IlliniHusker15

Altermentality, I hope you don't mind but I sent you a private message. I enjoy your wisdom on this whole topic.

Altermentality, thank you for the insightful post. I just can't shake this feeling that no matter what I do, it is meaningless. People say to create your own meaning, but how? All I can think about is creating my own meaning would still be meaningless. I am trying very hard to stop this way of thinking but something in my mind keeps asking questions everytime I try to do something to take my mind off it.

Thanks LaurynJcat, I have heard of Tolle before but never read his work. My mind continues to search for deeper answers to philosophical questions. I am now at the point where I question if joy exist, or if even depression exist. It is as if my mind thinks there is a deeper meaning to everything and nothing can be simple. I have become extremely confused as to what my reality is.

I am new to the forum but am in need of help. About 2 1/2 years ago I had my first bout with this and could not stop the ruminating deep philosophical thoughts. I went and saw a therapist and was put on Paxil 20 mg. Everything was fine for over 2 years and I was able to finish college. 3 months ago I decided I wanted to try and get off the Paxil so I weaned off over the course of a month as Dr. prescribed. 4 weeks ago I received a death threat while at work and decided to quit my job. I dis-liked my job as it was so I thought enough was wnough. I have now been out of work for 3 weeks and the ruminating thoughts started again. First it was what if I can't find a job, and then led to deeper philosophical thoughts about life. For the last 2 weeks I have been unable to function because I have been living so deep in my head. I question everything from meaning of life, suicide, religion, reality, and etc... I spend hours of the day ruminating in my head and trying to come up with answers to these deep philosophical thoughts and come up with no answers that suit me. It is so hard to function. I have trouble putting down a little food and getting out of bed. I went back and saw a therapist and Dr. and they said to get back on the Paxil. I started back on it 3 days ago. My question is, has anyone else suffered with severe existential depression? Also, does medication and therapy help? I don't know what else to do.