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Kangaroocyancomic

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About Kangaroocyancomic

  • Birthday 05/01/1989

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  1. heya, I didn't take Pristiq last night, and I didn't wake up at 6am as I hoped too (I didn't get to bed till 12), but managed to wake up at 8:22am, so that's still progress since yesterday I didn't wake up during the day till 2pm :( So I think it is the pristiq, but I have to be careful since I only left it out yesterday so I could wake up in time for my doctor appointment today. I'll probably still wean myself off it today to nto get out of control...wish me luck, I'm very scared since last time a change in meds I took Saphris and enden up for a night at a ward, where my boyfriend got so upset he had to pick me up, he said he almost didn't want to because it was so much on him :(
  2. I've been doing a lot to keep my health in check in the last 3 weeks, been eating healthy and less calories, exercising 4-5 times a week(going though this plan where I run for 4 min and walk for 3min, then every week increase the amount of running and reduce the min of walking till I can run 30min straight). Today and yesterday I felt horrible suddenly: I slept for over 17 hours, woke up at 8pm and went to bed again at 2am and slept till 2pm today and almost didn't wake from that. I felt so weak and tired I couldn't get myself to get food, so I treated myself and got pizza ( though last sat we had pizza at a friend's house so I feel incredibly guilty). I'm going tomorrow to change my medication since I can't take it being so tired and lethargic anymore, I want to have energy to get up and exercise but I can't seem to do anything even things like sitting on the computer anymore make me too tired... I feel soo guilty leaving out my exercise today...I really want to get up and do it, but now I'm yawning and want to go back to bed. My eye lid has been twitching for hte last 3 days aswell and my other eye lid is swollen so I don't know, maybe I am getting sick... what should I do?
  3. I'm sorry to hear you are going through the same thing :( Well I do play video games, and I usually draw my comic book but lately I feel so uninspired and motivated to do anythign :( My supervisor had a talk with me and decided to let me go...which on one side I was happy about, but on the other I felt so crappy...I've been applying for jobs for 2 weeks now, everytime something part-time came up, but no phone calls :(...
  4. yeah I have been trying to, but honestly I completely lost my confidence...l
  5. it's been a while since I've written but I'm feeling like I'm so close to the edge right now... Last week my mum was diagnosed with a cancer and is now going through chemotherapy to reduce the size of her tumor, if it is successful, they predict she might live another 3-5 years... I've been doing an internship I hate, I studied a Bachelor of Digital Media and just love to create artistic pictures and designs, and had to find pictures for my supervisor. It has taken me mooonths and I've been trying so hard to make her happy but she wants t to have a talk with me tomorrow about the process and I know it will be negative... I've even talked to a graphic designer friend and a professional web designer who helped me choose pictures, yet my supervisor never likes the ones I chose and kept changing her mind every week... Worst thing is, I'm jealous because a classmate of mine got a really great internship straight away that looks more enjoyable than mine! My boyfriend is tough, he tells me that sometimes life throws stuff at you and you still got to go on, but I'm at my wits end now and so tired , I still feel so sick in the mornings from my medication, but it has helped me cope with the stress and everything else so well lately. I can still be tough, but I hope every day that something might happen to me so people won't be sad if I ever did do something, at least an accident would be a natural way...I just don't know what to do anymore...
  6. ok well my boyfriend said I shouldn't quit in the middle, I should finish what I started and I guess he's right, I'd hate it too much to quit right when I'm so close to finishing it...
  7. thank you so much! I guess so, it's just that I know that sometimes you gotta be tough on yourself, even if you have bipolar or depression because in the end it is a business that can fail if you don't work out or take too many sick days because of your illness...so I'm so used to just bear it out and work hard even with tears in my eyes...but I guess you are right, even my boyfriend says this place doesn't seem like a good fit if I'm doing everything I can.
  8. well that was what I was thinking really, I'd just feel extremely guilty, as though I'm "giving up" on this internship. There's no guarantee of employment afterwards and I'm not getting paid either, I'm going to have a talk with her tomorrow to see what we can do, since now is the best time if I am going to quit since we just finished the big project and she will have time to find someone else during christmas holidays...
  9. yeah of course, and I can understand that! I do what she says, and get things done on time, I don't get angry if they choose things other than I would, and I guess I would have to consider this being creative differences and that I'm maybe just not the right person to work for them :( or what do you guys think? I'm still so sick today and my whole face is hurting because this has been stressing me all day and I just don't know what to do and feel so helpless...
