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Posts posted by Kogent5

  1. Dreamt I was in New York and people blamed me for pushing Lisa Kudrow and they all started chasing me. Then I ran through a park where people were pouring gasoline everywhere and setting it on fire, so I lost my chasers amidst the smoke and fire.

    Honestly, a pleasant and exciting dream lol. The only part of the dream I disliked was the very beginning (before the Lisa Kudrow part) where I was trying to make friends with neighbors and they rejected me 🤷‍♀️

    Good dreams are nice but they're usually a harbinger for upcoming stress in real life, which did happen 😒

  2. 7 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

    Today is a public holiday here and my mother in law’s house is having visitors and I’m holed up in “my” room cos I don’t want to socialise with them at all. Thus feeling like everyone hates me. Well. I guess that’s better than having to entertain people who I don’t know how to talk to and staring into space while they talk. Sigh. 

    I hope they didn't stay too long, I don't particularly like having houseguests either (even under good circumstances).

  3. On 4/6/2022 at 6:30 PM, evalynn said:

    Frustrated with all these pills. Thought I forgot to take one, and turns out I (probably) took one too many. And now I'm completely thrown off when I finally had some confidence about getting it right for tomorrow. It doesn't help that most of these pills and round and small and look the same. I can barely read the little numbers on them. I'm so overwhelmed. 

    At my dad's pharmacy, they can sort out your daily pills into blister packs (for free) so you don't have to sort it yourself.

    Alternatively, you could get 7 of those weekly pill organizers and relabel each section for each pill. Then you have one pill organizer for each day of the week. Just sort them all out at the beginning of each week - like meal prep, but for meds.

  4. On 4/20/2022 at 3:46 PM, Extremebeginner said:

    I understand completely…. Don’t want to cast any shadows but therapists have been effected by this virus and other changes too. They are human and suffer from human problems. I’m sure you will be careful in finding the right person to consult with.

    i’m certainly not abusive, but I wouldn’t comment on my insanity level, I think thats a fine line between cleverness and lunacy.

    When I was referring to the insane/abusive part, it was more just getting perspective from outside of my toxic household lol. That wasn't a slight to mental health professionals 🙂

    My last therapist was kinda unprofessional and kooky (like she would eat her lunch during our sessions and tell me about her incontinence problems...), but I wish I had the ability to chat with her again and I still do use some of the techniques I learned with her. I'm looking for someone who does therapy via email, which I realize isn't ideal, but will have to do for my situation.

  5. 3 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

    You have us all here too if you need outsider perspective.

    other option could be youtube video’s, with your headphones on, maybe?

    For sure, I have a whole "mental health" youtube playlist lol. I will go watch it today.

    I'm just so depressing, and ppl are struggling here too. If you guys offer me support, I wanna be able to offer support as well, and I really just can't right now, so it feels unfair.

    I think after 2 years of this pandemic, I've reached my limit of "inner strength." What I need is someone' who's not insane/abusive to make my life decisions for me. I can't be trusted to make healthy decisions.

  6. Dad managed to deal with COVID okay but now on the tail-end of that, we find out his kidney disease has progressed to stage 4. I am so f'ing tired of everything. Can't even say he tried to make improvements in his life. He didn't, he won't even eat vegetables or cut back on coke or coffee.

    I really do believe there's happiness in life, just not for me. Sometimes people just have lives that are meant for suffering. I turn 35 soon and have nothing to show for it. I should've left home when I was 18 and not looked back. I would've told younger me to never sacrifice myself for family...it ain't worth it. They will take everything from you and still ask "what about me?"

    It is my brother's birthday today and I want to be happy for him but I'm just full of anger and bitterness.

  7. Researching "email counseling."

    Sounds stupid and like a way to steal money from the mentally ill tbh, but I have no privacy at my abusive home (i.e. webcam/phone is a no-go) and cannot go to therapy sessions like I used to. I'll at least try a few sessions. I really need to talk to someone with a non-judgmental outsider perspective. Losing my mind.

  8. Feeling intense shame and hopelessness. The future is so bleak. I am so ashamed of what I have "accomplished" in life. I know my friends think I am pathetic and weird. COVID ruined a life that I was just starting to pick up the pieces of.

    I can't just off myself because people depend on me. People who put their own needs first and could care less about what sacrifices I've had to make. This is torture.

    And yet I know I shouldn't complain. People have it much worse. Just makes me feel even more like a jerk.

    But this all feels like a prison, has felt like this for many years. I'd rather just get the chair at this point.

  9. 8 hours ago, sober4life said:

    I have a fan running on both sides of my bed every time I lay down.  I have to do it.

    Not at night, but during the daytime I have the heater or air purifier running, or I listen to white noise track on my computer. It's probably awful for the ears but it blocks out a lot of unpleasant things...

  10. On 4/16/2021 at 9:37 AM, sober4life said:

    I'll never have the strength to leave this situation.  This place will be my tomb.  So just get it over with god.  Whatever I've done I've served a long enough sentence.

    Same. I'm supposed to live another 40-50 years on the very slim chance that something good might happen? Nothing's going to make up for all the trauma I've dealt with, I am so tired of it all.

  11. My family is beyond exhausted dealing with my older brother. Lately he says threatening things to my dad and then my dad urges him on, tells my brother to attack him. My dad is at his wits end but he still won't kick him out because he doesn't think he can care for himself. Everyone is terrified of my brother but he's just a coward...he's nothing but a coward. Too scared to live alone, expects everyone to do his bidding...he's garbage personified. But that's an insult to garbage.

    I wish someone would exorcise that demon out of our life.

  12. My brother's birthday is soon and mine soon after that. Mid-30s now and at this point I feel I've wasted my life entirely. I finished my final assignment for a class I'm taking - an assignment I've spent a ridiculous amount of time on - and just said to myself, "That was stupid and meaningless. No one will see this besides your teacher and he'll forget it right after he marks it. This isn't important work, it contributes nothing to the world. Why are you wasting your time? Why are you here?" So that's where I'm at...as if I'm so important that I deserve a hero's story or something.

    And then I remembered a depression test I had to answer in high school. I lied on that stupid test to seem not depressed and I STILL tested positive for mild depression. Meanwhile my friend got not depressed at all. Nothing changed for me, I just lie less about it now...

  13. 15 hours ago, sober4life said:

    I'm actually watching it right now and I do like it.  I've been feeling very awful today but it's made me laugh and helped me through the evening.  He's like me in a small town I think and then you wonder is the alien really the weirdest one in that town?

    Yay! Yeah, it has been nice to watch and take my mind off things too, I haven't had many "laugh out loud" moments the past year but I've done it several times with this show. Harry is relatable, and as the show goes on even the seemingly normal people do "abnormal" things. It seems to be settling down now and I really enjoyed episode 5, even the other characters get better.

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