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Everything posted by Dontlikeme

  1. hannah19, Getting back to your first couple of posts: It is my opinion, it is good to have a childlike faith. Do not stop asking questions or expressing doubts, Hannah! That is how you grow up. Stay in touch with us
  2. Everybody in this thread has a valid point here, Carbie A lot of those couples that you think are having beautiful candlelit sex every evening, are in fact worrying or arguing over bills, work schedules, substance abuse, etc. And a lot of those singles that you think are dancing with beautiful partners in the clubs are in fact sitting at the bar wishing they weren't single. (I KNOW this is true! I've been in bars, and seen them!) So the moral of the story, Carbie, is don't measure your life by the bright colorful lives you see on the street (let alone, god forbid, the professionally-groomed images on TV and in cinema). The best of those couples, even when they're real, are the exception to the rule. How can you love yourself, then, if the club-women don't love you? I think your objection is a very fair one! If we just say "love yourself because it's a good idea", then we're not helping. I would rather say this, Carbie. Love yourself because of the support you have received here. Love yourself because we here did not give up on you. (And trust me, i have indeed given up on some people, when they refused to let go of addictions or shallow values.) If we're still interacting with you, Carbie, it must be because we see you as a human soul equal to everyone else we interact with here. If we're still interacting with you, it must be that we care about your happiness. If we're still interacting with you, Carbie, you must be worth the trouble.
  3. Thanks for posting again, cool walking. About one aspect of your post: "Shouldn't it not particularly matter whether I think I'm right or not?" Well, yeah, this is how it matters: the problem with declaring that you're right, apart from the fact that you can't prove it, is that it has a "score 1 mark for me, 0 marks for you" connotation with it. That's incompatible with a forum in which we're supposed to be in dialogue rather than in debate. I mean, it's good to have this debate in the "public square", CW, that's why i'm not telling you to (a) stop posting or (b) change your position. But all too easily, we can convert an exchange of views into a "my team can beat your team" competition. Here in my country that's been the tone of the debate, and it's created both a very toxic political climate and a very mean-spirited popular culture. What i like about NamelessAria's last post, to cite a counter-example, is that it disclaims being "preachy". Your last two posts (though not your first one) were "preachy". And yes, atheists can be GRATINGLY preachy. I've pretty much had it with the "atheism is smart, religion is stupid" theme. Your position isn't likely to change, i get that. But you may want to reconsider your tone.
  4. There again, hannah19, you're describing a place where i've been myself. The part of your post that jumped out at me was, "Other Christians seem..." That's the key difference, hannah19 -- they SEEM like they've got it together. What you're seeing is classic Real World Behavior: in the real world, hannah19, lots of people PUT ON AN ACT. Lots of people are performing a play, every day, in front of you. Some people are performing a play called "I Am Superman/woman", others perform a play called "I Have No Problems". There are other plays. The play you're seeing, hannah19, is one that people play in church a lot. It's called "I Have No Weaknesses, So You Should Admire Me". But it's not real. Most of these people do have problems. They are playing this act because they think you would judge them if you really knew how imperfect they are. So, the takeaway, hannah19, is this: these other people have their bad days, too. They have days when they aren't happy. They have days when they feel isolated from God. There's nothing wrong with you. Keep asking questions. It's good for you.
  5. I'm a guy, PrettyInPurple, so i really don't have any ideas you can use. But i want to post anyway just to let you know that your post was received and is being read. I am sure one of the women in this forum will read your post and offer some useful support. So check in with us again tomorrow. And regularly.
  6. I'm not posting this to convert anybody. But i do want some of you to consider a different point of view. For me, religion was where i found freedom and tolerance. When i was a teenager, it was mainstream society -- regular, secular, people -- who were the primary source of repression and oppression in my life. I was a sensitive intellectual boy, and my high school classmates bullied me for it. I read books, had ideas and opinions, and they laughed at me. In mainstream society, what mattered was, being cool. I thought things would improve when i went to college. I thought, "hey! University campus! Where the smart people go!" What did i think college students would be like? All sitting around discussing Nietzche and Bertrand Russell? Ha! My college peers were all about watching TV, getting drunk, toking up, eating junk food, buying fancy material possessions, and above all, being cool. My local place of worship was the only place of freedom. Those people didn't call me a "nerd" or a "dork". It was the only place where my intellect was approved of and nurtured. At my local place of worship, they thought it was great that i read books and had ideas. They thought my intellect was impressive. And they didn't care that i wasn't cool. That's why i get angry when Bill Maher and similarly-minded people say that religion is for weak minds. Religion was the only place where my mind was valued! And the weakest minds i knew were those of my mainstream peers. Some people (mainly men) say, "yeah, but what about the No Sex rule?" Well, funny you should mention that. Who kept me from having sex? Mainstream people, that's who! It was mainstream women who refused to date me. It was mainstream men who told me, "you're a dork! Who would want you?" Mainstream people considered me "unworthy" of sex. So, everything considered, it's been mainstream society that has rejected me and demanded that i conform to its pattern (which i've done, to the extent i can). Only religion told me, "God made you. And God doesn't make junk." I'm not posting this to "get in the face of" atheists in this forum. I'm just hoping that this will break down some stereotypes and provide some food for thought. Thanks for reading.
