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MattMVS7

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  1. This is something I wrote out to show my psychiatrist which explains my anhedonia and what caused it. I wish for others to answer my questions here, give me advice, and tell me if it is likely to get better or fully recover: I am unable to experience any amount of pleasure whatsoever and there are never brief moments (even a few seconds) of pleasure. This is because my mind has become completely numb as a result of a traumatic event (which would be that panic disorder I was having in the past). I know this for a fact because this numb feeling is something that has happened immediately once I had this panic disorder and isn't just a side-effect from the medication. I never had this numb feeling at all being on this medication. The exact moment I had this panic disorder is when I immediately became numb. This numb feeling not only numbed my ability to experience pleasure, but it also numbed the fear from the panic disorder I was having as well. However, I'm thinking that if this numb feeling were to somehow eventually go away or ease up, my panic disorder would then return.Becoming emotionally numb is very commom for people with post traumatic stress disorder and even panic disorder and is something that has happened to me as well. This numb feeling (anhedonia) is there all the time 24/7. At first when I was depressed, my anhedonia was only mild at the time and I did have the ability to experience pleasure. But as my depression went away and I became more calm and relaxed, my ability to experience pleasure went completely down. So it's clear that as the function in my brain responsible for feeling calm and relaxed goes up, the function in my brain responsible for experiencing pleasure goes down. Therefore, this might give you an idea of what is going on in my mind and what medication I might need to address this issue. The SSRI medication I'm on does not help this anhedonia. It only helps the depression I think. Therefore, I need a medication that can bring back my ability to experience pleasure instead. I need different medication besides SSRIs such as an MAOI medication known as Parnate that is known to help with anhedonia. I realize that you said that anhedonia gets better and that my own anhedonia will get better. Although I know you are being compassionate and such in telling me that my anhedonia will get better, I feel that it might not get better and that you are aware of this possiblity, but did not want to tell me because it would be unethical to do so. There are 3 reasons I wish for you to address which are reasons why I feel that my anhedonia will never get better: 1.) Anhedonia can be a physiological change in the brain as a result of stress and not any negative thought causing it. For this very reason, it tends to linger on and not get better for many people despite every possible treatment. This is unlike depression because, for me, depression is just a normal response to a problem in life that passes over time. 2.) I'm thinking that if my anhedonia is not just simply a physiological change in the brain, then there is an obsessive thought that's there all the time that is causing my anhedonia to be there all the time. That thought would be me feeling uncomfortable allowing myself to experience these panic attacks from this panic disorder that is currently numbed by this anhedonia at the moment. If, let's pretend, that I were to feel completely comfortable, then that would be likely to bring back my panic disorder and my ability to experience pleasure as a result. But since I feel that I will never feel completely comfortable with such a thing (nor do I think any human being would either), this is the reason why I feel my anhedonia will never get better. I do know for a fact that as my anhedonia goes down, my panic returns. I know this because in the beginning when my anhedonia was mild, there were moments in which it somehow went down and my panic returned as a result. But now my anhedonia is severe and there are never such moments. Also, even if my panic disorder were to be significantly reduced to an extremely small amount of fear, I would still feel uncomfortable and my anhedonia would still remain the same and not be better. I know this for a fact as well because there are moments where the thoughts that cause panic from my panic disorder aren't there, but my anhedonia still remains the same and does not ease up. So it's clear, I think, that my mind just simply feels uncomfortable no matter what and is not going to allow my anhedonia to ever get better. 3.) My anhedonia had to shut down (numb) both my fear from my panic disorder as well as my ability to experience pleasure for a very important reason. It could not just shut down my fear and allow me to experience pleasure. This would be because if my ability to experience pleasure were to be left on while my fear is shut down, that would cause serious problems such as seizures and such. Since this obsessive thought of me feeling uncomfortable having panic might be the cause of my fear being shut down and does not allow the fear to return to any degree at all, this is the reason why I feel that my pleasure can't return to any degree either because, again, if my pleasure were to return to any degree at all while my fear remains fully shut down as it is now, then that would cause those serious problems I mentioned and the brain would never allow such problems to happen because that is just how the mind works to protect you. So this is why I feel that no amount of positive thinking or focusing on other things in life is going to return my ability to experience pleasure to any degree as long as my fear remains shut down as it is now. Now I realize that it is just human nature that thinking positive and focusing on other positive things in life helps ease up obsessive negative thoughts. But I feel that this is not the case for me and that this obsessive thought that is causing my anhedonia will always be there and never ease up no matter what. No matter how much I think positive and focus on other things over time, that does not ease up this obsessive thought (my anhedonia). This is because panic attacks are such frighful experiences that my mind cannot possibly let go of this obsessive thought of me not feeling comfortable having them no matter how much I think positive and focus on other things and such over time. Not even the medication I'm on is easing up my anhedonia (this obsessive thought) and I'm not sure if any medication will either because a panic disorder, for me, is where there are these other obsessive thoughts that cause the panic to happen. Therefore, if I am treatment resistant in terms of these other obsessive thoughts pertaining to this panic disorder (which I'm thinking I really am and is something that isn't getting better on its own), then wouldn't that also mean I am treatment resistant in terms of this obsessive thought that is causing my anhedonia and that my anhedonia will also never get better? This is a very important question I wish to know even despite the fact that I have not yet tried every treatment available and everything else. Another very important question I wish to know is if the mind can somehow significantly or fully recover the ability to experience pleasure from anhedonia while the fear still remains fully shut down anyway in such a way that doesn't result in those serious problems I've mentioned. I'm not sure, but I'm thinking that this anhedonia is just a normal response and not a physiological change in my brain. I think this because I never had anhedonia in my life and then, all of a sudden when I felt that these fears were too much and that they might be treatment resistant and not get significantly better, that is when these fears were immediately shut down as though to numb them as a natural protective response in preventing them. At that exact moment, I also had severe chronic depression after making the realization that these fears were too much and might never get better. So I am unable to tell whether it was the severe chronic depression itself that caused a physiological change in my brain, or if this anhedonia was just a natural response that would of occurred on its own after making this realization even with no stress or depression associated with that realization. Furthermore, each and every one of these fearful thoughts I felt I would have to live with on a constant daily basis, all of these fears from these thoughts are numb. But I am able to have fear towards everything else in life. I also developed a fear of open spaces recently. This fear was allowed to be experienced when I was in a public place. But, sure enough, when this fear became a part of my constant daily life at home just like how those other fears were that became numbed, that is when this fear became numb as well despite the fact that there was no additional stress this time associated with the realization that it was a part of my constant daily life. This suggests that this is a natural protective response because if it was a physiological change in my brain, then this one specific fear would be allowed while all the others remain numbed. But even if this is just a natural response and not a physiological change in the brain as a result of stress or some other mental disorder, it is now a serious problem because, now that my brain has a means of protection against these fears, my brain absolutely refuses to let go of this protective response and now insists on making constant use of this protective response. I even told myself many things to try and get rid of or ease up this protective response so that I can face my fears and have my pleasure back. I told myself that we don't know what is going to happen in the future and that there are people who do overcome their fears through medication and just by being exposed to them. I also told myself that if I can handle one panic attack, then I can handle