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About Kogent5

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  1. And they say "fake it until you make it". After 15 years as an adult, I'm kinda tired of faking. If I told myself 10 years ago that this was how I would be living, I honestly think I would've ended things then.
  2. They always say "keep busy" to take your mind off the depression and anxiety. Well, I'm pretty full up with classes and goals I have 'til the end of the year, but I still don't really want to exist. I don't dream about the future and everything still feels miserable. I don't see the point in quitting right now, but if something were to curtail my plans, it would bother me less than it should. I'm an empty husk pretending that I'm trying to be a productive member of society. All I want is to not be me.
  3. I remember now why I used to love school. I can be really good at academic stuff if I try. It's the real world and people that I suck at.
  4. I think it's normal, especially when depressed. I usually just think of it as a projection of my unfulfilled desires (might not even have anything to do with marriage). If you're a competitive person, it can be rough. Just try to focus on other things, don't be too harsh on yourself if you can't, and other things will eventually occupy your mind.
  5. If it wasn't for the pandemic I absolutely would! Our library provides $5 free monthly printing. I literally just spent 2 hours cleaning my print head, trying to get it to print magenta. Still not printing it 😒
  6. Idk why but my anxiety is very strong today. I'm trying not to have a panic attack and all I'm doing is printing some stuff 😣
  7. Mister America If anyone watches On Cinema, it's another piece of that universe. One of the weakest parts of the lore. Definitely not something a person who doesn't watch the show should see.
  8. I'm so sorry, Sue. When my mum got her brain tumor, she became paralyzed on her right side, too. It's tough to see a loved one have to live like that. You've had a horrible summer. Wishing you peace in the coming months ❤️
  9. If anyone is looking for something to do for free, check out the e-resources of your local library. Mine has free subscriptions to a variety of e-learning websites (Lynda, creativebug, Gale). It also has a lot of free online newspaper and magazine subscriptions.
  10. What were the alternatives though? She would've died alone, suffering on the ground, if you hadn't been there. Strokes are so unpredictable, you wouldn't have known how things would go. Not even doctors can predict that. At least people have been able to say goodbye to her (even if not in person). Your grandma knows you did your best. I'd probably feel the same in your situation, but it's a situation that was largely out of your control. No one with a good heart is going to criticize what you did.
  11. I know you don't have the greatest relationship with your relatives, but that should immediately put you in the "hero" category of your family. I hope your grandma pulls through okay. That's a lot of stress so please look after yourself too.
  12. Anyone go through a "dark night of the soul"? Did you come out of it? I'd only heard about this in the past couple of weeks and it sounds like the type of depression I am currently going through. It's a spiritual/existential crisis. For the past few months, I have come to realize a lot of what I thought of myself is a lie. I have been severely depressed before, but always felt I at least knew something of who I was, at my core a good person. I thought I was a lake when actually I'm a puddle. I think this is why that class introduction felt so difficult...everything I wrote means nothing. No amount of self-help books or videos or activities has eased my thoughts.
  13. It's an intro class to technical writing 🙂 Thank you! A lot of technical writers end up there because of the industry they're in and they naturally end up doing it, whereas I'm trying to enter it without much background. Everyone seems nice enough, but my thoughts certainly get twisted in deep depression.
  14. True, it's just hard. This is bringing back all kinds of memories of trying to socialize in university...which is why I'm writing this at 5 in the morning instead of sleeping! Haven't yet. Will probably talk about volunteering and hobbies that I do like once a year. Trying to convince myself no one really cares or is as neurotic as I am 😬
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