  7. Sorry, cool walking, you've misunderstood religion in more ways than i can count. But i've learned never to get into debates with Baptists or atheists because they'll always think they're right and you're wrong and they'll ruin your day on top of it. That said, cool walking, i'm glad you felt free to state your real position. This forum wouldn't be worth much if you didn't. Keep posting, and by all means tell us what you really think. Hi, sophielouise31 Ah yes, the Fear of God. Always a tough one. Here's my take on it (and i'm certainly no genius): when i was a child, i feared my father and it was very toxic. I feared him because i knew that he had beaten me many times before, and on any given weekend there was a chance he would do it again. That, sophielouise31, is NOT the Fear of God. If i fear God as i feared my father, then i am completely misunderstanding God (and anthropomorphizing him, too). The God of the worlds' monotheistic religions is a powerful creative force. When i contemplate his power, it is like contemplating the hydroelectric power of an immense dam, or the gravitational pull of a black hole. It makes me feel VERY small and weak by comparison. And when we become aware of our size and weakness, sophielouise31, we feel fear. But it need not be the hovering, oppressive fear i had for my father. Because God is with us, not against us. As for hell, frankly i consider that a distraction. It's an image that TV preachers use to extort money from their viewers. Don't fear hell. Don't fear anything (at least, not in that sense). I'm with the atheists on that point. Move ahead into your future. The universe is a frighteningly - powerful place but God really has given you the keys to your part of it. You are the driver.
  8. I like the way you express yourself, Mibandibee, it's very genuine and childlike (in the sense of being without pretense). I wish you would post on some of the threads here that are specifically targeted to women's issues (self-image, relationships, etc.) I think you could be very comforting to other women.
  9. Sorry, Luis, i wish i'd kept better track of your post. You've raised a good issue, but i dropped the ball on it. As a Christian believer, i tell you there is no guilt. I know i'm not "supposed" to do that; i'm supposed to pile extra guilt on, to coerce you back into the Church. Well, Luis, i don't want anybody to be in my church unwillingly. I don't want to share the pew with somebody who's there only because i held a psychological gun to their head. (PLEASE, Censor Software, it's a PSYCHOLOGICAL gun; leave that part of my post in, willya?) Do i think God loves you, Luis? Sure i do. But i'm not going to use guilt to try and convince you. So. No guilt. You're free. I do think you will want to move out of your parents' house, though. This status quo is just going to cause painful conflict down the line. Luis, when i was 22 and poor (i worked in a hospital), i shared an apartment with another single guy. That's how i started life on my own. Assuming you are just as poor as i was, try talking to your friends about sharing an apartment.
  10. (this is an aside to you, Faramir, since it's technically not your thread but i see a need in your post): Faramir, don't beat yourself up over pornography. In other posts, i have read the shame that so many female posters feel when they are wrestling with overeating. And here you are, feeling shame and self-loathing over something that you (and other men) wrestle with. We think we are worthless when we sometimes don't control our behavior. You can free yourself from self-loathing. (I know how pompous and pious that sounds; sorry about that, but really, the expulsion of shame is a deeply spiritual moment.) Don´t feel ashamed and don´t let self-loathing torment you. I've been guilty of it, too. As have most men. We are not perfect men, but we are trying. Many women are not perfect, but they are trying. That's what I believe God cares about. Now, back to dawnfall's topic.