many. But not even this eased up my anhedonia. The fact is, I feel uncomfortable having these panic attacks and that is, what I think, is causing my brain to now make constant use of this protective response. Anyone would feel uncomfortable having panic attacks regardless of how much coping skills and other things they have. The only way I see my anhedonia getting better is if I felt completely 100% comfortable having the panic which is impossible since there will always be a very small amount of feeling uncomfortable anyway. I know this for a fact because even when there are moments of me feelng almost completely comfortable having the panic, the anhedonia still doesn't ease up at all. Even if my fears were to somehow be gone right now, my mind would still feel uncomfortable taking the risk of easing up my anhedonia to see if my fears are truly gone in the event that the panic does return. So even if we were to take care of the panic through anti-anxiety medication, that is not going to ease up the anhedonia. I know this for a fact as well because the anhedonia is there all the time 24/7 always protecting me because if my anhedonia were to go down for just one given moment, that might cause my panic to return in that given moment. So this anhedonia is always going to be there all the time protecting me from panic no matter what. I had very bad constant panic all throughout the day each day in the very beginning and now my mind is not ever going to take the risk of that ever happening again even if it is just a few panic attacks a day this time or later on.Since this anhedonia might be a natural response and that there might be nothing wrong with my brain that needs to be fixed through medication, how is any medication going to help fix something that doesn't even need to be fixed in the first place? Not to mention, as long as my fears remain shut down as they are now, then no amount of pleasure will ever return (based on what I stated earlier in my writing) whether it be through medication or anything else. But even for a natural response, this is quite severe and there are never brief moments of any relief which sort of suggests that this is a physiological change in my brain.But in the event that there is something wrong with my brain that needs to be addressed through medication, the medication I suggested was Parnate. But if that doesn't work, then I think I would need Wellbutrin to increase dopamine because anhedonia, in terms of a physiological change in the brain, might purely be a dopamine issue and that SSRIs only tend to make anhedonia worse or not help at all (which is something someone has stated here who has done a lot of research regarding anhedonia): "There seems to be two "camps" that psychiatrists fall under. In one camp are the psychiatrists who tend to disregard anhedonia as "just a symptom of the underlying depression/other illness" and not mainly a dopaminergic phenomenon saying "treat the underlying depression/other illness, and the symptoms go away with it like a cascade." These psychiatrists believe that SSRIs are most effective for any type of depression, regardless of symptoms, (usually calling me "obsessive" for researching or disregard science backing it up as "just theories,” and that “nobody knows what’s actually going on in the brain" etc.) and often deny that serotonergics make anhedonia worse (I've been with two of this type). The other "camp" is, in my opinion at least, more reasonable; psychiatrists falling under the second camp listen to symptoms and recognize anhedonia as mainly dopaminergic or to do with norepinepherine." But this might not be an issue with dopamine or even any other neurotransmitter for that matter. It could be something to do with melanocortins which turn off the brain's ability to experience pleasure. Also, there are many moments of me feeling completely comfortable having the panic now, but that still does not ease up the anhedonia at all. So it could really be a physiological change in my brain or just an extremely powerful natural defense mechanism that does not ease up at all. The thought of me feeling uncomfortable having the panic might of been the cause of this anhedonia, but I'm not sure if there is any thought that is causing this anhedonia to perpetuate now. It could now be something completely different that is causing my anhedonia to still fully remain. But since you are the psychiatrist here who has done years of research, you might know what medication I need. You might even be able to tell me whether what this person saying here about anhedonia not being a natural response is true or false and if it really is just a physiological change in the brain and whether my own anhedonia is just a physiological change in the brain, a natural response, or both of these things: "A “DEFENSE MECHANISM,” SUPPRESSAL OF EMOTIONS, OR ACQUIRED CALLOUSNESS? To an outside observer, it may be tempting to label the loss of emotions/numbness as a natural “defense mechanism,” the result of personal efforts to suppress emotions, or callousness acquired due to age. While studies have shown that repeated exposure to violent imagery may desensitize individuals to a certain degree(such as in playing video games), it does not prevent an individual from feeling good. The healthy mind works to regulate emotions so that if there is too much exposure to a stimulus that invokes a certain emotion, there will be greater tolerance. The corollary to this is that in the relative absence of such a stimulus, the smaller the tolerance. These mechanisms work to keep emotional responsivity at a certain level regardless of external stimuli. Those impoverished in Africa do not experience more depression than people in wealthier countries. Think about this; in Kindergarten, most children are carefree and have life easy, but by the time they reach college, they have to study, work, have responsibilities and more. In Kindergarten the responsibilities of adulthood would have seemed overwhelming, and if imposed immediately on a Kindergartener, it would have been overwhelming and emotionally distressing, yet over a period of many years, a Kindergartener gradually learns to adapt to the responsibilities of adulthood. Though there is a significantly larger amount of stress, a college-aged person has the same emotional capacities as a Kindergartener. Both a Kindergartener and a young adult can still love, enjoy things, have interests, etc. An anecdotal example from my life would be that the loss of a relationship several years ago at the time would have seemed to be the end of the world, but over time there is acceptance, and I have been able to move on. When chronic stress and other factors disrupt normal emotional regulation, and one can no longer experience love, sadness, laughter, etc. this is not a normal reaction to everyday stressors; this is a mental health issue. Anhedonia does not increase evolutionary fitness in cases where there are no longer any stressors present, but actually is detrimental to it (disinterest in procreation and social interaction as well as food, etc.) suggesting that it is not a natural defense mechanism." In conclusion, if this is just a natural response, I think I would need the most intensive therapy training in the world to help ease this anhedonia. But not even that might work. So I would have to resort to getting electric convulsive therapy or deep brain stimulation which is a pacemakeer that sends electrical signals to the brain. But that might not even work since there might be nothing wrong with my brain that needs to be fixed or shocked in the first place. I do not feel that I am just being overly dramatic and overly serious in saying all of this. I feel that I am being very realistic here. But aside from that, I would need to know what therapies there are that might help ease my anhedonia in my specific situation. Anhedonia is caused by an overly active subconscious that causes your ability to experience pleasure and other emotions to turn off. So if we know what the right therapies are that might help calm down my overly active subconscious, then that might be likely to cause my pleasure to return as well as my other emotions. Feelings of love an pleasure are the most precious things to me and I would never accept living a life without them. Despite the fact that I would technically be classified as a human being for having a mind and body, I am nothing more than the equivalent of a highly intelligent and well-designed biological robot from the future that has no ability to love or feel pleasure regardless of who I am as a person, how much my family and everyone else loves and values me, what great things I do in life, and how much I help others. I am an atheist and this one and only life I have is now worthless and being wasted away without my ability to love and feel pleasure.
  2. I am a hedonist and view my pleasure as the only greatest thing in my life and about me as a person and is the only thing that will ever make my life worth living. For this very reason, I will never accept this depression and anhedonia (emotional numbness) that I am having. Many people who have depression and emotional numbness are able to find things in life of greater value which is what enables these people to accept and move on in life. But not me. My emotional numbness is severe and chronic and there are never any brief moments (even a few seconds) of pleasure. So there is nothing else in my life to make my life worth living and there is no amount of pleasure for me to focus on and cherish to make my life worth living either. Now we all find our own personal things in life that have the true great meaning for us. I have found mine in life which is my pleasure while many others have found other things of greater value. For these people to try to change my attitude and make me see things in life of greater value than my pleasure would be wrong and it would also be wrong for me to try and make these people see that pleasure is truly the greatest thing in life.
