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Writer2451

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Writer2451 last won the day on May 7 2013

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  1. No matter what you go through, no matter what you feel, no matter what you fear, you deserve your own love and care because you are alive and have the opportunity to experience life. Take it from someone who's tried to end his life and been very close a few other times. You have as many chances at life as you're willing to give yourself. If there's one thing I've noticed in life, it's how surprising the best things in life are. Keep going. You deserve it. You have the right to keep going because you're alive.
  2. It's not that life is nothingness. The meaning of life is what you make of it. Everyone is on a personal journey and we are lucky enough to share that together with all living beings. Whenever life feels meaningless to me, I look at the feeling of experience. What am I experiencing? How am I experiencing it? What does it feel like to be alive here and feeling this? Life is about experience. Sometimes the experience is boring, but boredom is an experience all its own. Explore it. When you are comfortable exploring experience itself, life is very enriching no matter what you're going through.
  3. Grant, I'm just saying I don't have enough life experience at 22 to see where a more mature mentality on relationships ends up personally. I know that the longest relationships, the ones that go into old age, are built solidly on companionship and not this "you need to be making me happy and impressed all the time" type of thing that seems to be more and more common and is reflected in the high divorce rates we're seeing. It's not about being sad your whole life if you don't end up in a relationship either. Sure it can be disappointing since we depended on it so much, but there is a lot more to life than having someone with you all the time. We talk a lot in chat so you probably know the direction I would lean you in with regards to finding more meaningful things in life. But either way, the wisdom I've been able to gather is that when you are content from within, you start attracting people that are also content within and you end up sharing your life together as companions. It's a lot less stressful and more fulfilling than the typical relationship. But since this type of thing is rare, it can take a lot of time and it is a lot easier to get discouraged along the way. There are just more meaningful things in life than being dependent on someone else for life fulfillment, and those things will keep you occupied until you can find someone that doesn't need you to be perfect for them to be satisfied.
  4. I've been running into this type of thing at college (random abandonment, no explanation), and I'm feeling more and more disappointed as my graduation is just a few months away. I think the problem is that most people are trying to find a perfect person instead of learning how to love unconditionally. It's a very rare quality, and often those that find it are not interested in relationships because they tend to see relationships as too demanding and control-based. I think you're at the point where you stopped looking for the perfect person and now you're seeing just how much everyone else is looking for the perfect person. The perfect person thing is a myth. We need to learn to accept people and love them for being there. But as I've said, most people have a list they're trying to get through. I wouldn't take this too personally. I don't think this is your fault, and you're trying to wonder what's wrong with you. I don't think there is anything. You're just more clearly seeing human nature. I'm in the part of my life where I've stopped trying to find the right person or make people into what I want them to be. I just try to do my best and inspire people. Keep appreciating people as human beings and not satisfaction objects. You'll meet great people. I know I have. But as far as romance goes, it's been a disappointing journey. I don't know if people like us always find romance but I know that we see qualities in life that are worth more than romance.
  5. Welcome to the forums. You are in good company here! Based on my experience, I would say the issue here is the escapism. Moving somewhere else will not solve the challenges of life, but you have the capacity right here and now to find peace. It seems like you have a negative view of yourself which may be blocking you from solving the issue from the roots or the core. It is your mind that determines your experience. So work there. Do not fear yourself. Let yourself feel things and observe those feelings. Practice being with them. By avoiding them we practice self hate and ignore the things calling out for our attention--the things we need to care for and be there for. There's so much more to be said about these things so if you need more information, you can pm me if you wish. I hope you find some comforting friends here. I'm sure you will. Just know that trying to escape is avoiding the issue and will lead to disappointment. To be truly happy you must face yourself. A good friend can help you in that. It can be scary, but the more you do it, the more enriching and loving life becomes. I know this from my own experience. I suffered from a number of things I'm seeing in you. But I can't tell you how amazing life becomes despite all the hardships. As you find inner peace, life becomes easier as well. So again, if you want more information you are welcome to PM me and I'll do what I can. Best wishes :)
  6. Learn how to do meditation. Completely free, gets easier the more you do it, you can do it any time and any place, and it changes the neural connections in your brain so you naturally produce less stress over time. Plus it has huge amounts of physical and mental health benefits. When you're good at it, it also happens to be much better than sex both physically and mentally, so you'll enjoy that. Remember, it's not about forcing your thoughts off, but letting go of control and letting them be there as you observe what goes on in your body and mind, or to just let thoughts pass though as background noise as you observe (typically) the qualities of your uncontrolled breathing.
  7. We are human beings, not machines. We do require rest at times in order to become productive again. Allow yourself some time to just be with yourself and relax. When you lose motivation because you've been working hard, spending some time to rest and do nothing will allow motivation to come back naturally. Just have a willingness to take life as it comes and not hold on to a particular lifestyle i.e. extreme working or extreme resting.
  8. Hi BringOnTheCats, I like your username :) This place can definitely offer you a lot of support. Keep your head up and keep moving on. You're so much more than your thoughts, feelings, or anything that happens to you. Remember you're aware of it all, and you can find peace in that.
