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Everlong

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About Everlong

  • Birthday May 29

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    London, UK

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  1. Thank you for your reply, and your kind words. In the scheme of things my troubles are just what the rest of the world calls 'life', and I feel so stupid getting worked up about ridiculous things when people go through the most horrible tragedies. But I'll soldier on. :)
  2. This is a terribly dumb question, and I apologise. I've suffered with depression for over 20 years, and I feel like I know it well. I've felt pretty good over the last 18 months and have been slowly tapering off meds, going from 150mg to 25mg sertraline in a year. But these last couple of weeks have been getting hard for no apparent reason. I've become very tearful, my sleep is broken, and I'm constantly worrying about my job (a lot of restructuring happening and I've been tipped off that my role is to be reviewed) and my elderly parents who have both been ill recently. I also have debts and we had to move out of our flat as our landlady needed to sell, so have now moved to a more expensive flat in a new area. I'm feeling lonely and cut off, and I'm terrified of getting old as we have no money and can't afford to save. i feel like it's the constant worry that is wearing me down which makes me wonder if it could be anxiety. As we've moved I don't currently have a GP, though I have registered with one and hope to be able to see someone in the next few weeks. A part of me is wondering if I should start going back to 50mg of sertraline while I wait to see someone. I'm just trying to stop it getting worse. Sorry for the rambling. I just don't have anyone else to talk to at 5am on a Sunday morning. :)
  3. It's hard to say what's normal when it comes to visits to the doctor. I'm in the UK and my meds are managed by my GP. For the last 18 months he's seen me monthly, but when I couldn't see him last month another GP was happy to give me 2 months of meds. If I was swapping between meds and working out dosages I personally wouldn't be happy being told to leave it for so long, I'd want a little closer management. When this period of depression began and I went back on meds I was seen every 2 weeks for the first month or so. I'd have to agree that a change of doctor might be more positive for you.
  4. I'm not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but when I switched from 40mg Citalopram to Sertraline I went straight to 100mg. I didn't have any huge problems with that, other than a few 'start up' issues particular to the sertraline. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but asking you to stay on 50mg sertraline, a low dose, for 8 weeks when you've been on a high dose of citalopram does sound a bit of a stretch. Is there any possibility you could speak to your doctor sooner?
  5. It's a tough one. I was "lucky" when I was first depressed because I was at Uni. It gave me some flexibility. However over the years I've been employed I have sort of been able to manage by just taking the odd day off sick. If I have a cold or flu I drag my backside into work because I know the day will come when I just can't cope and I'll need that time. Nearly 2 years ago I took the decision to tell my employer. I felt finally I didn't have a choice and I needed to protect myself should I become more ill in the future. I have a strong work ethic and despite my GP offering to sign me off work several times I've declined as I know actually staying in work is good for me. Having said that, declaring my illness to my employers has allowed for them to make some adjustments for me from time to time, like changing my working hours etc. I appreciate that not all employers are so sympathetic. I do believe though staying in work, even if it's part time, can aid recovery. I'm not well, though some days are fine and dandy, but I have a reason to get out of bed every day. Sure, sometimes I'm 4 hours late, but I make it in. And I make that time up. If I don't have a job to go to then I don't have a reason to get out of bed. There be dragons... I don't have any advice. You know whether you can physically and mentally cope with any work more than anyone else right now. If you are too ill to work don't work. If you feel that you are missing out and that some work would help then maybe looking for a part time job is a first step for you rather than throwing yourself into a full time stressful role. For the record, I'm not a lawyer, doctor, or anything else fancy. I work in a shop. It's crummy. I'd rather not be here. But we all need money. :) Good luck!
  6. It never went away for me. I take Lansoprazole with the sertraline and have had no problems since, however I don't think this is an option long term. I first took sertraline 18 years ago and suffered terrible heartburn and stomach problems for the 3 years I was taking it - I had no idea it was the sertraline until this February when I went back on it. I suspect some of us are more susceptible to problems than others.