  3. Now how is it that people with depression/emotional numbness and/or with any other type of suffering are able to still have a positive perspective in life and are able to find value and worth in their lives anyway? It would be because they think that suffering and despair has value/worth and somehow think that they are stronger and better people for having gone through it and for moving forward in life despite of it. But not me. I have no such value whatsoever towards suffering and despair nor towards myself for having gone through any of it and having had made the best of my life despite of it. I have made a few topics back explaining why this is which were topics made that were intended to get through to people who say that I am strong and that my suffering/despair does have value. Although these topics were offensive (which I apologize), these topics were still intended to get through to these types of people once and for all because I am tired of people telling me this. But this time, I am not going to offend others and am just going to explain why suffering and despair is pointless and has no greater benefit than living a nice happy life of little suffering and despair. I don't care what benefit you have achieved through a life of suffering and despair--these same benefits can be achieved just as good (and even better) through living a nice happy life of little suffering and despair. Also, another thing that makes peoples lives worth living anyway despite their depression/emotional numbness is being able to focus on the good things in life that can be cherished despite your suffering and depression. But as for me, I am a hedonist and pleasure is the only thing that allows me to view anything in life as being good. But since I am chronically emotionally numb and have no pleasure whatsoever all day everyday (not even for a few brief seconds), my life is truly worthless. The only thing that makes my life worth living now is trying to fully regain the very thing that made my life worth living for in the first place (which is my pleasure). I will now live my life only for the sake of trying to fully recover my lost pleasure through therapies and medication and nothing else. If you are also going to say something such as that it is a fact that having suffering and despair in your life makes you a better person as well as a more compassionate person as opposed to living a nice happy life of little suffering and despair, this would be false. A person who suffers and goes through despair might become hateful towards others and take their suffering and despair out on others (even towards those who suffer the same things as this person). Also, if you are a psychopath, then suffering and despair is likely not to increase your compassion or make you a better person. It would be likely to make you less compassionate and make you even more of a psychopath. However, becoming hateful towards others and becoming less compassionate here is a choice. Therefore, it is also a choice as to whether you can be a much better person and have much more compassion through living a nice happy life as opposed to a life of suffering and depair. If you are also going to say something such as that if it weren't for your suffering and despair, that you would of never even made the choice in becoming the better person with much more compassion, this would also be false. You can make this choice through living a nice happy life of little suffering and despair under the right circumstances. Knowing what it's like to suffer is not necessary in becoming a more compassionate person compared to how compassionate you would be through living a nicer and happier life. For example, different people have different capacities to experience compassion. A person who knows what it's like to suffer might very well have a lot of compassion. But a person who does not know what it's like to suffer could have even more compassion just because this person's mind has a natural greater capacity to experience compassion. Or it could be because this person just simply changed his/her attitude. Therefore, it is not necessary to suffer and you can have more empathy, compassion, be more caring, and help even more people through living a nicer and happier life. Now I as I said before, I am a hedonist with depression and severe chronic anhedonia (emotional numbness) and I view pleasure as the greatest thing in life. For me to find greater value in other things in life besides pleasure would make me the lesser person with a truly worthless life for abandoning the greatest aspect of me as a human being (which is my pleasure) which is the only thing to me that makes my life worth living. I would also be delusional (based on my hedonistic belief) for finding things in life of greater value and that my life is somehow worth living without my pleasure. Now if you are going to say something to me such as that: "Also go pursue you're nice happy blissful life....good for you if you find a cure to all your ailments and don't experience any pain or suffering anymore. I myself am going to keep a realistic perspective and realize my life is going to continue being difficult and i'll just have to get by as best I can and find some enjoyment along the way hopefully leave a positive impression on some people or help some before my time in this world is over." What I would have to say against that is that I do not see anything good whatsoever in realizing that your entire life will be a life of despair and suffering that never fully recovers (even if you were to make the best of your life in trying to experience pleasure despite your life of despair and suffering). The only thing good here would be being able to experience pleasure despite your suffering and despair--that's it. The suffering and despair itself and the realization that your entire life will consist of suffering and despair--there is nothing good about that whatsoever since, as I've explained in my writing, there is nothing good and no greater benefit through living a life of suffering and despair. As I've said before, there are people who do fully recover even after many years of suffering and despair. But even if it were somehow delusional in thinking that you might fully recover later in life, you would be far better off being delusional. Finally, if you are going to say something such as that it's just my obsession over pleasure that is making me view pleasure as the greatest thing in life and that if I were to instead focus on other things, that these things would eventually have the greater value in life instead, this would be false. It's my own personal profound and meaningful experience of pleasure that makes it the greatest thing in life to me. Even if I were to instead solely focus on other things, I would still never view anything else in life as having the greater value than pleasure or having any value at all for that matter. These things would never even make my own life worth living without my pleasure regardless of how much focus I put into these things. Therefore, I will always remember my personal experience of pleasure and just how great it was and how much it made my life worth living and I will never forget that.
  4. I am just presenting the harsh truth here. I am tired of people telling me that I am somehow a better person or a strong person for my suffering of depression and anhedonia (emotional numbness) when I know that I am truly not. Here is the truth I wish to tell: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/105042-how-science-has-proven-we-are-lesserweaker-people-with-worthless-lives/
  5. Well, that "heroic" meaning you have applied or any other positive meaning for that matter would be the weaker and lesser meaning compared to how much stronger and better we would be through living nice happy lives based on my arguments in my post. It would be irrational to think that this "heroic" meaning is somehow better. It would be irrational in terms of science and would be irrational in terms of philosophy. It would also be irrational in terms of everything I'm already saying in my writing here. Also, I believe in evolution and that our sole purpose is to survive. In other words, the phrase "survival of the fittest" is our motto in life and is our only purpose in living. Those with anhedonia and depression as well as other major problems are the most unfit for survival (the weakest) while those with nice happy lives are the most fit for survival (the strongest) and that is what makes these happy people superior. We are nothing special or strong for having suffered and for moving forward in life despite our suffering because we would still be unfit for survival (weak). Strong (in terms of science) is when you gain something. For example, if you are strong from working out, that would mean you have gained muscles. Weak would then be the opposite. So it's as simple as losing a part of you through depression or anhedonia (which would be your pleasure and/or other emotions) would make you weaker. But any other meaning we give to words such as "strong" or "weak" besides what they are in terms of science, those types of meanings would be irrational and false since there is nothing beyond science. Also, as I said before, any gains we obtain from suffering and despair are gains we can achieve just as good (and even better) through living nice happy lives and that is what makes us lesser and weak compared to who we would be through living nice happy lives and in comparison to those who do live nice happy lives.
  6. My point is that we are not better or stronger people for having suffered from depression or anhedonia. Instead, we are lesser and weaker people for having suffered through it and that we would be better and stronger people through living nice happy lives instead.