  9. What often helps is to lose our fear of the emotions we face. This has helped me a lot as well. Allow yourself to feel the emotion and just observe it. Let yourself feel it rather than assume it is a problem that must be rid of by thinking it away. It usually does us no good to do that in the short term and often compounds problems together until our body can no longer deal with it, while leading to a great deal of confusion. Reasoning it out will help in the long term, but allowing yourself to feel it, observe it, and see it pass does a great deal to give us confidence with our emotions. When anxiety comes up, you can relate to it without it disturbing you. If we make a mistake and feel embarrassed, you can use that as a signal to improve without feeling ashamed of it. Come to a point of awareness and hold yourself there, and over time you will have much more confidence and be able to gain knowledge from emotions much more easily. You will come to see them as a process and part of your experience rather than the sum of who you are. This will also help you to not care so much what people are thinking about you because your emotional stability does not depend on their approval of you. Your emotional stability will be seen as a smaller part of you that you are working with, that your more stable self (awareness) has the ability to manage. That means that your happiness will be internally generated rather than dependent on everything going just right. Thanks for reading and I hope this helps :) I used to have social anxiety quite badly, but there were other emotions that were making it more difficult for me to bear being in public (anger, envy). Now I am quite a social one, with respect to my natural tendency to introversion ;) Do what is helpful, and do what you must. The rest must be trusted.
  10. The person you need to be good enough for above all else is yourself. Try your best, rest well. No matter where you are in society, society is going to demand more of you in one way or another; your worth is not up to them. Where we are in life this very moment can't be changed because it's happening. But the future is going to be affected by how well we respond to this very moment. You can plan all you want--and you should plan--but none of those plans will work if we don't learn how to deal with what we have right this moment, because that's how we deal with life. So, don't worry too much about the future and don't regret the past. Focus on what you can do to relate to this moment in the best way that you can. We will never be happy with what we have until we learn how to be content. You might as well start that now, with what you have. Then you will make changes in life and progress not to have some kind of reward that never really gets to you (because you'll never feel like you have enough without learning contentment), but you will make changes out of inspiration, compassion, and other effortless, joyful motivations.
  11. I allow myself to feel whatever feeling arises and I pay attention to the feeling. I concentrate on it. I go right into it. I observe it. I let it take its course and make it my new friend. It quickly loses any power over me and I can decide where to go next. Maybe that will work for you too. It stops us from avoiding anxiety, so we aren't afraid of the feeling. We deal with it directly instead of running away from it (suppression). That's my take. It's extremely effective for me. My natural tendency is becoming less and less inclined towards anxiety. I remain calm. When I feel anxiety, it lasts only a minute or so at a time. I listen to what it needs to tell me (finding what I can learn from it) and then I let it go. Best wishes :)
  12. Sounds more like apathy than contentment.
  13. Yep. That feeling is called Jhana, which actually refers to just "meditation," but we use it in English to describe that feeling. You were pretty close to being in the upper level. If you felt formless, then you would likely be in the upper levels. It really is something else. It's been a year since I had mine and I still remember the feeling quite vividly. You don't forget it :)
  14. You've reached a low level of what Buddhists would call Jhana (since you've been meditating, I mention Buddhism). These are extremely blissful states of mind, which move into states of mind which are at complete peace and stillness. It's more complicated than that, but you'll know you're in the upper levels when you do not perceive your body during the meditation, and you have no sense of "I" or "self." You will be observing it, but you don't feel the need to grab onto anything, thus, you feel there is no "self" because your mind is so still that it attaches to nothing. Your thoughts will actually be perceived as things floating around you. You will be feeling a deep sense of peace during this as it was developed by focusing the mind and not avoiding anything. It will be a welcomed experience. I have entered that higher stage of Jhana, and it is honestly a better feeling than any pleasure. But these states are, as with anything else, temporary, and if you depend on them to be happy, you will heighten the suffering that other things bring since you increase your aversion to them. So simply enjoy the experience and remember that everything is your meditation. Every moment, condition, and situation is your practice. Work for unconditional happiness. Thanks for reading. Best wishes.
  15. I agree with what Saliency said. I also want to add a bit of my own perspective. First, life goes a lot deeper than the circumstances around us. Do not define yourself by the conditions of life. Being single, not having a car, living at home, etc are not things that define you. It's only a situation. You're defined more by your intentions, actions, and sense of awareness. You want to improve yourself and your quality of life. That's good enough. You deserve good things. You are in a tough situation but that doesn't define who you are. Your worth as a human being can not be defined by your situation in life. You have no need to compare yourself to others because what you are looking at is merely circumstance. There isn't a "better" or a "worse", just people on their own journeys, beneficial or non-beneficial. Secondly, your attitude will determine the real essence of your experience and quality of life. Fix the depression first. The rest will follow. Be patient. You are 19, you do indeed have a long time left. It is only the feeling of fear that tells us otherwise. Focus on doing your best each moment and the rest will follow. Life will feel a lot easier and a lot more rewarding. Observe and listen to your feelings without getting lost in them. This allows you to access your wisdom, control, and sense of ease. You are so much more than any circumstance, thought, or feeling. It is those that recognize this that will love you unconditionally. If you are looking to find a good relationship (romantic or not), look for those who see that deeper essence, who see the "experiencer" and not the experienced. No matter how good having a car, your own house, or some perfect dream relationship sounds, it is unconditional happiness that always sounds better. There is a happiness to be found that doesn't need a reason to be there, that brings you joy at some level every moment of your life. You achieve that, and you are unbreakable. So don't let conditions define who you are. Start from within. You have the potential. If you wish, you can message me here and I will share resources that helped me find this unconditional happiness as well as give advice where I can. You don't need to give anything back either. This is a certain cognitive way through, but you may very well require a suitable medication to get through this as well. Don't shut that out without consulting a professional. Thanks for reading. Best wishes :)
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