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Everything posted by Kogent5

  1. I remember now why I used to love school. I can be really good at academic stuff if I try. It's the real world and people that I suck at.
  2. I think it's normal, especially when depressed. I usually just think of it as a projection of my unfulfilled desires (might not even have anything to do with marriage). If you're a competitive person, it can be rough. Just try to focus on other things, don't be too harsh on yourself if you can't, and other things will eventually occupy your mind.
  3. If it wasn't for the pandemic I absolutely would! Our library provides $5 free monthly printing. I literally just spent 2 hours cleaning my print head, trying to get it to print magenta. Still not printing it
  4. Idk why but my anxiety is very strong today. I'm trying not to have a panic attack and all I'm doing is printing some stuff
  5. Mister America If anyone watches On Cinema, it's another piece of that universe. One of the weakest parts of the lore. Definitely not something a person who doesn't watch the show should see.
  6. I'm so sorry, Sue. When my mum got her brain tumor, she became paralyzed on her right side, too. It's tough to see a loved one have to live like that. You've had a horrible summer. Wishing you peace in the coming months
  7. If anyone is looking for something to do for free, check out the e-resources of your local library. Mine has free subscriptions to a variety of e-learning websites (Lynda, creativebug, Gale). It also has a lot of free online newspaper and magazine subscriptions.
  8. What were the alternatives though? She would've died alone, suffering on the ground, if you hadn't been there. Strokes are so unpredictable, you wouldn't have known how things would go. Not even doctors can predict that. At least people have been able to say goodbye to her (even if not in person). Your grandma knows you did your best. I'd probably feel the same in your situation, but it's a situation that was largely out of your control. No one with a good heart is going to criticize what you did.
  9. I know you don't have the greatest relationship with your relatives, but that should immediately put you in the "hero" category of your family. I hope your grandma pulls through okay. That's a lot of stress so please look after yourself too.
  10. Anyone go through a "dark night of the soul"? Did you come out of it? I'd only heard about this in the past couple of weeks and it sounds like the type of depression I am currently going through. It's a spiritual/existential crisis. For the past few months, I have come to realize a lot of what I thought of myself is a lie. I have been severely depressed before, but always felt I at least knew something of who I was, at my core a good person. I thought I was a lake when actually I'm a puddle. I think this is why that class introduction felt so difficult...everything I wrote means nothing. No amount of self-help books or videos or activities has eased my thoughts.
  11. It's an intro class to technical writing Thank you! A lot of technical writers end up there because of the industry they're in and they naturally end up doing it, whereas I'm trying to enter it without much background. Everyone seems nice enough, but my thoughts certainly get twisted in deep depression.
  12. True, it's just hard. This is bringing back all kinds of memories of trying to socialize in university...which is why I'm writing this at 5 in the morning instead of sleeping! Haven't yet. Will probably talk about volunteering and hobbies that I do like once a year. Trying to convince myself no one really cares or is as neurotic as I am
  13. I signed up for an online class and am already in shambles. The first assignment is to introduce yourself on the discussion boards and everyone on there sounds so much more accomplished than me. I was just going to write a short thing but people are writing paragraphs...currently trying to think of what to write without sounding pathetic But it's nice to be a little excited for something and just focus on myself for once.
  14. I woke up early this morning, couldn't sleep (as usual) and browsed the internet. When I looked at the clock: 3:33. Decided to Google that. First link I clicked said: Together, your angels and spirit guides are sending signs of 333 to comfort you and to remind you that you have the inner strength to keep going on your way. So I'm gonna go with that since I don't really have anything else to hang my hopes on right now.
  15. Yep. I think the question now is "how much worse will it get?"
  16. I'm envious that you have a passion in life. I used to like drawing and photography but can't be bothered anymore. Having a passion you are good at is such a gift.
  17. You have your children (you've probably heard that a million times) but your life is worth saving, regardless of who will be sad if you were gone. Yes, if you can just weather those worst moments, and you will, because you've done it before. This year has been a real crapshoot. Try not to put yourself down too much (easier said than done). It's good to rest rather than attempt to fix yourself when things are at their worst. I am trying to stay curious about the future, even if I don't feel much hope. Hang in there.
  18. I'm sorry, I know you've been having a rough go of it. Are you able to see your doctor anytime soon? This year has been hell and I really understand the feelings of pointlessness. Do you have any coping strategies you can use right now? I can share some, if you'd like (although admittedly they're not great, because I've been feeling suicidal often lately)
  19. Thunder Road. Really good movie. Watched a few weeks ago but stayed in my mind. About a cop going through a mental breakdown, kinda like if Reno 911 was played straight. Funny and sad. Made on a $200k budget but way better than a lot of crap out there.
  20. I usually only subscribe for 2 months of the year when they offer discount on their HD subscription Again, this is NOT a happy show - there are characters who I don't think smiled in the entire 3 seasons. It definitely heightened my suicidal ideation.
  21. I finished Dark (Netflix German series) a few days ago. It's so good but so intricate, I need to rewatch again to catch everything (I've already watched youtube videos to explain timelines and such). I would rank it as one of the best tv series ever. I regret watching it while being so depressed though. Don't watch if you are doing suicidal ideation.
  22. Oh absolutely. You don't stay too long in one area means you can't plant roots and get hurt. Developing deep relationships just seems to end up in suffering for me. Cowards live unusually long lives by avoiding danger
  23. Oh homework haha, all that did was give fodder for next session about why I didn't do the homework... In the end, I don't think I care about CBT, DBT, ACT, body therapy, etc...I just want someone to listen to me. Maybe a hug sometimes. And for it to not cost money. Oh well. I don't wanna be homeless, but stuff like living in a hostel in some foreign country, or van living, or off-grid living, has been so appealing to me lately.
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