  7. I have every reason to believe that happy people with nice lives are the better people and that people such as itstrevor are the better people. Here is a link to a new and more brief convincing post I made in this topic that explains this: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/104959-be-a-hero-with-depression/
  8. This life is unfair and does not give us what we want. It takes away from those people who have problems in life and gives to those who have nice happy lives. We who never wanted to have depression have depression and are forced to live with it due to this life being unfair. Yet we think that this life will give us who are depressed and/or have anhedonia (emotional numbness) at least some fair advantage through inspiring mesages from others such as that we are strong, courageous, and better people for having suffered from depression and for moving forward in life despite of it. But that, to me, is something not true at all. The truth is that we want something fair given to us through inspiring messages such as these, but this life is unfair and, for that very reason, messages such as these are not true at all and is something this unfair life won't give to us. Inspiring messages such as these are delusional. We as human beings are always looking for positive things in life and even invent inspiring messages and such to give us false hopes and a false sense of moving forward in life. For example, people have invented religion and say that there is a God and a heaven. But I am an atheist and know that this is not true and don't believe in such superstition. So these inspiring messages and inspiring philosophies that say we are stronger and such for having problems in life, this is yet another one of those concocted beliefs I don't believe in. Now if you are going to say something such as that depression has inspired you to help more people suffering and in pushing and striving more in life to get more things done and such, the truth is that you can help others and push and strive and do great things in life just as good as (and even better) through living nice happy lives than those people who do through their life of suffering and despair. This can be done through living a nice happy life under the right circumstances. Therefore, our suffering and despair is truly pointless and we are not better or stronger people for having gone through it and for moving forward in life despite of it. Although some forms of struggle do have a benefit such as becoming more physically fit through hard training in the military which would be the "no pain, no gain" mentality in having gained something that living a nice happy live couldn't achieve, there are forms of struggle in this life that are truly pointless. Depression as well as anhedonia is one of these pointless struggles and is nothing but pointless misery (especially for those who can't gain any betterment from their suffering and are doomed to an entire life of suffering). Depression and anhedonia do not offer any greater benefit than living a nice happy life. Therefore, we are all instead inferior as opposed to those people who live nice happy lives. So happy people with nice lives are truly the better and stronger people with the better lives compared to us. Now some scientific studies show that people who went through trauma and depression become more compassionate and caring and become better leaders and such that living a nice happy life could never achieve. Although this might hold true for some people, this does not hold true for everyone and is not a proven scientific fact. There are many other scientific studies indicating the opposite and I have every reason to instead believe these scientific studies. I have every reason to instead believe that you can be the better compassionate person and better in other ways as well under the right circumstances through living a nice happy life. For example, anyone can be a better compassionate person by changing his/her attitude as well as through other things in life. Another example would be that you can be the more intelligent person and help others suffering through your intelligence by reading and studying up on things. In other words, you do not have to suffer in order to be a better/smarter/more creative person. Now here's another thing I would like to say which is that who you are as a person is all things about you (your thoughts, knowledge, personality, attitude, your pleasure and other emotions, etc.). Therefore, to lose your ability to experience pleasure or other emotions due to depression or anhedonia (emotional numbness) would make you a lesser person. Also, it's the people who don't accept a lifelong depression or anhedonia that are at least the better people because they are more compassionate in telling others to try and live your life all you can to recover your ability to experience pleasure. This is a topic on this forum that shows an example of what I mean: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/83323-answers-to-curing-anhedonianumbnesszombienessno-emotionsapathyno-libido-collective-experiences/ There is a user named "itstrevor" who realizes that there are people who can never accept living a life of depression or anhedonia and are on the brink of either suicide or homicide because of this. For the sake of these very types of people, itstrevor does not tell anyone to accept a lifelong depression or anhednoia that might never get better. Instead, he encourages these people to keep trying all they can to recover their ability to experience pleasure. So this is the reason why people such as itstrevor are better compassionate people as opposed to those people who live by philosophies and such that encourage acceptance of living an entire life of suffering and despair. People with acceptance of living an entire life of depression or anhedonia that might never get better or fully recover are the lesser people and are less compassionate because they instead tell others to accept a lifelong depression or anhedonia and even tell this to the faces of those who are on the brink of suicide or homicide. People such as itstrevor are also the better people because they never give up on trying to recover their pleasure and instead inspire others to not give up on this either. But people with acceptance are discouraging and will drive people to suicide or homicide.
  9. Again, what I mean by a life free of despair and suffering is just a nice happy life of little suffering and despair because I realize that there is no such perfect life in which we are completely free of suffering and despair. The reason I and everyone else would be inferior for accepting a lifelong depression or anhedonia is because not only would our lives be worthless for no longer living our lives to solely experience love and pleasure, but also because we would have abandoned the greatest aspects of us as human beings (which would be our feelings of love and pleasure) and have chosen instead to be lesser beings who have value towards other things in life that are nothing compared to the level of greatness that defines these feelings themselves. I will point out what I said before which is that expressing ourselves and our actions are nothing compared to these feelings themselves. Also, if I were to explain my situation of depression or anhedonia to a young innocent child who lives in ignorant bliss, this child would be likely to have full compassion towards me by saying that this will fully recover, that accepting a lifelong depression or anhedonia that never gets better or fully recovers would be a hopeless and worthless life that would warrant suicide as a means to put one out of his/her misery and for that very reason, I will be the hero and fully overcome my depression and anhedonia. However, someone who does not live in such innocent ignorant bliss and instead has value towards other things in life such as philosophies that encourage acceptance of living an entire life of suffering and despair, these would be the types of people who have less compassion/value towards my lost feelings of love and pleasure by telling me instead to accept a life of depression or anhedonia that might never get better or fully recover. Therefore, these types of people who have more value towards gaining knowledge and such are the lesser beings who no longer have the innocence and compassion of a young child. For this very reason, I will instead turn to people who have true full compassion towards me and not to those people who are "wise and intelligent inferior biological robots with little to no value and compassion towards the greatest aspects of me as a human being (which are my feelings of love and pleasure) which are the one and only precious things to me that make my life worth living." Like I said before, feelings of love and pleasure are the only greatest aspects of me as a human being and are the only things that make my own personal life worth living. So for me to abandon them and instead live my life for other reasons besides trying to fully recover them, THAT would be the wasted life for me.
  10. There is one more thing I would like to add to my list of arguments in my previous post which are all arguments for the user gandolfication as well as others to debate: 21.) It's not life itself that I view as inferior--it is these concepts of life that I view as inferior such as there being no God or heaven for all our suffering as well as the concept that this is a life of suffering and of acceptance of our suffering and that we cannot be superior god-like beings who can be superior to this concept by exterminating it from existence. Me calling these concepts of life inferior and such would bring me great pleasure (feelings of empowerment) if I had my ability to experience pleasure right now. Also, I am not someone who looks outside of myself and finds greater things in life than my own pleasure. For example, I do not look at the universe as something far more amazing than my own pleasure and that I am insignificant in this universe. I instead embrace the universe and make myself more great (more significant) in increasing my pleasure. So this is why I will not let go and accept my loss of pleasure and instead open up to other things in life because I am a megalomaniac who seeks to be someone powerful and great in life through my empowered feelings of pleasure and such.