  10. It's also just that I feel like I'm getting nothing out of it! I'm doign a 3 month internship for graphic design at a small company. It's only for 2 days a week but somehow she doesn't seem to have faith in me whatsoever. She told me exactly what she wanted me to find: pictures for a website they are creating to reflect the content. I asked exactly what she wanted and we seemed to be on the right track, and I wrote everything down in detail so I wouldn't forget. The next week I found pictures and she said they were either too cliche or too abstract, she described what she didn't like and liked and wanted me to find again, and I wrote it down. I found a huge range of pictures from cliche ones to a little abstract and more what she said she was looking for, example: to reflect employees, I found some people in uniform smiling at the camera which she wanted as engaging. Yet again she said those are too cliche! She then put me together with another intern to look for pictures and she and me found some together (they were cliche for me, but I was happy since maybe I needed another person to help see things differently). We made a mockup of all the pictures together and the supervisor said she liked it. I just needed to find pictures for two sections because the pictures weren't good looking, but the concept of them fit (eg: a hand holding a globe, and an ipad on a pile of newspapers). I couldn't find any good ones that were free to use, so I photoshopped a globe into a picture with hands, which she said she liked, and I said I will do a better version for this week. I even added I would make a better picture of the ipad on teh newspapers for extra work. I sat there, even skipping lunch to work on it and then went home. I finally finished them and was proud of my work and handed it in via dropbox, but a few hours later I see her adding a different globe in the hands image than the one I did, which she at first said was good! I am so confused and frustrated :( am I doing something wrong? Because I ask her exactly what she doesn't like and what I should find for next week and do exactly that, but she keeps disagreeing to what I find :( I'm so at a loss...
  11. I'm taking an internship and it's been 5 weeks I've been on it. It's only 2 days a week( a week ago it was only one day a week). I have already taken 3 sick days now : once because of a bar cold, second because my computer didn't work as she wouldn't have an extra laptop for me to use that day, and third today here I have a very bad sinus infection. I have tried to push myself to go lately because I've been having bad thoughts every day, I have already seen my doctor to get a change of medication and I'm waiting for a blood and urine test result to rule out anything else before I change the medication type. I've been stressed to get motivation to go through life and my boyfriend and I had a huuge fight a few days ago. If I have a very emotional day like that, I get physically sick with a very bad cold or sinus infection and this is what happened today. I feel so guilty not pushing myself to go today , I took two strong cold tablets and was already dressed and ready but I kept having trouble to move and stop crying :( how can I feel better and not let my guilt or just not get so emotional about things an get sick?
  12. Thank you for the replies, I do try to get myself through the day with little achievements and celebrate on them so that was helpful today. I do imagine some things when I'm working or on my way to somewhere and listen to music, so that relaxes me too :) I wouldn't get sad about not being in my fantasy as real because I haven't worked hard enough, I always think that real life isn't perfect, and if for say you were into ballet and become a real ballet dancer, it would still have bad sides and make you more miserable in real life. So, fantasy is wonderful but so is real life, I see it as having two lives :)
  13. Sometimes I'm lucky and I get through work and my internship because I'm so busy...but sometimes I feel like jumping down the stairs so I get hurt and don't have to work or go to the bathroom and cry... I'm having so much trouble lately since I can't find any good music anymore to listen to (everything sounds too commercial to me on itunes), and the issues on the news make me so sad for future generations, I sometimes am afraid that my hard work won't get me anywhere and just want to start working in a pet shop, but can't seem to get a job there without a tafe degree as a pet attendant... I just need some tips and tricks you guys may have to get through those bad days when depression is hitting me hard... I just did a blood test and urine test for my doctor to rule out a hypo active thyroid or any other disease since I've been sleeping for 17 hours a day, so doing all I can for the medication side etc... just need help with therapy ideas :) thanks!
  14. Thank you for the reply, I think it's great that you are doing what you can to help yourself. I'm on medication just by therapy since I'm really deterred from it now... I was at a mental ward and I felt like that horrible place is where I belong since I've tried all types of therapy and still get exhausted when thinking of all the work I do...people say they're proud of me for pulling myself together but I'm just doing it so I don't starve and have a roof over my head till my time comes...
  15. I've been working hard at a graphic design internship and just 3 days a week for 3 hours as a waitress to get experience and a future. I already sleep most of the day because I'm so tired all the time and then I feel sad for not doing anything when I do get time off. My bf says he used to be depressed and then "snapped" out of it and was working maybe 16hours a day and even though he's not working that now , he's still very motivated...every day I wish something would happen to me so I can just sleep, I'm not enjoying graphic design or anything anymore, my dream of working on a comicbook is over since I'm not getting motivated to even exercise or wake up early , I tried but just end up becoming exhausted and sleeping again ...I eat a lot of iron and try so hard but just wish I could feel passionate about life again...
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