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djnelsen

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  1. On the surface I have everything going for me: Fairly privileged upbringing with happily married parents. Never wanted for anything. (and yet I was horribly depressed even at age 11) Many many times I've been told by women that I'm very good looking. I've had great luck with women over the years. (and yet I can't maintain a relationship. I was even married, but it only lasted 2 years) Very smart. (but I don't apply it to anything) Successful career (at least it was, and could have been a lot better). Just landed a great new job (but I dread it, I'm terrified of failing. I feel like I'm in over my head. I just want to quit) Healthy, no major medical problems (yet I'm inactive) A beautiful, healthy 4-year-old boy. He's with me about 1/3rd of the time. (But I dread and don't enjoy my time with him, I find it too frustrating. You can't imagine the guilt I feel over this) I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm very sick with this very real illness. I've had it for 30 years, and I'm tired of it. Therapy, drugs, support groups, nothing works. The unthinkable is always on my mind, and I feel like some day I will. So yes, this disease is very real. Some people take comfort in knowing this. I take none. It just makes me feel even more hopeless.
  2. I'm on wellbutrin, abilify, klonopin, and lamictal. They help a little bit. Yes I have support from friends and family. Yes I see a therapist and psychiatrist regularly. Nothing is working.
  3. ...and I'm only 41 Since 11 years old, I've been horribly depressed most of the time. I've tried endless therapy, many different combinations of meds, support groups, and I was even committed for about a week. Nothing works. It has ruined my life. I feel like I'm stuck with this forever. Hopeless :( The unthinkable comes to mind, in fact it's always on my mind. I don't know what to possibly get out of this thread, and realized it's incredibly dreary. I don't wish for it to bring anyone down. But I feel like I needed to share.
  4. I wish I was allowed to die. I wish I didn’t have a kid. I wish I didn’t have anyone who cared about me. I don’t care about me. I have no passions, no interests, no hobbies, nothing. I feel no love. I feel nothing. But I don’t want to cause hurt to anyone. So I can’t do it. So I while away my days in horrendous misery, constantly thinking about suicide, but I can’t do it. I hate my life. Therapy, drugs, programs, lock me up, whatever. None of it works. I just want death. But I’m not allowed to. I’m trapped in this horrible ****ing existence, waiting to watch loved ones pass away, waiting to watch my son grow older as I have NOTHING to offer him. **** **** **** **** hiohiou’hguiyfup;ftpy7uptuy5dodysrldtr5ylplyutr5d;utfrd68t5r4886rtfutirf;vyg No I’m not going to **** myself, don’t worry. If I could I’d be long gone. Blissfully
  5. I am 40 years old, father to a healthy beautiful 3-year-old boy. Been divorced from his mom for two years. I have my son every other weekend and 1 weeknight per week. I have suffered from depression off and on (mostly on) for my whole life. I am on meds, seeing a psychopharmacologist, and seeing a therapist. This does help, but not enough... maybe I will start to see more benefits if I stick it out. Even though I don't have him most of the time, when I do have him I often feel extremely overwhelmed, particularly on the weekends I have him. Sometimes I am really enjoying myself with him, but way too often I feel like I'm desperately trying to **** time until it's bedtime or his mother comes to pick him up. Occasionally my parents are around to help out, which helps, but very often they are not. On rare occasion I arrange a playdate with friends, which helps, but not often enough. I really need more support I guess. I get terrible thoughts of: "I can barely handle my own life, what business do I have being a father? It's way too big of a responsibility, I'm not worthy." "This is a terrible situation. I never should have married my ex, let alone had a child with her. My life is a disaster." "I'm supposed to be this rock solid figure in my son's life... his FATHER... I'm supposed to teach him, show him how to live a wonderful life. But my life is terrible, I'm depressed all the time, etc." "I'm supposed to be savoring and enjoying my time with him, but I'm not. I'm just trying to get through it". "This is never going to get better." Everyone tells me I'm a great dad. I'm always there for him when I'm supposed to be. I always pay my child support payments. He is safe and well cared for when he's with me. He always yells "DADDY!!!" and runs to the door when I come to pick him up. This is always a moment of joy for me, but then it's downhill from there. There are going to be some times when I will have him for an entire week, and not just a weekend. I'm terrified of this. I can barely handle a weekend, how do I handle an entire week? I need to learn how to just take it one day at a time, but I can't seem to. I obsess over the gravity of the whole situation, that it's all a big disaster :( Please help. Thanks.
  6. Anyone else? Surely there are lots of people here who are on lithium, or have been in the past.
  7. 8 months ago I bought a really expensive car and racked up thousands in credit card debt, with nothing to show for it. I've since gotten rid of the car, but still deep in a financial hole from all of the spending.
  8. Sorry if this isn't the right forum, but I couldn't find one specifically for lithium, so I figured this was the best place. I recently started lithium at 600 mg/day to help with depression. Even after just one day, I can tell what it's doing and I think it's helping. However, is absolutely HATE any medication that has sexual side effects. So what's the general consensus with lithium and sexual side effects? A search of the web gives very mixed results. Please share your thoughts. Thanks.
  9. Managed to get thru to my psychiatrist, and he said that since I haven't been on SR150 2x/day for very long, it was ok to just take one SR150 per day until I see him on thursday, then we'll come up with a plan for weaning off of it... or maybe I'll be feeling better with it then and I'll continue. Thanks everyone
  10. Ok I'll continue. What if I only take one sr150/day instead of 2? So not cold turkey, but reduced dose. Is that ok?
  11. Need to get off of wellbutrin. Increased depression, anxiety, and increased suicidal thoughts. It's now saturday, won't have a chance to talk to doc until thursday. Today is 12th day. Been on SR150 twice/day for first 10 days, then on 11th day (yesterday) only took one. Can I just stop? Or continue to take just one SR150 for a couple more days? Hoping I can just stop. Thanks
  12. I'm on SR 150 twice/day... Two weekends from now a "friend with benefits" will be in town, and I'd like to take a break from some sexual side effects I've been experiencing. The sexual side effects aren't as bad as on SSRI's, but... oh I'll spare you all an elaborate description... anyways, I'd just like to feel sexually normal. So can I stop taking the wellbutrin for a few days, then resume? Will I experience any withdrawal symptoms? Thanks
  13. I'm amazed that there aren't more responses to this, given that anxiety is such a common side effect of wellbutrin. Anyone else?
  14. Day 8 on Wellbutrin SR 150 (Mylan Bupropion), twice a day, to deal with severe depression. Definitely experiencing some anxiety side effect from it... but I can also start to feel the positive effects as well... I'm also taking neurontin and occasionally klonopin to help with the anxiety, but I'm hoping the anxiety from the Wellbutrin will subside. I really want the Wellbutrin to work. I know I won't experience the full effects until 4-5 weeks, so I really want to stick it out and see what happens. But the anxiety is tough. Not so tough that I can't deal with it though. So will the anxiety subside if I stick it out? Please share your experiences. Thanks!
  15. I hate this. It's one of the hardest things about depression. It makes you feel even lonelier, depite the fact that you're around people. It's a terrible irony.
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