  11. You are right, I do wish to debate about this. So here are some other things for you to debate against as well. Some of these things might be the exact same things I have already said, but just worded differently (I'm not sure). But go ahead and read through them all anyway and debate against them: 1.) You said that expressing yourself is perhaps better than the feelings themselves that are not there due to depression or anhedonia. In other words, if you express that you love someone, but don't have love, that would make you a great person. But based on my arguments, that is still nothing compared to these feelings themselves and expressing yourself is something a highly intelligent and well-designed robot in the future can accomplish. Also, what I mean by being a better person if you had these feelings is that these feelings are what make you the better person than if you were someone without these feelings and also that these feelings make you better than everyone else who either don't have them or have little to none of them. 2.) Robots are fine living a life without pleasure because that's what they are--emotionally insensitive functioning machines that are inferior. But I, on the other hand, am an emotionally sensitive human being who is not fine living a life without pleasure and will never be fine with such a thing because, again, I am a sensitive human being and will forever remain a sensitive human being in terms of my pleasure. For me to be fine with and accept this as a way of life would truly make me the inferior robot and anyone else to be fine with and accept that they might never recover would truly be inferior robots as well. I would never accept such a thing anyway for all my reasons stated in my writing. I am at least one step towards being a superior human being despite my depression and severe chronic anhedonia for having not accepting this as a way of life and trying to gain my pleasure back. 3.) Life is not about acceptance of living an entire life with depression or anhedonia that never recovers. It is about completely overcoming our suffering of depression and anhedonia. It is also about being superior to acceptance itself and to this inferior life as well as its inferior pointless hardships by living a nice happy life and also by having the attitude of a megalomaniac psychopath who wishes to have power and control in their lives only in the sense of their lives not being bound by any inferior problems. This is one of the reasons why the lives of those who are happy and struggle-free are better lives because these happy people have power and control in their lives, can live life basically however they want, and their lives are not bound by any inferior problems which makes them superior to major problems in life as well as acceptance since they don't have to accept any major problems in life while the rest of us do. These happy people dominate over this inferior life of suffering since they don't have to go through any of it. 4.) All our suffering is for nothing. We may have helped others suffering through our own suffering which gives the illusion that our own suffering did have a useful purpose and such, but our own suffering for ourselves is truly pointless because there are innocent people with nice happy lives who help others suffering and give great advice. In other words, we can achieve great things in life and help others through pure happiness alone and with a life free of struggles just as good as (and even better) than those people who suffer. I'm also an atheist and believe that there is no heaven for all our suffering and no hell to put all our suffering on wicked people with nice happy lives which is another thing that makes our own suffering even more pointless and makes those who are wicked with nice happy lives even more great. 5.) But some forms of struggle do have an advantage such as training in the military, struggling through rigorous training, and having gained something after all of this which would be the "no pain, no gain" mentality. But there are forms of struggle in this life that are truly pointless. One of these struggles would be for those people who suffer from depression and anhedonia (especially for those people who can't gain any betterment from their suffering and are doomed to a life of suffering). Unlike the gains we would obtain which are gains that can only be achieved through hard training in the military, the gains we obtain from suffering from depression and anhedonia which are gains that are used in helping others who suffer from these things and giving advice as well as other things, these are gains that an innocent person with a nice happy life can achieve (as I've just stated in the paragraph above). 6.) An innocent person suffering from cancer in a hospital bed might think that their suffering had a benefit because they got to meet many people who cared for him/her and such and because he/she gave inspiring messages to others who suffer. But an innocent and caring person with a nice happy life with no suffering can achieve the exact same things (and even better) and can achieve many other great things in life that this innocent person suffering from cancer couldn't which would make this happy person's life far better and would make this other person's suffering truly pointless. 7.) Some scientists and intelligent people might say that feelings of love and pleasure are nothing more than chemical processes in the brain, that it is nothing more than something used for our survival, and that it is nothing special for these very reasons stated. But there is a big difference between how nonspecial and ungreat love and pleasure are in terms of science and how special and great they are to us based on our own personal experience of these emotions. So this is why these feelings are so special to me and are the greatest things in my life simply because they feel like the most special and greatest things ever experienced. Since these emotions feel like the most special and greatest things to me in life, that is what makes them the most special and greatest things in life. The feelings of love and pleasure that others have also has the same value as your own and makes their feelings of love and pleasure the most special and greatest things in life as well. But as for anything else in life besides feelings of love and pleasure that is either unable to serve you or others love and pleasure (such as due to depression or anhedonia) or serves no purpose in regaining your lost love and pleasure, these things have no value. In other words, if you have anhedonia and you lived your life as nothing more than a "job" not doing things to try and bring you or others love and pleasure and not caring to regain your lost love and pleasure, then that is a life of no value and your life would be worthless. 8.) I bet people such as your family would feel very sorry for you more than they would being happy for you if you were suffering from cancer in a hospital bed or any other such type of suffering. But based on my writing, losing your pleasure would be even much worse than that since it is basically the greatest thing in your life. So it truly would make no sense if these people felt happy towards you despite your loss of pleasure and yet felt very sad and depressed for you if you were going through any other type of suffering. Of course, these people deserve to be happy. I am just simply pointing out here that it wouldn't make any sense for them to be happy towards you despite your loss of pleasure. I am also pointing out just how bad of an experience this is for me and that I would prefer any other type of suffering over this. 9) Now another reason why megalomaniacs and people with mania are superior is because they can increase their self-worth and empowerment (their pleasure) to an extreme psychotic level which, metaphorically speaking, makes their value and worth enhanced to a god-like level. Megalomaniacs who want power and control in their lives and to not accept any problem in life, their attitude here is not compatible with this life (universe) as it is a life that forces its problems upon us and to live with those problems. But their attitude would be compatible with a superior god-like life (universe) of no suffering and this is what, in a sense, makes their attitude of this superior god-like universe and makes them superior god-like beings from that universe. But those who do accept problems in life, have humility, and don't want power and control in their lives--these would be inferior beings of this inferior universe only providing that they have less pleasure in life because pleasure is really the only thing here that determines your value, worth, and status as a human being. Megalomaniacs would be superior god-like beings from another universe (a superior god-like universe) that is the opposite of this inferior universe of being powerless in overcoming certain suffering and just having to accept problems in life and make the best of our lives anyway. This superior god-like universe is a universe where we live lives of perfection, immortality, and empowerment over suffering knowing that we are superior god-like beings who are superior to suffering because we don't have to accept or have any of it. Megalomaniacs have the personality trait of this superior god-like universe since they don't accept problems in life and wish to be superior to them while the rest of us who accept suffering as a way of life have the personality trait of this inferior universe of pointless suffering. Again, I am metaphorically speaking when saying all of this and don't actually mean that there are superior god-like beings or that there is another universe of no suffering because I am an atheist, believe in scientific facts, and don't believe in such superstition. But atheists who accept that there is no God or an afterlife that will grant them this superior god-like status, these people are inferior. At least I hate my own atheism, don't accept it, and wish to have the personality trait of a superior god-like being myself in order to make myself superior to this inferior universe of suffering. Megalomaniacs are superior because they wish to change things in their life and are not pathetic punching bags that just sit there and accept punches (problems) that this life gives to them. They wish to live the way they want and wish to be superior to reality and its problems which is what makes these megalomaniacs superior. People with humility and acceptance are inferior because they allow their lives to be bound by inferior problems, tell others to just accept their problems, and allow themselves to be of a lower status in life, whereas megalomaniacs are superior because they are the opposite. Actually, as I will explain later on in my writing, accepting any problem in life besides your loss of pleasure and telling others to accept these types of problems does not make you inferior. But if you accept a lifelong depression or anhedonia that never gets better or fully recovers as well as tell others to just accept a lifelong depression or anhedonia, that would make you utterly inferior. This would also include accepting atheism in which you would be accepting a denied afterlife of eternal pleasure. However, as I stated before, pleasure is what really defines your status as a human being. So if you did have all the pleasure in the world and accepted these things in life, then that would give you a superior status anyway. Megalomaniacs and people with mania would be superior to people with humility and acceptance who accept depression/anhedonia and make the best of it. These megalomaniacs and people with mania would be superior due to their psychotically enhanced pleasure and for not accepting reality and choosing to increase their level of pleasure to a psychotically enhanced level while the rest of us with not as much pleasure or have little to no pleasure due to depression and anhedonia are inferior. 