  11. dawnfall, i'll just echo what others have already said: depression is a sickness, and anyone can get sick. Whether they're spiritual or not. Here's my equivalent of NamelessAria's rant (which i agree with): I too have dismissed the old-fashioned idea that depression (or anger) is some kind of defiance against God. I've heard a few religious teachers who said things like that, but i noticed that the ones who said it a) had pretty soft easy childhoods and sheltered lives; and/or b) were serving up a lot of happy talk just to make themselves popular. I see no reason to believe a preacher whose primary agenda is his/her own popularity. (I posted it in another thread) So it's OK to FEEL LOUSY, dawnfall. I daresay God felt lousy when the Church practiced the Blood Libel, when the Mongols ravaged Bagdad, when the Turks ******** the Armenians, when the gates of Auschwitz were opened, and so on.
  12. Thank you for posting, NamelessAria, i thought your post was very sensitive to hannah19 in that you were speaking to her according to her beliefs, rather than trying to impose your own. I too have dismissed the old-fashioned idea that depression (or anger) is some kind of defiance against God. I've heard a few religious teachers who said things like that, but i noticed that the ones who said it a) had pretty soft easy childhoods and sheltered lives; and/or b) were serving up a lot of happy talk just to make themselves popular. I see no reason to believe a preacher whose primary agenda is his/her own popularity. Thanks for your post, NA, and again, hannah19, don't be afraid to be honest about your doubts.
  13. Claireyco You seem to have a very healthy, very balanced perspective. You seem to know that sex is important for your partner's happiness (as a man i can confirm that you're right), but you also seem like you're keeping enough time and space for yourself so that you can combat your depression. So you've created a zone that's specifically yours and another zone that's specifically his (or maybe, yours as a couple). That's very healthy. Hope you find some effective medication for your depression. You're off to a very good start, i think.
  14. Thanks for what you shared, slp9, you described it so clearly i felt like i was right there on that bus with you. Which was painful, of course. I felt so much hurt, for that little girl with the glasses. I wanted to much to rescue her. I too had a lot of trust issues from being bullied, slp9. It took everything i had in me to socialize with people in college. To walk up to someone and just talk to them? Terrifying. As i look back on it now, i realize i saw all of my college classmates as potential bullies. That didn't get better until my sophomore year. You are a very precious person, slp9. Because you were bullied, you have a heart for less-fortunate people. Because you were bullied, you have compassion. I wish your life had been different. But you wouldn't be as great a person if it was. Jbarnski, i hope you'll find someone to exchange messages with. You're welcome to message me, but i would think you'd rather message another woman. Maybe you could message slp9?
  15. Everybody has the experience at times, hannah19. I've been a religious man since age 9 (i'm 55 now), and i've been through it many times. Mother Theresa had a terrible dry time near the end of her life. She wrote about it alot, and you may want to read her writings. I think depression hurts relationships, hannah19. If you read posts in our Relationship and Depression forum, you'll see that. So i'm not surprised that it would hurt your relationship with God too. Depression takes the -- what do i call it? -- the FLAVOR out of relationships. So you may want to discuss depression with a counselor just to see if it's giving you trouble. But whatever happens from here, don't feel guilty! You are not bad for having doubts! Doubts are the growing pains of a maturing mind! Hope you will keep posting in this forum so you can hear many opinions.
  16. It's me again, FGNOL I'm 100% in agreement with LaurenJat and youaregold: rejection is NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR MISOGYNY. Never. Ever. I was rejected multiple times in my teens and 20's, FGNOL, because i wasn't an alpha male. I did get some dates, but more typically i got the much-despised "I like you as a friend" brush-off. If anyone had a reason to hate women, i did. But (because of my religion) i REFUSED to give in to hate. And now, decades later, i see that i my decision protected me from evil. I've been sympathetic to your feelings thus far, FGNOL, but if you're going to start bad-mouthing women as a group, you've lost me. Waiting for a "correction" of your stated position.
  17. lp44, i'm glad people have offered you ideas for managing your emotions. Everyone needs something that can work NOW! (esp when we're stressed.) I too do a meditative technique when i feel down, although i'm a Christian so it's kind of different from what Writer has proposed. But the reason i'm bothering to add anything to this discussion, is, so far i'm not seeing any proposals about changes you might need to make in your life. lp44, you're trying to be too wonderful, too much of the time. You're trying to be wonderful at work, wonderful with teens, wonderful at home. lp44, you need to know that it's ok to put aside time for YOU. Tell the kids, "I love you, but it's been a hard week at work, and today i'm going to spend 2 hours by myself reading." (or watching television. or doing needlepoint. or whatever is soothing for you.) I would think that 1 hour of "me" time on Friday, 2 on Saturday and 1 on Sunday ought to be a good start. But you might need more than that. Check in with us again soon. Let us know how it's going.
