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Kogent5

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  1. I recently started writing again because I came across this AI writing app. If I get stuck, I let the app write something (you can edit it afterwards if you're iffy on the idea of something else writing for you, but it doesn't matter for me since my stuff isn't publishable). It's fun, kinda like having another person to bounce off ideas. Often the stuff it comes up with is nonsensical but will trigger a light switch in my head. The app I use is Dreamily but I know there's a few others like AIDungeon or NovelAI. I watch walking videos on youtube to "transport" myself to places around the world (I like a channel called Rambalac because they do a lot of Japan walking vids).
  2. The Green Knight - 5/10 I was surprised how much I disliked it. I think I just don't get David Lowery's work (also didn't like A Ghost Story). Old Henry - 7.5/10 I hadn't heard about this movie but it's great! Highly recommend if you're into Westerns (fyi, there's some pretty violent scenes).
  3. Dreamt I was in New York and people blamed me for pushing Lisa Kudrow and they all started chasing me. Then I ran through a park where people were pouring gasoline everywhere and setting it on fire, so I lost my chasers amidst the smoke and fire. Honestly, a pleasant and exciting dream lol. The only part of the dream I disliked was the very beginning (before the Lisa Kudrow part) where I was trying to make friends with neighbors and they rejected me Good dreams are nice but they're usually a harbinger for upcoming stress in real life, which did happen
  4. I hope they didn't stay too long, I don't particularly like having houseguests either (even under good circumstances).
  5. At my dad's pharmacy, they can sort out your daily pills into blister packs (for free) so you don't have to sort it yourself. Alternatively, you could get 7 of those weekly pill organizers and relabel each section for each pill. Then you have one pill organizer for each day of the week. Just sort them all out at the beginning of each week - like meal prep, but for meds.
  6. How I am feeling now is just the tip of the iceberg. What will likely be coming is going to be more than I've ever dealt with. I am very scared.
  7. Sonoma Creamery Bacon Cheddar Crisps. A bit pricy but they are so tasty and so much better than the freeze-dried cheeses I see more and more of. A good once-in-a-while snack. Also I bought a bunch of Easter candy at deep discount
  8. When I was referring to the insane/abusive part, it was more just getting perspective from outside of my toxic household lol. That wasn't a slight to mental health professionals My last therapist was kinda unprofessional and kooky (like she would eat her lunch during our sessions and tell me about her incontinence problems...), but I wish I had the ability to chat with her again and I still do use some of the techniques I learned with her. I'm looking for someone who does therapy via email, which I realize isn't ideal, but will have to do for my situation.
  9. For sure, I have a whole "mental health" youtube playlist lol. I will go watch it today. I'm just so depressing, and ppl are struggling here too. If you guys offer me support, I wanna be able to offer support as well, and I really just can't right now, so it feels unfair. I think after 2 years of this pandemic, I've reached my limit of "inner strength." What I need is someone' who's not insane/abusive to make my life decisions for me. I can't be trusted to make healthy decisions.
  10. Dad managed to deal with COVID okay but now on the tail-end of that, we find out his kidney disease has progressed to stage 4. I am so f'ing tired of everything. Can't even say he tried to make improvements in his life. He didn't, he won't even eat vegetables or cut back on coke or coffee. I really do believe there's happiness in life, just not for me. Sometimes people just have lives that are meant for suffering. I turn 35 soon and have nothing to show for it. I should've left home when I was 18 and not looked back. I would've told younger me to never sacrifice myself for family...it ain't worth it. They will take everything from you and still ask "what about me?" It is my brother's birthday today and I want to be happy for him but I'm just full of anger and bitterness.
  11. Researching "email counseling." Sounds stupid and like a way to steal money from the mentally ill tbh, but I have no privacy at my abusive home (i.e. webcam/phone is a no-go) and cannot go to therapy sessions like I used to. I'll at least try a few sessions. I really need to talk to someone with a non-judgmental outsider perspective. Losing my mind.
  12. Feeling intense shame and hopelessness. The future is so bleak. I am so ashamed of what I have "accomplished" in life. I know my friends think I am pathetic and weird. COVID ruined a life that I was just starting to pick up the pieces of. I can't just off myself because people depend on me. People who put their own needs first and could care less about what sacrifices I've had to make. This is torture. And yet I know I shouldn't complain. People have it much worse. Just makes me feel even more like a jerk. But this all feels like a prison, has felt like this for many years. I'd rather just get the chair at this point.
  13. Did you have any luck finding an online therapist?
  14. Sunny Came Home - Shawn Colvin Been listening to lots of songs from my childhood for comfort. Never knew this song was about ars-n and m--der. Been listening to it a lot still lol.
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