10.) Also, since I am a hedonist and pleasure is the greatest thing in life to me, since our minds, bodies, and this universe are not designed to make us happy and instead gives us depression, anhedonia, and many other types of suffering, this is another thing that makes our design and this universe inferior to me. I am an atheist who is not even allowed to have pleasure in this one and only life which is what makes this life inferior and worthless to me. Without my ability to experience pleasure, then there is absolutely nothing for me in this one and only life which is why I would rather of been someone who believed in a God and an afterlife of eternal joy because that would give me a sense of hope and a "real" life to look forward to (even though that life doesn't exist) rather than this life which is now worthless since I have no pleasure. Without pleasure, then this life is nothing more than a mockery of me--giving me beautiful and great things to enjoy in this life and I can't experience any amount of pleasure whatsoever from any of these things. My life is now just being wasted away at this point since pleasure is the only greatest thing to me in life and anything else I do in life is nothing more than the equivalent of a robot doing mechanical task in life whether they be great things in life or helping others. Our minds and bodies are just designed for survival and nothing more. We are just designed to survive and to just forever remain dead in the end. The fact that we are not designed to be superior immortal god-like beings who have complete control over reality and suffering in living an eternal life of joy, this is what makes our design utterly inferior. 11.) A true emotionally sensitive human being is someone who has both immense value towards his/her own feelings of love and pleasure and those feelings of others. I mentioned earlier in my writing that I am at least one step towards being an emotionally sensitive human being for not accepting my loss of pleasure and trying to regain it. The fact that I also value the feelings of others makes me two steps towards being an emotionally sensitive human being despite my depression and severe chronic anhedonia. So in order to be truly defined as "emotionally sensitive," you would have to have both of these personality traits I just mentioned. If you just have one or the other, then you would only earn half that title and that would make you a lesser person as opposed to having the full title. But despite the fact that Hitler does not have that title at all, he is still the better person for having pleasure in his life anyway and nothing can take away from that greatness other than his own loss of pleasure. 12.) If you have the ability to fully recover from depression and anhedonia, then that would deem you as the "Ultimate Life Form" in this universe since you would have the ability to recover the only greatest thing in life which is your pleasure. But if you can't recover, then that would make you and your brain a "Worthless Creation" and you should end your worthless life because you would be delusional in somehow thinking you would be making the best of your life anyway and living a fulfilling life without pleasure. You can choose to live anyway, but you would just be a biological robot not being able to "appreciate anything" or "make the best of life" or "live a fulfilling life" because those things in quotes can only come from pleasure alone and don't come from nothing but biological robotic functioning. I ask of you, can a robot achieve those things quoted? I don't think so! And it wouldn't matter anyway if you could because, again, you would still be nothing but a biological robot with a worthless life. 13.) I am a person who, without pleasure, finds no value in living just for the sake of living and in just doing things in life as a mission or a job in this life. I am neither a person who solely values intelligence and the pursuit of knowledge in life over the pursuit of happiness. I would have to agree and say that my intelligence is completely useless for me and has only brought me depression and anhedonia as well as atheism in making my life that more pointless and worthless. My intelligence of scientific facts is what lead me to atheism. I am not interested and don't care about science or reality itself for that matter. I just want to live a happy life with the delusional fantasy belief of there being a God and a heaven for my worthless life without pleasure here on Earth. I wanted to live in a happy fantasy world separate from reality through composing and other things. There is a phrase that states "Ignorance is bliss." In other words, I would of rather been someone who is happy and very dumb who believes in superstition (even a dumb happy wild animal that is carefree in life). Some scientists might tell me that, despite my inability to feel love and pleasure, I am an amazing creation that has come about through evolution and that my intelligence can be used for great things in life. Although a scientist would appreciate this, I , once again, am not interested and don't care about science and evolution, my design, or who I am as a person. I would still be nothing more than the equivalent of a highly intelligent and well-designed biological robot from the future that has no ability to love or feel pleasure even if I did use my intelligence to do great things in life and help others as well as having a great personality in life. Not to mention, I have no help or advice I can even think of that I can give to others through my intelligence anyway. The only thing I can think of and is something I truly believe would be everything I'm saying here in my writing. I do not believe in anything else such as making the best of your life anyway if you could never recover your ability to experience pleasure because, according to what I'm saying here in my writing and what I believe, your life would be truly worthless if you could never recover. I only care about my feelings of love and pleasure because they are the most precious things to me and, unlike the average intelligent person who pursues knowledge and such over happiness through science and other things, I am someone who completely pursues my happiness and love through composing and in expressing these feelings I value so much through composing. But there is one thing of great value that my intelligence has which would be everything I'm saying here in my writing. I have used my intelligence in discovering the truth of this life which is that pleasure and love are the greatest things and if you ever lose these things and can never recover them, then you are truly an inferior robot who should end his/her worthless life. Now that I have no love or pleasure, then there is nothing left for me in this life but to now call this one and only life inferior and to reveal this cold hard truth in my writing. 14.) Now my dream in life was to be a composer and my only reason for being a composer was to express and experience my feelings of pleasure that I valued so much because music, to me, is all about emotions. But now that I am emotionally numb and depressed, there is nothing for me to express or experience and there is no longer a reason for me to become a composer. I realize that there are composers who put all their suffering into making music in helping others and such, but this is not who I am at all and choosing to express my suffering through composing would only make me feel worse. I wish to express feelings of pleasure alone by creating music that has a beautiful and mystical fantasy feel which would be music that expresses mystical forests and other things. Even if I were a composer who composed songs that have somber feels to them in helping other people who are suffering, I can compose music that is just as powerful and compelling in helping others and such (and even better) through pure pleasure alone (the pleasure in helping others and through other forms of pleasure). I can compose any song with any feel to it through pure pleasure alone and these songs can be just as good (and even better) than if I suffered negative emotions and used my suffering in composing music. This is another reason why suffering from depression and anhedonia is pointless and has no greater benefit than if you were a happy person. Therefore, living a life of suffering that never gets any better or never fully recovers in inspiring and helping others who suffer is even more pointless because you can be just as helpful and inspiring (and even more) if you fully recovered from your suffering and chose to be helpful and inspiring through your recovery. Again, you can even be just as inspiring and helpful (and even more) having not suffered in the first place and just being inspiring and helpful to those who suffer out of the kindness of your own heart despite the fact that you are living a nice happy life yourself. 15.) Now I was able to channel my feelings of pleasure in creating great music. But now that my pleasure is gone, I cannot create any such piece of music whatsoever and there is no reason to become a composer anyway since I have no feelings of pleasure to express. When I had feelings of pleasure in the beginning, I was able to dedicate all my time all day everyday (many hours a day) in learning to compose and such. But now that I have no pleasure, I have completely given up and no longer dedicate any amount of time whatsoever in composing. A true composer who only values and expresses their feelings of pleasure through composing (such as myself) would realize that there is no longer any point in composing without pleasure and would just give up composing completely because they would now be emotionless robots in a world that absolutely calls for our experience of love and pleasure (which would be the emotional world of music and composing). If I or any other true hedonist composer such as myself were to have any other disability besides depression and anhedonia instead such as being in a wheelchair or any other mental or physical disability, then such a true composer would never give up in this situation since he/she still has the most important thing about him/her as an emotionally sensitive hedonist composer (which would be his/her pleasure). I, myself, would never give up on composing and even all other things in life in this situation. But if such a composer were to lose his/her pleasure either due to depression or anhedonia, then that would be the time I and other such composers like me should give up composing completely only until our pleasure fully recovers. Although I could compose purely for the sake of other people's pleasure instead, my only goal in becoming a composer was to express my own feelings of pleasure and give others pleasure only through my own pleasure. Once again, I still value others and their pleasure. It's just that composing is a very personal thing for me and any music I compose comes from my own personal pleasure. Composing is not something in which I abandon my own personal means of composing (which would be channeling my own feelings of pleasure) and instead just composes for the sake of other people's pleasure and composes just as a "job" like a robot. Although I could compose without my feelings of pleasure and instead compose using only my knowledge of music theory, through my thinking alone, and through just playing around on the keyboard, music and composing is a very emotional thing to me and I will not compose like a robot without emotions. Since music and composing must absolutely be a pleasurable emotional human experience for me and I am not even allowed to have this experience at all (since I have severe chronic anhedonia that is there all the time 24/7), this is why I am giving up being a composer. To me, there is no value whatsoever in pursuing my dream of being a composer anyway because that is something "robotic" that only an inferior biological robot would do. I am instead doing the human thing by giving up my dream for now and instead trying to gain back my pleasure through therapies and medication. Only when my pleasure is back will I then go back to being a composer because I absolutely refuse to be the inferior biological robot in the world of music and composing because my only goal in composing is to use my pleasure and pleasure alone to make music and to feel pleasure when listening to music I like. Therefore, me choosing to become a composer and to listen to music I like despite my anhedonia and depression only serves to make me feel much worse knowing that I cannot experience pleasure from these things at all. But if I can never regain my full pleasure, then I will never go back to being a composer. I cannot gain back some or even most of my pleasure in order for me to go back to being a composer. I must regain my full pleasure in order for that to happen because I will not be the inferior biological robot to any degree whatsoever in the world of music and composing (even if it is just a little bit). 