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Everything posted by Kogent5

  1. Making my way through Twin Peaks. There's so much great weirdness but that second season was so obviously messed with. I would love to see a remake, with the story that David Lynch originally intended.
  2. First Aid Kit - The Lion's Roar And I'm a ------- coward, but then so are you ~
  3. Empathy isn't a belief. You either feel it or you don't.
  4. DSM-5 will have the official diagnosis criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. Do you need an official diagnosis? Nah. A video that really struck me is on youtube called: "Why do you feel it so important to know they are definitely a narcissist?" I find Youtube videos from DoctorRamani have been really helpful in understanding narcissism. She is really empathetic and knowledgeable about narcs, which is not common in therapists. The Little Shaman is another good channel as well.
  5. In high school, only 2 of us passed the AP exam in grade 12. My friend became a doctor and I became...nothing. Awards and scholarships don't mean anything when you have zero confidence and messed up coping mechanisms. Living in the real world feels impossible. At this point I'm sure I'd be more useful as pig feed. I rebuild my life bit by bit, then something catastrophic happens to my family and everything comes unglued. I don't see the point in life when the cycle is endless.
  6. It's hard not to be bitter when I think what kind of a person I could have been had I been born into a more functional family.
  7. I made several stupid mistakes on the final assignment for my class and I'm kicking myself because I could have aced it. I worked SO HARD on that stupid thing all week and I sabotaged myself by not doing a proper final edit. Idiot.
  8. Just finished The Boys Season 2. Started a bit slow but gets really good the last few episodes. I also finally finished The Man In the High Castle. If you're thinking about watching this...don't. They really crapped the bed with the ending. Hoping I get another free Amazon Prime trial by the time The Boys Season 3 comes out
  9. Sorry things have been rough. It sounds like you have a starting point for what would help (sitting in nature). Is that something you're able to do? It also sounds like staying off of social media would help (I think that's a good idea in general, even when not horribly depressed). This sounds silly, but the last couple of months if I'm feeling very anxious at bedtime, I fall asleep to a video on Youtube called "Best Starfield! 2 Hours of Amazing Space Travel- Supernovas, Nebulas & Comets!" I just stare at my laptop screen and pretend I'm alone on a spaceship, traveling far away from everyone and everything I know. I still wake up with bad morning anxiety, but I'm not starting my sleep with so much negativity. I hope this is just an adjustment period for you and your body will sort itself out soon.
  10. sober, I'm tearing up. So glad she reached out to you. I hope the weekend gives you some time to rest a bit (or stay busy, whichever is best for you).
  11. I am going into my "angry" phase of depression, which at least provides some feeling of motivation. Usually if it is just depression, everything feels grey and worthless. I don't stay angry very long, though, and will be back to "normal" in a day or two. How long can one avoid oneself? Yes, keep busy, don't let your mind rest...that's when the bad thoughts come rushing in. But it's an exhausting way to live. I keep a stash of packaged foods in my room when everything becomes difficult (tuna, crackers, instant noodle). Plus I have an electric kettle and some bouillon cubes to make soup. I can live in my room for a few days without going anywhere else but the bathroom. I don't recommend it, though.
  12. And they say "fake it until you make it". After 15 years as an adult, I'm kinda tired of faking. If I told myself 10 years ago that this was how I would be living, I honestly think I would've ended things then.
  13. They always say "keep busy" to take your mind off the depression and anxiety. Well, I'm pretty full up with classes and goals I have 'til the end of the year, but I still don't really want to exist. I don't dream about the future and everything still feels miserable. I don't see the point in quitting right now, but if something were to curtail my plans, it would bother me less than it should. I'm an empty husk pretending that I'm trying to be a productive member of society. All I want is to not be me.
  14. I remember now why I used to love school. I can be really good at academic stuff if I try. It's the real world and people that I suck at.
  15. I think it's normal, especially when depressed. I usually just think of it as a projection of my unfulfilled desires (might not even have anything to do with marriage). If you're a competitive person, it can be rough. Just try to focus on other things, don't be too harsh on yourself if you can't, and other things will eventually occupy your mind.
  16. If it wasn't for the pandemic I absolutely would! Our library provides $5 free monthly printing. I literally just spent 2 hours cleaning my print head, trying to get it to print magenta. Still not printing it
  17. Idk why but my anxiety is very strong today. I'm trying not to have a panic attack and all I'm doing is printing some stuff
  18. Mister America If anyone watches On Cinema, it's another piece of that universe. One of the weakest parts of the lore. Definitely not something a person who doesn't watch the show should see.
  19. I'm so sorry, Sue. When my mum got her brain tumor, she became paralyzed on her right side, too. It's tough to see a loved one have to live like that. You've had a horrible summer. Wishing you peace in the coming months
  20. If anyone is looking for something to do for free, check out the e-resources of your local library. Mine has free subscriptions to a variety of e-learning websites (Lynda, creativebug, Gale). It also has a lot of free online newspaper and magazine subscriptions.
  21. What were the alternatives though? She would've died alone, suffering on the ground, if you hadn't been there. Strokes are so unpredictable, you wouldn't have known how things would go. Not even doctors can predict that. At least people have been able to say goodbye to her (even if not in person). Your grandma knows you did your best. I'd probably feel the same in your situation, but it's a situation that was largely out of your control. No one with a good heart is going to criticize what you did.
  22. I know you don't have the greatest relationship with your relatives, but that should immediately put you in the "hero" category of your family. I hope your grandma pulls through okay. That's a lot of stress so please look after yourself too.
  23. Anyone go through a "dark night of the soul"? Did you come out of it? I'd only heard about this in the past couple of weeks and it sounds like the type of depression I am currently going through. It's a spiritual/existential crisis. For the past few months, I have come to realize a lot of what I thought of myself is a lie. I have been severely depressed before, but always felt I at least knew something of who I was, at my core a good person. I thought I was a lake when actually I'm a puddle. I think this is why that class introduction felt so difficult...everything I wrote means nothing. No amount of self-help books or videos or activities has eased my thoughts.
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