  18. Sam, there is no need to panic. God is still in control. I realize it's a lot of money. But you need to realize that many people older than you have made BIGGER mistakes with LARGER amounts of money. Your parents will see (if you show them the papers) that you used the money for a GOOD PURPOSE. Education! What (sane) parent will blame their son or daughter for that? You are having a problem only because of difficult government rules, and that's a very common problem. Your parents have faced problems with the government in Pakistan. I guarantee it. So they will understand it's not your fault. You did not spend the money on a motorcycle, or gambling, or fancy clothes! So. Tell them the whole story and ask them for help. If they see that you are SERIOUS about solving the problem, then they will realize that they have a responsible son! And any parent would be proud of that. (I know i would.) Best of luck from your friends in the USA.
  19. If it's a healthy relationship, emmabnm, your boyfriend will suck it up and listen as you unload your hurts. And then, you go ahead and suck it up while he unloads his. That will make you more valuable to each other. It means a lot to a man to have a woman who listens to his problems non-critically and non-judgmentally. Hope it goes well for you
  20. Tonamon, that girl did a bad thing. We should never use anyone. She had to know that you had some level of attraction to her, and then she chose another boy right in front of you! That was cruel and shameful. Not that she would admit it, i'm sure. But, as chaosxkitten has explained, you are not the only person this has happened to. It even happens to the nicest, best people (maybe ESPECIALLY to the nicest, best people). Keep posting, so we can comfort you.
  21. You say you've given up, sighidk, but you're still posting in this forum, so obviously you haven't surrendered completely! And that's a good thing. Breakups can definitely make us feel like no one will ever be attracted to us again, ever. I mean, if Ms. A couldn't take my personality, why would Ms. B (or C, on up through Ms. Z and beyond) tolerate me any better? We can start to think that way. But your Ms. A was a unique person, sighidk, with unique needs. You didn't fail some kind of test when she broke up with you. (Neither did she.) Have you talked to your doctor about discontinuing some of those meds? I have a feeling some of them are superfluous, or even mutually incompatible. Thanks for your kind words, olaaa From the male point of view, i can confirm, that at moments like this, it means a lot to a guy to hear a young woman say "No, you're all right, you're not damaged goods, you're good enough to be someone's boyfriend." Hope you can post some more thoughts along the same line, because i'm sure it will help sighidk get through this hard time.
  22. You obviously had a lot to unload, Chaosxkitten, and you are to be congratulated for taking this important first step. You are welcome to unload here anytime, and this forum is a group of people who also have problems, so we will not think you are "weird" or untouchable when you write about yours.
  23. Jim, take your time getting ready to go back to work. When future employers ask you why you were out so long, you can simply (and truthfully) say that you had a sickness that affected your work and you took time off to get better so that you could go back to being an effective employee. There's a way to "package" it in job interviews, so that it doesn't become a Scarlet Letter on your CV. Can you get a new prescription from the NHS? JD4010 and fogmonster, i understand your criticism of the American healthcare system, where everything is more expensive than in other countries, and fewer people are cared for. This is not a forum for discussion of politics, but my 2 cents' worth of opinion is, I support President Obama's reform campaign simply because the status quo is pathetic. Poor people going to the Emergency Room when their kid has a fever? Does that make any sense at all? Should we really do nothing? At the same time, i can see why conservative Americans resist an American equivalent of the NHS. After all, it would end up being staffed by American civil service workers, and any American who has dealt with the driver's license office, or welfare office, will confirm (as i myself will) that American civil service workers operate at levels of laziness, unprofessionalism, and occasional dishonesty that are comparable to Iraq, Russia, or Nigeria. Who would want such people handling their healthcare! It's a very tough situation we have here. "Don't get sick" indeed.
  24. I'm glad you spoke up to the pastor, BradyLady. If you hadn't corrected him, he might have continued for years with offensive comments. Now he knows about the issue, thanks to you. He'll be a better person for it. That is, unless he forgets the whole thing, or blames it on you. As for your husband, i'm not giving him a pass, myself. He's your spouse; he should be the one person who's ALWAYS on your side, (Even your parents don't owe you that. But your spouse does.) Hope your husband learns from this incident as your pastor apparently did.
  25. Good luck, iammonica, you have the right to relief from the illness of depression. The spiritual stuff, you can deal with that afterward. Keep us posted.
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