16.) My sole dream was to, metaphorically speaking, be a superior god-like being in the world of music and composing. That status would be given to someone who is able to fully experience pleasure from music and in composing as well as being able to experience pleasure from these things at a manic level. In other words, my dream was to express my god-like feelings of mania (empowerment) and create music that has an empowered god-like mystical feel to it as an expression of my superior god-like empowered status as a human being and as a composer. But also because I just wish to express my feelings of pleasure in general which would be enhanced to a manic level due to my immense value and overly emotional sensitive personality towards feelings of love and pleasure. 17.) Some people embrace their inner nothingness and call that something great and that it makes them a better person (perhaps a superior god-like being like how I would embrace my feelings of pleasure and call myself a metaphorically spoken superior god-like being as well). But nothingness is not a "power" at all to embrace. It is a lack of power that only serves to make you less of a person (not a superior god-like being or even a human being for that matter). You are nothing but a biological robot if you had inner nothingness regardless of how much you embrace it and use it for great things in life as well as helping others. A superior god-like being would be someone who has full pleasure in life that is even enhanced to manic levels. People who embrace despair and inner nothingness in the world of goth might call themselves "gods of darkness." But, once again, a god of darkness would feel pleasure from dark gothic things--not depression or nothingness in their lives to any degree that only serves to make these people inferior and not gods. But as for other negative emotions such as rage or sadness that these people might embrace, although having these emotions does make you human and not a biological robot, these emotions are still inferior and make you an inferior human being because they take away from the greatest emotions in your life which are love and pleasure. They are also inferior because they allow problems/rotten people in life to get to you and to make you an emotional slave to these problems/rotten people, rather than emotionally dominating over these problems/rotten people by living a happy empowered life and instead being superior to these things through your pleasure. This also applies to feelings of hopelessness (depression) and anhedonia (emotional numbness). Except that, these two feelings just mentioned are the most inferior of all and are not classified as feelings at all. They are the taking away of your feelings and make you an inferior biological robot. 18.) I watch and feel enlightened and empowered by anime (Japanese cartoons) in which there are god-like and mystical concepts such as god-like characters who have enhanced god-like pleasure and have power and control in their lives through their god-like powers as well as the concept of an afterlife. These concepts are superior to this inferior life in which we have less pleasure and basically have no power and control in our lives over suffering and that there is no afterlife of eternal joy to make us gods. Unlike the average person who watches anime and is inspired by realistic messages portrayed by anime such as making the best of life even during hardships, I am instead inspired by unrealistic messages such as the ruthless characters in anime with enhanced god-like pleasure and personality who seek god-like powers and control over reality and I am inspired by the mystical god-like concepts in anime as well. I have embraced these things and made myself into a megalomaniac who wishes to be a superior god-like being through my pleasure and pursues that in composing music. I am a megalomaniac only in the sense that I feel empowered by mystical god-like things and that I just wish to be a great and empowered person through my pleasure. I still have great value towards other people though. My megalomania would of then enhanced my pleasure to manic states which would of made me a superior god-like being and a better composer (a superior god-like composer in a sense) who would then be able to create pieces of music that have much more feel and power to them (a manic feel) as opposed to if I was someone with depression and anhedonia (or even just the average person with a humble amount of pleasure) who would only be likely to create music that is nowhere near as great. My megalomania is not only inspired by the ruthless god-like characters, but also by innocent god-like characters which makes my megalomania a very empowered innocent god-like experience as well. I stated before that, since pleasure feels like the greatest thing to me, then that makes it great and makes me a great person. But if I also experience feelings of pleasure that feel god-like, then that would make my pleasure in this specific situation god-like and would make me god-like as well (metaphorically speaking). Experiencing god-like feelings of pleasure from mystical god-like things is what makes you a mystical god-like being in a sense. But now that I have no pleasure at all, I am unable to have any such pleasurable experience whatsoever. 19.) Now as I just stated, your happiness has just as much value as anyone else's (even your own family's happiness). In other words, their happiness is neither of lesser or even greater value than yours. So if I had the choice to either be a happy ****** and give my family the burden of taking care of me in which they would just feel a little loss of pleasure due to their hard lives of taking care of me, or to be an intelligent genius with no ability to experience pleasure whatsoever to make their lives happy, one might think that making the sacrifice in becoming the intelligent genius would be the right thing to do. But if I were to become the intelligent genius, that would say right there that my family's happiness is more important than mine. But if I were to become the happy ******, that would say right there that my own happiness has more value than theirs. Therefore, to determine which of these two sacrifices is the right one now all comes down to which of these two sacrifices would cause the greatest loss of pleasure. My family might be happy with a little loss of pleasure in having to take care of me if I was the happy ******, but I would have no pleasure whatsoever if I was the intelligent genius. So the right sacrifice for me to make would for me to become the happy ******. What would be even worse in me making the sacrifice in becoming the intelligent genius is that, since pleasure is the only greatest thing about you as a person in life and that to lose it would be the worst suffering, your family should not feel happy for you at all in making that sacrifice since you would now be nothing more than a biological robot regardless of how much value they have towards you and that you would be going through the worst suffering. Even if my family made the sacrifice in becoming happy retards if they had depression or anhedonia, I would feel that their decision was well-justified and was the right thing to do despite the fact that I would now have to take care of them. This and the other sacrifice I will explain later on in my writing in becoming happy wild animals are both the right sacrifices to make. But aside from pleasure, one would also have to consider the non-emotional physical aspects in that making the sacrifice in becoming the happy ****** would cause the lives of your family to become a physical chore. But non-emotional physical aspects are nothing more than biological robotic functioning that really has no value. In other words, your happiness is the only thing that matters about you and to cause the lives of others to become a physical chore through your sacrifice in becoming the happy ****** does not matter. However, physical pain is something of value you would definitely have to consider in making your sacrifice in becoming the happy ******. An entire life of physical pain or any other unpleasant sensation might be just as bad as a life without pleasure (depending on the severity of the pain or unpleasant sensation). Although I am not sure if it can ever be just as bad (or even worse) than a life without pleasure. So to make my sacrifice in becoming the happy ****** at the expense of my family living an entire life of intense physical pain or any other unpleasant sensation, or to become the intelligent genius with no pleasure so that my family does not live a life of such misery, this is something undecided. But even so, if my family were to become happy retards at the expense of my life being nothing but physical pain or any other unpleasant sensation or if I were to do the same to them, it just might be the right thing to do considering just how important pleasure is for you in life. 20.) Even if you were a psychopath like Hitler who slaughtered many innocent people, as long as you have pleasure, that would make you the better person. You would even be far better than a depressed and emotionally numb innocent person who instead helped many people around the world. Who you are as a person (in this case, being a psychopath like Hitler) is neither inferior nor superior to someone who helps and cares for other people because who you are as a person is nothing more than biological robotic functions and has no value whatsoever (whether positive or negative) compared to pleasure. It's only your amount of pleasure that makes you the better person. So this is the reason why people with nice happy lives are the better people. As for feelings of pleasure that are obtained from eating tasty foods (which I wouldn't even call pleasure at all--just simply a tasty sensation), these types of pleasure have no value and don't make you a better person. It's the other types of pleasure such as love, joy, motivation, empowerment, etc. (the "powerful" and "human-defining" feelings of pleasure), these are what make you the better person. All of those "greater" feelings of pleasure I just mentioned, they all have equal value. Not having one of them would make you a lesser person. But despite the fact that Hitler has no love, he would still be better than an emotionally numb person who can't feel any form of pleasure whatsoever, but helped many people and gave them pleasure. If I never had depression or anhedonia in my entire life and I never knew just how awful losing pleasure would feel, then I think I would not have valued pleasure to such an extreme as to even call Hitler himself great for having it. I would instead view him as a subhuman monster for ******* all those innocent people. But now that I have lost my pleasure, I realize just how great and absolutely necessary pleasure is for me in life and that it makes even the most wicked people great and absolutely nothing can take away from that greatness (other than them losing their own pleasure). It makes even the most wicked people great and makes even the most innocent people inferior biological robots if these innocent people didn't have it regardless of how caring and innocent these people are and what great things they do in life. Even if I were to fully recover my ability to experience pleasure, I would still never forget the immense value that pleasure has and I would still view Hitler as a great person for having it.