  7. Thank you all for your replies. :) Reading my post back I don't think I made myself very clear, my bad! I literally feel more than one emotion at the same time, it's really difficult to describe, but it's really strong and really physical too. Don't get me wrong, I do feel that emptiness a lot, it's there more than anything else, but when I have emotions or feelings they are mixed up and sometimes overwhelming. That probably doesn't make any sense to anyone, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I really haven't described it very well at all.
  8. I'm taking 100mg Sertraline, and awaiting an assessment for CBT. I'm not sure it can help me though. The social worker I've been seeing at the Community Mental Health team keeps talking about triggers and identifying them, and I find that very hard. I do recognise work as a possible trigger, but in the last month I've had a couple of days where it was like a light switch, I just couldn't get up, couldn't function, total zombie. Nothing triggered that. Even during the day it can change and the weird thing is it's physical, I can feel it physically happening and it comes from nowhere. She asked me to keep a diary to try identify my triggers but I don't even have the motivation to keep that going! :-D Thanks for replying! It's interesting that it's quite common. This period of depression has been so unlike any I've experienced before, it's good to be able to check in with people about the symptoms. :-)
  9. This is hard to explain, but I'll try. I'm sitting here watching TV, laughing with my husband, but at the same time I can feel this oppressive feeling, this emptiness. I feel like this a lot, perfectly happy in the moment but at the same time completely numb, or sad or whatever. Does this make sense to anyone?
  10. Anger has been a huge issue for me lately. I get upset and riled up about the stupidest things, mostly at work, to the extent where I'm going to get myself in real trouble soon. I hadn't really noticed anger in past years but certainly in the last 12 months it's been a massive problem, so I did some reading and it does seem that anger can be a huge issue for many people. Sorry, not very helpful. The only thing I have started to do (as of today, actually!) is walk away. I actually thought I was going to punch someone at work today so I just got my bag and went for a walk, ate lunch outside in the park and just took my time. I know depending on the situation that's not always an option though. Good luck, and remember you're not alone. :)
  11. Sorry, I just read that back - I wasn't implying that you have a 'nasty personality trait', just that it's how I've come to view my own situation. Someone much smarter than me knows why we feel this way! :)
  12. I feel this too. I'm aware that I'm shallow, and I don't seem to relate to people's personal suffering. If anyone at work is sick I'm always "Yeah, right." I've been aware of being like this all my life, well before being diagnosed, and I have just accepted it as a nasty personality trait. I've tried to modify my behaviour in this regard with some success, but generally I still lack empathy. Sorry, I don't have anything useful to add, but I wanted you to know you're not alone.
  13. Fizzle, you are amazing, thank you. :)
  14. Thank you Fizzle, that's very useful. :) I see your point, and I think part of me is grateful to have some say, but it's just so overwhelming! She did say that they both felt a longer course of therapy would probably be more beneficial to me, I don't know if that affects my options... ?
  15. Firstly, I'm in the UK so I'm specifically referring to the NHS. I was referred by my GP for an assesment for CBT, and had the telephone assessment in February. Because I red flagged for a couple of things they referred me on to the Community Mental Health Team. This was a big deal for me as my depression has been on and off for 17 years and other than meds from the GP I had never accepted any other help. I was assigned a social worker, who I have been meeting with every few weeks since February. To be honest, the whole exercise has been pretty pointless. Once she had completed the initial assesment and had satisfied that I wasn't going to harm myself it pretty much became an issue of 'what do you want from us?' At the time I had been suffering from some quite distressing thoughts and behaviours and the social worker thought that it would be worth considering bipolar disorder. I asked if I could see a doctor as my diagnosis has come from GPs. Despite finding out that I am under the care of a consultant, and that I am discussed at their clinical meetings, I can't see that doctor as they don't believe there is any point. Today the social worker confirmed that the consultant had decided that there was no real point in seeing me, but they believed I should start some therapy. I was then asked to do some homework on different types of therapy and I have to go back next week with my findings and tell her which one I think would work best. How the hell should I know!? Also, it was added that it could take a year to get the therapy. Apart from feeling dejected because what is the ****** point of asking for help, I genuinely don't know where to start. I know for sure I don't want group therapy, but one of the issues I have is not really knowing my triggers or why I get depressed. There are mental health issues in my mothers side of the family, and the social worker felt it could be hereditary, but who knows. Does anyone have any experiences of therapy in the UK? Any recommendations on where I should start?
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