? At that point it's just a lie. Why does family mean we put up with all kinds of awful behavior we wouldn't tolerate from others? Society has brainwashed us with some pretty horrible family beliefs that can ruin lives. I am trying to deprogram myself and it's tough when you live with your family. I think this pandemic will lead to a reckoning in a lot of families (you can see it in China with the rise in divorce rates after lockdown ended). Hopefully you will be able to find a rental at a good price since most people aren't looking at moving right now. Good luck!
  17. Sounds like a blessing in disguise. Your sister is a flying monkey doing the dirty work of guilt tripping you - might be a good idea to limit contact with her for now as well. You gave up your apartment to take care of her while she was sick, and she in turn kicked you out during a pandemic. Good luck on apartment hunting. She brought this on, she can live with those consequences.
  18. I'm so sorry that is horrific. I don't know what is wrong with your mother or your dad. You cannot change them and you are not to blame for how they are. Is there a school counselor or teacher you can talk to? Do not tell your mother anything personal anymore. Period. Talk to her about superficial things, but do not talk to her about anything she can use against you. Do not trust her. Do not let your guard down if she suddenly starts acting nice. People like this wait for those times to hurt you more. If possible, record her whenever she is going nuts. Even just writing down the time, date, and place and what happened is good. If you have bruises, take photos. You need evidence if no one is going to believe you. If possible, keep copies on one of those online free storage websites in case she takes your phone and deletes everything. No, you shouldn't hit her but I don't blame you at all. She is the adult, you are the child, and you have learned this behavior from her. As hard as it might be, you need to stop (obviously if she is attacking you, you have the right to defend yourself though). Otherwise, try not to think of hitting her as "she deserves it" and more as "this is her behavior and I am not her". Avoid your parents as much as possible. Stay outside when you can (go to the library, mall, school, job, etc.) and come home at curfew. At home, stay in your room as much as you can. When you have to interact with them, there are different things you can try. There is the "grey rock" method, which is basically doing the bare minimum when interacting to reduce chances of setting them off. You are young and this is awful but you are young and this will not be your life forever. Be gentle with yourself when you do make mistakes, everyone is allowed that, especially in such a stressful environment. I'm a lot older than you, but one thing that has helped me was starting a tumblr where I put all of the self-care things that are helpful to me. I will add videos, things I read online, pictures, memes, stuff like that. When things get bad, I have a source of knowledge that I know works just for me. And as Epictectus says, we here at DF are here to support you.
  19. Trying to get things done between paralysing waves of depression and anxiety. I cry every day and it's been a loooong time since I've been a crier. Feels like a static signal is all that's between my ears. Eggshells, eggshells, all the time eggshells...
  20. I was looking at apartment rentals and there was this one listing for a building I'd never seen before. It's the prettiest apartment I've seen so far. There's a chandelier over the bathtub! That's pretty much the only thing that's genuinely made me happy the last 3 weeks. I'd be so annoyed cleaning it though...
  21. I took a nap and had a really nice dream. If I could have nice dreams every night, I would be able to handle my brother much better.
  22. Found out my cousin back in my home country died of COVID. I only met her once so I'm not sure what is the right way to grieve, it does not feel like my grief to share. Uncle is devastated and aunt is now also in hospital (not sure if COVID related or not). They had to cremate my cousin. All the walls feel like they're closing in. My dad went from not wanting me to go outside to REALLY not wanting me to go outside. My brother continues to cause havoc, randomly picking fights. I wonder how it will be one month, two months, three months down. I feel selfish and wish I could look past my own desires. Other people have it so much worse.
  23. I'm memorizing kanji lol. Yeah, I have stuff I've been putting off that I'm getting to. I stay in my room because he gets angry when I am elsewhere in the house...makes him more paranoid I guess. If nothing else, I think this situation is pushing me to the brink like never before. Clarity and determination.
  24. Thank you for all your input! I'll give my perspective then. Walking on eggshells all the time. Even simple tasks like getting groceries delivered become difficult because the abuser is always there and nothing you do is ever right. A captive audience to his tantrums that can't escape. Even going for walks is a no-no because it will send him into a rage. I am in my room 99% of the time. You think everything is fine and then suddenly it is not. You are to blame for the lack of toilet paper, bottled water, paper towels at the store. Why didn't you plan better? But he will not lift a finger to help. No remorse. A truly evil being. I have not had suicidal ideation in a long time and have been feeling it coming back. Only 3 weeks in and I am scared I will crack before I can escape. It is my fault for dilly-dallying with moving out. Now I have to endure this for who knows how many months. Idiot.
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