  12. Creativity and the ability to think outside the box are things that an inferior highly intelligent and well-designed biological robot in the future that has no ability to love or feel pleasure could achieve.
  13. I don't think science tells us that we need to survive. What science tells us is that we're well adjusted to survival, because of natural selection. However, it's only expected that the living are well adjusted to survival. If we weren't, all the pressures of our environment would have killed us long ago. But relative to the universe, and evolution, you're not intended to survive or die. We're just a natural consequence of prior conditions. Note: 99% of species that have ever lived are now extinct. So the environment has led to more extinction than survival. - I love life, and I want to survive. I created my own meaning in life, and live by that. It's only the living that produce meaning, because we're the only ones who are bias, or have any interest. Everything beyond the living, is neutral and indifferent. The universe at large is indifferent to our existence and welfare. Evolution is indifferent to our existence and welfare. Neither are conscious beings with any value or intent, so they're neutral. If the thing you value most in life is pleasure, so be it, but the universe/evolution doesn't care what you do, or where you end up, and they don't have any apparent goal or objective for us. Just like the sun that enables our existence. The sun doesn't care what we do, it just keeps on shining. Now here is something else I wish for you to address as well: There are people who are great figures (composers and such) in history through their suffering and despair. But these same people could of been just as great (and even better) through living nice happy lives of no suffering and despair under the right circumstances. My dream in life was to be a good composer through my pure pleasure alone with a life of little to no suffering and despair (no depression or anhedonia). The fact that I am an emotionally sensitive human being who has immense value towards feelings of love and pleasure, this is what makes me a great person and composer since I can tap deep into my feelings of love and pleasure in coming up with pieces of music that are far greater and more powerful than what the average lesser being who has no such value towards these feelings could only come up with which would be compositions that are likely to be nowhere near as emotionally great as my compositions. It's not only my emotionally sensitive personality that would make me the better composer, but also my feelings of love and pleasure themselves since these feelings (once tapped into through my emotionally sensitive personality), can create great compositions (combined with my used knowledge of music theory and such). These compositions would be far greater than if I was someone with no feelings of love and pleasure due to my depression and anhedonia. So if the greatest composers had no depression and had their full emotions to tap into, they would be able to create even greater compositions. So this is why their despair made them lesser people and lesser composers. Depression is not an emotion at all to tap into or embrace. Inner nothingness is not a "power" or an aspect to embrace at all and does not make you a better person for having embraced and used it for great things in life and in helping others. It is a lack of power that only serves to make you a lesser person. Now if you are going to say something such as that embracing your inner nothingness makes you feel empowered and such and that this is what makes your inner nothingness great, that doesn't make it great. Your pleasure is what allowed you to feel empowered and such in the first place. Therefore, it is just pleasure that makes you great. So even other great historical figures besides composers could of done great things in their lives and helped others just as good (and even better) if they lived nice happy lives of no suffering and despair because that would make them much more mentally and physically functional in life and they could of used this high functioning to do even more amount of great things in life and in helping even more people. But I am now giving up composing since I refuse to be the lesser person and the lesser composer. I refuse to be the inferior biological robot who composes music without emotions or through depression because music, to me, is all about emotions (in this case, pleasure).
  14. Evolution doesn't have intent. It didn't design us with a purpose or goal. It's just a byproduct of genes unable to replicate themselves perfectly. Some evolutionary traits enabled survival, other didn't. Neither trait is right or wrong, relative to the universe or evolution. There's no fundamental rule out there that life must pleasurable or painful. It simply is as it is, and we're left to react accordingly. - A parent may suffer extremely in order to help their child. The parent's life may consist primarily of suffering with little to no pleasure. Yet the parent will find their life very meaningful, because they're giving a person they love deeply the opportunity to live a quality life. Parenthood is one of the most meaningful aspects to many people's lives, and without a doubt the majority would agree their life isn't worthless due to it, in spite of pain. I'd say purpose is what gives people's lives worth. Whether one's purpose is to feel lots of pleasure, make scientific discoveries, build technology, be really creative, become a parent, earn lots of money, help others etc. Survival doesn't need to be the focus of a worthy life. Pleasure doesn't need to be the focus of a worthy life. Science and evolution don't demand either. Science can tell you what enables survival, but it won't tell you that you ought survive. Likewise, science can tell you what people generally find pleasurable, but it wont tell you that you ought dedicate your life to pleasure. Now panic is the brain's alarm response to warn us to escape from danger and that we should get out of this dangerous situation in order for us to survive. Therefore, pleasure would also be the same in the sense that it is also what tells us to survive in terms of doing good things in our lives that benefit our survival. Therefore, knowing this, doesn't science (our evolutionary design) tell us that we need to survive? Not only does pleasure encourage our survival, but it also encourages our survival in the sense that we need pleasure as a means of encouraged survival in life (a life of worth). For example, I would feel happy right now knowing that I am able to feel happy in life if it weren't for my depression and anhedonia right now and that I am allowed to experience the greatest things to me in life.
  15. If these people have other physical or mental disabilities besides a loss of pleasure, then they are not inferior human beings with worthless lives. But you said that our lives can be worth living without our pleasure by giving our lives the personal worth and meaning that we want. This would be false and delusional because the scientific fact is that we are not designed by evolution to find our lives worth living without pleasure. Pleasure is what makes our lives worth living since it is what encourages our survival in life (making us want to live our lives). To somehow give our own lives worth and meaning without pleasure is something that defies science and our evolutionary design and would, therefore, be false and delusional since there is nothing beyond science or our evolutionary design.
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